5 comments about The Anxiety Cure.

1. I suffer from depression and anxiety. Like most Christians, I kept this problem to myself and acted as if everything was OK. That was until I crashed and became so full of anxiety and fear that I could no longer function in normal daily life. I could not sleep, could barely eat and could no longer take care of my kids or go to work. Thank God that my pastor counselled me and told me that it was OK to take medication. We went through some intense counseling to get at the root of my fear. It turns out that I have a lot of abandonment issues from childhood that I had never dealt with. However, I could not have gone through that painful self-analysis and healing of past hurts if I had not been on medication. Plus, I needed to get back to work and get my kids back. Even on medication, I am still dealing with daily anxiety. When I picked up Dr. Hart's book, I could hardly put it down. He is right when he says that Christians suffer needlessly from anxiety disorders because "worry" is viewed as a sin. However, he goes through scripture and shows how the bible is talking about normal worry and "what if's". When the bible was written, people didn't suffer from anxiety disorders. Life was about the pace of a camel and today people are living at the speed of a jet plane. Anxiety disorders are a recent phenomenom that has resulted from the great stress that has been placed on our lives. We need to get rid of a lot of this stress and this book tells you how. Dr. Hart believes that counseling and medication work together. A person can't make difficult life changes if they're always on the verge of a panic attack and can barely function. Medication is a temporary solution to get your "happy hormones" back in balance while you make changes in your life. I no longer feel guilty for taking Xanax. He even has a whole chapter on how to get off Xanax without going through major anxiety. God Bless Dr. Hart! I finally have hope that I can be healed of this anxiety.



2. If you or someone you love is suffering from panic attacks or severe anxiety that makes them anxious enough to get ill, GET THIS BOOK!! It is excellent!! Very informative from a medical standpoint. It is also very easy reading and will relieve the severity of symptoms as you read it. It offers so much help and hope. I can't say enough good things about it!



3. This book is amazing... I feel like it was written for me. I highly recommend it, whether you have anxiety or are trying to understand someone who does. I even gave it to several people as gifts. A friend suggested that I read it, and said it is the best book on the subject. I agree!



4. I've studied and read a lot about worrying/anxiety, but had never before thought of some of the ideas in this book.....they were very, very helpful to me in my battle against anxiety.



5. Excellent. I would recommend it for others like me who have had anxiety problems. I especiallly liked the idea of listing worries and then determining whether they were "concerns" or "worries".

5 comments about Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man.

1. This book is full of great one liners and offers a great perspective from the eyes of a man who knows what men wants, but it's nothing special. Many of the "insider tips" are items I've read before in a good issue of Maxim or Cosmopolitan. It was given to me as a gift by my gay best friend who thought it was funny, and it is. But I'd read it more for the fun dialogue between the authors than as a go-to guide.



2. I picked this book up at a bookstore and after reading a few pages had to buy it.
   Now I am buying my fourth copy.
   Whever I mention this book to a friend, they inevitably want to borrow it...and it never comes home to me again!
   What does that tell you?
   -- The authors are onto something :) And everyone seems to appreciate what they have to say.
   I learned a lot from this little book, and love the drawings. It's done with a breezy chatty style, and opens the discussion about sex and pleasure without being too 'director-like' if you know what I mean. The humor is well done. Among other things, there are practical tips about being a thoughtful 'sleepover hostess' I believe I understand men's desires and needs better.
   
   Treat yourself to this little book of jems!
   I'm glad I did!



3. This is a wonderful book, written with joy and insight, and illustrated with a sense of humor that entertains but also educates. Honestly, this book was so good at explaining the mechanics and reasoning behind the things that make a man happy sexually that I would recommend it for nearly every heterosexual couple.
   
   The illustrations all involve food, suggesting that the bedroom is a woman's kitchen of love. If your girlfriend is a foodie, this will help get her involved and excited about "whipping up" some fun lovin'.



