5 comments about Relationship Rescue.

1. Active alcoholism and drug addictions are "drop dead deal breakers" according to Dr. Phil. A helpful book, for those living with an alcoholic, who do NOT want to leave the relationship is Getting Them Sober: You Can Help! (Getting Them Sober). Alcoholism is a "drop dead deal breaker" according to Dr. Phil. This is the same
   mis-guidance that has presented itself in dozens of books for the last 20 years----books that basically say, "divorce him now!".
   Well, 50% of American families (according to the National Institutes of Health) have "at least one or two active alcoholics in them". So, Dr. Phil----in essence---is advocating divorce for 50% of American families. Whoa! Most of us married to alcoholics are so frozen with fear of losing our relationships (I know this sounds weird----but if you live with an alcoholic, you will know what I mean) that we have often have trouble ordering pizza in without cooking------much less being able to leave him. And Dr. Phil is basically just shaming us who are married to alcoholics. What IS the answer for us? What book DOES gives us literally hundreds of practical answers to helping the alcoholic achieve sobriety------AND helping ourselves and our children?
   "Getting Them Sober" ---- the million-selling book that is endorsed by "dear Abby" Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, the employee assistance program at Harvard University, Melody Beattie (author of 'Codependent No More', who said "'Getting Them Sober' is the BEST book for the family of the still-drinking alcoholic".)



2. Dr. Phil just lately has been known in the Middle East through his program "Dr. Phil". I got to know Dr. Phil from quite some time.
   
   This book is, as its name, a rescue procedure that the couples should follow. It starts with an inventory that each partner should do alone; evaluating him/herself independently, what were the weaknesses, how did I contributed to the failure/success of the relationship.
   
   Then the real work begins..!!! Where the couple meets together and reviews the result. They should apply certain communication techniques. It is really very effective. At the end, the couple should agree and maintain certain techniques throughout the way.
   
   It is not a book that you read for educational purposes, it is a life curing surgery.
   
   For the best results, both couple should have the interest for the rescue. My advice, maintain the passion throughout the way, try to influence your partner if he(she) is not the driver for this process. It is a surgery...but very effective...
   
   Wish you all the best while reading and applying this book...!!!!



3. "When you own your relationship, you must hold up the mirror to look at yourself. You will finally realize that whatever your partner is doing, you are either eliciting, maintaining, or allowing that behavior." ~ 97
   
   It is difficult to work on your relationship by yourself. That said, Dr. Phil believes you have a lot more control than you think. By analyzing your relationship you learn about the areas that need improvement. The book begins with a questionnaire of sixty-two sentences. You choose true or false then instantly find out if your relationship is in distress.
   
   It takes quite a lot of time to answer all the other questions including sentences you complete and analyze. You may think you have a pretty good relationship until you see what the test results are. This book may even temporarily make your relationship worse, especially if you try to get your partner to take any of the tests. The 17 page family history evaluation did seem a little over the top.
   
   This book requires you to make a commitment to making your relationships work. It is an extremely detailed program designed to improve your relationship in a matter of weeks. You learn to agree to disagree or to argue more effectively. You develop relationship skills instead of relying on the feelings (infatuation) you felt at the start of the relationship. Dr. Phil then delves into the dark side that can sabotage a relationship.
   
   Dr. Phil completes the book with questions he thinks you might want to ask him and then in conclusion he writes a separate letter to women and then to men. For the most part this book is complicated yet engaging. The tests are fun to take if you have the time and they do reveal aspects you might not uncover in a more casual conversation. Dr. Phil takes on all the difficult subjects and puts the ball in your court. In one sense it can be discouraging to work on a relationship by yourself and on the other hand your partner might actually get involved in making the relationship work. "Relationship Rescue" is one of the most intense relationship books I've ever read.
   
   ~The Rebecca Review



4. The Doctor focuses on The Reader, and hammers away at making the point again and again that it is The Reader, not their partner, that must embrace change and improvement. It's a strong book. I laughed at how he puts into light how good my relationship is by his standards of trouble. My reasons for buying and reading this book are the same as anyone's for buying a self-helper: uncharted territory and the wish of self-improvement.
   
