5 comments about The Psychology of Self-Esteem: A Revolutionary Approach to Self-Understanding that Launched a New Era in Modern Psychology.

1. If you love Branden's books, this one will not disappoint you. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to understand themselves better and live life to the fullest. This book is at it's heart, a practical look at human psychology, a field in which ideas that work are often undervalued. The chapters on emotions, pathological anxiety, and social metaphysics were fascinating and somewhat opinionated while providing some amazing insights into the human condition. Like all of Branden's books, it is clearly written and the author anticipates beautifully the readers questions and addresses concepts in a very understandable manner. Anytime I read a book that really teaches me something valuable, I feel compelled to recommend it.



2. I don't know what I was expecting, but I really enjoyed this book. I was listening to the book on tape and tried to take notes while driving (bad idea). I thought comments such as "Self Esteem is your reputation with yourself," "A productive life is a psychological neeed," and his example of 3 men and their opinions, all valid of the same "cad" were, well, helpful to me. I recommend it to anyone who, regardless of their own self esteem issues, knows anyone dealing with anxiety or constant doubts. As I say, I enjoyed it.



3. I've read a lot of self-help books and this is one that's had an influence along w/ Disowned Self, also by Branden. Branden's relationship w/ and falling out w/ Ayn Rand are well documented. I saw him speak several years ago shortly after Rand's death and he definitely took the low road. Like his hero, Rand, his personal life hasn't lived up to the ideals presented in his books, but the ideas that he gives us are potent. Recommended.



4. It took me many readings to fully comprehend the ideas and themes of this book. Since English is not my first language, and my first having nothing to do with Latin and Greek, the author is not to blame. Actually the book is very well written, is detailed and ideas follow logically. It is very hard to sound scientific and objective in a field notorious for subjectivity; nevertheless this is, in my opinion, as objective an analysis as one can get in the field. It may seem overly philosophical and difficult reading at first (definitely not Dr.Phil's style), but once you grasp the approach, it becomes a rewarding inner journey. The book's subject matter (Self-Esteem) is of enormous importance in individual psychology, and crucial for understanding the author's other works. A must read for all, highly recommended.



5. This book explains psychology starting from the most basic biological principles. It uses a cientific aproach of step by step cause and effect to explain complex concepts such as emotions, anxieties and love, which makes understanding easier. I am an ingenier, and feel confortable with logic and reasonal thinking.
   
   Everything on this book has an explanation coming from principles. You won't find a "this comes from instincts" kind of explanation.
   
   I don't give 5 stars because I felt that order of the book could improve.

5 comments about What's Right With You: Debunking Dysfunction and Changing Your Life.

1. Dr. Duncan provides an extremely helpful toolkit for personal change in this book. I will recommend it to my coaching clients to help them make the personal changes that they want to make. He has the reader start with his/her own strengths, his/her own "heroic" self. This is a small but hugely significant difference from other self-help books which usually focus on what is "wrong" rather than what is right. This difference is much like the difference between reengineering and continuous improvement. Reengineering is like starting from stratch while continuous improvement is building on what is already there. Dr. Duncan takes more of the continous improvement paradigm. This seems a whole lot less overwhelming, but gets results that are sometimes even more significant.
   
   One of the best tools that this book provides for accomplishing personal change is the Progress Rating Scale (PRS), which enables the reader to measure where he is now and to monitor progress toward his goal.
   
   Personal change is hard--a recent study says that the odds are 9 to 1 against successful change. This is made obvious by all the by-pass patients who are back in the hospital again for a redo, by the growing obesity in this country. The stories of people who have used these techniques to accomplish personal change are not only illustrive of the techniques but also are quite motivating. If he/she can do it, so can I!



2. In truth, I should probably not be reviewing "What's Right with You" because I am a counselor and a teacher,as well as a longtime admirer of Dr. Duncan and his philosophy that the client is the true hero in the therapeutic relationship.The beautiful aspect about "What's Right with You" is that if everyone who is looking to make a change in their lives read this book, not only would I be out of a job as a therapist, but Dr. Duncan would be restricted to classroom seminars and sporadic appearances on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Our clients would have no need of an outside counselor, because they would have learned to be their own counselor and new best friend !
   