4. I am a single gal in Chicago, and sadly, I have no gay male friends these days.
   
   This book was recommended to me by Amazon when I was searching for flirting how-to books.
   
   This may be sold as a sex tip book, but it has everything a woman needs!
   
   The advice is no-nonsense, easy to digest and retain, and helpful on every level. The flirting tips work, I swear! The physical pleasuring tips work well, from what my partners have said, and I have observed. I have even followed some of the tips on bedroom design and I am really pleased with the result.
   
   This is advice any man could tell you, but straight men will be quiet about it, and gay men won't tell you unless you know to ask. So I recommend this book to every woman looking to find, hook, and keep a man, or men.
   
   Indispensable!



5. I first purchased this book years ago. I have since purchased it several more times to give as a gift. I have sold "romance enrichment" products for 7 years. I am a clearing house for information for my customers. I did find this book to contain ideas not found in other books, so it is not just a repeat of general information that is easily found elsewhere. More than anything, I appreciate the humor. Humor is a valuable tool in helping us through subject matter that we may find uncomfortable. I think a couple could read this together, maybe at bedtime for kicks. My hope would be that the content may facilitate open conversation. Reading it as an individual would provide the lucky reader with an arsenal of tricks and treats. I highly recommend this book. It is not like other "sex tip" books. It's a fun read. Enjoy.

5 comments about Journey of Awakening: A Meditator's Guidebook.

1. If you are a point in your life where you've had more than a fleeting thought regarding "there being something more", this book is certainly a fantastic place for beginning your journey to self-discovery (and/or awakening).
   
   I have never been inspired enough to write a review about a book but this book deserves my most profound endorsement.
   
   Best of luck in your journey.



2. This book is great. Ram Dass helped me get a better understanding of what meditation really is and how not to take myself too seriously.



3. I'm doing a form of meditation called brain entrainment called Holosync through Centerpointe. I wanted to know about meditation: what to expect and perhaps some tips on how to get the most out of it. This book provided all of that and more.
   
   Ram Dass is the best!



4. I've been a big Ram Dass fan for over twenty years now. I "knew" him when he was just Richard Alpert and worked closely with fellow doctor, Timothy Leary. But like all of us, he wondered, "What's next?" And so he went to India on a Spiritual Journey and had an awakening and came back to the states as Ram Dass which means "servant of God". Since that time he has devoted his life to writing and teaching about spirituality and how we can wake up to the Truth that God is not external to our being, but is our being.
   
   I read this when I was taking my foundation course work to being a Practitioner at my church. I ate it up like a kid eating candy. I was always classified as the "weird" one of the family and learning to meditate would firmly cement the title in place. My stressed out dad would complain to my equally frazzled, recovering fundamentalist sister, "He's crazy, I tell ya...why would anyone wanna learn to meditate..."
   
   Mmmmm...I wonder...
   
   One never really "learns" to meditate...we remember how to meditate. Don't tell me that you don't know how because you do. You just forgot. You still think of yourself as a human doing and not as a human being and it is our nature...our True Nature to simply be and when we allow ourselves to have periods of just being who we are, that which is unlike this beingness falls away.
   
   This book goes through various ways to experience this beingness. Meditation can range from sitting in the lotus position and chanting "Om" to taking a slow and gentle walk being mindful of every step.
   
   Meditation is not something one "gets" and then that's it. To me, daily meditation is a gift I give to myself to remind me of the Truth that the Living Spirit is within me and I am within the Living Spirit and that just as God can never be completely known- because God is Infinite, I can never fully and completely know my mind because my mind is God's Mind. I can, however, "touch the hem of the garment"...in other words, have glimpses of Truth and in these glimpses be encouraged to continue on with my practice. It's never about "getting it"...it's always about "being it" and when I am in that place of Pure Being, I know I am It but I also know that you are It and they are It and We are It and I know that It is us, as well. In Truth, there is only It.
   
   So, I'm still the weird one of the family even though my dad and sister both practice meditation now. I guess I need to have some kind of identification that's tied in with the world. Heaven knows I don't want to "shine" too much.
   