   My only concern is that this book would most likely never help those who are the ones who really need it. It makes strong points to this itself: You cannot control or change other people. And those who need this book are probably not smart enough to even consider reading it or seeing the need to change and modify themselves.
   
   Thanks Dr. Phill. I am glad I read your book. It is strong and helpful.



5. From what my husband and I have read so far, there is a lot to learn from Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue. We also bought the workbook to go along with it and would highly suggest that people do that as well. The two resources put together are wonderfully productive. Just don't expect a "how to get your spouse to change" book, this is a book designed to help you better yourself. You realize what you are doing wrong so that you can begin doing the right things. Eventually, your spouse will come around based on your actions. The old proverb that goes something along the lines of kill meanness with kindness definetely applies here.

2 comments about Feeling Is The Secret.

1. If you've seen The Secret, and you want more, this is a simple, to the point no nonsense direct description of feelings and how they work in bringing what you think into your life. Feelings are the language the Universe (or energy) responds to. It's the beginning of designing a better life.
   This little book is so powerful, I keep it with me as a daily reading to keep reminded that a shift in feeling can change what I am headed towards. It also reminds me WHY I want to keep on this path of feeling good.



2. Anything written by Neville is a must-read for those on the trail of living life at higher and more beautiful levels of consciousness. Feeling is perhaps the hidden yet essential ingredient missing in so many spiritual philosophies. It is the feelings generated by the thoughts we have that are the messengers sent out to bring into form their likeness. Feelings are living spiritual life-giving seeds, which when planted become the conditions and experiences of all life. If you are looking for the causes of the events you experience, look no further, although "it is easier to ascribe your feeling to events in the world rather than admit the conditions in your world reflect your feeling." Yet it remains a truism, as within so without. Every feeling must be expressed unless counteracted by a more powerful feeling, opposite in nature. If you desire a different life experience "do not dwell on imperfections in you or others, this is the law of a full and happy life."

5 comments about The New Talkpower: The Mind Body Way to Speak Without Fear (Capital Ideas for Business & Personal Development) (Capital Ideas for Business & Personal Development).

1. I've tried it all. Self-help books, Hypnosis, Yoga, breathing exercises, voice lessons, public speaking workshops, Toastmasters... nothing ever worked, and I never understood why.

   Finally, I took Natalie Rogers' weekend workshop on Public Speaking, and at last I understood. Public Speaking isn't like other phobias out there, like a Fear of Flying or a Fear of Heights. Conquering Public Speaking requires you to do more than just overcome fear; it requires you to:

   1) Learn how to WRITE an effective speech

   2) Learn how to BREATHE and SPEAK well

   3) Learn how to PERFORM under stress

   When you have a Fear of Heights, you can curl up in a little ball and wait for the fear to pass. Therapists call this "extinction therapy"... if your patients expose themselves to the situation which triggers the fear, the phobia eventually goes extinct. This actually works for basic phobias... but it DOESN'T work for phobias that require you to actually do more than just curl up in a ball.

   Natalie does a sensational job of 1) and 2) above, by giving you speech templates that really help you write a quick and effective speech... and then teaching you how to breathe and use your voice. That in itself would be worth the price of the book... but Natalie actually has developed a breakthrough approach to performing under pressure that is so powerful it is worth calling out.

   Basically, the idea is this - it is IMPOSSIBLE to be nervous if you are concentrating on something. You know that feeling you get when you are really focused on something? You lose track of time, you lose yourself in your work... and in that moment, it is actually physiologically impossible to be self-conscious or nervous. Well, Natalie takes advantage of this physiological fact and taps it to help you neutralize speaking nervousness. And she's found a way to trigger concentration that doesn't require mental energy... and so you can actually achieve focus during a difficult speech, and take advantage of this physical phenomena to eradicate nervousness.

   I know, I know - it all sounds too good to be true. I'll admit - I haven't recovered 100% from my public speaking fears. I can speak to groups or to someone important... but put me in front of a group of important people, and I'll get nervous. But here's where Natalie's techniques really come in handy. Before I speak, I prepare a speech using her templates. I practice my breathing and make sure that I've got my speaking voice working in the privacy of my home. Then, I use her concentration technique to mitigate the nervousness of speaking. The first few minutes are still tough, but the nervousness passes... and I am calm, confident, and comfortable.

