5 comments about Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis.

1. I have lived a year with a spouse engaged in infidelity. Shock and despair have been my constant companions. All the crying, pleading, yelling, begging, and reasoning did no good at all - my spouse kept relapsing into the affair. At last he was talking of moving out and really taking up with the lover. Once I took the advice of the book, that very first week my spouse went into a tailspin and I felt much more centered and stronger. It was a week from hell for my spouse and a week where various people told me how great I looked! I have discovered that you really have to act in the opposite way that your feelings are telling you to act in this kind of a crisis. Be calm and firm in expressing your boundaries (you are free to leave or stay as you like but if you stay you cannot be in contact with the lover). Open the cage door and have backbone. You have to be willing to back it up. My process in not finished but things are looking up for the first time in a year. It has been almost a month since I took the advice and my spouse is still at home, appologised for all he has put me through and says he thinks he can resist the tempation to be in contact with the lover while he lives under the same roof with me. I read this book together with the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass which helped me to understand extramarital affairs very clearly. I strongly recommend reading both. I am not a practicing Christian and this orientation in the book is not a problem - the advice is very sound from a psychological standpoint.



2. While the main points of this book seem sound, the heavy Christian emphasis may be too much for some people. Basically, the book deals with infidelity and says that in order to save the marriage, the wronged party must stand firm on what he or she wants. It is time to stand strong on what you will not tolerate. Seems like good sense to me, but to someone who is not that involved in a church, the religeous overtones may overshadow some of the common sense approaches in the book.



3. Super book! This is a detailed account of the cycle that the vulverable party creates by continually accepting/condoning inapproprriate behavior!
   
   It gives a detailed description of the hard choices that must be made - to invoke "Tough Love"
   
   Lots of examples from real life!



4. 
   I found Dobson's objectivity too tough on the first read, I was neck deep in my own horror stories and wasn't too interested in reading the sordid tales of others. Therefore, I skimmed over most of the "Real Life" stories meant to help readers connect or to feel they are not the only people to experience the pains of marital unrest.
   Yet, here and there I was able to pull out some things that helped me put the breaks on my emotionalism. The stages of a woman's infidelity gave me a ton of perspective of what was happening in my marriage. The next book I read about how to deal with offense by John Bevere was more helpful in giving me a path to follow to help me out of all the pain I was feeling.
   As far as Dobson goes, if you didn't know that sin is not pretty and that our culture is literally swimming in it, then you'll understand it when you finish this book. If you are a Christian, it's a sad commentary on the state of our affairs. Maybe my marriage will heal, maybe not.



5. There are some parts of this book that I agree with and some parts that I don't.
   Here's what I agree with:
   -- that if your spouse tries to leave you for another person, you shouldn't act pathetic by begging and pleading for them to stay. Instead you should act like a person with self-respect and let them go. Makes sense to me.
   -- that you shouldn't accept blame for an affair. You didn't even know the affair was happening so how can you be an accomplice? Your partner may try to shift the blame to you in order to alleviate their own guilt. The author advises that you shield yourself against blame so that it bounces right back to the cheater where it belongs. Makes sense to me, too.
   