   Yeah, okay, dad...
   
   Shine on, children of Light...shine on...
   
   Peace & Blessings.
   
   john, "the Light Coach"



5. This book is my favorite for any beginner in meditation. It was also the book I read before I sat down on the mat for the first time.
   To begin with Ram Dass is a great teacher. He's a westerner to which I can relate much easier than an Indian guru.
   The book describes various meditation techniques and what you can expect following this path.
   But the best part are the quotes. Ram Dass took a deliberate effort to pick great inspirational quotes which will create your 'must read' list.

4 comments about Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook: An Interactive Guide to The Nurtured Heart Approach.

1. This workbook presents nurtured heart philosophy and techniques in an easy to read format. The exercises are great, and I love how celebrated parents and caregivers are. Nurtured Heart gives us a way to exercise our greatness as parents and teachers. We have techniques to rest upon whether the going is easy or tough, and a clear idea of our goals in building up our children. I can't recommend it highly enough!



2. A no-nonsense approach that is all about positive parenting. Who wouldn't rather use a "carrot" than a "stick"? Gave me lots to think about. Will be especially helpful with my one daughter who is difficult and feels every criticism go right to her heart.



3. I have read a dozen parenting books. This one is by far one of the most helpful, but you have to be consistent. If you like this, try Becky Bailey's works too.



4. Thank you to these authors for helping me see my contribution to my son's difficult patterns of negativity. He responded almost immediately to his "successes", and we're working towards building consistency in our home, with consequences. My son is very sensitive, but prone to angry outbursts and meltdowns when stressed. This workbook is helping both of us to bring some peace back to our relationship.
   
   BRAVO!

5 comments about The Better World Shopping Guide: Every Dollar Makes a Difference.

1. This guide will help you to make better choices on how to spend your dollars. If you care about the social integrity of a company -- and where your money goes, buy this book and keep it with you to use at the store. I love this book , although I used to love it more -- the older version had detailed charts so you could see in which areas companies performed well or didn't. Now the authors don't provide the charts, they turn the details into a grade. The upside is that the book is smaller and easier to use. Maybe they could print a fatter one with all the charts, too!? I would buy both!



2. "A must Have!" if you want to make a life change then this is the book that will help you do it.



3. I'll start off by saying that this is the most important book I own. I thought that I was being a good citizen to the environment by recycling everything, buying organic produce, etc. I had no idea how off the mark I was until I picked up this book. It is, to say the least, an eye-opener.
   
   I carry it in my purse at all times, and, with it's grading system, it is very user friendly. One of the things that blew me away was the fact that almost 40% of all chocolate produced in the world is done using child slave labor! For that reason alone you should know who scored a "D" or "F." Not only does it list brands of foods you should avoid, but retail stores, electronics, clothing, gas, and the list goes on.
   
   Usually I don't go on about books, or anything else I buy here, but this book is a huge exception for me. I honestly believe if we were all more conscience of the products we purchased, and where we purchased them from, this world would be a lot better place. If I could afford it I would buy a copy of this book for everyone I know.



4. "The Better World Shopping Guide" should be on everyone's desk who is in charge of drawing up shopping lists for their families. It is a terrific resource which enables us to be better, more knowledgeable consumers whose purchases make the least negative impact on our world. An updated version would be even more helpful.



5. Anyone who is working on being a better consumer with a social conscience will benefit from this very helpful book. After I read and used it, I gave copies to three friends. Two of them now take the book shopping with them as they try to make better purchasing choices.

5 comments about Tantra - Discovering the Power of Pre-Orgasmic Sex.

1. I was delighted to find this gem of a book. How Yogani weaves the ancient teachings of Tantra into a simple, easy to understand "How To" guide is beyond me, all I know is it works. The lessons on semen retention and sexual energy cultivation have turbo charged my meditations. I highly recommend this book.
   