   As anyone who dealing with the mental health system has painfully learned, for the most part self-help books and counselors like to start with what's wrong with the client and explore previous "mistakes" or "errors in judgment", before demanding the acceptance of the latest and greatest new therapy. Not so with "What's Right with You"! In a manner reminiscent of a favorite uncle, adding to your wisdom through the recitation of personal experiences, Duncan debunks the myth of dysfunction, diagnosis,disorders and disease ("The Killer D's") and instead vibrantly validates the reader's personal experiences. He motivates the reader to discover his/her inner hero,placing special value on personal strengths and talents.Barry Duncan provides a detailed guide for the reader of how to both discover and purse his/her unique and individual theory of how change might come about.The book culminates the reader's personal journey of transformation, with insightful advice on how to implement a procedure for change, how to monitor that procedure for success and growth. "What's Right with You" also administers stellar advice on soliciting feedback regarding progress from significant others in the role of "change partners."
   
   While "What's Right with You" is well founded in scientifically validated research, it reads instead like a novel, with the plot of personal alteration taking on a life of itself as the book progresses. "What's Right with You" is worth the price of admission just for the magnificent chapter reiterating the regaling story of Dorothy in the classic "Wizard of Oz" and relating it to each of us in our personal journey of transformation.
   
   As I previously stated, I am a counselor and a teacher.The reason I give "What's Right with You" such a heartfelt endorsement is that I taught the book, chapter by chapter, to a group of folks recovering their mental health, having been diagnosed with schizophrenia. My clients enthusiastically embraced the teaching of Dr. Duncan, complemented my course as being crucial in their recovery, and have acquired the book for personal reading. It's nice that I enjoyed the book, but I consider it magnificent that my clients deemed the work to be essential. I cannot give a higher recommendation for "What's Right with You" than my clients'"professional" recommendation.
   
   Thanks,
   Dan Smith



3. From the co-author of "The Heroic Client", Duncan masterfully translates the science of change from "what works in therapy" to self-change. However, unlike many popular self-help books which seem strong on opinion and weak on research, "What's Right With You" is written from a strong foundation of 50 years of clinical research on how people change.
   
   In the first chapter, Duncan lays the empirical groundwork for the rest of the book by pointing to the fact that change is inevitable and primarily occurs through one's own resources. In chapter two, he uses this empirical fact to springboard the reader into discovering their "heroic self". Thus, Duncan validates the human condition and one's struggles to overcome life's certain challenges and problems - thereby countering the powerful messages in our culture which purport that we are basically "dysfunctional" or "sick". Most importantly, he also introduces the reader to a validated tool which measures baseline distress and tracks progress along the way. The third chapter takes what research tells us about the power of the therapist-client relationship and adopts it to helping the reader recruit a change partner. Again, Duncan gives the reader another practical tool to measure the value of that helping relationship. In chapter four, Duncan focuses the reader on finding their own unique path to change - adhering to the scientific literature that change is a highly individualized process. In chapters five and six, the author introduces two very flexible change strategies, that are not based in a traditional "skill-deficit paradigm" and which can be universally applied to just about any human problem or dilemma. Moreover, Duncan gives the reader an insiders view of therapy from the perspective of these non-traditional approaches. Duncan's final chapter concludes with the powerful message that it is critical to always evaluate one's efforts at change and make adjustments as needed using the feedback tool introduced in the beginning of the book. Finally the author offers an added bonus - a web site for continued self-empowerment and three wonderful appendices which the reader should find beneficial.
   
   If you are tired with "business as usual" in mental health with it's emphasis on psychopathology, diagnoses, and "expert" therapists prescribing silver bullet cures and magic pills, this book offers a refreshing alternative to your journey towards change. "What's Right With You" is an empirically-based and strength-based approach to changing your life. Filled with powerful and practical ideas, coupled with Duncan's style of interspersing real case examples, this self-help book is indeed a testament to the author's unwavering belief in the power of the human spirit.