   Here's what I disagree with:
   -- the length of the book. There are some parts of the book where the author is simply repeating the same points over and over again. I believe this book could've been shorter in length.
   -- that if a cheater comes crawling back to you, you should take them back. I believe forgiveness is good for the soul and should not carry hatred around with you, it'll eat away at you. However, taking someone back who has given you solid proof that they are capable of showing such a blatant disregard for your feelings is not good for the soul. I know I'm in the minority here. Every book I've read about adultery encourages the victim to take back their abuser, but everyone I know who has taken back a cheater has been cheated on again. And these were not weaklings either. These were people who made it perfectly clear that cheating is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. And yet their partner cheated again. I even know a guy who left his wife in order to marry his mistress, only to later cheat on his mistress. It's not that the cheaters are evil. I believe they were sincere in wanting to change, but just couldn't. It's like an addiction. Therefore, the only way I'd ever consider taking back a cheater is if he treated the affair (even a one-time affair) like an addiction and sought counseling to get at the core of why he made this choice. All the books I've read on adultery seem to suggest that people cheat because of what the other spouse failed to do or not do, but I think it goes deeper than that. Just like there are kids from broken homes who don't lead a life of crime despite being vulnerable to it, there are spouses who come from broken marriages who don't cheat despite being vulnerable to it. So the fact that this person would says something about their character. Whatever it was that gave them permission to cheat (a victim mentality, a narcissistic sense of entitlement, a passive-aggressive coping style, an inconsistent conscience, whatever) will not just go away. Even if they don't cheat again, that mentality can pop up in the relationship in other forms. For a relationship to work, there must be trust. How can you trust someone with a track record of lying? For a relationship to work, you need to respect the person you're with. How can you respect someone that you're also viewing and treating like an unruly 2 year old? Also, the reason the cheater could be crawling back to you now is because the affairee has dumped them. Anyway, I'm not saying you shouldn't take them back (that's a personal call), I'm just saying sticking around waiting for an addict to change can shave years off of your life and they still may not change. I just think people deserve better than that.

5 comments about Just Do It: How One Couple Turned Off the TV and Turned On Their Sex Lives for 101 Days (No Excuses!).

1. Cute book, but it had some flaws. Unlike "Julie and Julia" this read like it was straight from some blog. Near the end (ahem), the author inserted (sorry) emails from his wife that weren't all that relevant to the story and felt like a lazy way to fill space.
   
   The big problem I had was that the authors seemed to make use of hot and cold running childcare. Free care from his parents, who would fly in for weekends, then eventually a paid nanny. The kids never seemed to mind being left, never cried, showed very little resentment. We could take out a 2nd mortgage and do the same thing, but my kids would have thrown hissy fits every time. Of course, the Browns could write off the cost of each sitter and hotel because it was an expense related to the book. The rest of us have to make do.
   
   Interestingly, they were back to once or twice a week after the "marathon" ended.



2. I bought this book because I read it was more a light-hearted memoir, not a "how-to" for spicing up marriage. Douglas Brown and his wife, Annie, are a couple I could relate to-- dealing with life, work, children, while trying to manage "adult" time. They seemed to be a laid back, traditional couple, who really love their kids. I think I enjoyed learning about their family as much as I did the purpose for the memoir. Of course, it was fun reading about their trials in "sexploration." There were several "LOL" moments, particularly when struggling through sex during sickness and snot. Brown's knack for humorous writing made this a joy to read.



3. This book is the true story of how a busy couple with two demanding young daughters managed to have sex every day for 101 days, and in the process strengthened their marriage and rediscovered each other. Sound intriguing and possibly a tad titillating? I thought so too! Unfortunately, this book was about 280 pages too long. Let's be honest... myself and most people reading this book want the sordid details and perhaps a warm fuzzy feeling when the couple grows closer and rediscovers why they fell in love in the first place, but what we get instead is many scenes of childrens' misbehavior and illness, descriptions of chores facing a mostly stay at home mom, and many mentions of yoga. The titillation factor is definitely approaching zero - there are more descriptions of foot massages than erotic massage, and the author's attempt to describe their love-making gives me that same awkward feeling as when my parents kiss a little too long in front of me. (Don't take me there!) I also wonder how accurately the author gauges his wife's satisfaction - almost all the chapters have a happy ending for her (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) unless someone is physically ill.
   
   The point of this book is that couples, especially parents and professional couples, need to make their relationship and time together a priority. And physical intimacy can lead to greater emotional intimacy. However that story could have been told in a more concise manner. I would have preferred to skip the descriptions of target lingerie and discussions of how the author styles his hair to appeal to his wife. (If you have the hard cover edition of this book with the picture of the author and his wife you will see that he has a very, very high forehead - based on the picture I don't think some of his hairstyles would have been very flattering. Indeed I found my mind wandering while reading this book and returning to pondering the size of the author's forehead.)
   