   G.Dawson PGA



2. "Tantra: Discovering the Power of Pre-Orgasmic Sex" by Yogani is another essential piece of the puzzle for spiritual seekers trying to find their way to enlightenment. It offers an excellent guide to harnessing the power of pre-orgasmic sexual energy and cultivating it in the best possible way to bring the human body and mind to higher and higher levels of spiritual awareness and clarity.
   
   This easy to read little book also provides a very clear and understandable explanation of where tantra fits into spiritual practices and how when all of the pieces are used effectively together, an individual can move with maximum velocity along their respective spiritual paths.
   
   Along with Yogani's other works this is a must read for serious spiritual seekers.



3. Making love this way is such a great way to live. It breaks your addiction to the chemical and hormonal dump which happens with orgasms, while also stimulating prana for increased health and spirituality. This book was written for yogis, yet I think it can be great for anyone!
   
   Sometimes, in the lives of partners, sex can become a hassle. And after that, for a lot of people, their partners can seem like a pain. This brings the intimacy and care back into sex...the way it's supposed to be. It brings the love back into your relationships. This is a great thing for people who care about eachother to look into. I think it should be openly discussed and experimented with between you and your lover...that will really enhance the connection between you two. And if not...at least it's something kind of fun and exciting to explore!
   
   For yogis, this greatly enhances their practices. Without some brahamacharya, which is the preservation of semen, yogic practices do little. But with it, your practices can really take off. The methods described in the book are groundbreaking, for their simplicity as well as their effectiveness.
   
   This is the best of the best for practical tantra. Hands down!



4. By performing these techniques in the tantra book and, very importantly, keeping a steady and consistent practice of deep meditation you will be giving yourself such a great boon and gift.
   
   Why? Well, the answer to this is unique to each person, but here are a few reasons:
   -Sharpened focus
   -Single-pointed concentration of the mind
   -Greater bodily energy
   -Freedom! from sexual distraction
   -Helps with reaching your innate stillness, that is, when combined with deep meditation
   
   These reasons are very limited and narrow to my own perspective, so you will have to try for yourself and find out what gifts come to you.



5. While I am sure that a book such as this is helpful to customers wanting to have a more satisfactory sex life and may be very inspirational on many levels, there is nothing 'Tantric' about it from the point of view of the Indian Tantric tradition. I am a Sanskrit scholar who focuses on the Tantric tradition. The very word 'Tantra' refers to a vast corpus of sacred ritually-oriented texts that governed the spiritual practices of a given sect's initiates. The texts themselves are called 'Tantras' (i.e. containing ritually oriented practices that "expand" awareness). I am aware of every single Tantra that has been translated into a Western language (About 5% of the corpus has been translated, which doesn't mean that they're understood) from their original Sanskrit.
   
   I have not seen that a single one of these sexually-oriented 'tantra' (modern) books that cites from a single actual Tantra. This is because there is nothing to cite, with one exception that doesn't inform this modern tantra-sex thing anyway: the 29th chapter of the 'Tantraloka' (see below).
   
   The idea that the Tantras are focused on heightened intimacy and sexual pleasure has been completely fabricated. There IS a focus on experiencing the divine in all human activities; interestingly, the great Tantric sage Abhinavagupta urges sex only with people that are found to be wholly un-attractive as to dispel the illusion that they are not also a perfect beautiful expression of the Divine. This kind of sex is engaged in a wholly ritual setting, as depicted in chapter 29 (the 'kula yaga' chapter) of Abhinava's famous 'Light on Tantra.' (Tantra Loka). Otherwise the Tantra Loka is focused on the means to awakening to the heart of Universal Consciousness (Shiva) through spiritual disciplines. These include sacred initiation and aligning subtle body energies with the Divine through yoga and visualization. NONE of these practices, with the very very minor exception of the above named ritual (the kula yaga), have a sexual component.
   Also, the Kama Sutra is absolutely NOT a Tantra, nor is it in anyway related to any Tantric sect or lineage. It is a 'shastra,' a treatise on attaining perfect sexual fullfillment written mainly for the medieval wealthy elite. It is categorized with other 'shastras' that teach various arts, such as the 'artha shastra,' the treatise on how to attain power, the 'dharma shastra,' a treatise on ethical laws and precepts, and the 'kama shastra,' the treatise that focuses on attaining sexual pleasure. Its core text is, of course, the Kama Sutra (the 'Aphorisms on Pleasure.').
   
