5 comments about Bradshaw On: The Family: A New Way of Creating Solid Self-Esteem.

1. John Bradshaw is an outstanding psychologist who has probed deeply into family dynamics, especially dysfunctional families. If you have ever wondered why you have trouble relating to your family "as you should" you may gain insights about your birth family and how you were treated by them. The family of origin's strengths and, more prticularly, their weaknesses will follow from generation to generation unless you gain insight into why you act/react to family members and make the necessary adjustments in your parenting style. John Bradshaw's "Bradshaw On: The Family" will help you see where you may have been damaged as a child. It is must reading for those who know there is "something wrong" but can't put their finger on it.



2. If you've done a lot of work on yourself this is well written. The word frames annoy me but the book gets to the heart of family. Not for the clueless.



3. I was introduced to the Bradshaw Video's which aired on PBS in the 80's while I was in rehab. Not only did it answer a lot of questions for me about my childhood but it was enlightening and an eye opener for me. I bought all of his books and I highly recommend those from dysfunctional backgrounds to read his materials.



4. This book saved my life! It is a must-read for anyone from a dysfunctional family or in an abusive relationship. Bradshaw helps you get to the heart of your hurt, heal it, and move on. He offers understanding of the dynamics at work in abusive situations, and the understanding helps to heal. He has been there, and his analyses make sense, and they let you know you are NOT insane and you are NOT a victim. His insight is empowering and gives us all hope for the future where we might not have had any. I have given several copies to my friends in crisis and truly believe this honest look inside could benefit everyone.



5. I think there are a lot of good ideas in this book that have helped me and could help others, but unfortunately it was painful to get through. Bradshaw uses too much jargon and needlessly creates some of his own hokey jargon. The personal examples are all extreme cases, leaving those of us who had difficult childhoods but not Lifetime Drama-material childhoods wondering if maybe we're making too much of things. I found the lists and summaries at the end of each chapter unhelpful and irritating. Bradshaw is repetitive, and goes off on tangents too easily. I also just don't like his tone, which comes off as a bit arrogant. Given all of that, I am glad that I read this book as it gave me a lot to think about and work on. It also helped me understand that some of what I went through as a child was not normal, and had consequences for my emotional development. As I read this book I wanted to keep reading in case there was more to learn, but I kept thinking, "there must be a better written book on this subject."

5 comments about The Difficult Child: Expanded and Revised Edition.

1. Some kids are just upset from day one. Frantic me wonders what have I done wrong, how can any baby be so touchy? As she grows, she hates the feel of the tags on new clothes, loud noises, big groups of children, changing routines, hurrying, unexpected events...the list goes on, you get my point.
   
   I picked this book up years ago based on title alone. And thank heavens I did. Dr. Turecki relieved my guilt, gave me a plan about how to cope with her tears (and mine!), AND a way to change her behavior. This book was a lifesaver. I recently gave my treasured copy once again to someone who needed it; she cried when she read it, with relief and recognition. I told her to keep it; my daughter's grown, successful, and no longer difficult at all!



2. Over 23 years ago, I was the mother of a difficult child. Literally, since the day my daughter was born she had a difficult temperment. I was exhausted by her behaviors and felt I was a bad mother. Somehow I found this book and I was finally able to understand that I was not a failure as a mother and my child was not possessed by the Devil. I learned that she was born with an under-developed nervous system and I was then able to understand her sensitivity to her surroundings, textures of clothing, food, etc. I learned to work with her temperment, not against it. What a relief!
   
   My daughter is now 27 years old. She is a beautiful, intelligent, and "well-behaved" young lady. I have learned to love her for who she is and we have a wonderful relationship. I am very grateful for the advice I received in this book.
   
   I did a search for this book tonight and was so pleased to find it. I am a mental health counselor and today I met with a young woman who is suffering depression following the birth of her 3 month old daughter. As she sat before me in tears, she began to describe the behaviors she is struggling with in her infant: cholic, unable to sleep for more that 2 hours, appearing to want to eat every two hours, not wanting to be put down, preferring to be carried, and crying, crying, crying. When I shared with her my very similar experience and what I had learned in this book years ago, she immediately appeared relieved. Someone knew what she was talking about! I am buying another copy of this book tonight to share with this young mother.



3. I have for many years suggested this book to families I work with. Dr. Turecki's book has been a mainstay in the popular work on temperament. He is faithful to the original work of Thomas and Chess regarding the traits, and the need to look beyond the behavior to why the child is responding in a certain manner in different environments.
   
   I find that he is more realistic about how extremes of the individual traits can make a child vulnerable to different disorders than some other authors I have read. He has some good suggestions on how to approach traits that are creating stress for the child or adults around the child.
   
   While temperament is a good foundation for understanding how children process their world, it is not the end all of how to work with children with special needs. They add another dimension of how they interpet the world which has to be added to the temperament profile. This is where some of the newer titles on children with special needs can be helpful



4. Excellent book for "any" parent, not just one with issues. Written in simple terms and easy to follow instructions. One of the best educational books on parenting that I've read.