   It's such a strange feeling to be able to say that I'm calm, confident, and comfortable in front of a crowd. It's been a couple of years since my first panic attack in front of a group of colleagues, and being bad at speaking has almost become part of my identity. But, it's really true... you really CAN overcome these fears to become not only a non-phobic speaker, but a really good public speaker!

   If you can afford to go to Natalie's weekend seminars, then by all means that's probably the easiest way to learn all this. But I've been to the workshop and I've read this book, and the fact is that all of the information in the workshop is right here in this sixteen dollar book. The book really is beautifully designed, and the binding actually holds up well - which is a good thing, because you'll find yourself returning to the book again and again.

   I can't recommend this book highly enough. Good luck conquering your public speaking fears!




2. That learning a technique can overcome such a powerful fear, but it did! Very well written, and the techniques are fully explained in both the "how to" sense, and the underlying basis for them. Highly recommended.



3. I teach a public speaking class and I'm a longtime member of Toastmasters International. This is the best public speaking book I have ever seen. I am planning to make it the required reading for my public speaking class. The author, Natalie Rogers in an actress and psychologist and has helped people overcome her speaking fears for many years.
   One thing Toastmasters does not teach is the psychology behind public speaking and the fear of it. I found some articles to cover this. This book does an even better job. There are templates for speeches in the book. You can read it through once, then refer to it when you need it. It is also easy enouch to follow to keep ones interest. Dr. Rogers is a very gentle teacher and I recommend this without question.



4. Why did I buy this book? I was hooked at once when I began to read the introduction, where the author, Natalie Rogers, a former actress, acting teacher and behavioral psychotherapist, reports the feelings she had when she attended a class about "Oral Communication" and witnessed the students' ordeal during presentations:

   "Was I the only one aware of the discomfort and loss of concentration? Apparently, the instructor was not concerned. Apart from her command to relax, she ignored the students' profound distress and continued urging them to make eye contact and speak more slowly. `Don't be so nervous,' she'd add, presumably trying to be helpful. `We support you.'

   I was bewildered . This wasn't at all like the systematic training I had received in acting school, where we were given intensive coaching for concentration, relaxation, attention, and awareness. Here, except for the suggestion to relax, the sole focus was on the preparation of the speech, with no serious attention paid to the painful loss of confidence that many students were experiencing."

   Natalie's book gives you the training. It teaches detailed, concrete, step-by-step methods to address the fear of public speaking. I have consulted various books about the fear of public speaking during the past couple of years, but this book provides the most powerful and straightforward step-by-step training approach of them all. Just to give only a few concrete examples of how this book is full of extremely valuable information page for page: It provides a detailed step-by-step instruction of correct belly breathing - all the other books which mentioned breathing techniques left me with the impression I had to take "deep" breathes in order to have the desired effects. Another example: The author writes "The idea of managing or confronting your fear is meaningless ... People with anxiety about speaking in public cannot overcome their problem with cavalier advice. The only reasonable solution is a method that will eliminate the fear and its devastating effects.", and later in the book explains why videotape is not the appropriate tool for beginning and fearful speakers - now I understand why training seminars with video, offered by my company, only left me embarrassed and frustrated, and with an even greater feeling of helplessness! And a last example: I always had wondered why visualization exercises had not the desired effects for me, and attributed it to my lack of commitment - now I know better!

   This book is much more than only a book on public speaking. It teaches a comprehensive, systematic mind-body training approach on how to prepare yourself for performance situations. In the author's words: "Performance is any situation where you feel that you are being judged or evaluated by others. This ability to detach your thoughts from focusing on the audience and their approval, is a skill that you can develop if you commit yourself to the TalkPower program as described in this book." Buy this book - it provides you with the practical methods you need to help yourself.




5. I found Natalie Rogers' text, THE NEW TALK POWER, very useful for a Public Speaking college course. Rogers gives a step-by-step guide made up of "templates" for standard 5-7 minute speeches. She integrates the preparation phases with acting exercises (proper breathing, visualization, etc.)and provides the reader with many examples of speeches. The book is a valuable tool for speech classes. My only quibble is that she might have provided a little more background in interpersonal communication including providing examples and definitions of terms associated with effective verbal and non-verbal communication (i.e., emblems, rhetorical questions, decoding, etc.)

5 comments about The Twelve Gifts in Marriage.

1. Although the "gifts" of marriage sound simplistic, they are, indeed, the basis of every marriage. If couples would review these at least weekly, perhaps they could keep the lines of discussion open and honest.



2. In my opinion, not quite the caliber of Charlene's "Twelve Gifts of Birth" and "Twelve Gifts for Healing". The message(s) for a happy marriage are great, but found photos uninspiring. Just OK.



3. The story and messages in The Twelve Gifts of Marriage are so important that I give this book, along with a crystal to hang in the window, (as suggested in the story) to all my wedding couples. (I am an ordained minister.)



4. I gave this as a gift ot my husband and he was really touched. This would be a great gift to every married couple or a couple that will be getting married. Lots of great advice and messages to all that read it.



5. Reading the Twelve Gifts of Marriage is a wonderful way to take a step back and thoughtfully consider how much your partner means to you. So often we get caught up in the day-to-day and forget those wonderful characteristics that attracted us in the first place. This book helps you remember and appreciate the strength of each other and your coupleship.

3 comments about Meditation Now or Never.

1. Steve Hagen, the author of Buddhism: Plain and Simple,
   is the best introduction to Zen and Buddhism you can find.
   Written in language we regular folks can understand,
   yet carrying the full meaning and experience
   of the more ancient/esoteric writings.
   Meditation is the bedrock
   of fully experiencing the Zen and Buddhist message.
   Meditation Now or Never should be a jewel in your personal tools pack.
   I can not overly praise this man's works.
   And he is a practicing monk as well.
   
   Gene Reynolds
   www,personal-recovery-tools.com



2. Gentle prying apart of common preconceptions of meditation. Practical explanation of what meditation is and is not, what you can discover there, how to get started and how to keep coming back every day.



3. It's never too late to get back to basics and put one's meditation practice on a firmer foundation. This book by Steve Hagen is succinct and an invaluable resource for the beginner meditator and a timely revision for those who have been meditating for some time.

5 comments about Book of Us: A Journal of Your Love Story in 150 Questions.

1. I wrote in this book for a few months before giving it as a birthday gift to my fiance on his birthday, he loved it and spent the next few nights reading it before bedtime. He was very surprised that I had spend time writing it in all my feeling for him when I first saw him and how I felt, made him feel very special. He still keeps in on his night stand even 2 yrs later. Love the book, helps to tell someone how you feel. Great questions and lots of room to write, really helps your feeling come out.



2. My husband bought this for me, I just love it. It is broken up by sections, dating, wedding, first year of marriage, middle years, later years. I think its such a neat way to keep track of things that go on in your relationship. We will have it for years to come and our grandkids can read funny stories that we would have otherwise forgotten.
   It is a very thoughtful wedding/shower or anniversary gift.



3. This book is great for chronicling events and memories of the couple. The format of the book is that there's a question prompt at the top of the page and 1-2 blank pages following for you to answer. I would say it acts like a great journal, but really one person only need to fill it up (most likely we can guess which of the couple will take time to write in it).
   
   If you want a book where the couple can really interact and learn about each other, I'd recommend: All About Us. It has some of the question & long answer-type format, but it also has series of multiple choice questions and short answer sections. It's a lot of fun, too!



4. I bought this for my boyfriend and I for Valentines day this year. I filled out all the parts I possibly could, and when I gave it to him I told him once we're on our way through getting married, we'll fill the rest out together.
   He loved it, it's a very sentimental gift and it's PERFECT to keep track of your growth together as a couple.
   I strongly suggest getting this if you're already married, or if you're with someone you know you want to spend the rest of your life with.



5. This book is okay - it is what it is. The pages are filled with many questions that you answer to help tell the story of your relationship with someone. I bought this book years ago and found that, since I was in my early 20's and dating, I couldn't answer a lot of the questions. There is a small section geared towards the meeting/dating part of a relationship, but most of the book is about marriage, kids, getting older, etc. It's a great book if you're many years into a relationship with someone. This book would make a great wedding gift.
   Another book I would suggest is called "The Story of Us" - it's the same concept with a more juvenile twist to it.