   -Christopher Tompkins, M.A. Comparative Religion, M.A. Sanskrit, PhD Candidate

5 comments about The Diamond in Your Pocket: Discovering Your True Radiance.

1. I would never be naive enough to think one "Way" or one author has all of the answers we seek in life as humans. One needs to explore the mystery to find the truth on their own terms. Be skeptical as all hell. Don't believe anyone unless it feels genuine. For instance, Wayne Dyer seems phony to me, but beloved my millions. I don't like to critique his teachings because I'm sure he's helped many people. I personally like Buddhist and Toltec teachings. Thick Nhat Hahn isn't flying around in personal jets. I don't know much about Gangjani, and have read a little about her extravagant lifestyle. But I found the Diamond in Your Pocket keenly articulate. Maybe you can critique the author, but the message resonates magically.



2. A very special book. Probes self assessment in a way not familiar to most Christians. I am 30% thru the book and getting significant insights into who (I am).
   
   A good choice for anybody interesting in exploring basic questions such as, "What do you want," and "Who are you."
   
   The book has short chapters suit able for reading one a day and then quiet consideration.



3. Well, there's not much to say about this one. I had the opportunity to spend some weeks with Shri Poonjaji, Gangaji's teacher, some years ago and this book reminds me so much of the naked clarity of what "Papaji"-his more familiar name, had to offer. It seems to me that Gangaji has moved here to the very deepest core of what it means to live as a human being on this Earth, and simply invites one to move beyond all of one's grande ideas about themselves and burn with the beauty of being at that core with her.



4. "The Diamond in Your Pocket" includes conversations that Gangaji has had with her students as she traveled worldwide to share the teachings. This beautiful book points to the resolution of psychological suffering, so that we may realize joy and ever-present fulfillment.
   
   When we insist on pretending to be a separated someone, we live the misery and confusion of this disconnection, regardless of the life circumstances. In our search for happiness, we are looking for joy in all the wrong places. The only true answer is to realize who you really are. Gangaji continuously points that awakening to this truth is totally accessible to every human being, when we are willing to be present and directly investigate. This truth is merely waiting for your undivided attention.
   
   The book is divided into four parts: Part I, "The Invitation ~ Discovering the Truth of Who You Are; Part II, "Beyond the Mind, Deeper than Emotion; Part III, "Unraveling the Knot of Suffering; and Part IV, "Choosing Peace."
   
   "The Diamond in Your Pocket" is a powerful and clear guide to "discovering your true radiance."
   
   Katie Davis, Awake Joy: The Essence of Enlightenment



5. I purchased a book from this company and they shipped it to me very quickly. They are a wonderful company to purchase from.

5 comments about Starbright--Meditations for Children.

1. I was looking to relax my child before bed and found this to be the best one I found. Very relaxing, imaginative and well written. Gets my daughter set in a good dream mode.



2. I had no idea that my kids age 3 and 4 would love meditating this much I am very happy that I purchased this book along with two of her other meditation books. Moonbeam and Earthlight are also fabulous!



3. This book and the others by Maureen Garth have been a blessing in our home. My 6 and 8 year old love them. In fact, I'm not sure they can sleep without them anymore! They are quick to jump in bed and settle down so that they are able to find out what happens in their garden each night. Their imaginations are growing and they are relaxing. Both kids have a history of terrible nightmares and neither have mentioned a single bad dream since we begun these exercises. I'm growing in confidence, too! The other night, I actually made up my own garden story and it's been one of their favorite's so far!
   