5. Often I find that the universe seems to hand me just the book I need when I need it most, and this would be case in point. By the time my daughter was two, I'd worked my way through stacks: the high-need stuff, the strong-willed stuff, the highly-sensitive, the challenging, the high-I.Q., the out-of-synch, the spirited--so much, yet I stopped short of reading "The Difficult Child" because I decided, after reading a couple nasty-spirited books, that I wouldn't read anything with a negative title; semantics mattered, and "challenging" was OK, but "difficult" was not. Ironic, of course, given the fact that Turecki's approach is admirably complex and quite brilliant on temperament, compassionate, humanistic , and attuned to children as individuals. So I was stuck with the marshmallow fluff of "Spirited Child" instead of this meaty one, which of all the books I've read, seems best to "get it" in a wholistic sense. Turecki gets it! He gets that temperament is present at birth; most books on discipline refuse to discuss the child under six, which mystifies me, because if you have a truly challenging child, you're desperate before they turn 6 months. He understands the social isolation, the family complexities, the ever-augmenting dimensions of irony and complexity and difficulty, the maternal and marital pressure. So why did I finally pick up this book? Upon the birth of a second child, I no longer had the leisure of my idealism; if there had been a book titled "Coping With Your Spawn of Satan" I would have picked it up--if I'd had time to read.
   
   Here's why this book is a real "dragon-slayer": Even the most un-neurotic, level-headed, intelligent parent--who knows better!--will at times question whether her robust yet difficult-to-raise child is perhaps brain-damaged (that glass of Champagne I drank at my cousin's wedding during the first trimester! Heavens!), suffering from an undiagnosed mood disorder, in need of special education or therapy or medication or acupuncture. Turecki begins his book with a quiz based on the following tempermant traits: high-activity level, impulsivity, distractibility, high-intensity, irregularity, negative persistence, low sensory threshold, initial withdrawal, poor adaptability, negative mood. I rated my daughter as moderate to extremely high in all categories, which would make her a mother-killer, and that's not including something Turecki leaves out--intellectual giftedness--which adds another dimension.
   
   Here's why I'm glad I didn't read Turecki's book when she was a baby: I adopted an "attachment parenting" philosophy in reaction to her extreme difficulty, including co-sleeping, extended and on-demand breastfeeding, complete access to my person (in six years, I've not been apart from my daughter for an over-night or even more than a few hours). I got into it; it expanded my consciousness, you know, John Holt saying, "Listen to your child as you yourself were not listened to," and the idea that meeting the deepest needs of babies with a YES means their deepest needs are met for a lifetime. I was deeply transformed as a person and mother; if I'd had tools to maintain control--Ha!-- perhaps that wouldn't have happened. And here's what happened: it worked! Attachment parenting worked so well, in fact, that rather ironically, my daughter's difficulty was masked from all but those closest to her, which in a way added to the insanity of the situation my husband and I found ourselves in, as we were worn ragged meeting the needs of our sensitive tyrant, who just seemed shy and sweet to others. Turecki's book is divided into two parts, the theory of temperament (my favorite) and The Plan, which I would have hated when my daughter was a toddler; I'd probably have thrown the book across the room. Though Turecki tries to remain neutral, he's clearly baffled by the "attachment" folks. I still believe in that stuff, but I also believe in change--children grow, and new ways of relating need to come into being in response.
   
   My daughter recently started elementary school in an accelerated public school classroom, which is highly-structured, disciplined and small. I didn't hope for much and saw it as the least bad of bad choices...but my daughter...loves it...and seems to be thriving. I'm baffled, especially as preschool was a nightmare of separation anxiety, topped off by a round of observations by our local special ed program, as the teacher wondered if my intense, creative, brilliant child, who refused to make eye contact with her or speak to her, might be autistic. So, I'll explore Turecki's methods, which are behavioral, tempered with knowledge of temperament, and which emphasize the importance of structure for the child with a difficult temperament. Here is my point: implementing such structure simply would not have worked when my daughter was a baby. I found Turecki's chapter on infants laughable, though I think he's right that colic is temperamental in origin. I likewise found his scenarios/profiles demonstrating how to implement consistent, effective response a bit simplistic. But I am inspired about the possibilities of regaining authority, maintaining neutrality and distancing myself from negative patterns.

5 comments about Men Are Better Than Women.

1. Listen boys, this book is an absolute MUST in this world of ours. Dick Masterson lays it out plain and simple: Men ARE better than women.
   
   Have you ever had a negative experience with a woman? Relationship gone awry? False accusations? Affirmative action?
   
   Well, you have always known deep down inside that there was something you were missing. Some piece of the puzzle that you just didn't have. And Dick Masterson provides you with that missing piece with his book, "Men are better than woman."
   
   Now, a lot of people will say this book is sexist, chauvinist, and politically incorrect. And they would be right. And that is PRECISELY why this book exists!
   
   Our culture of political correctness has created a haven for fallacy and deception. We are constantly bombarded by images and words that tell us that everyone is the same, that we are all equal. And most importantly, that women can do anything men can do.
   
   But that simply isn't true.
   
   We do not HAVE equality in western culture. What we have is a biased legal system, favoring women.
   
   Don't believe me? Perhaps you should look up the following statistics:
   
   Percentage of men who commit suicide VS women.
   Percentage of false rape accusations against men VS women.
   Percentage of child custody between men and women.
   Percentage of deadbeat child support payers between men and women.
   Percentage of homeless men VS women.
   Percentage of of men VS women who are criminals.
   Percentage of criminals who were raised by single mothers.
   Percentage of men who initiate divorce VS women.
   
   And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
   
   Men, I am not saying that women are evil creatures who deserve death. I am saying that in our modern culture, women have been given a free pass for bad behavior, and it needs to stop.
   
   Buy this book, go to menarebetterthanwomen.com, and sign up for the forums at menarebetterthanwomen.com/forums. You won't be disappointed.
   
   Listen, I JUST got the book in the mail today, and I'm half way through it. But I couldn't wait until the end to rite a review. Men simply need to buy this book. And I guarantee you that you won't be disappointed if you do.



2. I bought this book because of the great cover and the many positive reviews I read on this site. Boy, was I duped. The writing style is completely horrid, as if the author didn't even graduate from high school. The amount of obscenities significantly takes away from what little humor there was and makes me wonder why I hadn't popped in a N.W.A. album instead. Every aspect of this book screams amateur. If you want a couple of cheap laughs at essentially the same joke rehashed several times, this is the book for you.



3. The funniest book I've read since Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. All men and women should read this quick read book!



4. I was very depressed after two of my girlfriend broke up with me. I walked into Barnes and Nobles just to spend my time. I was just feeling so sad.
   Then I found this book and within a few minutes I was laughing out loud.
   If you are man, seriously , get this book. This will make you laugh out loud. Yes this book might be offensive to women and feminist. But it is a great survival guide book for the recently divorced guy or your nerdy male friend who just got dumped by his girlfriend. We guys are too sensitive to women. But women don't appreciate sensitivity. They want a strong man who can lead them. This book will also teach you to be a man. This is the first amazon book review I am writing. This is the best book I have ever read that helped me get over my long time depression of getting dumped by two girlfriends. Get it man, and buy another for your buddy, you won't regret it.



5. It's got some funny parts, mixed in with a lot of bland ranting. Overall, I'd say it's worth a read for sentences like "women couldn't do math even if it tasted like chocolate". But I wouldn't put this guy on the same level as Maddox and the others.

5 comments about Overcoming Passive-Aggression: How to Stop Hidden Anger from Spoiling Your Relationships, Career and Happiness.

1. One the best self-help books I've read. This book takes both the view of people who are passive-aggressive, referred to has hidden anger, and those around them affected by these behaviors. It has really helped me both understand how to be assertive with emotions and address hidden anger in others around me. The book's philosophy is "knowledge is power" rather than taking a prescription approach. Every reader can take this knowledge and apply it in their own lives, work setting, school and with children and other family members.



2. This has truly changed my life. I have been mistreated by my husband's sister for 17 years, it has been a horrible experience. The little digs, rude comments, setting me up. Then playing innocent victim. (The example scenario page with man and his new fiance and his sister, could be my true life excerpt). I never understood and then I read this book. Now I get it. What makes her do what she does. It has been so very enlightening and such a relief to understand. It was never even about me. It is about her, and her low self esteem and jealousy. Although I still don't want her in my life, I no longer have such bitter feelings for her. I feel for her. It has helped me in everyday life to be more compassionate to others. The anger we see usually has nothing to do with us. This book has made me a kinder person. A MUST READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



3. This book claims to be co-authored by congressman Tim Murphy, PhD and Loriann Hoff Oberlin, but with her openly advertised book "Writing for Quick Cash" (scroll up!) it becomes apparent that this book is an offering of her opinion while piggybacking on his reputation - all for quick cash. What this book really is: a manual for feminists on how to assign blame in order to look and feel better about themselves as women.
   
   In the first pages ("About the Authors") she openly declares her feminist agenda by claiming her book "Surviving Separation and Divorce" was written to encourage women. Beware, male readers - sexist programming ahead. Being born with a Y chromosome was no crime I chose to commit, yet reading through the examples of loser men going to court after being irresponsible with their children did nothing to strengthen me personally or help me identify or overcome passive-aggressive behavior in myself or others.
   
   In the book I noticed several names and explanations on passive-aggressiveness and the effects it has, but the title of the book is OVERCOMING Passive-Aggression. On page 140 she says, "When your marriage ends..." When!? Is the only solution to passive-aggressive behavior in recognizing it in others and avoiding or exploiting them? I hope not.
   
   This book was a complete waste of my time, and I hope for the good of all that there is a book out there truly about overcoming passive-aggression that will benefit the individual who reads it and those around them.



4. This is a book I would NOT put into my personal library...I didn't learn a whole lot more about passive-aggressive behavior than I knew going into the reading. There were relatively few "examples" in this book...and for this type of book and this guy being a therapist (and congressman...he does beat us over the head with this fact throughout the book and it was more than a little annoying), I would have expected far more "stories" or case studies...and they just aren't here. This leaves the book a very dry and relatively uninteresting read, as he actually deals very little with actual passive-aggressive behavior and goes off at length on nearly ever other type of disorder that can be associated with PA behavior. I might recommend it to someone totally unfamiliar with PA-ness...but for me, this book left much to be desired. Additionally, the suggestions (beyond seek out a therapist/counselor, were excessively vague (another area where full examples to illustrate the author's point would have been extremely helpful). I rate it a C and hope that I can pull some useful additional reading from the notes.



5. This is one of the only well written and full description of the PA personality I've seen. If you suspect you are dealing with Passive Aggression, it will help pave the way for healing.

5 comments about The Loving Dominant.

1. From personal experiences to helpful hints.
   
   I'd recommend this book for any Dom wishing to improve his/her game.



2. This book is good for a beginner because it gives you a more philosophical view of being in a sub/dom relationship. It stresses safety when playing. The writer is an experienced dominant who expresses himself well. It is a good companion book to SM 101.



3. This is a good beginners book with short sections on different topics. That's all it is thoughm a beginners book. If you're looking for something more in-depth, then this book will do nothing but disappoint you. I ordered this book along with Different Loving. This one is now shelved while Different Loving is being refered to over and over again. Unless you're a beginner or someone just curious, I wouldn't get this one.



4. To submit your body and life to another - no, this isn't a religious thing. This is a few people's ideas of romance. Now in a new and updated edition for the new millennium, "The Loving Dominant" is a guide to the BDSM (a short hand way of abbreviating the life style meaning Bondage, Discipline, Submission, and Masochism) for any reader too timid to vocally ask the questions about the lifestyle which is more kind and loving than it seems to the people involved. Covering advice to make the best of the lifestyle to all, and with advice on toy-construction and photography, "The Loving Dominant" is an ideal addition to any human sexuality shelf and for any alternative lifestyle collection.



5. This book is an excellent resource for any man or woman involved with a dominant person, one that guides & informs. Excellent & easy reading for the bdsm novice & experienced alike. This is one of the first books you should buy.

5 comments about Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life.

1. I just finished reading this thoughtful, well researched and insightful book on the narcissistic personality. I want to thank the author for all of the help she has given me. Recently, I finished going through a rough divorce from a very narcissistic woman. (Of course, narcissists are both male and female). Besides my very competent and savvy attorney and my friends and family, this book really got me through a nightmare. I was married to Deanna (that's the name I'll use) for five years. The marriage was really over in the first year. I kept telling myself that Deanna would change. In the beginning I was mesmerized by Deanna's charm, her bright intellect, her take-charge attitude and success in the world. There was such a powerful chemistry between us, I took a leap of faith and married her. Quite soon, I recognized that everything was about Deanna; she was a completely self-absorbed, perfectionist. When she made a mistake, Deanna blamed it on me. She frequently bawled me out over the slightest issues. I found out that Deanna had been cheating on me for some time with a couple of former boyfriends. When I confronted her, she said I was delusional and should see a therapist. Deanna lied with ease; it seemed like a natural part of her personality. Finally, I recognized that this was not a marriage; it was a charade and I was the one paying the emotional price. I found an excellent attorney and filed for divorce. Although the process was tumultuous, I know this was the right decision. With the support of my family and friends, I am finding an independence and strength I didn't realize I had. Dr. Martinez-Lewi's book helped me to understand the narcissistic personality and provided me with innumerable essential tools for dealing with them in my life. I highly recommend this book, especially if you suspect you are involved with a narcissistic man or woman.



2. It has taken me a long time to realize that my mother is a narcissistic personality. She is charming, bright, and socially gifted. I always wanted to be just like her. She understood how to excel in the world and was very successful in her professional life. I looked up to her, almost worshipped her. Allyson (I'll call her) always got what she wanted. She knew exactly how to manipulate my father. When my sister and I were young, mom insisted that we do everything her way. Allyson has a coldness that I can remember since I was a small child. I would beg her to comfort me when I felt miserable. She had great difficulty expressing any physical or emotional affection toward my sister and me. Allyson has never been able to put herself in my shoes. She is completely unempathic. Fortunately, my dad was a very warm, compassionate human being. Mom let me know that she had all the answers, made no mistakes and that she was constantly disappointed in me. I had some tough times psychologically because of Allyson's distant coldness, her brittle criticism, and lack of affection. As I grew older I recognized that my mother is a narcissistic personality. A friend of mine recommended this insightful and entertaining book about the narcissistic personality, his/her childhood origins, the grandiosity, the rage beneath the perfect public face. The author puts excellent tools for dealing with narcissists in your personal and professional lives in your hands. This book is invaluable, especially if you are dealing with a parent, spouse, ex-spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, family member or friend who you think is a narcissist.



3. After a long career in advertising, I decided that helping entrepreneurs to creatively brand their products would be fascinating. I have learned to read people quite well but I have always had difficulty with self-absorbed, "my way or the highway" type of individuals who think they are perfect. Until I read this book I didn't understand what makes narcissists tick and how to handle them.The author is an expert on the subject and uses colorful vignettes from her clinical practice to illustrate the distinct character traits of narcissists. She provides a childhood perspective of these individuals and clearly explains how they feel deep inside. For those of us who must deal with narcissists every day in our work and personal lives, this book is terrific. Dr. Martinez-Lewi hands her readers the tools they need for making encounters with narcissists successful while we maintain our sense of balance and peace of mind.



4. Not what I expected. Was more like an expose of the author's clients. However there was some good information at the end of the book and some passages that were relateable... there would be more I am sure if I lived in Los Angeles.



5. I have always been a trusting person. Some would call me naive. Often this point of view has worked but I have run into a lot of grief at work with a supervisor who is mean and unfair. She constantly criticizes me even when I haven't made a mistake. She walks around like she owns the world. This supervisor constantly talks about herself and is very vain.
   Not too long ago, a friend of mine was talking about this book. I read it and discovered that it describes my boss perfectly. She is a narcissistic personality. Now, I am not surprised about her superior attitude and her cruelty. I have learned a lot and am using many of the suggestions that the author offers for those of us who are dealing with narcissists at work and in our personal lives. Now that I know who I am dealing with and what I can do, I feel much more confident.

5 comments about Addict In The Family: Stories of Loss, Hope, and Recovery..

1. This is one of the best books I have read in regards to how addiction affects the family. It has some stories as examples, but gets to the point. I am a counselor and a family member of an addict. I found this book right on with my experiences dealing with my younger sister who is an addict. It has a nice balance of education and ways to deal with an addict. We as family members have to stop enabling the addict or we are just helping them stay sick. This book makes this point very clear. Well written and easy to read. This book is a source of comfort like the author states in her introduction. She did a great job putting together information and she is so right when she states there are few books out there for family memebers. I would love to see one on how siblings are affected by the addict and the parents that focus on the addict. I thought this was so well written I bought and sent copies to all my siblings and mother. We all have participated or are still participating in enabling behaviors, which although intentions are good, it is not helpful, it is destructive.



2. This book is analagous to a well-stocked pantry filled with provisions as well as the implements needed to put these resources to good use. The essence of the author's message appears to be based on the 12-Step prototype. If "Addict in the Family" contains any weakness at all, it might be the author's tendency to do it all by "The Book," including peppering the account with various references to 12-step doctrines, adages and buzzwords. A reader who is already familiar with the steps might find this format to be slightly repetitious and fairly predictable.
   
   Through the author's story of her daughter's addiction as well as accounts given to her by other parents and loved ones of addicts, we are able to contemplate, if not feel, the pernicious grip that addiction has on everyone in the addict's circle. What follows are examples of every- day situations family members face as a result of their loved ones' addictions. We are given examples of strategies and responses that are helpful in managing or deflecting the often irrational behavior of the addict.
   
   There is a dash of irony in the lessons that gently simmer throughout the book. While the addicted family member tends to exhibit certain obsessions surrounding his substances of choice, the author deftly conjures up a mirror image of the addict's loved one. In this dual depiction it becomes clear that the addict's family member often becomes susceptible to some of the same traits exhibited by the addict: we are reminded by the writer, ever so gently, that there are, perhaps, more similarities than differences between our addicts and ourselves. The tiny germs of irony come spilling out like so many tears: Just as our addict feels a sense of unremitting shame, so do we. Our addict is angry, and so are we. The addicted ones are depressed, sad and despondent, and we are, too.
   
   Addicts tend to fall into the habit of concealing their ignoble behavior beneath a convincing enough topping of lies, subterfuge and denial. It appears that we family members, in the beginning, at least, are willing - even eager - to believe the fantastic multi-layered cake of deception towering in front of us. The facade that all is well is an appealing one, especially as one becomes initiated to the instability of living with a person who is also an addict. It is in this effort to achieve a measure of sanity that the addicted person's loved one often crumbles from the heat and the turbulence.
   
   As we continue to glean sustenance from the author's kernels of wisdom, it becomes all too apparent that we, along with our addicted loved ones, are being poisoned by the unsavory byproducts of addiction.
   
   This book offers suggestions to the family and loved ones of addicts, and these methods require us to exchange our toxic coating of negativity and denial for one that nourishes us - physically, mentally, spiritually and economically - without distorting our reality. The author recalls a time when her daughter, upon being asked of her whereabouts that evening, proceeds to concoct one of her characteristically tall tales. Although the mother knew her daughter was lying, she refrained from voicing those suspicions. Instead, she allowed her daughter to finish, while she remained impassive and unprovoked, thereby empowering herself and disarming her daughter in the process.
   
   Setting rules and limits for the addict is another mechanism suggested in the book as a way to safeguard our overall wellbeing. Asking the addict to move out should his behavior become too disruptive or disturbing - and carrying out the order - is one more example of disengaging from our addicted love ones. There are many other inspiring stories included in the book along with helpful advice, hope and encouragement from those who have been where we, the families of an addict, are now.
   
   At the end of the book, there are pages with listings of substance abuse facilities, mental health treatment centers, dual diagnosis rehabs, detox centers, and services for the families of the chemically addicted. It is a very comprehensive list for those who are looking for help in dealing with an addiction, whether it be a loved one's or their own.



3. This is a very helpful book for any person with an addict in the family. This book confirmed many of the same things I am going through with my son who is addicted to painkillers and heroin. In addition to helping me cope and help me understand my son's own addiction, it has revealed to me the importance of getting myself well. Addiction effects the entire family in a very damaging and far reaching way. I have a long way to go but I am learning to detach myself in order to move forward and be there for my son when he finally decides that recovery is the best and only course of action. This will be probably one of the toughest challenges I will face in my life. This book has given me hope and let me know that I am not alone in this lifelong struggle.



4. A good introduction to the perils of addiction and the biological and chemical processes that grip users. An important message to anyone touched by the horrors of addiction.



5. My mother recently died and I wondered where I could go to process thirty years of living with the battle she had with my sister's addiction. I happened to find this book and it was a godsend. Excellent book on the entire process that you go thru with an addict in the family. I wish I had this book when I was younger. I am so thankful this author captured it all. I can't recommend this enough to anyone suffering out there with this problem.

5 comments about Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Great Marriages.

1. I heard about this book from a relative who had read it. I didn't think that I would like it so I checked it out at the library. After reading through it over several weeks, I had to buy a copy of my own. There are some very helpful tips in this book. I have recommended it to several friends.



2. This is easy to read basic review of what ingredients need to be in a good, commited relationship. This book will not save a cracked relationship and will not prevent divorce. It is not about "how to" (speak to each other), but about "what" (the content of the conversations should be). I highly recommend it also to the people facing divorce, seeking for affirmation what the content of a relationship should be, what they have missed or couldn't get with the current partner they are splitting with.
   
   The excercises consist of a series of questions or better topics the partners need to discuss. As some questions might not be applicable to discuss or answer or you might find it completely uninteresting, most of suggestions are very interesting and important. The questions are not put up front to discuss who is right and who is wrong, but to make couples learn how to make compromises on important issues and accept each other's different points of view.
   
   In the ubiquitous gloryfing of the marriage ritual, many people have forgotten that the person they are marrying is more important than the color scale of your grand event. Havin second thoughts before the wedding? Read this! It will not destroy the relationship, but it will help you evaluate it. This book helps to prevent ignoring the right gut feelings. It is your companion and on your side. You don't need to consult a relative that probably wants to see you nicely dressed at your wedding and will not listen to your worries properly as the wedding preparations heaten up.
   
   Unfortunately, dr. Smith's writing contains some religious elements at times, which is not surprising given the fact she teaches as an adjunct professor at Eastern Baptist Theological Seminary. This might be disturbing to some, but my advise is to ignore it. Ironically, she is quoting Sartre (an atheist) at one occasion to support a bit of spiritualistic point of view. Referrals to God are, however, not the foundation of the book and can be overlooked if you posess a bit of a tolerance (and if you don't, better not get married). I believe dr. Smith's experiences from her practice are very valuable and the book is worth buying.
   
   I benefited from dr. Smith's positive encouragement to independent thinking for women. There is this gentle feministic touch that may empower women to look behind the farirytale role of stuffing themselves in a white dress for one single day, smiling for cameras until it hurts and then suffering entire life due to emotional or physical abuse just becase divorce is unacceptable.
   
   Apparently, we all bring some lies in front of the altar and the book helps you find yours as well.
   
   If you have a close friend who is getting married in a few months, consider this as a gift way in advance! I had some fun discussing the topics with my close friend (and at times bitching about men and life in general, hahaha).



3. I just finished reading the book and feel it provided some good lessons and a generally good read. I think the book is best suited for people who are not yet married or those who have had relationship trouble in the past that they would like to move on from.
   
   The book was a little long-winded in some ways but provided great scenarios from (what I assume to be) her clients from marriage counseling. That was what I liked most about the book. Instead of talking about imaginary scenarios and results, it provided real situations she had seen couples go through during conflict. This helped me visualize the situations of conflict in my own engagement and I felt able to relate to some of the people she mentioned, whom are people going through the typical things to cause conflict... Money, beliefs, past wounds, whether or not to have children..
   
   She discusses the reasons many conflicts arise, and how many conflicts are much deeper than the surface. For example, she writes about a couple who are fighting over how much the wife pampers her 23 year old son whom is out of the house (doing his laundry, stocking his fridge), and how the anger the husband felt was evoked by having it hard when he moved out and not having the support of his parents (as well as being raised to believe that a person should be able to take care of him/herself after moving out). The author also explains how to turn cycles of blame and anger into understanding, through use of mostly the technique of mirroring; repeating back what the other partner said to be sure that anger doesn't twist the other partner's words to cause misunderstanding or resentment.
   
   Honesty and maturity is a huge theme of this book. Looking past the flowery words and lovely dress, and thinking deeper about a marriage's future. Creating vows that really speak what you intend, instead of vows that have hidden intentions. (For example, saying that you will always 'be by your side' when you intend to go off on your own for days. Or perhaps saying that you will always be there for your partner, but only when they're considerate.)
   
   The intended audience for this book is women. This must be understood. Men can also benefit from this book but it is mostly an empowering book for women. It encourages women in bad relationships to have the courage to make change or realize that they deserve to be happy. It encourages people in good marriages to embrace each other and their current state of being, to look deeper into the disagreements that may arise so they can understand the background it is created by.
   
   Made me think more about how I feel about life and what creates my beliefs.
   
   The 'questions before marriage' weren't a big thing for me, because we already know almost everything listed about each other already. We were comfortable enough with each other that we discussed children, finances, religion, sexuality, politics, how to raise a kid, etc before we even got engaged. But it would be very valuable for most couples who may overlook important questions, or cringe at the thought of discussing deeply about beliefs (it's well worth doing).
   
   A good book for couples who want a healthy mature relationship free of the cycles of stress and blame that so many couples go through. Offers valuable advice.



4. was sent promply and the book was in VERy , well brand new shape. thanks



5. Simple stated, factual and sprinkled with personal anecdotes, this offers a great way to hold up a mirror to your present relationship and see if you are a good fit, both personally and together, before a trip to the altar, especially if you have any doubts.

5 comments about Teach Me to Do It Myself: Montessori Activities for You and Your Child.

1. This is a wonderful book for parents wanting to do basic Montessori activities at home, and it also suggests inexpensive ways to make activities as well. I gave this book one less star because it doesn't tell you what activities are age appropriate. I know all children develop and excel in different ways and times, but a little more guidance would have been helpful.



2. I would give this book 6 stars if I could. The format is laid out so that it's easy to flip to and find a specific activity. I love the "you will need" and "other activities to try" tip boxes on the side, too. I would agree that if you only had one book on Montessori activities, this would be the one to buy.



3. I am very fond of this book. It is a great guide offering almost "duh!" like activities (things that you would never even think of going out of your way to teach your kids) to do with your toddler in order to help them gain a sense of independence and accomplishment. That said, almost all the activities can be done without going out and buying a whole bunch of materials. I particularly like this book as a mom interested in the Montessori method, but not being able to afford to put my children in the pricey Montessori schools in my area. The book is easy and pleasant to read; it's in colour and has plenty of photos. Also, if there is an activity your child really likes, it has suggestions for other activities similar in nature. I like that the book shows you many of the activities they do, but leaves it up to you how you would like to present them to your kids. The book does not specifically tell you what age range the child has to be in order to present an activity, but it does state in the beginning that it presents the activities in order of being the easier concepts to grasp to the more difficult (specifically chapters 1,2, & 5). The author tells you to use your judgement on what you think your child can handle (for instance if they seem to like counting and maths, they will more likely progress faster with the maths activities. I personally would've liked a generic age range per activity, but I understand the point the author is trying to make. I just like that the author gives us the activities the Montessori schools do, but doesn't require the reader to completely apply the Montessori method. I plan on using this as a reference since I would like to educate my children myself until they reach kindergarten.



4. This is a wonderfully useful book - teach your child the simple day-to-day skills - things you take for granted that they actually have to learn! Skills include doing up buttons, pouring, sorting, putting on a coat, doing up shoe laces, etc. It is super easy to follow, and has further steps once your child has mastered the basic skill. Chapters include Life Skills, Developng the Senses, Language Development, Numeracy Skills, Science Skills. A great opportunity to quietly teach your child to become confident with every day skills.



5. I really like this book. It's very easy to implement. The book is divided into sections: Life Skills, Developing the Senses, Language Development, Numeracy Skills (math), and Science Skills. Each section is filled with easy to implement activities for your 2-5 year old. (My best guess at age appropriateness.)
   
   All of the materials are easy to find at home. She includes a few worksheets in the back (really Parent worksheets) of things to cut out such as number rods, a flower parts puzzle, words for language games, etc.)
   
   I think this book would be great for those who wanted to homeschool their kids for preschool or for those who wished perhaps that their kids could attend Montessori. Using this book plus perhaps "Peak with Books" or just reading some great picture books each day would be more than enough.
   
   Great value. Highly recommended.

5 comments about Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety.

1. I really enjoyed reading this book, and found it very interesting how the author provided a historical account of 'mothering'. My daughter is now 4, but I still have a lot of fear and guilt about parenting her in the 'best' or most ideal way (attachment parenting, cry it out, so many choices, what should I do?). I found this book really helps to clarify and illuminate the various complicated issues involved in being a mom, and in particular the issues related to working or not working outside of the home. There is just so much pressure and judgement from family and friends when you have children, that this type of book really helps you to understand how this has been going on in similar and different ways for a really long time, and as a result, helps you to get some big-picture perspective. This is a great book for a book club! So much to discuss. It's also a great gift for a new mom. I know it would have helped me get more in touch with what some of the unhelpful messages were in my brain that made it hard for me to parent the way I really wanted to, and I thought the book actually had some really nice solution ideas that made me feel inspired. I agree with the author in that we tend to turn our anxiety, guilt and anger inside ourselves or turn it towards judging how other moms parent their kids, instead of joining forces to make our society a better place for moms. More flexibility at work, better daycares/schools, etc. Just imagine if we put all of our neurotic energy into something useful and for the good of all moms.



2. This is such a great book! It took the weight off to know so many of the pressures we face are social pressures. You always think of who you are as a product of your own actions, and not ALSO as a product of the society that you're functioning in. This book suggests otherwise and highlights the Herculean demands that we face as mothers today. More importantly, though, it gave me some relief! I often feel that no matter what I do, I'm not mothering well enough. I have feared that some of my children's issues have occurred because I haven't done everything I should have as a mother. For me, this book put those feelings into perspective and helped me relax a little. I'm thankful to have read it.



3. This book took sort of a scatter-shot approach to why American mothers are going crazy. It seemed as if Judith Warner hit on a lot of themes that resonated with me, but she couldn't seem to find the exact problem, nor formulate likely to happen, workable solutions.
   
   It seems to me that a combination of factors keeps today's mothers in a state of anxiety and isolation. One is simply the very separate nature of modern American life. Many of us live far from our parents and extended families. The mothers of young children who live near us face the same grueling schedules we do. Many women work part or full time and thus are not home in the middle of the day to get together with. We live our separate lives, coping with the pressure largely alone.
   
   Another has to do with, I guess you would call it "expectations." After spending our lives earning advanced educational degrees, working at rewarding careers, and nurturing marriages, everything comes to an abrupt, grinding halt when babies and small children arrive on the scene. Suddenly, there are no people around, no goals to achieve, just endless rounds of diapers, food, cleaning up, and dealing with the demands of small children. Suddenly, women who up till now lived in the fast lane, are going through life with the emergency brake on.
   
   Another factor involves the messages that society sends us, and here I have to break with other women's opinions here. I have found other women much, much more oppressive than men. A quick read on any mommy e-bulletin board yields flames telling women that if they don't breastfeed their child (competition here for how long to breastfeed), then they are engaging in child abuse. Ditto for making homemade baby food, using cloth diapers, buying only eco-friendly, educational toys, having no pain-killers during childbirth, spending as little time as possible in the hospital after childbirth...I could go on and on. If something spares a mother time, pain, convenience, or suffering, then it is denigrated by...mothers, many of them speaking in tones so arrogant and quelling that they smother any kind of debate or consensus on flexibility.
   
   If men figure anywhere in this equation, it is in what warnings are sent to the public about pregnancy and raising small children. The warnings are dire, strident, and ultimately, produce great anxiety about outcomes with a low probability of happening. Pregnant women may not eat soft cheese or deli meat; they may not consume even a sip (a sip!) of alcohol without incurring public censure. When raising children, you may have the police on your hands if you leave your child unattended in the car for even a moment. The expectation on women is that will keep every potentially harmful substance from their children always, and likewise, that they will watch their children every single waking moment of every day without fail or be deemed defective, *bad* mothers. No wonder mothers of young children feel enormous pressure!
   
   The issue of childcare seems like a red herring to me. Someone is still doing the work of caring for the children, and their work is the same as the mother's, except that they clock out after a few hours and get paid and go home guilt-free to their own lives, which may involve...raising small children.
   
   As to solutions, I wish I had some... The one good thing is that the children do get bigger and wiser and require far less supervision.



4. As a SaHM.. (Stay at home mom) in the mid-west, I was looking for a book that would somehow let me know that my feelings and freinds feeling were the same as other SaHM's accross the board, and was looking for way to fix these problems. IE: How to not be competitive with my 18mo Vocab with other 18mo.
   I was looking for a book that would make me laugh and yet laugh at myself for being so cought up in the BEST for my Child Compitition.
   instead I feel like I read a history book about how Women's lib was great, yet it wasn't what we thought it was gonna be! Over and Over agian. I feel that the author did a very good job in the history lesson and weighing the pros vs the cons, but this book could have been 1/2 the size and I would have gottne the point. I only read 220pgs, and just can't read anymore, I thumbed througth to see if anything cought my eye.. just the same old Blahh Women screwed up! Blahh how can we have it all? Blahh and Wahh!
   If you really want to be a stay at home mom the you just have to do it, and trust that you are doing the best that you can do with what you have. Rich or poor, working or not, you will always want more for your children. Not every mom is "made" to stay at home. That is okay, Just because other mom's do doesn't mean that EVERYONE should. You have to weight the pros and cons on a personal level and do what is best for you.
   That is kinda the jist of the book.
   Sorry for any miss spelled words or grammer problems!



5. Judith Warner overgeneralizes from her own personal experience and that of a small segment of society (which is self-evidently atypical of society at large), anecdotal evidence, and unsupported assertion. Her arguments are largely incoherent.
   
   If you want polemics fine. Otherwise, pass this over: it is not a work of serious thought.