5 comments about Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited.

1. alot. i'll never love anyone else more.
   
   and i consider my little world to be my garden. if i've pulled you up like a weed, thrown you in the discards and you can't get your mind around the fact that you're a weed, and devastated that you couldn't play me like you play everyone else then this book will give you the rationalization that you require.
   
   i highly recommend it.



2. This book is the equivelent to earning a doctorate in Narcissim.
   Vakin is brilliant, and the book is written in such a way, you learn the concepts, I mean really know them. Very few people can teach, Vakin is in that select minority. He just states the facts, and mindset of the Narcissis in every conceavable presentation. By the middle of the book, you get the answer N's live to make you hurt, and miserable, they think it's funny when you are in pain. Noone could read this book without a life changing epiphany. Thankfully by the end you know your N has pulled your dress over your head, in private and public, he is sadistically gleeful and you can no longer live in the illussion that a relationship could work. Bravo



3. I have used Vaknins website and book to give me some ideas, and hope, for the situation I am in. I am setting firm boundaries and consequences. I hope through the book I can learn to get more of my life back. All I can say to others is, "If you can get out, run as fast as you can, cause if you don't get out they will destroy you". I know a couple other women in town who have been in long term marriages to guys like this. One seems to have survived quite well, but she is 'very shut down - emotionless'. The other became a total recluse, and is dying of cancer. I also knew one other, but she died in her 40's from cancer. She was glad to die. Her spirit died long before her. I don't want that for myself. I want to let go of the feelings that my abuser has (poisoned) me with, and I want to, once again, find joy in however long I have left to live.
   
   I researched a lot of books on Narcissism before I chose Vatkins. Compared to Vatkins all the others seemed like "just skimming the surface". There is no two ways about it; his is an excellant book.
   
   One thing to keep in mind when reading this book, or his website; is that Vatkin is a narcissist, and I felt his gloating was evil when he remarked about women coming to him for help, even knowing what he is. There are some things he says that makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck. Also, when reading the book, sometimes I questioned what he had to say because as a narcissist he seems to direct his advice, of course, from a narcissistic viewpoint, so his advice seems to favor the narcissist at times. Also, the advice he gives sometimes in one part of the book is very different in another part of the book - almost opposite. So, though he has a lot of good to say, weigh his advice before applying it to your own life.



4. This book has been liberating by helping me explore the mind of a narcissist. The confusion and whirlwind my life had become within my relationship with this man overwhelmed my entire life. Reading this book has helped me immensely to correlate his actions and behaviors to this mental problem. I have tried everything and realize the hard wiring is not going to be changed in him, I need to change me and stop trying to change others. I am sadden by the truth however liberated to have such a better understanding of what I have just experienced.



5. If you are reading this review about Malignant Self Love, then you finally suspect that you are dealing with a Narcissist. To suspect is common, but to deny can be fatal. You are probably confused, worn out and defeated. You are probably tying to resurrect yourself out of the ashes of deception, despair and distress. You probably feel like you have been lead around the Mulberry Bush in endless loops. If this sounds familiar, then you MUST have capable assistance. You need an individual that can imagine, plot, examine, relate and SOLVE your nightmare. You need an insider... Dr. Sam Vaknin. He is a Narcissist. Sam has examined his reflection and magnified it for his readers in Malignant Self Love. Sam has plugged all the loopholes, exposed all the plots, and introduced a new language to confront the Narcissist. Vaknin has composed OVER 100 Frequently Asked Questions, Essays and more, contained in a volume of 600 pages! Sam has designed Malignant Self Love as a `hands-on' tool that can immediately bring relief. If you want to breathe again, if you are at your wits end, if everything has been tried and failed, if you NEED a change, then Malignant Self Love can give you your life back. This book is a lifesaver!
   
   Kathi Stringer
   Kathi's Mental Health Review

5 comments about Survival Tips for Women with AD/HD: Beyond Piles, Palms, & Post-its.

1. The great thing about "Survival Tips for Women with AD/HD" is that it's a handy reference guide for and by real women with AD/HD. Having organization issues? Laundry getting you down? Just flip to the chapter and subheading (clearly identified in the Table of Contents) to quickly look up tips and strategies that work for other women.
   
   Terry Matlen does a great job of keeping the book light-hearted and positive while still covering tons of challenges that women with AD/HD experience. Keep "Survival Tips" close by and make good use of it!
   