4. == THERAPY HAS BEEN NEGLECTING CLIENTS ==
   Barry Duncan is co-author of several two books that book explain how therapy has for too long been been neglecting, ignoring, and depersonalizing clients. Therapists have done this by their over-emphasis on methods and techniques, by following the medical model, by their emphasis on pathology, by hegemony of biological approaches, and so on. Duncan's books describe how four decades of outcome research have shown that there are four main factors of change, being: 1)Client factors (percentage contribution to positive outcome: 40%). 2) Relationship factors (percentage contribution: 30%), 3) Hope and expectancy (percentage contribution: 15%), 4) Model and technique (percentage contribution: 15%). In other words: 1) Thoughts, ideas, actions, initiatives, traits of clients are the most important predictor of therapy success! 2)Next to what the client brings to therapy, the client's perception of the therapeutic relationship is responsible for most of the gains resulting from the therapy. 3) Models and techniques are much less important than generally thought.
   
   == PRACTICAL TIPS FOR THERAPISTS (AND COACHES)==
   This book aims to describe practically how therapists can use this knowledge. It does this by providing a transaparant step by step approach. The book contains many clear examples and a useful tool to measure progress. Further, the appendix contains many useful excersizes.
   
   == CONCLUSION AND REFERENCES TO OTHER GOOD BOOKS ==
   This is a good book. It is recommendable both for 'traditional' therapists looking for change and for people already familiar with Duncan's work. I like that Duncan has explicitly mentioned the solutino-focused approach to therapy. In fact, I think he could have elaborated more on this. My belief is that solution-focused brief therapy is THE way to elicit the 4 factors that make therapy effective. So, if you are interested in What's right with you maybe you should also look at books like: interviewing for solutions (DeJong & Berg), Keys to Solutions in Brief Therapy (Steve de Shazer, 1985), Tales of Solutions (Berg & Dolan, 2001) and Becoming Solution-Focused In Brief Therapy (Walter & Peller, 1992).
   
   Coert Visser, http://www.m-cc.nl/solutionfocusedchange.htm
   
   



5. Champion book. Better than 70% of therapists for help with any and every issue/problem/diagnosis. Believe what this book tells you!

4 comments about Notes on the Need for Beauty: An Intimate Look at Essential Quality.

1. I loved this book. The author lovingly helps us to see the beauty around us by telling simple and profound stories, combining history, science, literature, anthropology, archeology, history and even a bit of pop culture. Though the subject is different, the only book I can compare it to is A Pilgrim at Tinker Creek. Anyone who reads this book will have a deeper appreciation of all the beauty in our lives.



2. This is a lovely book. It reawakens us to the real, uncontrived beauty all around and within us -- the kind you get for free -- and gently urges us toward awareness of how it can nurture us, if only we'd let it. Gendler's book is a meditation,a balm, a book to savor. Her quiet drawings match her gentle tone. Keep it on your night table.



3. As I approached my reading of J. Ruth Gendler's "Notes on the Need for Beauty," I immediately put on my hat as a student of philosophy for over half a century. After all, "beauty" is the subject of a branch of philosophy called "aesthetics," a sub-discipline which, unfortunately, does not seem to generate a great deal of attention in the college curriculum of departments of philosophy in our colleges. In fact, as I recall, the department of philosophy where I did all my undergraduate work did not even offer a course in aesthetics. The great idea of "beauty" was discussed -- I went back and checked my undergraduate textbooks -- in exactly one chapter of the text we used for a course in "ontology" (philosophy of being). That was it. Thinking back now, as close as I came to considering aesthetics was a graduate course I took in "philosophy of literature," wherein we studied "beauty" in things literary. We have all heard the familiar phrase "the true, the good, and the beautiful." The "true" gets lots of attention, since it's the object of a controversial branch of philosophy called "epistemology." The "good" also gets lots of attention, since it's somewhat the object of another controversial branch of philosophy dealing with "ethics." But it seems that the "beautiful" does not get much attention from students of philosophy. I now wonder why.
   