   This would have been a great magazine article, but there was not nearly enough insight to hold my interest for 300 pages.



4. I wasn't sure what to expect when I picked up this book.
   
   I was afraid that the only thing that would leap out at me was the unflagging author's...*ahem.*
   
   But it's not that kind of book, and that certain, ah, shall I say, instrument is actually incidental and serves more the function of a literary vehicle of sorts (that you can't help but cheer for as if it's Herbie the Lovebug at a Nascar race).
   
   This is a literary romp that celebrates--above all else-- the love and devotion that this intrepid couple has for one another, and how they work together--to their mutual benefit-- to succeed in their challenge to turn a sad trend of sexless marriages that they heard about on its head (and sideways, and upstairs, and downstairs, and outside, and in another state...).
   
   And here I thought that bachelors got all the action.
   
   And it even serves, ultimately (and somewhat surprisingly, to be sure), as a wholesome morality play, and indeed conducive to Family Values:
   
   The secret to their succesful marriage is not consistent, mind-blowing sex on a daily basis, because that, quite naturally, doesn't happen everyday, anyway (though the smile on these happy campers grow wider when it does happen, to be sure).
   
   The secret--that's apparent from the beginning--is the love and respect these two have for one another.
   
   Though the copulating in and of itself does create a real renewal of romance and bonding that is conducive to any relationship (they find themselves touching each other more and more as the story progresses, between the daily quota), and despite the endeavor having mechanical aspects to it when the adventure traverses a plateau and becomes almost routine, it is the couple's emotional devotion off the bat which shines through, for each other, and their children, and which ultimately subordinates the sexuality of the mission.
   
   Quite simply, this is a racy--if not risque'--love story of a monogamous, middle-aged couple who decide to embark on an adventure--a rather prodigious sexual feat, actually, under oftentime stressful circumstances-- that makes the honeymoon of their youth just a preliminary warm up by comparison.
   
   In the process, the likeable couple cement an already well-glued bond for the longer haul, which is a very good thing.
   
   And they prove that today's 40 is indeed yesterday's 30 (if not 20).
   
   Indeed, as a cultural indicator, this book is at the vanguard of the changing demographics that are raising the bar on our traditionally youth-centered culture upward as the boomers age (and refuse to go quietly into the night), and *Just Do It* is to Mr. Brown's generation what the 60+ and still-rocking Rolling Stones (who were rather recently touring and looked great) and 60+ Sylvester Stallone (who rather recently proclaimed "I Am" by robustly reprising his alpha male roles as Rocky Balboa and John Rambo, and looked great) are to theirs.
   
   And, coinciding with all of that, and apart from the politics of it, is the presidential campaign of John McCain, who is the oldest presidential nominee in American history, and yet is enjoying strong support from many (especially from his boomer generation) who don't consider him--or themselves, for that matter-- "too old" at all.
   
   That's not a delusion. Indeed, like Rocky Balboa against the young champion Mason "The Line" Dixon-- but in reality, not fantasy-- McCain is going toe-to-toe with the much younger Obama all the way to the closing round.
   
   All of that reflects the cultural bar raised by retiring boomers entering seniority with an excellent--and unprecedented-- quality of life for their age group, and extended lifespans, and that demographic seachange has produced a book--not fiction, but nonfiction-- written by a 40-something (one generation behind the boomers) who could very well have been telling the rollicking tale of a pair of concupiscent college students on Spring Break that lasts for a hundred days.
   
   The book has energy, and the energy is youthful (and contagious, if sales to other married couples are any indication).
   
   Mind you, these are middle-aged adults with full-time jobs, mortgages, and school-aged children, yet behave like teenagers in love.
   
   And it is that--the unflagging energy and determination--that leaps out of the pages, but not just of the characters themselves, but the energy, determination, and agility of the writing itself (among *ahem* other agile things).
   
   This writer was dealing with a sensitive subject, sharing the most intimate aspects of marriage, and yet he remains decent and respectful--both to his wife and children, and to the reader--throughout, which is not an easy task when considering the subject matter.
   
   It is not blandness. On the contrary, it is *Tom Jones* with Albert Finney in its serial libidinousness, but it demands discipline and a deft ability and sensitivity with language to narrate the exuberant and repetetive indulgence of the primal urge without ever once entering the realm of [...] (the actual field trip to the porn convention in Las Vegas notwithstanding), and that in itself is a writing accomplishment which is probably overlooked in the whirlwind of the plot.
   
   Think about it: A novel about a man copulating with his wife for 100 days straight and presented in such an inoffensive and even playful way that it could very well make a priest chuckle, at least here and there. (They are, after all, happily married.)
   
   And yet, one senses, by the very exuberance of the mission, the reverberating, primal urge driving it, the courage needed to write such a book, and the control required to tame the language that's chomping at the bit while writing it, a tension within this author that wants to break out of convention and let loose, exuberantly and courageously, and with an adventurous imagination that is now primed for fiction.
   
   This is a first novel. Watch this guy. A word to the wise: Get your hands on the first printing of the first book of what is the golden ring of a budded author newlywedded to the literary world.
   
   And if the honeymooning debut is any indication, this groom will not only do his duty and deliver, but is just warming up.



5. This was a boring story did little for my sex life.It didn't really cover how they really did it ,if they really did do it.It was more of a story about a married couple and their kids.Don't waste your money.

5 comments about What Great Teachers Do Differently: Fourteen Things That Matter Most.

1. If you're an education student or already a teacher this book is mildly inspiring, however it does not offer anything you haven't already heard or read. Most advice is practical and common sense i.e. "form relationships with your students" "don't yell or demean them" "make it 'cool to care'"
   There are many more books out there with more substance. The bulk of the author's career is as a school principal (he only taught for a couple years) so the text is written from an administrator's point of view, therefore there are idealistic philosophies and it lacks applicable classroom strategies or solid case scenarios. I do not recommend this book. Although a short read, it is mostly fluff.



2. What a fabulous book to use as a book study with teachers of all levels and experiences! It is a quick-read with ideas that can be implemented as soon as the chapter is done being read. The book lends itself to deep, thought-provoking conversation between staff members whether you are a first year teacher or a "well-seasoned" teacher. Teachers don't want to put the book down once they start reading it. Whitaker draws his readers in by consistently talking about "great" teachers and the effective practices they use. A "must read" for every educator!



3. In these early weeks of summer break I have still been thinking about teaching and what has gone before, along with what will present itself in 'the fall' (which for us means the end of July!). This book reminds me what I want to be as a teacher: respectful of all, motivating and challenging, in charge and yet (gasp!) nice!
   
   Teaching is the most wonderful profession in all the world: the opportunity to truly make a difference in the lives of not just students, but their families as well as our colleagues and even our own families. Why not aspire to greatness? And does it really come as a big surprise that the qualities of a great teacher vs. one who is good, fine, or even mediocre may lie in actions and choices rather than in methods and superior knowledge? Why is it that we are taught the importance of repetition in teaching to an objective, and yet we ourselves get cranky if we feel something is "repetitive?"
   
   I am very glad I bought and read this book, and plan to share it with my fellow teachers and administrators.



4. This book was good, except that it is pretty much exactly like "What Great Principals Do Differently" I wish I had read a review about it prior to buying BOTH of them..A good read for teachers.



5. This is a quick & easy read, but unfortunately, it's just more of the same old "pep-rally" type of advice: be positive, be prepared, always smile, & remember that all your students really want to learn a lot & really look up to you, even when it doesn't seem like it! This type of stuff doesn't do much good when teachers get into the midst of the inevitable problems that come up during the school year. To me, one of the most telling chapters was Chapter 6 "Who is the variable," which is a sort of "everyone should take responsibility" chapter. The author begins the chapter by discussing teacher responsibility, then goes on to tell about his meeting with some business leaders who were concerned about the quality of high school graduates. He ultimately put the responsibility on the business leaders for not having called the school to get specific reports on graduates they hired. In short, the only one he assigns no responsibility to is himself. Some might say he was somewhat responsible for giving the same degree to well performing students & to slackers & trouble-makers--that his signing of the diploma was in fact his recommendation, & that therefore he does bear some responsibility. He complains about teachers who complain about working conditions, but does not seem to feel that it is his responsibility to better those conditions.
   I like teaching, & actually like the challenges that keep coming up--but then that's probably because teaching is a second career for me & I know I can quit any time I want. I know there is a shortage of resources & that as teachers, we need to work with that environment (which, to me, is amply rewarded by the long vacations). But it irks me to read these books that try to gloss over all the problems & just provide a superficial, Rah-Rah pep-rally, so-called "motivational" solution. I feel that teachers who get sucked up into this sort of thing are getting set up for a fall.
   - JB

5 comments about Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Teens: Simple Ways to Keep Your Cool in Stressful Times (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Series).

1. I always read books I get for my daughter first to confirm that I got her something right/good for her. This one is no doubt a winner. The titles of each chapter were catching enough to make you curious as to what you were about to read and then the story you read were a great explanation to the sometimes funny and odd titles. The story in each chapter was absolutely great. They were short enough to keep any kids attention, make a good lesson and walk away feeling good that you learned something new and were inspired. The really great thing is, my 13 year old who usually complains about sitting still and reading because she'd rather be actively playing sports, isn't complaining a bit about winding down and reading this book. She loves that most chapters are only 2-3 pages each, but even better, she is mimicking what they are teaching and I'm loving it, too, as a mom. This is a great read, a great inspiration and a lot of the stories are what these kids can relate to. I plan to buy it as a gift to others, but I'm not sure if I should get it for the parents or the kids.



2. When my grandma first gave me this book, I thought it was gonna be another useless book saying "just be yourself" and all that [...]. But this book actually has substance and I was surprised that I actually got something out of it. Recommended to any teen on the "emotional roller coaster" who needs some guidance in their life.



3. This book is irresponsible, and I equate selling this book to teens with selling them drugs. Each could drive a troubled kid over the edge to suicide. The premise of the first chapter is that for a teen to tell their troubles to a friend or anyone else is the same as "barfing on your friends". As crisis center and peer counselors know, many teens hold their most disturbing thoughts and emotions to themselves, and in all too many that leads to suicide attempts or successful suicides. Any useful ideas the author may have expressed in the rest of the book is more than negated by this irresponsible, lunatic advice. Please Amazon.com, withdraw this item from sale to impressionable teenagers looking for advice in their troubled lives.



4. I am very dissapointed in this book. It is intended for a teen audience, but is written for an adult audience. I read it to several teens individually to get their opinion. One student commented, "It's obvious he doesn't have any teenagers." Try the library before buying this book I wish I had.



5. I had previously bought and read two other books by Richard Carlson, Shortcut Through Therapy and Don't sweat the small stuff...it's all just small stuff. I had found that both those books made a huge difference in my life and helped me, as someone who suffers from anxiety, to look at life in a very different way. I had even read bits and pieces of Don't sweat the small stuff to my sons when they themselves were dealing with issues of their own. My younger son is soon to be 13 and my older son is 16 and has Aspergers syndrome. What was interesting was the my older son, the one with Aspergers, really crasped the simple easy to understand writing of the late Richard Carlson, so when I came across the Don't sweat the small stuff for teens I decided to get it too. As with Don't sweat the small stuff...it's all just small stuff, the one for teens is fantastic. Another thing which makes them so great is that each chapter is unrelated to the others, so you can just jump to a chapter which is very short,( takes only 5 minutes to read), read it with or to your teen and it will offer a simple solution to the situation at hand. I even carry the don't sweat the small stuff books in my handbag, as they are small and light, and we often just stop the car, pull to the side and solve a problem there and then! I would recommend both Don't sweat the small stuff books as I feel they go hand in hand and compliment each other. And if you have a high functioning Autistic teen, then I would really go for it, even though it is not written for teens in the autistic spectrum. The reading is so short that you won't loose their attention and actually encourages them to look deeper inside and see a way out which then lessens anxiety.
   
   Dora Blondal Mizzi

3 comments about From Your Grandfather: A Gift of Memory for My Grandchild (AARP).

1. My husband and I are trying to conceive and we gave his parents this book as well as "For My Grandchild: A Grandmother's Gift of Memory" for Christmas. They loved it and cant wait for our baby to be born so they can start filling it up!!



2. This book was purchased as a gift for someone who had become a grandfather for the first time. It was the perfect gift and he was thrilled with the concept. The book is very user friendly and will be a wonderful keepsake in the years to come.



3. My friend was very touched to receive this book and thought it a great idea. Arrived on time and in good condition.

5 comments about Punished By Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise, and Other Bribes.

1. The data in this book provides a solid foundation for analysis. The problem is that author lands on some mis-guided conclusions. People at the end of the day are driven by self interest. Rewards play on that and as a result are generally effective. Kohn tends to dismiss this.



2. I've always been suspicious of the whole system of rewards and punishments as it is always dependent on the mood of the giver/depriver. Particularly as they are evaluating something about the child as acceptable or unacceptable without actually taking the time to understand the behaviour or the underlying need.
   
   Consistency is always a problem too as we are organically inconsistent and therefore prone to be human!
   
   This book spells out exactly the areas that rewards and punishment cause damage, ie in terms of internal emotional effect. It is written clearly and simply enough for parents, teachers and carers to understand.
   
   It is shockingly blunt and often humourous in it's approach and I applaud this. It has shaken me up, particularly in the area of praise where I didn't realise how much I praised in the hope of getting the child to change their behaviour.
   
   Personally I think all parents and teachers should be made to read this book in order to understand the subtle differences between internal and external motivation. I think that 'Time Out' and deprivation and punishment is a form of abuse - an abuse of power.
   
   When witnessing people using such methods I have always had a real feeling that they lack creativity and fall back on all they have known. Well the great news is that there are other ways of parenting and teaching where everyone can feel great and be respectful and self motivated.
   
   After all we are not dogs or rats!



3. I am extremely grateful to the author, Alfie Kohn, for writing this book. It has changed me forever. That sounds dramatic, but it is the truth. For me, it was paradigm shattering. I view myself, my children, and all people differently now. I can see more clearly what motivates me and all people. I feel more peace with myself, and that who I am and what I do is enough. I need not fear the judgments of others. I also have more compassion for my family and the whole human race. What a marvelously written book that is essential for all people to read. You will never be the same after pondering it's pages.



4. It can't happen overnight what you learn in this book. This has to be gradual, as it is the exact opposite to what we've all been taught to learn. However, what it does say is amazing. I only give it 4 stars because it isn't as easy as I thought it was going to be, perhaps it could go into greater lengths to help those like me struggling to "get there" 100%. But all in all, fabulous, wonderful, great concept and you must buy it and see why for yourself!



5. The author must be one of those 60s liberal types who thinks that anyone will perform to the highest levels because, after all, nearly everyone has only the best of intentions and is always self-motivated to do the right thing. The problem is that such a view of the world is quite unrealistic. Rewards are necessary because a large number of workers are not intrinsically motivated, no matter what we would like to believe. To believe otherwise is fighteningly naive.

5 comments about Your Six-Year-Old: Loving and Defiant.

1. "It's just a phase," characterizes most of childhood, but some phases are harder than others. And that's where I found myself with my six-year-old. Overnight she became whiny, clingy, and defiant one minute and her normal good-natured self the next.
   
   Reading this book gave me great insight into her behavior and reassured me that this phase too will pass.



2. This book is helpful, in that it assisted my husband in better understanding that all of the crazy things our daughter does are perfectly normal for a child her age. It is also a cute book because I believe it was written in the 1960's or 1970's, so there are very dated wordings. Overall, a good, light-hearted book that celebrates children in all of their unique ways!



3. Some aspects of this book are helpful. For example, the information about what to expect developmentally from the six year old. But some aspects are dated. Also, the authors suggest to ignore a bit more than I am comfortable with in terms of bad behavior.



4. This seller was refreshingly terrific to do business with. The order came so quickly and even though it was considered used when purchased, it is in perfect condition. Buying with this seller restored my faith in my amazon purchases. Highly recommended seller.



5. Please excuse grammar and speling. Not ny speciality. I hate details. I really enjoyed this book because I read it in one sitting. I did get insight into what is "typical" behaviour for a girl 6.5 years old. One example, paraphrased,'kid at this age tend to worry that sonmething bad will happen to one of their parents'. This explains why my daughter started becoming so upset when I would go out. It seemed to come on suddenly leaving me woindering what I had done wrong. Turns out it was not anything I did. I was able to share with her what I read and explain that her feelings are "normal" for her age. If I had not read this I would have wasted time asking her what was wrong with her or looking to blame my wife or me, creating a ure future neurosis of som e kind. My daughter has relaxed since I was able to explain that this is "normal" for some kids her age. My daughter is high maintenance (super sensitive, perfectionist, hyper emotional...). I was worried she was going to get "labeled" because of this, so I started seeking information. This was a good start, but this is not a comprehensive look at the psychology of children. I have had to look at other books, but this is a nice quick insight into a kids inner world. I also highly recomend "When Labels Don't Fit" by Brbra Probst if you're looking for deeper pshycological analysis.

5 comments about Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child.

1. Anyone who has read any part of this book would know that it does address the needs of both people in the relationship, whether one - or both - were abused. To say that this book doesn't address the partners of survivors is ridiculous. This book is loaded with insightful information for both survivor and partner to assist in learning and dealing with the abuse. Indeed, parts of this book may not truly relate to your personal situation, but there parts that will, guaranteed.
   Being a good partner means being open and receptive, to even the things we fear the most. While there are parts to this book that open new doors and create new challenges, this book provides great insight in how to face those challenges, and come out ahead. Can a book fix everything? No. But this is great place to start.
   The book is loaded with quotes like: "You will also need to shift your focus from the survivor and the survivor's problems to yourself - your needs, your feelings, your history, and places you can grow." AND "Don't take care of the survivor. That's not your job in life. Take care of yourself."
   Anyone who says this book can't help either didn't read it, or is too narrow-minded to know any better. Read this book. Read it with your partner, and share what your learn together.



2. This book has brought sanity back to an insane process. This book will help you cope and understand what your partner is going through when engaged in a sexual abuse recovery. It brings hope back into what can feel like a helpless situation. It is a must read for those intimately involved in the recovery process.



3. makes false allegations that they were sexually abused based on "recovered memories" as encouraged by Courage to Heal?



4. A must read for anyone dealing with personal abuse or others who have been abused.



5. A very good reference tool and was helpful to me. I've known about my partner's sexual abuse pretty much since we met. This helped me understand aspects of her behavoir; it's not directed at me because it's not about me. That's immensely helpful.

5 comments about Man Magnet: How to Be the Best Woman You Can Be in Order to Get the Best Man.

1. Direct and to the point information on attracting and dating men. Lots of clues for the clueless. Read this book and you won't get caught off guard by not so well meaning men.



2. As with all these types of books you take what you want and leave the rest. I thought this gave some excellent validation to some of those "best woman" ideas that sometimes get lost when we get tangled in an emotional web. I don't know about it being the criteria for getting the best man but it sure reinforced the best woman that I had somewhat forgotten about



3. Good read. Author talks about some good points that you can immediately implement. I'd recommend it for any woman who wants to get more dates and attention for men.