   -Jennifer Koretsky, author of Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD



2. I have mild ADHD, so I'm not as challenged as some of the women in the book seem to be. I learned most of these tips a long time ago. But I still enjoyed the book! I can now explain to people why I can't cook-I inherited ADD from my mom (who is also cooking-challenged)! The reviewer who didn't like the dinner suggestions must not really have ADD-those suggestions are the way I've been cooking since I moved out of my mom's house 30 years ago! My oldest son has sensory processing difficulties, so he will only eat about 6 foods. My youngest son will eat anything, period. My ex was always too spaced out from his unmedicated ADD to eat with us. As the book mentions is true for many women with ADD families, my motivation for learning to cook is pretty low. These "recipes" have protein, carbs and fruits/veggies, so they are well balanced, if maybe different from the way the Cleaver family eats.
   
   There are many good references, especially of internet resources. I did find handy tips in it, also. But for me, the best part was the entertainment value of reading about other women who struggle with the same things I do. I think I can now view my ADHD with humor rather than frustration, knowing there are alot of us out there!



3. I have ADHD. This book made me laugh out loud,which is something hard to come by with this...altered brain of mine.
   I've shared it with some of my patients who share this joy as well.



4. In the last few years, lots of books about adult ADD have come on the market, and most of them are better than this one. I am embarrassed to admit I bought this book strictly because of its cover - I thought it was a tabbed spiral notebook. As another reviewer mentioned, it's actually a plain paperback. The title was also appealing since I've experimented with nearly every organizational method known to man, including "piles, palms, and post-its". I assumed the book would include creative ways to organize, but it was only "tips", which are small blurbs that I forgot within five minutes. Search Amazon for "adult adhd" and you'll find tons of books on the subject, almost all of them more genuinely useful than this one.



5. I bet you think from the subtitle that this book is new and different, not just more of the same.
   
   Well, that would be wrong. It is more of the same, so much more, and so much of it useless.
   
   This is very important: the picture of the cover is deceptive. The book is NOT spiral bound, and there are NO tabs. It is a plain old paperback. Very disappointing, and in this case you really can tell a book by it's cover: the contents are at least as disappointing. You'd have to slog through pages of irrelevance to find something useful.
   
   And the tips border on the hilarious: Use rice in water to clean out a baby bottle. This is helpful? Come on, this tip isn't even remotely relevant to an ADDer, in fact it adds to the confusion: by the time you get the box of Uncle Ben's out, you'll be thinking of fried rice and a great Chinese takeout place you know; you'll order in bean curd Hunan style, wolf it down, and when you're cleaning up, hours later, you'll find the baby bottle in the sink, unwashed, and next to the dish drainer will be your unopened box of rice.
   
   And oh, in case you're wondering what to have for dinner next Halloween, did you know you can hand sculpt mashed potatoes into Halloween ghosts? You think I'm kidding, huh? Oh no, it's right there on page 277. And, they suggest, "You can serve it with bat shaped meatloaf (using a cookie cutter)." But only if you can remember why you're going through your cookie cutters in the middle of making dinner while the trick or treaters are banging on your front door.
   
   I suggest you keep it simple. Step 1, do not buy this book. Read the alternative suggestions in the reviews. Browse carefully, very carefully.
   
   PS Notice that the top favorable review is written by a career and life-planning counselor, not by someone with ADD.

5 comments about Bold Love.

1. This is a dynamic book that every Christian who serves the Almighty God needs to read in order to grow in God's love one to another. Many of us lack this fruit and really don't know what real love is or what the love of God is. By the time they read this book they will have a deeper more revelatory understanding of God's expectetaion of us. Every leader needs this book now!



2. What does it mean to "honor" a wicked parent? How do you love an abusive person without opening yourself up to more damage? What happens when you can't forgive and forget?
   
   With a few exceptions, I generally write reviews of books I like which means I'm somewhat biasing the overall Amazon rankings. But let me say that of all the books I like or love, none has influenced my life more than Dan Allender's Bold Love. I say life because it has impacted so many areas from my relationships to my politics to my theology to my marriage. The book is about what it really means to love someone, anyone from the love of your life to an abuser to your greatest enemy. The crux of the message is that love is not forgive and forget attitude but rather one that admits the pain and hurt that has been caused and confronts it. But the purpose of the confrontation is really the key to the book. The purpose is not to cover your bases or get it off your chest to enable to move on and have closure. What was revolutionary to me at the time of reading was that it pointed me back to the object of love, the other. It solidified the fact that evil committed against you must be admitted and the accuser must be confronted. This is difficult and thus the "Bold" in the title. But the underlying belief is that no person is beyond saving. No person is beyond to hope of reconciliation.
   