   For those of you who are concerned about compromising your faith with these books, don't be! On the contrary, the focus on light, growing your heart in love for all people and feeling safe with a guardian angel are all wonderful images and fall right in line with our Christian faith.
   
   I love these books and I have even begun buying them for friends. What a great gift to give a child: the gift of peace, relaxation, imagination and a good night's sleep filled with pleasant dreams.



4. Before obtaining Starbright, my 6 year old has asked about fires and bombs (school fire drills & TV news)before being tucked into bed. He now insists on being read about the gardens so he doesn't have bad dreams. In the morning, he relates more and more positive dreams.
   
   I am relieved to have his fears reduced in a few short weeks. I think the "sequel" Moonbeam is next on our list. Thank you Ms. Garth.



5. I purchased this book for my 9 year old daughter who was trying to make the transition back to school this past fall. She had become very anxious and I wanted a way to help her calm herself before she went to bed each night. Together we read the stories and she just loved them. She even brought the book to school to share with her teacher and fourth grade classmates, who loved it too. I really feel it has helped her! (Since then we have given even copies as birhtday gifts with handmade beaded bookmarks.) Overall, Big Hit!

5 comments about The Surrendered Wife : A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace with Your Man.

1. This book is a Dominant Mans Dream if he can get his wife to believe this is the way to make a marriage work.Frankly I think it would work fine for a DS relationship as for the vanilla folks, do not bother.
   tHE IMPLICATION THAT IF A WOMAN OBEYS HER HUSBAND ALL IS PEACHES AND CREAM IN THEIR LIVES, WELL IF YOU BUY INTO THAT RIDICULOUS NOTION PLEASE BUY THE BOOK AND VERIFY YOUR WILLINGNESS TO BE SUBMISSIVE 24/7.



2. I use many of the strategies outlined in the book, but perhaps for slightly different reasons.
   
   I am skeptical of advice that suggests that every couple on the planet is governed by the same needs. It presents the world as if only two options exist - either you are a evil shrew who dominates her husband and are doomed to unhappiness, or else you live a perfect life where your husband's control has perfected your every fantasy where your efforts failed. I am pretty traditional about gender roles, yet I think there are a few more shades of grey here.
   
   But if you can read past the extremism, there are some gems to take away. Women can use the strategies to more effectively get their needs met, and make their husbands happier at the same time.
   
   The book's best suggestion: Don't ever nag. I agree, and a lot of women could benefit here. Even if you are "right", nagging is ineffective. It doesn't work. It won't get your needs met, and it makes everyone less happy.
   
   The book's worst suggestion: Drop out of the finances. This is where I believe a middle ground could be useful. The author believes that if women are involved in the financial decision making, they will emasculate their husbands and become shrews. I am sure this is true in some cases - I think of people who can't just say, "I'll eat less sugar" and be moderate - they have to remove every item of sugar from their house and vow never to eat it again, or else they will gorge on the entire bag of Little Debbies. But some of us can be moderate - enlightened enough to be informed financially in case we need to take over when we become widows, for example, but not so militant that we are disrespectful of our husbands. As a professional financial advisor, I have to say that many men - including some of those men whose wives never question their finances - still make really poor decisions with the couple's money. I wish that all men were good at this naturally, but I don't see it happening consistently enough to advocate the blind trust here.
   The author's request for blind trust in other areas bothers me less, because sometimes it is just better to let it go to preserve the harmony. Everything in moderation, you know.
   
   Despite these criticisms, I think it is worth a read, as a really tactical guide to the "pick your battles" advice that is useful to most anyone.
   
   As a random side note, I think this advice can be used on children in addition to husbands. With moderation and intelligence of course (no giving steak knives to the 2 year old), but respecting other people's independence, not being a crazy controlling nag, and practicing self-care (no martyrs please) can help you as a mother as well as helping you as a wife.
   
   Read it, put it in your own words and context, and see how it can work for you.



