5 comments about Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child.

1. Anyone who has read any part of this book would know that it does address the needs of both people in the relationship, whether one - or both - were abused. To say that this book doesn't address the partners of survivors is ridiculous. This book is loaded with insightful information for both survivor and partner to assist in learning and dealing with the abuse. Indeed, parts of this book may not truly relate to your personal situation, but there parts that will, guaranteed.
   Being a good partner means being open and receptive, to even the things we fear the most. While there are parts to this book that open new doors and create new challenges, this book provides great insight in how to face those challenges, and come out ahead. Can a book fix everything? No. But this is great place to start.
   The book is loaded with quotes like: "You will also need to shift your focus from the survivor and the survivor's problems to yourself - your needs, your feelings, your history, and places you can grow." AND "Don't take care of the survivor. That's not your job in life. Take care of yourself."
   Anyone who says this book can't help either didn't read it, or is too narrow-minded to know any better. Read this book. Read it with your partner, and share what your learn together.



2. This book has brought sanity back to an insane process. This book will help you cope and understand what your partner is going through when engaged in a sexual abuse recovery. It brings hope back into what can feel like a helpless situation. It is a must read for those intimately involved in the recovery process.



3. makes false allegations that they were sexually abused based on "recovered memories" as encouraged by Courage to Heal?



4. A must read for anyone dealing with personal abuse or others who have been abused.



5. A very good reference tool and was helpful to me. I've known about my partner's sexual abuse pretty much since we met. This helped me understand aspects of her behavoir; it's not directed at me because it's not about me. That's immensely helpful.

5 comments about Man Magnet: How to Be the Best Woman You Can Be in Order to Get the Best Man.

1. Direct and to the point information on attracting and dating men. Lots of clues for the clueless. Read this book and you won't get caught off guard by not so well meaning men.



2. As with all these types of books you take what you want and leave the rest. I thought this gave some excellent validation to some of those "best woman" ideas that sometimes get lost when we get tangled in an emotional web. I don't know about it being the criteria for getting the best man but it sure reinforced the best woman that I had somewhat forgotten about



3. Good read. Author talks about some good points that you can immediately implement. I'd recommend it for any woman who wants to get more dates and attention for men.



4. I just finished reading this book and it is full of practical advice most I agree with. Like this book says it is all about confidence and liking who you are and making the best of yourself. I plan on reading it again



5. I have read a number of books recently to do with relationships; books written by either women or men, to give me a better understanding of how men think and feel and how I can improve my relationships and my attraction factor.
   
   Man Magnet was not only an easy and fun book to read, it really opened my eyes to why I've attracted certain types of men into my life over the years; some good, some not so good. If a woman really wants a better knowledge of how to attract (and keep) the right guy, then read Man Magnet.
   
   Below is a link to another great relationship book I read recently that I found very helpful and insightful.
   
   How To Keep Your Man: And Keep Him For Good

5 comments about The Art of Loving.

1. I read Erich Fromm's book many years ago, when I was in college in the late 60s/early 70s. It subtantially changed the way I viewed the world and to today influences what I believe and do.
   
   I just bought a copy of the volume for my daughter who is working her way into adulthood, on the hope that it can help her the way it helped me.
   
   I don't think there is any other work I have recommended to others more in my life and I recommend it to you. It is a short, wise book.
   
   William J. Trinkle----



2. This book was very impressive and I learned a lot about the subject of love and myself. It would be nice if every couple who are deciding to get married would read this book. If they did, perhaps they would understand going in that there is a lot more to it than 'what is in it for me.' Perhaps the sad divorce rate in our country would dissipate some extent. This book belongs on the top shelf with the other books I consider master works. I plan on reading the rest of Fromm's works.



3. "Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of being loved, rather than that of loving, of one's capacity to love. Hence the problem to them is how to be loved, not how to love." -Eric Fromm, The Art of Loving
   
   I picked up this book by chance at the Miami Dade County Book Fair. I had heard of Fromm briefly in my psychology class, and thought this little book (the actual text not more than 130 pages) would be a great companion to another book I picked up on love in Shakespeare's plays. Judging by his background psychology, I prepared myself for The Art of Loving to turn out like many other psychoanalytic books tend to be: a small book that would take an unimaginable amount of time to read. However, it was quite the contrary; what I encountered in this small book was an eye-opening experienced that made me aware of both my accomplishments and my failures in life. I found myself reading the book from cover to cover, flipping it over and starting again.
   
   As I read (and reread) the book felt like Fromm was talking directly to me, as if he and I were sitting down and having an in-depth conversation on love's role in my life. Fromm touches on all forms of love from parental love, to brotherly (neighborly) love, to erotic love, to love of God, and to self love, which he specifically explains is very different from narcissism. He speaks of the problem in the Western world's concept of love as a temporary gratification and a purely selfish act and discusses how to rectify it by attempting to invert what is seen and practiced in the world by learning to live in love, hinging it on the art of giving of oneself.
   
   However, do not expect, as Fromm states in the first section of this book, that you will find a step by step guide on `how to love'. This book is more of an awareness of what love is and how humanity does not love. It very much reveals yourself to yourself, and shows you how love is verb not a noun (thus an art and not a name). It is something you have to do constantly, not wait for it to come to you. As Fromm says, "What are the necessary steps in learning any art? One, mastery of the theory; two, mastery of the practice." For Fromm love is the answer to human existence and one must first learn to love oneself before he can attempt to love others. It is a self-changing experience.



4. This author is amazing. His insight from back in the 30's- 50's is really incredible.
   A perceptive and great writer. I enjoy his work. This book is very special because it the first one I read of his. I've given this book to many friends.
   Highly recommended.



5. Everyone should read this book. It resonates at a very deep level in the human psyche. Love as a self-directed activity instead of the "whats in it for me" mentality is huge. Current American thinking is the exact opposite of what Fromm was trying to say about love being a self-directed activity. The books explanations show the reader why our current culture is so miserable, thankless and disloyal. We are taught to love passively instead of actively and its progressing more toward self-centerness everyday.I highly recommend this book, especially if you are sick of being miserable.

5 comments about Whoopi's Big Book of Manners.

1. This book starts off like an innocuous book of basic etiquette and light-hearted humor, but when I came across a comment in the middle of the book stating that it was not polite to burp in public, "unless you're in Korea", and it's not good manners to slurp your food "unless you're in China", I really did a double take. This, in a book designed to teach children manners and proper behavior in our society? One might forgive comedians making racially derogatory remarks in an adult-themed monologue, but that was certainly not what a parent should expect, or accept, in a book written for their children. There's enough intolerance and bigotry in our world without books like this encouraging such attitudes.



2. Whoopi got it right. I think young children today are NOT getting taught manners and many adults are losing the manners they were taught. Great book then to read to your children for their education and for adults a refresher.



3. Good book. Whoopi Goldberg has a way of talking that usually makes sense. Now that she's on "The View", it reminds me of her former talk show, that was a pleasant and enjoyable show. It's been interesting listening to Whoopi Goldberg talk about Hillary Clinton for President. Did you know that Hillary Clinton Earned more votes than any Presidential Primary candidate in the history of America?



4. It's a shame that we have people who look up to this person. After seeing the way she behaves herself on "The View" I've come to realize that she is nothing more than a racist pig.



5. I picked this up at the bookstore, just shopping for books for my 5 year old granddaughter. She and her mother read it together, and she loved it. She was so excited about it, that she brought it downstairs to "read" to me. The illustrations are great, and the surprise at the end really made her giggle. I highly recommend it.

5 comments about Sperm Wars: Infidelity, Sexual Conflict, and Other Bedroom Battles.

1. You have to be rather mature to be able to read this book without freaking out. It is so full of brutal honesty with regard to human sexual behaviour. It would be more than easy to just get insecure and try to push it all under the carpet. Only a very strong person can come to terms with the reality of his or her own biological nature. If you read this at face value, it would be a temptation to lose all fatih in human beings. You could spend your life hiding behind hollywood fantasies as to to human nature and the myth of "being in love" as the only truth about sex and love but that would be delusional. Remember that human beings are biology, and this book makes that startingly clear... and that we are also a heart. At the end of the day we are free and we choose our actions. Read with care. This book is scary. VM



2. To those who are rather desperately clinging on to their world view despite this book (and it's 1996 earlier version) by criticizing it for lack of scientific rigor, you should realize that this is the popular press version of Baker and Bellis' research and not the academic text. The subject matter is only contoversial by its socially explosive conclusions and not by any questions of its science.
   
   If you really want the solid data to convince you that virtually everything you want to believe is wrong, you should get a copy of Human Sperm Competition: Copulation, Masturbation and Infidelity which is the academic text of their groundbreaking research.
   
   The proper scientific documentation really is there. Our physiology is wildly more complex than most people had believed and clearly did not develop in a sexually pair bonded environment.



3. Uncompromising, cynical and probably correct. Humans are robots programmed by evolutionary sexual strategies. Expect programmed behavior from others. Know thyself or be a robot.



4. Very interesting book. Highly thoughtful and well written. I dont agree with everything in here, but it was fun to read, and i will never think of sex quite the same again. Read at your own risk!



5. This book is amazingly interesting. It reveals biological facts around sexuality that are astounding (and, for me, somewhat disconcerting). It's also very readable indeed.
   
   My only complaint is that some controversial ideas are given without presenting the arguments against them or outlining competing theories. To his credit, the author acknowledges this very clearly from the outset. Nevertheless, I feel that the book could have benefitted from their inclusion (perhaps in an appendix so that readability is not affected).
   
   Apart from this minor point, this book really opened my eyes and got me thinking ... and gave me great material for conversation with friends! A highly recommended read!

5 comments about The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved.

1. We are all involved in relationships. But most do not achieve real meaningful ones. Our relationships don't turn sour, we just become indifferent.
   
   We have been bombarded by messages that promise fun, excitment, pleasure and possessions are the answer to our emotional needs. But those are all feelings. And feelings change. They are not permanent. So no matter how much fun and excitement we pursue, it will not satisfy the basic need for intimacy. Our wants - material possessions - cannot fulfill our need for intimacy.
   
   Matthew does and excellent job of exploring what intimacy is and what it is not. Most people have a misconception of what intimacy is.
   
   The book is filled with very valuable information about the various types of intimacy - physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. Matthew also provides the basis for a strong relationship. If you read and accept his premise, you will change the way you look at your relationships. You will understand that most relationships are self-centered and therefore almost always doomed to fail.
   
   The book is divided into three parts. The first part defines intimacy, the second part discusses the seven levels of intimacy and the last part discusses the 10 reasons why people do not have a great relationship and how to design a great relationship.
   
   Your primary relationship will have a huge impact on your quality of life. This is very valuable information and should be read by everyone who has not commited to living as a hermit.



2. we all know-more or less-the things necessary for a successful, fulfilling relationship. however, too often we struggle with how to achieve one. kelly offers some (common sense) insight and suggestions on perspectives and approaches to accomplish the relationships that we wish for. it confirmed much of what i knew yet was very practical. i highly recommend it.



3. Fabulous book, more people should read it and it would make the world a better place with better people.



4. Wonderful book on intimacy and it's necessity to the totality of the human being. The book has a neatly laid out theory or look at intimacy and even includes some great practicals on how to work towards intimacy in your relationships. Great read.



5. I never read it. I gather she liked it. Once you have achieved coming together as one and lost all sense of time and space I think you're a little past the seventh level.

5 comments about One Child.

1. I'm half-way through this book and I LOVE it so far!! I'm in school to become a teacher and we're reading this book. It has opened my eyes!!!



2. This story gave me tears of sadness and tears of joy. While it is heartbreaking to learn of all the abuse Sheila has endured, it is
   heartwarming to know that SOMEONE took the time and effort to encourage her and to reach out to her. This book is a wonderful testament to the power of love and the human spirit.



3. I was required to get this book for my special education training that I need for my master's. This book was very interesting. It showed the good and bad things Torey Hayden did in the course of serving this one child, Sheila. I could not put it down.



4. This amazing true story is about a violent 6-year old. You will be amazed by the details of how her teacher--Torey Hayden--reaches out to this child with special needs. This book is a must for teachers and parents.



5. I was required to read this book in my high school psych class, as well as the sequel to it. It was a very captivating read, and the imagery really sticks with you. The teacher gave us a schedule of when we had to finish each chapter by, but I couldn't put the thing down.

5 comments about The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing.

1. This is like a "dummy's" or a "McDonald's" guide to emotional abuse. Doesn't compare to Lundy Bancroft's work. It provided no clarity at all. Because Engle tries so hard to make it balanced, the book left me more confused about my role in an abusive relationship---that's not a good place to be. Abusers are constantly telling the victim "you're the problem" "if only you could fix yourself." It preys right into an abuser's tendency to claim that he is himself is the victim. Save your money for Lundy Bancroft.



2. I read this book last night and had nightmares about the possibility that someone could be emotionally or even physically harmed by following this author's so-called "program". If you're up for a heaping dose of "blame the victim", a lack of understanding of victim's issues and even some not-so-thinly disguised contempt for them (in one section, the author describes victims as "whining" and "groveling"), this book is for you. But if you truly want to understand what has happened to you, why you are not at fault, and how to deal with it, I suggest "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans, "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft, or "Emotional Blackmail" by Susan Forward. Another good book with lots of advice on how to manage your life once you've decided to leave an abuser is "When Love Goes Wrong" by Ann Jones and Susan Schechter.
   
   This book is written by an author who reveals that after 20 years as a practicing therapist AND undergoing therapy, she had an epiphany that she is a narcissistic abuser herself. One thing is clear, she has an agenda: to fight the "demonization" of abusers in popular media and give them a "chance" for recovery. From the beginning of the book, she makes excuses for their behavior and blames it on their bad childhoods. At the same time, she makes sweeping generalizations about victims that are negative and substantially untrue. She wants you to believe that even though she took 20 years, AND therapy, just to gain awareness, this book by itself can pop open the eyes of abusers everywhere to her "breakthrough program". What she doesn't share with you is that the odds of that happening to a true narcissist/abuser are very, very slim.
   
   The worst part of this book is its potential for guiding victims into dangerous situations without a whole lot of support. Her suggestion to confront your abuser - head-on, alone, with "confidence" and a meager handful of pat phrases - would be laughable if it weren't so hazardous to your emotional and even physical health. This suggestion shows a gross lack of awareness that many abusive people react aggressively and even violently when confronted and no one else is watching. The author also INSISTS that since your parents MUST be either controlling or abusive, you must first confront your parents and then "maintain boundaries despite threats or manipulation".
   
   You could probably write another book on what is wrong with this is book, but a few of the author's most glaringly wrong-headed points are this:
   
   - Abusers can change, but first you must do a complete analysis of your life history, and then you must confront them with grace, composure, and a perfectly-worded response, because you just might open their eyes. WRONG: it is not the responsibility of the victim to dance around an abuser's behavior or convince them to change - in fact, the victim is the LEAST LIKELY person to trigger an abuser's change of heart.
   
   - All victims willfully choose their abuser, put up with the abuse because they don't think they deserve any better, and are repeating abusive patterns started by one or both parents. WRONG: Abusers can hide their true nature for months or years; being moderately accommodating and agreeable is a positive trait as long as you're dealing with "normal" people; most victims grew up in non-abusive households.
   
   - Poor self-esteem is what causes you to allow yourself to be abused. WRONG: abuse causes a lack of self-esteem, not the other way around. And when the abuser is gone, the self-esteem comes back.
   
   - People with narcissism and border-line personality disorder (BPD) are good candidates for therapy. WRONG: Even with a competent therapist, the prognosis for recovery from ANY full-blown personality disorder is not good.
   
   - People with personality disorders such as narcissism can be "helped" by studying this book. WRONG: People with personality disorders, by their nature, have a highly defective self image; they entirely lack the objectivity and self-awareness that is necessary for self-improvement.
   
   - Narcissism and border-line personality disorder (BPD) are illnesses just like depression and schizophrenia. WRONG: Major depression and schizophrenia are involuntary, biologically-based illnesses which can be controlled with drug therapy and cannot be controlled by changing one's behavior towards other people. Narcissism and BPD are behavioral disorders. There is no drug for narcissists or BPDs to change them into more healthy people. They can change simply by behaving differently, but they overwhelmingly prefer not to.
   
   The author desperately wants us to believe that abusers are not hopeless. They aren't, but victims need someone to set a realistic expectation about their abuser, and the author has not done that. If someone with a career in the mental health field, who's in therapy, can be oblivious to their own personality disorder for 20 years, what are the chances of John Q. Narcissist latching onto this book and making a life change? The author shares no personal insight with us at all - she never pauses for reflection on her own moment of awareness or thinking processes, and never demonstrates heartfelt empathy for victims (I prefer the term "targets"). For that reason alone, I have a hard time believing this author should be taken seriously. The harsh, ugly truth is that most abusers make a conscious CHOICE to be abusive.



3. I have gone to therapy and read different books to try to understand what I was going through, and my depression, even my divorce judge said mental and emotional abuse didnt exist, it wasn't domestic violence, but this was the first book that hit home. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 20 years, and even tho there was no physical abuse, I thought I was just in a bad relationship. As I began to read the book, I began to cry, because for the first time in my life, (including therapy) I found what I was looking for, the understanding of my life, and how it affected me, and that more important some else understood the dynamics of this unhealthy relationship, I am going to give this book to my 3 daughter who have also been a victim of emotional abuse from their up bringing, I strongly urge a person who has been a victim of emotional abuse, or who is the emotional abuser to read this book it will change your life



4. I just got out of an abusive relationship and this women treats the subject as some small problem that can be solved with therapy. Lundy Bancroft understands this author does not. Moreover the information in this book could keep women in abusive relationships by hoping the abuser will get better.



5. Engel leads you thru step-by-step discovering how your childhood relationships impact your adult relationships. She offers good examples and thot-provoking questions so that you can finally pinpoint your own triggers and negative behaviors. THEN she provides concrete coping stragies and methods to avoid or reconstruct negative patterns. Finally, a book that provides more than just insight into your past - and more than "If you think you can, then you can!" type of help. Not cheerleading, and not preachy. My husband and I both benefitted greatly from this book.

5 comments about Honor Thyself.

1. Same old formula. Beautiful, world known woman meets man, loses man, meets man again only to ride off in to the sunset after a tragic event in her life.
   
   The good news: I didn't buy the book. My sister gave it to me.
   The bad news: I read the book.
   
   It's the same, poorly written, repetitious, formula that Steel has used now for years as her writing gets more and more stale with each new offering, but with the money she makes and her multi-million dollar net worth, she probably doesn't care. Her first ten to fifteen books were magical, and then they started to go downhill; swearing, sexual detail, and flamboyance. Personally, I liked her books better when they were purely love stories without all the graphic language and sex, but that's just me.
   
   In this story, