5 comments about First Things First.

1. This is a great book to read for those of us who juggle life. It talks about how to prioritize and how to over come Urgency Addition. If there was one book to make the time to read, it should be this one.



2. This book is phenomenal. It encourages us to create a vision for where we want to eventually end up in life and gives us the necessary tools to get there. It is a very good reminder of what really matters. I highly recommend it!



3. Despite the fact that I plan my week using the Covey time management principles as a result of having taught this program for many years some time back, I recently re-read the book.
   
   What struck me was that the lessons are timeless. I doubt if anyone is going to come up with as powerful a matrix as Stephen's and the Merrills' to sum up how we spend time.
   
   Once you grasp the difference between managing your time and leading your life, you will never turn back.
   
   Many years ago, as a Covey apprentice, I used the annual planner to analyse how I had spent the entire past year. The result enabled me to change my life by highlighting where I needed to increase my leverage. Could I have come to the same conclusion through common sense and discipline? Perhaps. BUT - I hadn't! I came to these conclusions because the book presented strategies and tools to make it easy.
   
   The recent re-read has allowed me to connect again with the system.
   
   And of course, I have yet to come across another system that tackles motivation as robustly. Good intentions often fall by the wayside but with First Things First, you have tools to support and reinforce those good intentions.
   
   
   The greatest strength of the book for me, lies in the single lesson of Quadrant 4, that is, a section of your total time allocation devoted to IMPORTANT things - not emergencies - but things that can be planned and then YOU decide what's important to you and plan to do it. That way it gets done.



4. The book provides a great framework for being productive - focusing on the important over the urgent. It covers the dangers of spending too much time on things that others deem mandatory, sacrificing what is truly valuable.
   
   Two dissenting thoughts on the book. The first is the obvious - "If only it were so easy..." Of course if it were easy, there would be no need for the book. The second is that the key concepts could be delivered in a much shorter format. But that's a small complaint - how expensive is a $12 paperback? It pays for itself with even a small improvement in personal productivity.



5. I give this book five stars as it really helped me organise and prioritise my life.
   I develped a great mission statement, I review my roles weekly, and I am so happy with all the things I am achieving.
   I am also developing Integrity, really! Rather than just talking the talk I am walking the talk. I have had a few friends recently comment on my input into their lives.
   I now can schedule, my personal goals weekly, my family goals with my two young children, making my husband happy, doing commmunity work and looking out for my friends. Whilst I am still a work in progress, this book together with the 7 habits, have made a huge impact in my world.
   I have read SO many self help books, but in the end they just made me feel bad that I wasnt achieving all these things. But FTF, really makes you think about whats important to you, there is no use in following someone elses plan if those values dont resonate within your own world or heart.
   Go ahead and get this, read it and apply it. Slowly you will see how putting FTF can rock your little world.

5 comments about Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthough Program to End Negative Behavior...and Feel Great Again.

1. Somewhat useful but sometimes constricting on the human experience. Has some good back and forth dialog that is useful for therapists to get the hang of the applied theory.



2. I was recommended to buy this book as it deals with specifics that you can relate to. I'm in Australia and it is very hard to find any book about schemas. Sometimes you can get into the whole CBT thing but it's difficult to understand. I found this book to be quite easy to read and i have learnt alot about myself from reading it. Definatlely the book to read if you are familiar with CBT therapy and want to go further into specifics.



3. I keep some of these on my shelf for patients and they really enjoy reading it as an accompanyment to therapy. I even gave one to my teenager hoping she might avoid some of the relationship traps that I see in the clinic and to help her understand the behaviour of her friends. A good book for everyone.



4. Ever wondered why you are never happy with anything you do? Why it is you always think you could have done something better? Ever wondered why your bosses always get angry when they don't get what they want, or why they can't accept `no' for an answer?
   Now, I'm not one for self-help books. You're not likely to see me browsing the `self-help' section at my local book store. Not that I don't see their value. It's more that having studied Psychology for five years I reckon I should be able to work that stuff out for myself...
   