3. Laura Doyle had probably the best intentions when she wrote this book and I can see the appeal it would have to many women. No one wants to nag, nit pick or harass their husband. We would all love it if we could be his cheerleader, supporter, friend instead of a "mom" figure to him. At first it seems as if you might agree with her strategies. Let him make up his own mind about what socks to wear, which friends he wants to have etc.
   
   But then she takes it to an extreme ...a downright scary one.
   
   According to her you can never teach, criticize or correct your husband. Even if he's cooking a roast so poorly it might burn down the house, even if he's driven across state lines and made you miss your father's funeral as a result, even if he's missed 7 payments on the mortgage, even if he asks for your input and opinion, your response should always and forever be "Whatever you think!" If you don't do this you are emasculating him, disrespecting him and he will resent you, lose sexual attraction to you or begin a "cold war" in your home.
   
   Oh and if you're thinking "No problem I'll drive, do the chore and handle the finances" ...well you're not allowed to do that either because the man MUST be "in control."
   
   This logic does not work in the reverse. Apparently women can and should listen to their husband's criticisms, suggestions and opinions because they are valuable. I'm confused ...men can take control of a situation for a woman, teach her, lead her, but is incapable of benefiting in any way if a woman does that for him? Doyle coaches women to suppress their aggravation if a man has done a disrespectful action such as ruin the silk sheets because he spilled coffee all over it and didn't clean it up. She says instead to weigh that action against the whole marriage and ask yourself which is more important the sheets or your marriage? So if I tell my husband he made a mistake he might leave me?
   
   I agree that the way to effective communication is not through yelling, insulting or belittling but that doesn't mean to silence your self altogether! There are so many levels in between. Andrew Carnegie's book "How to Make Friends and Influence People" while not in the context of marriage is the happy medium that teaches respectful talk while still speaking your mind. PLEASE don't lose yourself in a marriage just because you want a husband!



4. The Surrendered Wife is a book for women who are willing to take a step back and re-learn her love for her husband. I have been married for exactly 9 months now with my first love and first husband. We were made for each other as almost complete opposites. Where I want to fight an issue until it is resolved, he wants to stop and take a step back to breath for a minute. I recently found myself wondering what was going wrong. We were arguing every day about something, even the smallest thing. Somehow we managed to make up recently, but I still felt like there was something different that had to be done besides the usual. Nothing was working my way, so I walked into Barnes and Noble on a mission.
   
   When he and I first started dating, I purchased The Surrendered Wife. As I read the book, I set it on the bedside table because I had no idea what she was talking about. Since we were not married yet, I thought to myself, "None of that will happen to me." Eventually it was sent to the dump. However, when I saw it on the shelf in B&N, I knew I should read it again. That was Sunday. Today is Wednesday, and I have already seen the affects her techniques have made. We were driving home in the car from worship when I started reading. As I read through the first few chapters, I started feeling guilty immediately. It was embarrassing to see myself through the words in that book.
   
   In her introduction she begins by identifying "The Origin of Control." I had NEVER thought of myself as a controller. I don't have the main portion of money in my account, and he already pays all the bills. Yet, as we were driving along, I suddenly thought of many situations where I was trying to control my husband, rather than allow him to be who he is. I cannot even remember all the things I apologized for, but it was about 7 times by the end of the night. When we got home, he came in the door after unloading the car to announce I had left the light on from reading my book. I said, "Oh, did you turn it off?" He said, "Yep." When I smiled at him and said, "Thank you." He said, "Wow. There was something different in your eyes when you said that. It was refreshing." Then he hugged me and kissed me. It was funny because I was feeling lighter from my apologies and just thought it was nice he had done that so I did not have to go back out to deal with it. For MY mistake of leaving the light on, I was REWARDED by hugs and kisses!!!
   
   Later in the night after my seventh time apologizing, he said, "It makes you feel lighter doesn't it? Less of a burden." I heard his heart message (Chapter 18) in that. He was not telling me that he felt like I NEEDED to apologize, but it was his way of saying he was feeling better too. The baggage from dating and marriage was slowly pealing away, and we were BOTH feeling good.
   