   The authors are Christians. Dan Allender is a counselor with many years of experience. Tremper Longman is a top-notch Old Testament Scholar who writes one of the chapters in the book himself and assists in writing the rest. Why bring an Bible scholar into a discussion of interpersonal relationships? Because their model for reconciliation is God's reconciliation with man. The sin that man commits against God did not disqualify us from being loved, it just made the task more bold. First of all, God calls a spade a spade. He does not deny the sin committed or the gravity of the consequences. He does not just forgive and look the other way. Rather, Jesus, or better to use the name Emmanuel in this context, dove right into the mess and sought after those who had abused God through their disobedience. He never gave up. He was tenacious always believing that reconciliation was possible. He interceded for his killers saying, "Father, forgive them."
   
   The argument is that this should be our impetus for boldly going after those who have sexually, physically, verbally, or mentally abused us, whether fathers or mothers or former friends or outright enemies. God did not give up on creation. He sought after it at great expense to himself. This is what it means to love. This is what it means to love your enemies. The importance that the book places on admitting the evil that was done along with the hope that no one is beyond the reach of reconciliation is what has impacted my mind so much in so many different areas.
   
   If you're interested in this topic in general I also recommend the following:
   
   Exclusion and Embrace by Miroslav Volf - Award-winning book I've seen recommend by theologians/biblical scholars. (Author is a Christian theologian)
   The End of Memory by Miroslav Volf - The latest offering from Volf and has been receiving rave reviews. (Same as above)
   I and Thou by Martin Buber - Becoming somewhat of a modern day classic on the subject and I've also seen this recommended in theological circles. (Author is a Jewish philosopher)
   
   Here is a summary outline of Bold Love which follows a wartime motif:
   
   Section 1: The Battlefield of the Heart
   This is the most theologically oriented section as it introduces the problem and describes the motivation to love based on what God has done.
   
   Section 2: Strategy for the War of Love
   This section is the meat of the book as it describes the steps toward reconciliation. First there is a passionate hope and hunger for restoration. Second, we mercifully revoke revenge and as we are reminded of our brokenness and how God hoped and hungered for restoration with us. Third, introduces us to the art of confronting the enemy.
   
   Section 3: Combat for the Soul
   This section takes the principals in the first two parts of the book and applies them practically to three different types of people who may have caused hurt in our lives. First, there is a chapter on loving an evil person, subtitled Siege Warfare. Specifically this is about sexual, physical, verbal, or mental abusers. Second, there is a chapter on loving a fool, subtitled Guerrilla Warfare. This is about people who carelessly cause great damage to another's soul. Third, there is a chapter on loving a normal sinner, subtitled Athletic Competition. This is the type of hurt you may deal with from most people on a daily basis.



3. Bold Love is probably the most important book I have ever read. It was recommended to me for the practicality of the three last chapters concerning how to relate to evil persons, foolish persons and so-called ordinary sinners. I found these chapters very helpful. What I didn't expect from the book was a new perspective of myself and God. Allender's language is so graphic I wondered how a man could know what I, a woman, was thinking and feeling. Without knowing it, this is the book I was searching for and hoping for but didn't think existed. I will read it over and over.



4. This gem of a book was published among a flurry of "me too" self-help psychobabble tomes and I think was lost among them. I am amazed every time I pull it out, at how relevant it still is.
   I laughed when I saw the earlier review that said "I dare you" regarding this book.
   I said the same thing when I gave it to a friend years ago. (I'm married to him now)



5. The book takes the reader into channels of thinking
   which are spiritually challenging, and most unique,
   in terms of exploring earlier relationships that
   must needs be addressed once again.
   Very well written, and informative.

5 comments about How Rude!: The Teenagers' Guide to Good Manners, Proper Behavior, and Not Grossing People Out.

1. This book is a perfect gift for your new teenager. It is written in such an entertaining way that the teenager will want to read it just for the fun of it and yet he/she will be getting valuable advice on how to handle himself/herself in new,unfamiliar social situations. There are many practical guides on handling relationships, which are so important to the teenager.



2. Hmm...
   
   I have read this thing years ago, and while comedy is tossed around in this thing, it's probably not going to be as fantastic as most of the stuff that you typically enjoy... I can't know for sure how you view comedy, but this thing is kind of stale even with it in there.
   