5 comments about Napoleon Hill's Positive Action Plan: 365 Meditations For Making Each Day a Success.

1. This book is organized by days of the year, but I enjoyed just opening it and discovering my "message" for the day. I opened it just now and one of the affirmations was "a negative mind only spawns negative ideas." Following is a short paragraph discussing the point. The affirmations are seemingly simple, but they lead to deeper issues and consideration of how you engage your mind and how you intereact with the world because of it. It is a good precursor to my current favorite book (recently published) on "positivity" - The One Minute Guide to Prosperity and Enlightenment - which gives actual techniques on how to use your positive energy/positive attitude to achieve financial and spiritual success. I just opened the One Minute Guide to a chapter with the title - "Take Control of Your Thoughts: Everything that happens in your life depends on how you spend your thought energy. You are your thoughts." Everything is colored my our own perceptions and these affirmations and techniques reinforce and demonstrate ways in which you can continually strive to achieve a positive state of mind. Good reading!



2. A very successful person once told me to make success training a priority, to work harder on myself than I do at my job. I did just that by purchasing several of Napolean Hills books and programs, this one included.

   In meditations, Hill offers us a meditation a day to take mediocrity away. That's all it takes; just one meditation per day.

   This book should be read along with Think and Grow rich. Keep a copy by your nite stand in your bedroom and read one meditation per day, morning and evening and watch what it does for you!




3. Napoleon Hill is the recognized expert on all things success. In this book, Hill reveals how you can grow rich, and keep your mental act together at the same time. Typical of Hill's writing style, the book is easy to read, and features numerous examples from his real life experience. Specifically, this book covers, among many other things:
   
   Devloping a winning attitude.
   Spotting opportunities.
   Using teamwork.
   Gaining peace of mind.
   
   This book focuses on achieving success through positive relationships and a healthy mental attitude. For more information on achieving financial success, you may want to read "The 17 Principles of Creating Wealth," by Phillip Collinsworth.



4. I love this book. I use it often for daily inspiration. I have even typed the daily thoughts, categorized by month, into Microsoft Word. I then printed & filed them in my daily planner. Reading one every morning helps focus my mind on what is important. Love the writings on personal character.



5. I am hard pressed to rate any material of Napoleon Hill's negatively as his original works are among the most profound books I have read on personal achievement. The content presented in Napoleon Hill's Positive Action Plan in undeniably worthy advice as would be expected of anything using Hill's thoughts as a basis.
   
   Many of the books now prepared by the Napoleon Hill foundation and presented as if written by Hill himself share the same weakness, as they are mere rewritten accounts and/or summarizations of Hill's thoughts without any new or fresh substance. Unfortunately this book does not rise above this status as it merely summarized 365 pieces of advice presented in other Napoleon Hill books. The entire book is also attainable by signing up for free email quotations from the Napoleon Hill Foundation.
   
   Napoleon Hill's principles are timeless, and thus the summary format in this book is not without value; however, if you are seeking anything more than a refresher, I recommend passing on this book and sticking to the original books actually written by Napoleon Hill himself such as Think and Grow Rich.

3 comments about The Hero Project.

1. I know something of this family and these boys, the authors. Though encouraged by their parents, and at times aided by them, these interviews and this book are the work of these bright, curious and couregous boys. The stories of how they got these interviews are as amazing as the visits themselves. Frequently it took years of correspondence and phone calls to finally get through to a hero. Once they had agreement to an interview, the family did some fast planning to help get the boy to where he needed to be to meet with his hero.
   
   The questions were carefully planned before each interview and reflect the author's curiousity about each hero's particular goals, contributions and challenges in life. It is well written, easily read by a young person but not too simple to capture and hold an adult's interest.
   
   These boys, as well as their subjects, became heroes to m. They helped me realize that determination and courage can enable a person, even a very young person, to make a real difference, to influence people, and to achieve lofty goals.
   