   Even today, when I found out I had a meeting from 4:30-6:30, I found myself controlling. I emailed him at work to let him know I would not be home in time to make dinner. I let him know that there was food to make tacos, but that there was really nothing else if he did not want to cook. His response was to tell me that tacos sounded good. Well, I immediately hit the respond button and proceeded to spell out how to make the tacos! He is not a dumb idiot. I rewrote the email 4 times to make sure I was not instructing him. Instead, I wrote this: "This sounds like fun! I'm looking forward to coming home to tacos!" Now he has something to look forward to: providing dinner for me without my nagging and providing for my needs. We'll have fun and not argue. It was HARD leaving it up to him to get the job done. I could go home, and he has not started yet. I plan on just taking some "self-help time" (Chapter 4) and relaxing for once! Or, I can get that laundry done that has been in great need. I do not plan on taking over, but instead, I'm going to rely on him to get it done.
   
   Doyle's book is not for EVERYONE. However, if you are at least willing to give it a try, I suggest taking the challenge. There will be ups and downs, but if you just hate it, I would try something else. If you want hugs and kisses...it's worth the risk.



5. I read this book about 6 years ago, with a pretty normal, dual-career, 3 kids marriage. I started trying her ideas. Our marriage got better. Then, I decided that I resented doing this. (By the way, our marriage got worse at that point, maybe coincidence-?) To make a long story short, I am definitely back to surrendering to my husband, as much for him as for me. I am calmer, happier, and 100% obedient. He's the best husband on earth. I needed to ease up on personal pride and once that happened, I can't explain to you how much it feels like it is supposed to be this way. When obedience and submission to your husband are offered voluntarily out of respect for him, there is no implication of me being a second class citizen or less intelligent or whatever. Forced submission out of fear is wrong, unproductive, and bad for marriage. But what Laura Doyle is talking about is in our hearts, and voluntary, and initiated by the wife. I do think though, that the woman should not work outside the home. (Ms. Doyle does not feel this way necessarily). That is why I started resenting the idea of submission initially, because the demands on me were unrealistic. But once I stopped working, aha! Then it fell into place. If a woman works outside the home, she has too much to do to attend to her husbands needs, AND she is mixed up in two different energies: work (competing with other companies or workers; time-frenzies) and home (routine, calming, quiet, etc.) But when she can stay home and be a wife, she comes into her own world and it all fits together. This is a great book.

5 comments about Should I Stay Or Go? : How Controlled Separation (CS) Can Save Your Marriage.

1. Excellent book and innovative concept. Very good case studies; one or two that will likely apply to the reader's own situation. The title misleads just a bit in that I thought the book was going to help me then-and-there as to whether I should stay or go. It deals more with the task of separating and the rules that go along with it, so that you CAN decide whether to stay or go. I found that this book was excellent as a second-read, behind "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay." Would absolutely recommend both books for that delicate situation of being in a shaky, unresolved marriage.



2. I really liked the book. It was easy to read and had a lot of useful information. I liked the different relationship examples. Although not one of them were exactly us...there were a few similarities in many of the relationships we could relate to. We did use the contract format, made our own revisions and agreements (although we decided we didn't need a formal signed agreement, we at least covered the points we needed and included a small blurb about the finances as well).
   A great way to help make decisions in a rational way!



3. In the heat of a break up, this book gives practical advice on how to discern what is the best route to take. It was recommended on a chat sight for divorcing couples and I would highly recommend it to people who are still within a disfunctional relationship.



4. Thid wonderful book helps one recognize and intergrate emotional, intellectual and financial consideraions and to rationally consider options.



5. I found this book to be an excellent resource for dealing with my own personal seperation. It gives excellent advice that has already help settle down all the turbulent emotions and is allowing for calmer minds on both sides. Very well written, easy to follow and very real world advice.