   Anyway, back to the matter at hand. While Gendler's book is not a philosophical treatise on the subject of "beauty," at least in any strict sense a professional philosopher would recognize, it is, I think, a clarion call to get back to the basics of beauty as an awareness of what we experience in everyday life. The book is a strictly "empirical" approach to the subject which is, of course, necessary at the beginning of any discussion about things (qualities in this case) in the "world-out-there" as well as the "world-within-us." The "measures" of beauty have traditionally been unity, order, and clarity; these are the concepts which have been applied to evaluations of the beautiful since the ancient Greeks. These concepts, however, have to be applied to something that actually exists, either as real or ideal, and it is here where Gendler directs most of our attention: to the simple things around us which we so often just take for granted. We rarely really "see" them, we hardly spend time contemplating them, and we, in our busy and messy contemporary world, ignore them for the most part and wonder if we're not missing something.
   
   Gendler certainly makes an important "philosophical" point (unwittingly or not) when she says that "Beauty, like every other quality -- courage, fear, ugliness, trust, truth, wisdom -- is a part of us and apart from us, inside us and outside us, personal and impersonal. Beauty invites us to build bridges and make connections between the senses and the soul, between contemplation and expression, between ourselves and the world." The great debate in aesthetics has always been the argument over subjectivity versus objectivity: Is beauty merely in the eye of the beholder, or is there something "out there" which, in fact, possesses the quality of beauty regardless of the beholder? Gendler appears to take the middle road on the issue and I agree with her: "Beauty . . . is a part of us and apart from us, inside us and outside us." Her book provides numerous examples to support her observation.
   
   Beauty is, however, a most elusive quality. Its nature is no tenuous that it always seems to escape in the very moment of its capture. There is hardly a term in any language which is used more and abused more than "beauty." The conflicting varieties of its definition are truly amazing -- a sure indication of the complexity of its nature and of the many-sided character of its appeal. Beauty manifests itself in so many and in such divergent forms that it is extremely difficult to discover the general element common to them all. Gendler simply asks us to "look" around us and "consider" ordinary things: light, darkness, mirrors, windows, faces, masks, clothes, the human body, and even cups, bowls, and baskets. She takes one on an adventure into the "obvious," although in this case the obvious may have been missed all the time. Here, there is no mere glossing over the beauty that is present in our lives. This is an "intimate" confrontation. The reader is compelled toward an encounter with the quality of beauty anywhere and everywhere.
   
   "Notes on the Need for Beauty" is a book to be enjoyed at leisure; it is not a book to be read quickly. It contains prose to be reflected upon; images to be savored quietly; ideas to be considered over time. From a strictly philosophical point of view, I think the instances of beauty that Gendler provides in her work, commonplace as most of them may be, do satisfy perhaps the best definition of beauty that I've ever come across: "Pulchra sunt quae visa placent," that is, "things are beautiful which please when perceived." That definition is courtesy of St. Thomas Aquinas, one of the greatest classical realistic philosophers the world has ever produced. I suspect that Aquinas would have enjoyed Gendler's book since he was, contrary to the view of all too many "modern" philosophers, a most empirical and "down-to-earth" thinker who did not disdain nor dismiss the "beauty" which surrounds us in our most common, conventional, and everyday life.
   
   Finally, the media bombard us daily with the ugliness in the world: the useless deaths, the unnecessary destruction, the epidemic diseases, the multitudinous disasters, the unconscionable crimes of humanity. Now is the time to take some "time-out" and reflect on the beautiful, on those things, simple as they are, that make a full life worth living. Gendler's book is a good guide to doing just that. And that is why I highly recommend this work to all readers.



4. In our modern world, the word beauty has changed into something restrictive and judgmental. We are convinced that that actors and supermodels are beautiful and we as ordinary people will never achieve such status. It seems that we've lost that joyful imagination that we had as a child. A time when our parents told us we were beautiful and we knew it to be true, without question. When we all saw the beauty in a flower, in a rainbow, or in our favorite shirt.
   
   Notes in the Need for Beauty takes beauty back where it belongs. This work is almost poetic in feel. To me, this work gently guided me into the world of the artist who still sees the beauty in everyday things. As I continued, I began regaining a little bit of my child self. In doing so, I felt lighter and the world seemed to be a much more beautiful place.

2 comments about Gentle Reminders for Co-Dependents: Daily Affirmations.

1. This book was recommended to me by a friend, and I find it to be very uplifting and inspiring. There's a different passage for everyday of the year; there's also a different quote every day... This book is very motivating and I look forward to reading it each day. I recommend this book for anyone, not just if you are a co-dependent.



2. 14 years later, this book still proves to be a most valuable tool for finding and maintaining serenity. We read from it every other week in our 12 step mtg.

5 comments about The Art of Living Consciously: The Power of Awareness to Transform Everyday Life.

1. Okay,so I have a bit of hero worship and father figure identification with Dr. Branden so maybe my review is not the most objective but I want to express a great deal of gratitude to him.This is a fine book and I am in my first rereading of it.I think it is one of those kind of books where there is more to reflect on with each reading and more to learn.I still think "The Six Pillars of Self Esteem" is his masterwork but well maybe it's "The Disowned Self", no wait maybe it's "The Psychology of Self Esteem". The point is, buy this book and all the others if you would like to illuminate your path.(and do the sentence stems, they make a difference)



2. Branden has written many books and they all say basically the same thing: live rationally and consciously. That's it. If you've read one, you've read them all.



3. This is a great read for those of us pondering the field of consciousness! Many people in the "New Age" need to read this book! It offers clear, concise, and REAL information about the dynamics of living a conscious life. A big part of this book (and much of Nathaniel Branden's work) is identifying the aspects of ourselves that we deny. I also highly recommend "Honoring the Self" also written by Branden. Fabulous read !



4. I highly recommend this book to anyone that wants to achieve real self esteem and conscious living through rational methods, instead of mystical fantasy.



5. A helpful book for raising awareness in all areas of consciousness, improving living. Helpful exercises at the end of the book to raise awareness in a variety of areas, increasing self esteem. Worthwhile reading and exercises.

5 comments about Stress Management: A Comprehensive Guide to Wellness.

1. If you only read one book about stress, this isn't it. But it's good for the price and I learned quite a bit about myself...mostly stuff i didn't want to know!



2. This is a superb and, as the book's subtitle implies, a comprehensive compendium of stress management tools and information. I have been using this book since the mid-80's, both to benefit me personally as well as to use as a basis for inservices I have provided for the staff I have supervised in a stressful hospital environment. It is quite logical in its format, proceeding from the tertiary to the secondary to the primary levels of prevention, in that order. It first shows the reader how to cope with sources of stress when they occur, first by regulating our physiological, then our cognitive responses to stressful events; this is the tertiary level. It then shows us how to take some control over our environment in order to lessen the frequency of stressful events occuring; this is the secondary level. Finally, it presents some ideas for general well-being, which could be called the primary level of prevention. It as much as says that if our minds and bodies are in the right place, then nothing will faze us. Overall a superb book that I cannot recommend too highly.



3. Well worth the money!
   Stress reduction tips, assertiveness information, relaxation, guided imagery; this book is packed with excellent tips and information. Although written several years ago, I continue to use the information and to recommend this book again and again.



4. First of all, this book is very reader-friendly. It doesn't torture you with medical wicky wacky jargons. At the same time, the author doesn't treat you like a baby. He gives it to you straight and clear.
   
   The book talks about different types of relaxation techniques to unnerve your mind and body, gives the descriptions of major stressors in lives and how to handle them, etc...
   
   This book is great read and actually practicing the skills that the author describes make it even better.



5. I am a Master's Level clinician working on my doctorate in clinical psychology. This book is not as great as its 1985 predecessor. In that previous edition, there were more relaxation scripts that were excellent to use personally and with clients/patients. This edition acts more like a reference book as well as an advertisement for the author's website (which incidentally did not have much on it that was helpful for me). I did like some of the suggestions regarding the use of technology and how it can cause stress or reduce it by the way it is used.

5 comments about Remembering Mother, Finding Myself: A Journey of Love and Self-Acceptance.

1. What a blessing this book has been for me! My mother passed away recently after a long illness. Our relationship was often turbulent and my childhood and teen years were sometimes difficult. I spent a lot of my time being angry with her but this book really opened my eyes as to the struggle my mother had just with trying to survive on a day to day basis. I saw my mother in this book and discovered the answers to many questions that baffled me about the kind of person she was. Loving and laughing one minute then crying and accusing the next minute. Now I know why. Thank you, Patricia, for writing this book. My mom and I had many good times too. She had a great sense of humour and I cherish that part of my mother. Your book is a precious gift.



2. This book tries to be a personal memoir, a self-help guide, and perhaps an academic treatise on the psychology of mother-loss (though the author does not appear to be qualified, relying instead on others). It fails on all fronts. If you want to read personal accounts of women's experiences of mother-loss, Hope Edelman's books are better-edited.



3. "Draw nearer and listen. Sit inside the circle, close by the fire of warmth and friendship. Tell me your story, and I'll tell you mine," Patricia Commins writes in concluding chapter five. Commins is not a psychologist, nor does she pretend to be. She is a grown woman who has summoned the guts to examine her relationship with her mother, and gives her readers the benefit of that experience. I for one, related to her story, her remembrances, her sense of loss, but most importantly to her joy at discovering her mother and herself. Immersing myself in Ms. Commins' book, I began to recall many forgotten memories of my own mother, a woman who embraced many roles. Mom was typical of the 40's and 50's Midwestern mom who baked cupcakes, scrubbed floors, hung the wash on the clothesline and nurtured her kids. But prior to embracing those roles, she was "Rosie the Riveter" - serving as a draftsman in Ford's River Rouge plant - responsible for the successful completion of the B-24 bomb bay doors. Through Ms. Commins deft ability of prying loose memories through her stories, I remembered mine. I related to her "spiritual e-mail" and found myself probing the memory banks surrounding my father. It matters not the gender of the parent with whom the reader had issues, or whether that parent is still among the living, Ms. Commins, through her gentle remembrances, humor, and down-to-earth approach, has given all readers a true gift. Thank you, Patricia.



4. Commins has written an insightful book that will cause you to reflect on what your mother has done for you and how it continues to affect you.
   The exercises provide guidance on why you don't "fall far from the apple tree."
   I recommend this easy to read book for all daughters.



5. What I liked best were the exercises she had at the end of each chapter. A well written and solid book.-Marvin B. Smith

5 comments about Shyness: What It Is, What To Do About It.

1. Being a true-blue shy person, I've ordered every book on shyness I could find. This author seems to be the only one who really knows what he's talking about. The reason I give it 4 stars instead of 5 is that it's outdated. The only thing that has changed since I bought this book 10 years ago is it's cover.



2. Zimbardo opens his book by stating that shyness is "a universal experience" (page 14, paperback 6th ed. 1978), that nearly 80% of those polled said they had been shy at some point in their lives, half of whom had overcome it. He establishing a range of shyness from, on one end of the range a tendency toward introversion, to mid-range shyness of situational awkwardness and feeling intimidated, to the really shy people who dread public speaking, etc. and finally the far end of shyness that "may become a severe form of neurosis." Zimbardo briefly discusses the 20% of shy people who like being shy, revealing what advantages it can have for people. Zimbardo seeks not to promote a rigid and narrow, academically approved "type" of personality, much less equate shyness with a tendency toward crime, as one reviewer claimed. At most Zimbardo implies that among those who are convicted criminals, there was a greater number who were isolated socially. Well.... Duh... One reviewer mischaracterizes Zimbardo's book by choosing to see this (rather self-evident) point as meaning that shy people have a propensity toward crime. What Zimbardo actually says that shyness in the extreme, can be a contributing factor to the degradation of one's mental health, which, if unchecked, can in some cases continue to deeper pathologies. And at that level of pathology, should there be no means of healthy release of the internal stresses and tensions of such pathology, in some cases can lead to violence against self or another person. There are a lot of contingencies that one reviewer chose to ignore, resulting in a logic by which getting out of bed in the morning, an act that all killers do, indicates a propensity to murder. Let's not misread Zimbardo, whose "...main interest is only in helping shy people remove barriers to their greater freedom, to their fuller participation in life, and to their personal sense of worth and mastery" (120).