   This project also reminds me that there are true heroes all around us; great role models, people quietly going about doing good. I may not see them on TV or read about them in People magazine. I have to be more discerning and determine for myself who my heros will be rather than accepting those handed to me each day. This project and this book are remarkable accomplishments and inspire me.
   
   Stan Darger, Jr.
   Boise, Idaho



2. I stumbled across this book at my local Barnes and Nobles. I was in a desperate hunt for something nonfiction that my sixth graders would find interesting and would spark further discussion. I am really excited about finding this book! I love the fact that the term hero is applied to authors, musicians, athletes, singers, etc. The interview questions are ones that my own students would come up with and want the answers to. I also would applaud the heros and their responses. They do a great job of answering the questions honestly and sincerely but do so in a manner that makes it kid friendly.
   
   As a class we will be reading a few selections and then the students will be picking one hero to focus on and extend the interview into a project to present to the class. I like this book because of the wide variety of choices that are available in the text.



3. Middle school chidren will be inspired (and the more awkward kids will be motivated) by the author's description of their own experiences. In addition, the amazing, honest and age appropriate interviews will also provide motivation for each reader to follow their own dreams and to trust that their personal talents to take them to the place they are supposed to be. There is no kid, age 12 - 18, that will not benefit from reading this book.

5 comments about The Instinct to Heal: Curing Depression, Anxiety and Stress Without Drugs and Without Talk Therapy.

1. So gratifying to read that science backs up much of what some of us have been doing for many years. Easy read for a sometimes complex subject.



2. 
   I really enjoyed reading this book & bought it for my nephew who is studying psychology, but I wonder if you would ever find a practioner of some of these methods?
   
   Overall a good read to make you look at current psychiatric treatments from a different perspective: is there a better way than Prozac?



3. Reading this book, reiterated a regimen I once used to follow. Taking fish oil, (as one of the procedures). Could not believe how effective it was. Here I am on one of the worst days of my menstrual cycle (usually) day 27, smiling, relaxed, and totally happy, without a care in the world. So unusual is that for me. This book has a few other solutions such as excercise and acupuncture, and one of them is bound to work for you as well. Thanks David Servan-Schreiber, for writing this book!



4. This is a great book on depression, stress and anxiety. I had a little "baby blues" after my first child was born, so I checked this book out from the library. I liked it so much that I bought it for reference and to lend out to my friends and family. It is full of very good information on depression, and the examples are very interesting. It reads slowly at first because it is so dense with information and new ideas, but if you can get through the first 100 pages, it moves a lot faster. It seems like we all know someone who suffers from these problems, and we all have them ourselves from time to time. I recommend this book without inhibition to anyone interested in the subject.



5. When a member of our book club picked this for our discussion, I was less than enthusiastic. Oh, another one of those, I thought. Then, as a loyal member, I started to read and was amazed. Well documented scientifically, extremely well written and eye-openning. The Instinct to Heal is an invitation to a way of looking at alternative ways of managing both physical and mental health that even nay-sayers can enagage with. Well worth a read.

5 comments about Why Talking Is Not Enough: Eight Loving Actions That Will Transform Your Marriage.

1. This book came at a time when I realized talking WILL NOT work.Nothing was working in the marriage, only getting much worse than it already was even though we were going for counseling. My husband and I are at an impasse and trying to solve our problems IS NOT working no matter how much we try to "communicate" Even in the book Ms. Page wrote that usually one communicater is more effective than the other so that the communicating with each other is unequal and does put one of the partners at a disadvantage. So therefore the communicating only gets worse,goes around and around, and nothing gets "solved".That is SO true/ It is freeing to know that we can't change our partner only ourselves and Ms. Page says it all in this book. It's Practical,and makes so much sense! and it's great that you don't have to involve someone else. You can do it on your own and it will make a difference!If only for yourself.(and eventually the other person too)
   She has the right focus and boy did this book come at the right time!It is definitely a marriage and life saver! I have read and listened to so may marriage counseling books but no one has hit it like this book has!
   Thank You Ms. Page!



2. I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Having worked with many couples over the past 35 years I feel I can echo the testimonials Susan has received from some very prominent and thoughtful people--this is a really good book, one I would recommend--and I don't recommend books often or casually. What impressed me the most was that if people actually follow these suggestions, I know their relationship will really improve. How often can that be said? I have recognized over the years, as clearly Susan have also, that much of what doesn't work in relationships has to do with ignorance rather than ill intent. If a person has been raised in an unloving family, then that person simply does not know what actual loving actions are. This book provides that information in such a clear and digestible way; it really provides an important and useful service.



3. I've been a marriage counselor and educator for 25 years; after reading this book I'll never "do" relationship counseling the same again. Susan Page offers us an entirely new paradigm for relationship counseling. Her 'spiritual partnership' concept and approach is revolutionary. Some might blithly think Page naive, but they need to look more deeply into the profound implicaitons of her ideas. Let's face it, marriage counseling has been a dismal failure; as Page points out so well, we, as marriage counselors have worshiped at the dual alters of 1) problem resolution, and 2) communication skills. This is the central issue of my frustration with marriage counseling, I sometimes feel that I'm just teaching couples to talk more clearly about their problems ... the problems only come into clearer focus for them. This isn't solving problems, it's exacerbating them! It simply hasn't worked. Page's new and refreshing approach turns the entire enterprise of counseling around so we all can step back, see the situation more objectively, and take action, not just talk. Anyone who spends any time in their counseling practice with couples needs to read this book, and to recommend this book to their clients.



4. Why Talking Is Not Enough: 8 Loving Actions That Will Transform Your Marriage by Susan Page is one of those books that flies against the conventional advice that's often given when it comes to marriage counseling. But after you get over the "but that can't be right" feeling, there's a lot to be said for her approach.
   
   Content:
   Part 1 - What Is Spiritual Partnership?: Introducing Spiritual Partnership; Loving Action 1 - Adopt a Spirit of Good Will; LA 2 - Give Up Problem Solving; LA 3 - Act as If; LA 4 - Practice Restraint; LA 5 - Balance Giving and Taking; LA 6 - Act on Your Own; LA 7 - Practice Acceptance; LA 8 - Practice Compassion
   Part 2 - Putting Spiritual Partnership to Work in Your Relationship: Exactly How to Use the Eight Loving Actions; Frequently Asked Questions; Communication Within Spiritual Partnership; Making Mature Judgments
   Part 3 - Spiritual Partnership in a Broader Context: Defining the "Spiritual" in Spiritual Partnership; The Future of Spiritual Partnership
   References and Further Reading; About the Author
   
   Most self-help books related to marriage dwell on communication... the give and take of negotiation. Page contends that the approach is more adversarial in nature, and basically tries to change something you have no control over: the other person. Instead, she suggests that taking responsibility for yourself and your own actions is much more effective in the long run, as you *can* control yourself. The actions are centered around what's referred to as a "spiritual practice", or the act of looking at your day-to-day interactions as an exercise of your spiritual nature. If you are focusing on making yourself into the best person you can be, then changes in the other person will also flow. These actions, also called experiments, are designed to help you learn what works and what doesn't in your relationship. If you try something and it doesn't work, that's good as you've learned something you didn't know before. It's a different approach to what you normally think of as marriage or relationship counseling, but I can see where it would have benefits over the standard "talk it out" approach.
   
   Where I tend to have issues is with the focus on "if it's authentic for you, it's right" ethic. In this book, she feels that learning you're not right for your mate and splitting is as good an outcome as becoming closer. If you feel that there *are* moral and ethical absolutes, then some of the underlying foundations of what's in here won't resonate with you. Still, looking at the actions and the mindset of "change yourself before trying to change others" has some real value. I've personally always felt that trying to elicit change in others to suit your own self is chancy at best, and futile in most cases...
   
   Definitely worth a read and consideration if the "I gave up something, now why won't they do the same" path isn't working for you...



5. I like the way the book is laid out and written. It's easy to follow and the exercises are easy to practice on your own. I read half of it in one sitting without even trying to.
   I came across this book while looking for books on divorce in the library. I wish I would have found this before my spouse left me. We both are guilty of "stage 2" and not balancing our lives. I've tried a few of these on my own before but the results didn't stick. I wasn't aware of the depth to the concepts.
   This should be a gift to every newlywed couple.