   On a more serious note, I don't believe in quick fixes and magic seminars that sort out all your life's problems in one weekend. But I'm a great believer in empirically-based and research-driven frameworks to anything, including self-help.
   
   And that's where this book is different. Unlike other self-help books, Reinventing Your Life is comprehensive. It doesn't just deal with depression or obsessive compulsive disorders; it deals with a wide range of personality problems.
   
   OK, so now you're thinking, that sounds heavy, a book for real `nutters'. Well, no. Reinventing Your Life is suitable for all of us. It helps us figure out why we do the same things over and over again even though they're really bad for us (like falling for the wrong man, attracting friends who use and abuse us etc). Reinventing Your Life also helps us figure out why the people around us keep doing what they do, even though their actions and attitudes are bad for them!
   
   The book's main premise is that the behaviours of most people are strongly, but unconsciously, influenced by lifetraps. Lifetraps are patterns that begin in our childhood and continue reverberating within us throughout our lives. When the lifetraps are really serious they result in personality disorders which require formal therapy. But here's the catch, even if they aren't that serious, they can still have a significant impact on our lives without us even knowing it!
   
   What I like about this approach is that even though it's based on serious academic work, it's written in a very accessible style. Each chapter is dedicated to one of the eleven lifetraps and begins with a short `women's mag' type quiz. Don't let that fool you. These quizzes are serious and have rigorous validity and reliability. Each chapter then goes on to describe how the lifetrap presents in its more severe forms - reading this of course made me feel better because I could see even I'm not that bad! It also provides some good strategies for you to work on if this is your lifetrap.
   
   And, if you think you are absolutely lifetrap-free, then read it to figure out why all the people around you are so crazy!



5. My therapist introduced this book to me several years ago, and it is uncannily accurate in pointing out which childhood experiences skew behaviors in our adult lives. Very highly recommended.

5 comments about How to Develop Self-Confidence And Influence People By Public Speaking.

1. After having read HOW TO DEVELOP SELF-CONFIDENCE & INFLUENCE PEOPLE by PUBLIC SPEAKING by Dale Carnegie, I genuinely feel compelled to write a brief review.
   
   
   First, I found this book to be useful and pratical. The author provides general principles regarding how to develop self-confidence and improve one's speaking peformance, then provides an illustration of that principle. In other words, the author is effectively instructing us on how to improve our public speaking peformance, which is critical in so many professions.
   
   
   Second, this book contains brilliant depth. In fact, to be forward, I was skeptical I would even find this book useful. I have provided speeches with nearly 300 people in attendance. However, when it came to my performance before small groups --say, three to twelve people-- I tended to flounder. From this book, I learned that I must prepare for my short presentations as I prepare for my more lengthy presentations. A few quick pointers: memorize your opening and closing, which I was not doing for my small group presentations; I was often attempting to "wing" them. However, subsequently reading this book, my presentations are more effective and have more grace.
   
   
   Third and in conclusion, the final chapter was somewhat astonishing for me. I was literally mispronouncing a few words, and I am very grateful for having received instruction and guidance from the author. For example, I was mispronouncing vIand, antIdote, amEnable, cUlinary, sUpine, lab-o-ra-tory, bev-er-age, Cath-o-lic, choc-o-late, di-a-mond, fo-li-age, gal-ler-y, et al.! I honestly state with confidence that this little treasure is a "must read" for professionals, particularly those required to speak before small and large audiences. On a final note, I only wish I had read this book earlier, my life would have been quite easier.
   
   
   Sincerely,
   Clovis



2. I read this book before I did a presentation of my book to THE LOS ANGELES ATAXIA SUPPORT GROUP. It helped me a lot, and gave me the confidence that I needed to display my book in an oral book presentation.
   I will go over a few of the key points of this wonderful book by Dale Carnegie, Inc., and why the information was what I needed to hear.
   -In order to be a good public speaker you must have a strong and persistant desire to relate this information. (Yes, there is a strong and urgent need to increase awareness of CEREBELLAR ATAXIA as well as all of the other varieties of ATAXIA-a neurological, progressive, physical disorder that impairs coordination. I have been becoming more and more physically handicapped with my genetic neurological disorder since I was 17.)
   -Know thoroughly what you are going to talk about. Don't speak until you are sure that you have something to say, and then say it, and sit down. (I am already sitting in a wheelchair due to my progressive, genetic disorder. I related to my audience how I wrote the book, over years, the publication process, and then I recited three of the poems from my book.)
   -Practice, Practice, Practice. Be prepared. State your facts, argue from them, and appeal for action. (I described how it is to live with a progressive, neurological handicap. I hope it will raise awareness of ATAXIA.)
   Those are a few of the key point of this marvelous book by Dale Carnegie, Inc.
   My book is called Dreams in August: Life, Love, and Cerebellar Ataxia



3. I do a fair amount of public speaking and just dealing with people. When you know what you want to say and are able to say it confidently and with conviction it makes a big difference in the way it is received.



4. It's a great read would rec amend it to any one that wants to succeed.



5. Over the years I have reread Dale Carnegie's books several times. They have been more than helpful in making speeches and friends. We just need more authors like him.

5 comments about Choices and Illusions: How Did I Get Where I Am, and How Do I Get Where I Want to Be?.

1. I was disillusioned about subliminal programming and this book has re-opened a door to self-improvement that I shut many years ago because of the mis/disinformation involving subliminals. I am fascinated by the information in the book about blame and forgiving, and "mommy and I are one" and how these phrases as subliminals can change a person. Thanks Eldon Taylor!



2. This book came so highly recommended from so many individuals whom I respect that I couldn't imagine not reading it. I found the book fascinating. I've been a student of spirituality and science my whole life. I loved how the author made the concepts simple and yet very strongly tied them in with the spiritual viewpoint of life which isn't always as easy to grasp. The essence of the Universe and Universal law is the Law of Attraction and the way it is activated is through our thoughts. Mr. Taylor very clearly explains the process and why it works. And Mr. Taylor has found a way, through his many years of research and experience, to expedite that process. I personally know the power and 'magic' of affirmations. But I also know that it's not easy to keep your mind and attention on the affirmations we've chosen and the path we know we would like to direct ourselves to. Mr. Taylor has a line of tapes that compliment and support the concepts in his book. I believe, approached with an open mind, and a willing heart......that there isn't anything you can't accomplish. I plan to purchase several of the tapes and additional copies of the book for myself and for loved ones.



3. I have read many self-improvement books over the last few years, but until I found Choices and Illusions, I had not found a book that was able to finally give me the information I was looking for on how to reprogram the mind successfully. Dr. Taylor has written a book that is easy to read and hard to put down, packed full of research into how our sub-conscious beliefs cause us to limit ourselves, but unlike other books on the subject, provides answers to the question of "now that I know what's wrong, how do I fix it?" Since reading this book the first time, and I will re-read it, I have ordered a sampling of inner Talk CDs and can't wait to get started with them. Thankyou Eldon Taylor for giving me such a pivotal book and the technology I need to finally be able to make the changes I have so long wanted to make. I will also be buying extra copies of this book for gifting, to friends and family. It is a book that I feel every one should read at least once.



4. Choices and Illusions: How Did I Get Where I Am, and How Do I Get Where I Want to Be?
   By Eldon Taylor
   ISBN 1-40191-853-0 (Hay House, 2007)
   
   Nothing is more vital than questioning our beliefs about how we see the world and our relationship to it. Reading Eldon Taylor's book helped me see through many of my self-limiting beliefs and illusions through a very rational and comprehensive approach. Most people are caught in an endless cycle of self-delusion, which only reinforces itself with time because we seek to reinforce previously held beliefs and filter out the rest as irrelevant. If you feel stuck, this book will help.
   
   Rahasya Poe, Lotus Guide magazine



5. Parts of the book are difficult to understand because they are written poorly...I found myself re-reading sentences and paragraphs trying to make sense of ideas that didn't hang together. Additionally, the book is basically a marketing tool for the subliminal CDs that are sold through a web site. I would like to know, from an independent source, if the CDs actually have made a difference for people. Until I find independent reviews of the CDs' effectiveness, I will not buy them,nor would I recommend someone spending money on this book.

5 comments about It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy.

1. Not what I expected... Instead of making me feel better, it made me feel worse! When your heart is broken, the last thing you want to hear is "it's called a break up because it's broken" and "move on already!" said to you over and over again, as if it were as simple as making a sandwich!
   Instead of bringing the focus on yourself, and dealing gently with your heart and with pain in a constructive way, it brings more focus on the partner who "dumped" you, and what "loser" or "[...]" he is for doing this to a "super fox" (eesh!) like yourself. I highly doubt that building hate or frustration this way is of any good, just as I doubt that numerous break-up stories should make you feel better. It's the last thing you want to hear when your heart is aching. In those moments, you'd want to deal with the pain and understand the situation, and maybe being encouraged that there are wonderful men out there, that would love to be with someone like you!



2. I read recently this while going through a break up, and have since recommended it to all my friends. I was depressed over my break up and this book helped me through it. It's geared towards women/girls who have been dumped (though there's some in there about if you did the dumping.) There are workbook sections at the end of chapters. The book reminds you that you are a good person who will probably find someone who appreciates you, and now you are free to find that person. 5 stars.



3. When your are at your worst this book comes in even handier than a best friend. Stories about others who have been through it, advice about what to do and not to do, and antidotes of self confidence.



4. This book was amazingly helpful to me during my divorce. It not only contains fantastic advice, but made me laugh at a time when I wasn't really feeling that jovial. Put down the ice cream, pick up the book!



5. This book is amazing. I bought this book after a six month relationship suddenly ended, and not by me! I was suffering so badly from a broken heart I thought for sure I would die!I had a huge support system but nothing would snap me out of my funk. Amazingly, after reading only half of the book,I felt so much better! Every question, scenario and fantasy you have in your head when you are in mourning is answered in here. It's to the point , comforting , funny and empowering. I highly recommend this book if you are dwelling on a broken relationship and wasting your time on the jerk who left you.

5 comments about Letters to a Young Sister: DeFINE Your Destiny.

1. This book is great.....I'm almost finished with it and I haven't even had it for 2 weeks! This is the first book I've read from Hill Harper, but it's excellent and a very easy read as well.



2. Hill Harper it the epitomy of everything I want in a man, and I am elated that he has appreciation enough for young women of color to write such a book that addresses our concerns and questions as we come of age.



3. Having already read "Letters to a Young Brother", I was very excited to see that Hill Harper decided to expand upon his vision and write a book for young women. The message, the inspiration, and the obvious care and affection Hill expresses for today's youth needs to reach as many youth as possible. His books should be found in every school library around the country and beyond. Teenagers and pre-teens face more changes in their lives than ever before and Hill teaches them how to rise above the challenges and inspires them to reach their potential. I, for one, am very grateful for his vision.



4. Through this book, my 15-year-old and I have both learned tons-of-things about ourselves and each other. I even bought a copy for my 19-year-old niece. It's an excellent read for the young and young-at-heart. Thanks, Hill!



5. This book is an excellentt read for any race, or age. It gives you so much insight on so many topics. Whether never experienced before or not, this book gives you a reflective voice on so many things that concerns us. It is not only offered through the eyes of a male, but interspersed with reflections from Michelle Obama, Ciara, and even has a foreword from Grabielle Union. I would recommend everybody to read it and would also advise that you purchase a copy for a loved one also.

5 comments about Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha.

1. If you are looking to find support in working with core issues of ego and places where we have emotional body pain held this is a excellent book.



2. This book was life changing. It helps you to heal your wounds and move on with life. It is also a great introduction to meditation and buddist teachings.



3. The condition of the book was EXACTLY as described, and was sent quickly.
   
   Pricing was excellent as well.



4. Going through a divorce after having been dumped by a husband of 17 years, I was really critical of myself. As if having endured the ex's scorn wasn't enough, I had to add o--and add on--and add on to the attacks on every aspect of my personality. I was stupid. I was unattractive. I was not "woman enough." I didn't deserve love.
   
   This book was recommended by my therapist and it was just what I need to STOP bringing myself down, to learn to accept what had happened to me, and to move on.



5. This is a self help book that I really enjoyed reading and was well worth buying. Has helped me to understand myself better.

5 comments about The Spirituality of Imperfection: Storytelling and the Search for Meaning.

1. I found this book at a retreat (Manresa) a few years ago and have purchased at least a couple dozen of these books for friends since then, with consistently enthusiastic feedback.
   
   I really don't have the proper words to capture the meaning or importance of this book. It's a slow, intense, delicious read ... kind of like eating a very rich Belgian chocolate.
   
   If you like this book, then you may like this one, too:
   The Song of the Bird



2. When Ernest Kurtz was preparing his well proportioned Jewish Rabbi stories for what became this "spirituality" book, I traveled to Reno to hear his talk. It was polished, entertaining, and challenging. But when this book emerged, I found he had turned the rabbinical stories into a formula for "spirituality" that promoted his "not-god-ness" thesis of A.A. and recovery approaches.God and Alcoholism: Our Growing Opportunity in the 21st Century. There is the usual "spiritual but not religious" talk. But there is little if any recognition that it was God to whom the early Christian AAs looked for "spirituality," for their relationship with God, and for the growth in fellowship with Him and Jesus Christ. And these were enhanced through Bible study, prayer, seeking guidance, and reading Christian literature.By the Power of God: A Guide To Early A.A. Groups and Forming Similar Groups Today (Why It Worked; A.A. History). Admittedly these two authors are talking the talk of secularism and universalism, but their dogmatic assertions as to the efficacy of a philosophy of "imperfection" run counter to my understanding of how early AAs were cured by the power of God and to what history proves.Cured! Proven Help for Alcoholics and Addicts And still can be, if they choose.A New Way Out: New Path - Familiar Road Signs - Our Creator's Guidance



3. This book is an excellent guide to wholeness through story telling, but in addition to that it guides you through the steps necessary to make a personal relationship with your higher power closer.
   Don Busick



4. The Spirituality of Imperfection: Storytelling and the Search for Meaning
   
   This clearly establishes the important differences between "religion" and spirituality. An expansive read and reference source to store with your most prized literature.



5. I immediately began rereading this book upon completion. It has given me a new outlook on my sobriety and spirituality as well as the wisdom of the ages. I look forward to reading it again and again as I trudge the happy road of destiny.

5 comments about Fabulosity: What It Is & How to Get It.

1. Since watching her show, 'Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane" on the Style Network, I've become an avid fan of the self-styled, self-proclaimed diva. In the spirit of all things fabulous, I decided to purchase the book thinking it would be as fun and as over-the-top as its spirited author. I was not disappointed. With that said, the book, which the author hopes will serve as a self-help manual-- one that gets you in touch with your inner diva (Be yourself but be a slave to fashion as well.) -- is far too self serving for Simmons, an owner of a clothing/style empire. The message is possibly damaging to her young urban audience who need more lessons on the important of education and the delay of gratification than what shoes go with what purse.



2. Well, first off, I had always been captivated by Kimora, and figured if anyone knows about being fabulous and could teach us a thing or two, it would be her. But after a couple chapters into the book, I felt that this was more about her out to clearly promote a certain image of herself, one apart from Russell, that she wants us all to have for some reason.... (grooming us for the ensuing divorce from him?).
   She carefully monitored her words through this,& repeatedly pounded an image she wanted to project of having "already made it big" in her teenage years WAAAY before her marriage to Russell Simmons. Oddly, the only reference of a modeling year that she refers to several times in the book was ..."when she was 13" . She made sure to try and appear to keep it real by injecting some experiences of human vulnerablity, and gave a few small glimpses (detailed descriptions) of her monied world, but spent much time referring back and repeating about this "great and extensive European $50k-a week modeling career" she supposedly had through high school, and how she learned to: live on her own in France, smartly taking control of her finances, conduct herself in business, and handle life's lessons...all at the age of 13! Hardly believable. Then looking at the provided photos in the book, I found it very curious that there was only 1 of her (pre-Russell Simmons) modeling years, a United Colors of Benneton ad, where she looks like an average pug-nosed teenager. So I Googled about 50 pages of Images for her and still found NOTHING of any modeling photos of her in that decade before marrying him. It seemed clear that her real objective for writing the book was to convince everyone that she had "made it" way before Russell Simmons came into her life, which I dont think anyone really cares (nor believes). I'm sure she was beautiful and fabby when they met, and Russell married her and elevated her into his monied life...so what?
   Now, I am interested and intrigued in the opulence of the rich & famous like anyone else, and I love to hear the anecdotes of the successsful, but Kimora just doesnt appear to really have any real depth from life's lessons to offer us, in that she went from being basically a teenager to marrying Russell. Its easier to be beautiful and fabby with lots of money, and obviously any of her hardships were always easily overcome with their money. She didnt present anything that showed real blood sweat and tears about her life, or any profundity. I would have rather have just read the truth from her and been intrigued by the power of money to solve problems, and the fun it can bring to a girl's life. Russell would probably have given us something with much more redeeming value if HE wrote the book!
   With the Baby Phat business, I'm sure she certainly must have gone through the guts of up-starting a business, but once again, the obstacles hurdled and the resolutions implemented took money to get through, (which she had, and which she did successfully), and so nothing inspiring there. Basically after reading completely through the book, I got the impression that she was still rather immature and a still-self absorbed game playing girly-girl for one now in her mid 30's. There ARE some good, inspiring quotes that she includes from other celebrities, like: "The thing women have yet to learn is no one gives you power, you just take it"(Roseanne Barr). These made me want to read books by THOSE people. Overall, I came away feeling that Kimora is highly calculative and probably thinks most of her readers were pretty easy to manipulate. There was some amusing things in there, but she doesnt really give of herself genuinely. If anyone, I think this book is best suited for early 20-somethings, who want to learn how to present a certain image, and possibly maximize their potential opportunities in the business world, or if you just want to become more intrigued by Kimora's self-promotion. Not really for a more matured (not talking 'old' here)audience that is already comfortable in their own skin, but are just looking for some profundity and inspiration for an elevated "image makeover" out of the soccer-mom lifestyle.



3. This book definitely reminds us of some good advices we typically tend to forget. It can in fact help you gain some confidence. It's also pleasant and easy to read.
   Nevertheless, I think that it would have been much nicer in a more concise form as, right now, it's really a "girly girly" book, which rather promotes its author, more than anything else.



4. Not much to say, but "fabulosity" is what it is! Kimora, thank you for contributing to society in many positive ways! Readers: Buy it and review it for yourself.



5. I sincerely enjoyed this book! I've read many books on the subject of how to build brands and businesses, but Kimora gave me exactly what I was looking for! She gave details on what it takes to brand a SUCCESSFUL company and I'm clear that successful branding starts with myself.
   
   If you're in the entertainment industry, this book is a must read for women who need that extra FLARE!
   
   Great novel Kimora! You're my new mentor!
   
   thecartelpublications.com

5 comments about Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls.

1. While the book had some insights, I nevertheless found it simplistic, unscientific and disappointing. Whoever gave Mary Pipher her Ph.D. must be cringing. The usual suspects are to blame for the problems plagueing our young girls, including the 'feminist' fan favorite, the 'girl-poisioning' society. If you like this kind of pop psychology, then this book is for you. If you are a more serious reader, then move onto something else and save your money. I particularly like the section in the book where Dr. Pipher mentions that '...she knows very little about [the psychology] of boys...' and then spends the next several pages proving it. It can be argued that growing up today is harder than in previous generations and our young girls need help. Sadly, so does this book.



2. All I can say is I had problems with a good kid. The school's guidence counsler recommended Reviving Ophelia. I couldnt put it down.
   
   It doesnt tell you what to do but it does give an understanding of what young girls are up against and what may be going through their heads.In our case it was spot on. With this knowledge you can pry and get a feeling what might be in your kid's head.
   
   Some people are giving this book a basic rating. I dont know how they could unless they have an ax to grind or bigger issues than those in the book. As a layman I'll take a book of case studies over one person's opinion any day. No mold fits all
   
   Best to you and your kids.



3. I just finished reading Reviving Ophelia (Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls) by Dr Mary Pipher. Pipher is a therapist specializing in family and adolescence. Before writing this book, she wrote a book about eating disorders and while working on that, she noticed a phenomenon among her patients as well as her own teen girls. She says that when you speak to a 9 yr old girl, she is full of life, curiosity, energy, joy. You talk to her a few years later, age 13,14, and you want to shake her and ask "is there anyone in there?????" She wrote this book to explain what is happening at this point, why it happens, and how to prevent teen girls from losing their selves - because once this happens they typically develop problems such as addiction, promiscuity, eating disorders, etc.
   
   It's a long, dense book but it's a fascinating read. She includes dozens upon dozens of cases. Most of the girls and families she talks about have come to her because they are having serious issues, but she also describes many cases in which the girls managed to avoid getting into trouble. She interviews "successful girls" in order to show that it is possible to grow up in today's culture and still come out relatively unscathed. To a large extent, it's our culture that she blames for the problems. She wrote this about 10 years ago but the culture she describes is very much like today's (although today is much worse if you factor in all the temptations and dangers of internet, IM'ing etc). Girls today grow up bombarded with messages about sexuality, violence, the pressure to be thin, to be materialistic, to drink and smoke. Our culture often does not distinguish between sex and violence. Girls are caught in a confusing situation as they are encouraged to be attractive and appealing, yet they may be told not engage in sex or they may not feel ready, but if they dress in a way that's considered by their peers to be attractive, and they limit or avoid sexual activity, they are labeled a "tease" and harassed and ridiculed. Pipher describes a scary, confusing world for the average US Middle Schooler in which she will be judged solely based on her looks, since most middle schools are large and that is the most natural way to judge people, and in which even walking down a hallway can be a horrible exercise as boys will pinch, nudge, verbally abuse her. Pipher also places heavy emphasis on the way we socialize our boys, which I found very original and when you think about it, obvious. It made me think about the fact that I tell my children that nobody can touch their privates unless my husband or I are around, etc., but I need to take it one step further and in the near future begin to drill it into my son's head that he needs to be sensitive and respectful toward girls. Also, many of her patients were in trouble because of promiscuity, drugs, alcohol - and through therapy they discovered that they had been molested or raped when they were very young but they had never told anyone. After I read that part, I began talking to the kids about how if God forbid that should happen to them, the bad people who do that can be very sick people and try to convince them that if they tell us, we will be hurt - and that it isn't true.
   
   The book is disturbing in that it makes you think about how difficult our job as parents is and will be when the kids are teens, and if we have girls, we've definitely got our work cut out for us. But it's also hopeful in that Pipher says that all these cultural pressures, peer pressure, the natural rebellion a teen must undergo in order to assert her/his identity in the family and in the world - all of this can be much less painful if the parents are 1) loving and 2) disciplinarians. She goes into detail about various families, their dynamics, their structure (or lack thereof), and so on - and she clearly shows how parents who are very laid-back, let their children discover the world and themselves basically on their own for the sake of creativity and individuality - these are the children that will feel lost in adolescence and will become problems. At the other extreme, parents that have strict households and are aloof and unattached will also have problem children. The key is to be firm but loving. "Certain kinds of homes help girls hold on to their true selves. These homes offer girls both protection and challenges. These are the homes that offer girls affection and structure. Girls hear the message 'I love you, but I have expectations.' In these homes, parents set firm guidelines and communicate high hopes. With younger children, rules are fine,but with teenagers, guidelines make more sense...It's important to remember that rules, in the absence of loving relationships, are not worth much. Almost anyone can figure out how to break rules. What holds girls' lives in place is love and respect for their parents."
   
   Pipher is definitely a feminist and she urges us to look at the mass media with our kids and basically teach them how to filter the messages. Look at magazines with them and talk about how the kids are dressed, etc, and what kind of message that is sending? Watch TV, movies, and talk about the visuals. She says we live in a lookist society where it's all based on looks - talk about this with the kids, make them more sensitive to it. She also talks about how as parents we provide them examples of gender roles. "Parents can help daughters be whole by modeling wholeness. Androgynous parents are the best. Good fathers are nurturing, physically affectionate and involved in the lives of their daughters. Good mothers model self-sufficiency and self-love and are responsive, but not responsible for their family members." Time and again she cautions against being the overbearing mother who micromanages the kids.
   
   Something else I found interesting is when she points out that the most successful female adults tend to be the ones who were on the fringes in middle and high school. She says that the girls who were popular often turn into less satisfied adults. The most well-adjusted, satisfied adults are those who while growing up had to endure difficult circumstances. She says that the rejection these girls suffered made them create a protective space in which to develop their uniqueness. In their isolation, these girls turned to or developed certain passions (reading, music, a social cause larger than themselves, athletics, etc). These passions were a place to escape to when the school hallways were too painful. "The girls who seem the happiest in junior high are often not the healthiest adults. They may be the girls who have less radar with which to pick up signals about reality. While this may be protective when the signals come fast and furious, later they may miss information. Or they may be the girls who don't even try to resolve contradictions or make sense of reality. They may be relatively comfortable, but they will not grow." In other words, if your daughter isn't in the popular crowd as a teen, consider yourself lucky I guess! (Phew, thank God I was a reject!)
   
   Anyway, this "summary" is already way too long. And I could keep going, but I need my coffee. The book jacket urges all parents and teachers to read it but I'd go a step further and recommend all women read it. Even if you don't have a daughter, and you don't work with kids, as a woman you will invariably relate to much of what Pipher says. You will find yourself thinking back to your own childhood and adolescence and analyzing it in a way you perhaps never have. Additionally, I realized several times that as a woman you never leave adolescence. There's the joke that men never mature past age 16, but I believe that women are constantly in flux the way teens are, as we search for our identities with each new life phase. We are also subjected to this lookist society and culture that encourages a youthful, sexy image while being professionally successful, raising wonderful children and having an immaculate home. Perhaps reading this will remind us that teen girls aren't aliens from an enemy planet after all.
   
   Now onto her newer book, "Writing to Change the World"...



4. This book is a must read for all young girls and their mothers. I read this book when I was an adolescent almost 10 years ago, and I still think it is an excellent and valuable book. Mary Pipher complied gripping stories from young girls and shared them in a way that adolescents and their parents can relate to and it helps them feel validated emotionally. Even after so many years, I still wholeheartedly recommend this book.



5. Excellent book. Extremely informative. I had to read this for a class but would recommend it to anyone with adolescent girls at home or on the verge of becoming!