3. For the kid's whose mom is always bringing him books from Oprah or the random person who wants to understand their shyness better; it's an ok book. As a psychology student I expected better of Zimbardo but this is a consumer text indeed. Yes it is 70's self help psychobabble that everyone hates, but if you just want to know what shyness is then this might be worthy. Shyness is an overactive fear response, elicited in many different ways. Now you don't need to buy it!



4. I read this book while in college in the 1980's, after seeing and hearing several recommendations. I was quite shy before, but reading it really increased the problem. Also, forget about psychologists, psychiatrists, etc. I have yet to meet one who knows anything about people. There are drugs that are supposed to help as well, but they actually have no positive effects.
   
   Instead, get involved in social activities along with friends - in my case, it was ballroom dancing with group lessons that helped. I'm still shy, but not as painfully shy.



5. As a parent and teacher it breaks my heart to know that anyone who is labeled as shy would read this book and think there is something psychologically wrong with them that needs to be fixed. Modern society and the educational system focus way too much on extroverted preferences and performance. So many productive, intellectual, insightful people are introverts who prefer to be in social situations that don't demand that we be something that we are not, extroverted. Shyness is a label given to those who don't fit into the behavioral expectations of extroverted parents, teachers, and bosses. We would not be where we are in civilized history without inwardly focused thinkers, writers and problem solvers. We used to call quiet, reserved, thinking people wise, now we call them shy, lacking in self-esteem and not team players. Not only is the book outdated, so is the term shy and so are the expectations that everyone in school and society should fit into the same mold.

5 comments about Living the Truth: Transform Your Life Through the Power of Insight and Honesty.

1. Not only did this book help me with issues in my life but it made me realize some things that I didn't know I was bothered by. It started a path for me to actually start living the truth in my life. I cannot see anybody not finding something appealing in this book. It's not about covering things up, punishing the past, it's about learning why throughout the reader's story. Have you ever felt uncertain about something because you just didn't know why? This book helps you to realize the why in your life and sharing your personal story with people in your family can be a very positive thing. Reading the book itself and answering the questionnaires provided a source of therapy that was very unique. Thank you Dr. Keith Ablow!



2. You know I've purchased my share of self-help books, tapes, etc., over several years. This book is no different than the rest. Just another money maker for a doctor who holds you at bay throughout 320 pages. All the while you are thinking he's going to give you the reason for for your dismay in life. This book falls way short of anything.
   I'm just in a simple mid-life "is this all there is" crossroads in life at 45 and this book will do nothing for you. The "Truth" is you know all along what you need to do. Don't line anymore overpaid doctor's pockets with purchases of books like these. If it was humorous, that's one thing.
   But to lead a nieve purchaser into thinking he's going to "Transform your life through honesty" ?? Ha ha ... let's all get a grip and quit blaming
   someone else for your shortcomings. If all it takes to become a doctor
   of psychology by being able to write books like this and others then apply for med school and be a psychologist and rake it in like Ablow.
   Nice guy but this book is voodoo.



3. He encourages us to examine the incidents that have been so painful in our lives so that we can fully comprehend their impact and work them out with the same compassion we would show someone we love. I feel he has empathy and a true desire to help people understand themselves and others they have to live with.
   
   I liked the book very much.



4. I disagree with the person who said this was just like every other self-help book he/she had ever read. It was different for me. It really helped me. I discovered the root of my weight problem and I remembered some things in my childhood that shaped my current behavior. I've also been able to remember many details of my childhood that were blocked before. I recommend this book very highly.



5. Thanks to this book, I realized that I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for over 10 years now. I realized that I had not finished my own grieving after I lost my best friend (my mother) after her series of strokes. I also realized why I was using alcohol as a pain reliever. She is still alive and I still cherish her, but she is not the same person. I also realized that I focused too much on my career because it was easier than dealing with the difficult chapters of my life. Thanks to these realizations, I promptly went to a doctor who prescribed Paxil to me and have been rereading Dr. Keith's book when I notice my old self-defeating behaviors coming back.
   This book has been a life saver for me and also can be for others. This book was much better than going to a therapist for me because I could continue to realize my deepest feelings when I had time to read, and I wasn't held to any time constraint.
   For this book to have a beneficial effect, you must read it thoroughly and carefully and really believe that there is something in your life that you want to change that prompted you to pick it up, and you must be totally honest with yourself in the exercises.
   This book was literally a life and relationship saver for me and it probably can be for you too. For the first time in my life, I feel comfortable in my own skin and realize how much I have to offer to my partner and the rest of the world.

5 comments about Imperfect Control: Our Lifelong Struggles With Power and Surrender.

1. This book has very good summaries of psychological research on the issues of power and control. It would be a particularly helpful book for a student writing a paper in an undergraduate class. The book is not hard to read; I finished it in 2 days. I found her chapters on romantic relationships, parenting and work relationships helpful and gained insight into my own behaviour.



2. It's very difficult to imagine Judith Viorst writing a bad book. She is an excellent writer and gears her writing toward the existential crisis' of life, development, etc. As some reviewers suggest, she backs up what she say with a fair amount of references to psychological literature, but she is certainly credible and although the book doesn't read like a dime store novel, it's also very accessible to the average adult without any psychological training.
   
   The dance between control and surrender is very difficult for most people and comes up in couples, the workplace and other areas of life. This is the main topic of the book and describes why this is so and how to work with it toward achieving peace of mind. Much of this work has to do with reframing the human condition and daily struggles we all face in a more realistic fashion. It's about finding the balance point between control and surrender moment-to-moment.
   
   Some of the areas of particular interest to me were the chapters on taking possession of ourselves, who controls the couple, the power of sex, permanent parenthood and in control of death. This is all practical and serious stuff and often areas where people confront considerable pain. While this book or any book doesn't provide all of the answers on these difficult life questions in terms of surrender and control, it will give you powerful insights and more flexibility for dealing with them.



3. I read this book a few years ago and sadly lent it to a friend and saw no more of it so I'm thinking of rebuying it at Amazon. Can't give you now any specifics on the contents. Just bear in mind this: if you have perfectionist, controlling, obsessive-compulsive tendencies (and who doesn't in big cities nowadays anyway?), buy this book. You'll treasure it. You'll laugh with it. And you'll get inspired to be happier and just let go of things, for a change. You won't be disappointed.



4. I've been reading Judith Viorst for years -- first reading "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-good Very Bad Day" to my children, a book in itself about imperfect control -- but somehow missed this one until recently.
   There are many valuable sections, but the one on being a parent of adult children especially resonated with me. (I am horrified to hear the words -- unasked for -- of advice that seem to escape my mouth.) She approaches this section with her usual wry humor, and stories of her own stuggles with letting go of attempts to control her adult sons.
   Whether a parent or not, there is much in this book to assist a reader in making peace with their lives, and hopefully making some better decisions about what we CAN control, while letting go of what we can't.
   The chapter on death is worth the price of the book; I expect I will be re-reading it now and then. (It propelled me to update my Power of Attorney for medical decisions, since some laws have changed since last done.)



5. if you have read "necessary losses" from the same author, and also if you have'nt, this book is a must for all of us. mrs. viorst has a clear and direct style with a good sense of humor. do yourself a favor and buy now!!