   The thing is written from a kind of simplistic perspective, with such one-d ideas as being positive and simply turning your mind around and thinking the opposite thing... just like when you get upset for example... seem shallow and not a way to truly understand and cope with a psychological problem.
   
   The section on sex is okay... I don't know about other people, but this wasn't too bad, and seemed fairly solid too, although I have seen better.
   
   Finally, this book doesn't just function supposedly as a guide to manners, it's also meant, somewhat, to be a guide to life... I don't know, if
   anything like "Turn negativity to positivity" is supposed to be advice on living your life, than I don't think that this will actually be very informative, considering that with the problems in your life, all relying
   on positivity will do will be to just become a "feel good" action that won't actually help much with the particular problem, you can't just make these things better just by turning your mind around like that.
   
   So, I don't know. This book has some good parts in it, the sex chapter, which other people were concerned about, isn't terribly bad and is fairly informative, and all in all, this is probably an okay choice, just don't expect it to work as anything other than a way of explaining manners fairly adequately.



3. I brought this book to use with foster kids who lack social skills and basic socialization knowledge. The kids and I found this book to be unhelpful, hard to navigate, and unrealistic to the lives of the kids. Some of the dialog sounds like the author spend too much time watching the movie Clueless, making it hard to relate to. There are some good aspects of this book, but in the end i was hoping to get more use out of it than I am going to. Buy it used.



4. This version appears to include some if not all of the content of the other, smaller volumes by this author. The advantage of this version is it has everything, and the disadvantage is it's 465 pages long and feels heavy, almost like a textbook, or, exactly like a textbook, which may put kids off. Also, the recommendations regarding dating etiquette are pretty tame and tactfully relayed. The graphical layout is playful, relaxed and user-friendly. Certain sections present topics categorically, and other sections use questions from kids regarding how to conduct their affairs, with some interesting questions like: "What do you do when your parents are rude", "How do I address my non-biological parent", or "I have this friend whose mother died... she isn't much fun to be around." I think this book can be very helpful to kids who need ground rules. Actually, I think this book is worth it's weight in gold.



5. I recommend this book all the time to my clients. It's hysterically funny yet educational. It's well organized and has great little sidebar features.
   
   A favorite line is the last rule listed under "The Ten Commandments of Telephone Etiquette": "Thou shalt not...beep, whistle, and pretend to be an incoming fax."
   
   Stephanie Moulton Sarkis PhD NCC LMHC
   Author, ADHD Expert, and Psychotherapist

5 comments about Three Magic Words.

1. I am most upset with the book you sent me.
   
   Half of the pages have come loose from the binding and are falling out.
   
   My old copy is thirty years old and has been read and re-read over a hundred times with no problem.
   
   Needless to say if this is an example of the quality of your products I don`t see how you will stay in business.
   
   Gomo Greer



2. I am almost finished reading this book and it is amazing! I am familiar with "The Secret" and other positive thinking books. But this book just takes everything to another level! The Meditations are on a CD by Kelly Howell. I actually purchased the CD before I knew anything about this book! I think it is best to have both! Yes, I can say I have noticed a difference in my life.
   Manifestation seems to be happening at a faster rate, sometimes that is a little freaky! Wow! The power of our own thoughts! Believe in your own creative genius!



3. I have been reading this book for over fifty years, I am reading it again this week! It is the Bible of my basic philosophy of life. Read it, study it, absorb it, meditate on its wisdom; IT Will Change Your Life, If You Are open and Willing!



4. U S Anderson book is one of the best I have read. I have read many of the modern mystics and in this field he is one of the pioneers. Although written in the 50's, the authors message is timeless. This is the classic spiritual self help book. Worth every cent and the meditations at the end of each chapter really help improve your thoughts.
   Highly recommended!!!



5. This book was written long before all the recent " Law of Attraction " books came out. The author was a visionary, remarkably far ahead of his time. He says it all in clear concise chapters that anyone can understand. I will read this book again and again.

5 comments about The Diamond in Your Pocket: Discovering Your True Radiance.

1. Well, there's not much to say about this one. I had the opportunity to spend some weeks with Shri Poonjaji, Gangaji's teacher, some years ago and this book reminds me so much of the naked clarity of what "Papaji"-his more familiar name, had to offer. It seems to me that Gangaji has moved here to the very deepest core of what it means to live as a human being on this Earth, and simply invites one to move beyond all of one's grande ideas about themselves and burn with the beauty of being at that core with her.



2. "The Diamond in Your Pocket" includes conversations that Gangaji has had with her students as she traveled worldwide to share the teachings. This beautiful book points to the resolution of psychological suffering, so that we may realize joy and ever-present fulfillment.
   
   When we insist on pretending to be a separated someone, we live the misery and confusion of this disconnection, regardless of the life circumstances. In our search for happiness, we are looking for joy in all the wrong places. The only true answer is to realize who you really are. Gangaji continuously points that awakening to this truth is totally accessible to every human being, when we are willing to be present and directly investigate. This truth is merely waiting for your undivided attention.
   
   The book is divided into four parts: Part I, "The Invitation ~ Discovering the Truth of Who You Are; Part II, "Beyond the Mind, Deeper than Emotion; Part III, "Unraveling the Knot of Suffering; and Part IV, "Choosing Peace."
   
   "The Diamond in Your Pocket" is a powerful and clear guide to "discovering your true radiance."
   
   Katie Davis, Awake Joy: The Essence of Enlightenment



3. I purchased a book from this company and they shipped it to me very quickly. They are a wonderful company to purchase from.



4. 
   This is probably the best book I have ever read. Truth, more truth and more truth, any way you want to look for it, Gangaji's intentions to draw out the truth in the reader is just that, truth. Like attracts like, enjoy.
   Jayne



5. This book really is a diamond. If you are seriously looking to find out who you truly are, then this is the book for you. Easy to read, simple (as it needs to be) and at the same time deep, and worthy of investigation. If you follow the signposts and guidance, then you will be your true self, and never be the same "you" again. If you are looking for freedom and peace then this is for "who you are" .

5 comments about A Life at Work: The Joy of Discovering What You Were Born to Do.

1. ...for the release of this book. I am a huge fan of Moore's work but unfortunately, I was greatly disappointed with this particular tome. The depth normally found in Moore's books was lacking - it was subpar to his usual great standard. It was more self-help book than intellectual inquiry.



2. While this is a nice spiritual book to read along your journey to finding your passion and life work, I did not find it to be very helpful or pragmatic for me.
   The author has a very pleasant and engaging writing style that I enjoyed. He uses the metaphors of alchemy to explain the path to creating your life work. He also discusses the belief in the ancient world of us all having an Animus or Daimon that drive our passions and influence us. He also draws on the bible, Buddhism, and ancient mythology along his path to lead us to doing what we were born to do. I liked the fact that he took the focus on simply working and expanded the fact that our life work could be parenhood, our family, our hobbies, our religion, our whatever engages us and enables us to lose our sense of self in something bigger than we are. Beginners will find this book useful, but those of us that have been searching for meaning and a life work for years will likely be disappointed.



3. I've heard some good things about Thomas Moore, but this is the first book I've read. I'm rather baffled as to what this book is trying to communicate. It drifts along almost as if it were sleepwalking, from one fairly brief metaphor or example to the next. I was more than a little surprised by the breezy almost superficial writing style. I am a very reflective person but found almost nothing to reflect upon, in direct contradiction to what I thought I would be invited to do.
   
   Instead I was instructed, rather simplistically in all the symptoms surrounding finding your life work. No helpful ways to be deeply healthy in embracing that life's work from a deeply reflective OR practical space. No playful reveries. No really in-depth examples. My life and my search for the right job, reflective of my soul, is not a spectator activity. Unfortunately reading this book was.
   
   If this book reflects Moore's own current state than I'd say he needs to contemplate his own advice. The book felt obligatory, like he was fulfilling a publishing contract, not producing an expressive, engaging work. I truly do hope though that this sub-par effort may positively help him to go forward. In an odd way it has helped me.



4. Thomas Moore teaches from a place of experience, knowledge, in depth study, and vunerability. Soul and heart are often missing in people's chosen career paths in today's business climate.
   
   A focus on inner work (removing the log from my eye, instead of focusing on the splinter in other's eyes) is required to awaken and implement the profound ideas in this 6 star book.
   
   If we don't connect immediately with the message in A Life at Work, sit with it a while; this gem will put a strong foundation under your dream job. If on the other hand, you find yourself saying, "wow, I really get this, enjoy the ride.



5. Although an interesting book, there are chapters that were just so useless because of all the use of mythological characters. It's hard to identify with that if you don't remember the details of the mythological stories. He gives a brief overview and then tries to tie it in to his work, but overall, it misses the mark. If you are someone who is truly confused about what you are looking for in your life, your life's work, etc..., this book doesn't really give you the nuts and bolts of how to work your way out of that confusion, despite the reviews his personal friends wrote on the back of the cover jacket!

5 comments about The Renaissance Soul: Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One.

1. I consider myself the very model of a Renaissance Soul: I love to read about lots of subjects; I used to garden quite fanatically; I'm in a knitting/crocheting phase right now; music is a big part of my life; and I've been doing agility and other training with our dog. Oh, and I have a day job, too! My answer to "what do you want to be when you grow up" changed so often when I was younger that it made my head spin! So I was hoping this book would help me sort out how to feel fulfilled and yet not too diluted pursuing my many interests.
   
   And indeed it did. Here are just a few helpful tidbits I took from the book: You do have to choose a few interests at any given time, based on the things you value most, but those choices don't have to be forever. You should quit doing things that don't fit with the values you hold most dear. You can combine interests (for example, I like to write and cook -- maybe I should write about food?). You need to block time for your interests, but not be inflexible about which interest you pursue at a given time. There are lots of creative ways to get where you want to go, even if you pursue many different careers over time, without starting at Square One each time.
   
   And so much of what the author said validated the way I approach life, even toward the end helping me understand why I sometimes feel unmotivated to do anything at all.
   
   My only complaint is that the book starts to sound branded or jargony, with its Renaissance Soul Way and Focus Points Notebook -- kind of like the Chicken Soup series or the Finish Rich series. This Renaissance Soul finds that stuff kind of annoying. But the content was so rich and sensible that the annoyance was minor. This book has really gotten me thinking about what I need to do to more fully enjoy my many interests.



2. I could not be happier that I ordered this book! I'm 26 years old, and so far the only thing I've partially identified with is the "Twenty-Something" feeling, kind of lost, but full of potential. When I got this book, I read the first hundred or so pages right away, I was just hooked immediately. I really loved the tests and used them and now I do feel much more clear about my (current) focus. I'm definitely a Renaissance Soul (18 out of 20 on the Quiz in the book). I have done everything from Retail to Real Estate to Banking to Social Work to starting businesses, etc. I just got married, so that took up a lot of time and energy for a while, but now I have new goals and clarity. I really loved her example of the ice cream shop, likening the choice of ice cream, etc. to the choices of things we're interested in. She says it would be just as hard and paralyzing to try and choose one for the rest of your life as it would be to try and choose them all, that's why you need a "sampler", which is free to change, but that will give you focus. So, my current sampler is: Studying for and taking the GRE and applying to Grad School, writing a business plan for the business I want to start, spending time with my new husband, learning how to make soup (I just want to learn how to make soup!), and making healthier choices regarding food and activity. So, Thank You, Margaret! I think you are right on with your idea of a Renaissance Soul, and I'm so happy you wrote this book. It was my pleasure to read it! =)



3. This is a nice piece of work. The book does spend far more time than I wanted justifying the multitude-of-interests person. But it was quick reading at the beginning so not much of a burden.
   
   There are some exceptional insights here, and some wonderful tactics for dealing with your range of interests.
   
   The introductory exercises (Five from Fifty = prioritizing, Many Circles = weighting, Birthday Party = accomplishments) can help clarify things for those caught in the mire of doing. Clarifying your interest, no matter how many there are, is an important aspect of this work.
   
   I particularly like the idea of Focal Points - temporary assignments you give yourself in order to have the freedom to learn or accomplish.
   
   Reverse flowcharts are great in that they force you to see what you are doing that gets in your way. Basically think of how you can ensure something will not happen - there you go, many times that's what you're doing.
   
   I think the concept of Four Frames - which is applied to volunteering - can be used in a far greater sense as well. Not simply limited to convincing a potential volunteering opportunity, but if you look at your larger goals, and your place in your journey - this approach can be used to convince your spiritual self what it is you want to contribute, and why that would be a good thing for all.
   
   The crux of the entire message of the book is "I'd love to help you feel fulfilled rather than overwhelmed."
   
   The author states "Renaissance Souls work best when we can match our activities to our energy flow." I think this is true for everyone, but it isn't something we value in the US all that much (instead we're told to bang our heads for 14 hours and meet that deadline, many times producing a lower quality result). So, without having a specific prescription for each moment of your day, the approach here allows you flexiblity in choice based on your motivations at that time. Yes, balanced planning - I've been waiting for someone else to say it.
   