4. I just finished reading this book and it is full of practical advice most I agree with. Like this book says it is all about confidence and liking who you are and making the best of yourself. I plan on reading it again



5. I have read a number of books recently to do with relationships; books written by either women or men, to give me a better understanding of how men think and feel and how I can improve my relationships and my attraction factor.
   
   Man Magnet was not only an easy and fun book to read, it really opened my eyes to why I've attracted certain types of men into my life over the years; some good, some not so good. If a woman really wants a better knowledge of how to attract (and keep) the right guy, then read Man Magnet.
   
   Below is a link to another great relationship book I read recently that I found very helpful and insightful.
   
   How To Keep Your Man: And Keep Him For Good

5 comments about The Art of Loving.

1. I read Erich Fromm's book many years ago, when I was in college in the late 60s/early 70s. It subtantially changed the way I viewed the world and to today influences what I believe and do.
   
   I just bought a copy of the volume for my daughter who is working her way into adulthood, on the hope that it can help her the way it helped me.
   
   I don't think there is any other work I have recommended to others more in my life and I recommend it to you. It is a short, wise book.
   
   William J. Trinkle----



2. This book was very impressive and I learned a lot about the subject of love and myself. It would be nice if every couple who are deciding to get married would read this book. If they did, perhaps they would understand going in that there is a lot more to it than 'what is in it for me.' Perhaps the sad divorce rate in our country would dissipate some extent. This book belongs on the top shelf with the other books I consider master works. I plan on reading the rest of Fromm's works.



3. "Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of being loved, rather than that of loving, of one's capacity to love. Hence the problem to them is how to be loved, not how to love." -Eric Fromm, The Art of Loving
   
   I picked up this book by chance at the Miami Dade County Book Fair. I had heard of Fromm briefly in my psychology class, and thought this little book (the actual text not more than 130 pages) would be a great companion to another book I picked up on love in Shakespeare's plays. Judging by his background psychology, I prepared myself for The Art of Loving to turn out like many other psychoanalytic books tend to be: a small book that would take an unimaginable amount of time to read. However, it was quite the contrary; what I encountered in this small book was an eye-opening experienced that made me aware of both my accomplishments and my failures in life. I found myself reading the book from cover to cover, flipping it over and starting again.
   
   As I read (and reread) the book felt like Fromm was talking directly to me, as if he and I were sitting down and having an in-depth conversation on love's role in my life. Fromm touches on all forms of love from parental love, to brotherly (neighborly) love, to erotic love, to love of God, and to self love, which he specifically explains is very different from narcissism. He speaks of the problem in the Western world's concept of love as a temporary gratification and a purely selfish act and discusses how to rectify it by attempting to invert what is seen and practiced in the world by learning to live in love, hinging it on the art of giving of oneself.
   
   However, do not expect, as Fromm states in the first section of this book, that you will find a step by step guide on `how to love'. This book is more of an awareness of what love is and how humanity does not love. It very much reveals yourself to yourself, and shows you how love is verb not a noun (thus an art and not a name). It is something you have to do constantly, not wait for it to come to you. As Fromm says, "What are the necessary steps in learning any art? One, mastery of the theory; two, mastery of the practice." For Fromm love is the answer to human existence and one must first learn to love oneself before he can attempt to love others. It is a self-changing experience.



4. This author is amazing. His insight from back in the 30's- 50's is really incredible.
   A perceptive and great writer. I enjoy his work. This book is very special because it the first one I read of his. I've given this book to many friends.
   Highly recommended.



5. Everyone should read this book. It resonates at a very deep level in the human psyche. Love as a self-directed activity instead of the "whats in it for me" mentality is huge. Current American thinking is the exact opposite of what Fromm was trying to say about love being a self-directed activity. The books explanations show the reader why our current culture is so miserable, thankless and disloyal. We are taught to love passively instead of actively and its progressing more toward self-centerness everyday.I highly recommend this book, especially if you are sick of being miserable.