   My favorite story in the entire book is the one on Mozart, and his pursuing his purpose, becoming what he could be in the midst of all else going on. The author weaves an intricate connection about how this benefited so many others than if he were to try and be something he were not. Very nice... "One of the best things you can do for other Renaissance Souls is to keep growing." And I would add, the best thing we can do for all beings.
   
   Toward the end of the book I felt the work there was less inspired. It focused on examples, whereas I think a book works much better if at the end it brings us back up to that higher-purpose and leaves us with lofty placement. We end on a real high then.



4. It was the subtitle that drew me in...urged me to pick up the book... begged me to take more than a glance at it. Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One. Hmmmm, someone must be writing about ME! I discovered this book while browsing at the local library on a day that had me grappling with a way to explain to my husband that which is almost inexplainable to me: I have so many creative interests, and I am so passionate about them, that I allow them to absorb me (his words, not mine). I don't know why that is. I don't know how that is. I don't know when that started. And I don't know how to change that, or if I even want to change that. Why should I have to? To a person who isn't so inclined, I guess it seems more than a little odd that I can't "pick one thing and be the best at it."
   
   And so it was that Lobenstine happened into my life with important information and answers to unspoken questions at just the right time. As she so wisely points out, our society tends to foster the idea of becoming an expert in one area and sticking to it. Society tends to look negatively on the concept of the "Jack of all trades and master of none" life. But Lobenstine contends that line of thinking is exactly the reason it is hard to undertand some creative souls and their passions for so many different avenues.
   
   In an easily readable, most enjoyable format, Lobenstine offers hope to the creative souls who hope to be able to "have it all." She contends that it is possible to incorporate those passions and a paying job and be happy. Simple quizzes allow readers to identify what their individual values are and where those values can lead. Case studies of actual creatives offer guideposts and encouragement to those of us who struggle with the expectations of others vs the expectations we hold for ourselves.
   
   The Renaissance Soul is divided into four very interesting, practical and engaging sections. Part I, Claiming Your Renaissance Soul, provides readers with characteristics of the renaissance soul personality: defining success by mastered challenges rather than how far up the ladder a person has climbed, casting aside single-minded focus in favor of variety. Lobenstine also includes a section that dispells myths about what a creative soul is and is not... Renaissance souls are not superior to others, nor do they fall into that diagnosis of Attention Deficit Disorder personalities. While some may be, not all renaissance souls are geniuses. They do not use their many and varied interests to avoid the realities of life, and they are NOT job-hoppers!
   
   To substantiate her theories, Lobenstine offers examples of well-known individuals who fit her definitions for a renaissance soul--Ben Franklin, Leonardo da Vinci, Sir Thomas More and Maya Angelou, to name a few.
   
   Part II, Thriving on Many Interests Without Feeling Scattered, was perhaps one of the most valuable sections for me personally. Digging into the heart of what drives creatives, Lobenstine challenges us to take a good hard look at ourselves and to clearly identify our personal value systems. She offers several revealing quizzes for her readers, including choosing five out of a list of fifty values and identifying the five values that are most important at the particular moment, or writing not the well-known self obituary but writing toasts to one's self by four individuals who know the creative person best. Scrutinizing personal values even more closely, Lobenstine asks her readers to consider how their own life meshes (or not) with the lives of those other individuals who are part of the creative's inner circle. She stresses the importance of identifying whether an individual's activities are reflecting personal values or the values of others. She offers practical ways to not only evaluate this but to move closer to a place where personal values take precedence over the values of others.
   
   Part III, Practical Realities: Career Design for Pursuing You Passions, is the nitty-gritty for those creatives who want to give up their day jobs but just can't. The author points out that, while it is not always possible to give up the day job, it sometimes is easier than one may think to secure a day job that will help the creative soul move closer to realizing their passions and dreams. How would you like to get "paid for your passion?" How would you like to be able to focus on your passions, sell yourself, find non-traditional ways to indulge your creative side without compromising self? All of these areas are presented in a revealing way that caused this reader to experience several ah-ha moments along the way.
   
   Part IV, Successful Life Design for Renaissance Souls, takes the creative spirit one step closer to realizing goals and dreams by helping readers make a commitment. Lobenstine offers a unique and comfortable way to put desires into action--the PRISM test. As she explains, "The PRISM test puts your current set of Focal Points through a rigorous evaluation. Just as light bursts into color as it passes through a prism, this test allows you to examine your Focal Points from new angles, therby clarifying and confirming your eventual selections." PRISM is an anacronym for Price (How much will it cost you to get to your Focal Point?), Reality (What will the day-to-day, nitty-gritty of engaging in this Focal Point really involve?), Integrity (Why does this particular Focal Point seem particularly worthwhile to you?), Specificity (When you are specific about constitutes success, you can articulate your desires to yourself and others), and Measurability (Setting specific dates for attainment of your goals allows you to map out a plan and take specific steps toward passionate productivity).
   
   Margaret Lobenstine is the perfect person to walk creative Renaissance Souls through the process because she, too, is a Renaissance Soul. Not only is she a motivational speaker, writer and life-coach, she has been a successful bed-and-breakfast owner, a family business consultant, and a literary specialist. She encourages renaissance souls to be role models to others. To learn more about the author and her work, visit her website.
   
   by Lee Ambrose
   for Story Circle Book Reviews
   reviewing books by, for, and about women



5. I thought this was a really great book. It was very encouraging. I usually thought of myself as scattered and thought each unfinished project was just another failure. I always have too many interests and too many projects, and reading this book gave me great ideas about how to organize my priorities and interests effectively. If nothing else, it helped me feel better about my varied interests. I no longer think of myself as just a flake with too many unfinished projects.

5 comments about How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together.

1. I wish I'd had this book when my first marriage ran into trouble. My counselor at that time told me the marriage could be saved only if both persons were willing to work on it and that one person could not save it alone.
   The focus of this book is on developing fresh perspectives about the relationship, overcoming resentment, recapturing lost intimacy and solving major problems, one at a time. Don't give up without first trying these techniques.



2. I really didn't believe that I could change my relationship, by only working myself. Boy, did Susan Page show me I was wrong. Take note, this book is not for the lazy or the faint of heart. She has "exercises" that you must actually DO, many of which involve writing about yourself and your partner. She requires that you do some hard and sometimes painful analysis of your situation. It's not always easy, it's not always fun. But if you are willing to do the work, you will find that you CAN bring you and your spouse together.



3. If you are frustrated with not getting enough effort out of your partner when it comes to getting a derailed relationship back on track this book will help. I can't say it is the best written book ever, but the ways it tells you to cope and take charge are enough to make it a worthwile read.



4. What a relief it is to consider that you alone, without the cooperation or consent of your spouse, can work to improve the quality of your relationship...Wow! I found this book to be very empowering and uplifting...forcing me to focus on the good rather than the negative aspects of my relationship.
   
   This book has fabulous insight into the male versus female habits, needs, tendencies and desires. I consider myself to be an optimist and a spiritual person, and most relationship books just don't "fit", and usually bring me down. I definitely plan to read more by this author, and I hope my spouse will as well.
   
   When you read this book, make sure that you don't skip the "In Conclusion" section at the end...it brought me to tears, and truly put into words how I feel about my husband, and about life! We need to stop focusing on our problems and how to solve them, and just focus on the moment and the journey. Enjoy life...Begin now!



5. Like most others, I do feel this and other self-help books can be useful. However, the effectiveness really does depend on the state of your relationship, your partner's receptiveness and your own mindset at the time. I read this book and practiced much of what she instructed but it requires alot of work to simply change yourself, change your thoughts and your own behavior. Although I'm sure it can be rewarding when her advice works, it can be extremely frustrating when it doesn't, especially when you feel like you've been the one trying, working and giving in the relationship in the past. I ended up feeling as though I was repressing my own feelings, becoming relatively submissive and subservient and there was a blow-up when things didn't go as planned. It can be frustrating when over a period of time one person feels they are doing all the work. Not for the faint of heart - be warned it can backfire unless you have a receptive partner.

5 comments about Mentor: The Kid & The CEO; A Simple Story of Overcoming Challenges and Achieving Significance.

1. A very worthy use of a few hours time - quick read and big impact.
   "No man is an island" reminder. We can boost each other to make huge leaps if we just think of our interactions as 'investments in each other'.



2. This is a quick and easy book to read. I have shared it with others. It is very motivating.



3. This book is a must read for everyone. It held me from beginning to end. The author is right...we all need a mentor and we all need to mentor.



4. I gave this as a gift to a young aspiring professional. He said it was a great book, very uplifting and motivating.



5. I enjoyed the quick and easy read of this book. "The List" of helpful phrases and recommended reading list were excellent and useful. The story itself was too sappy and not believable. I noticed afterward that it was based on actual events and would have found those details to be better than the fairy tale. Overall, the message was positive and relevant for anyone on either side of a mentoring relationship.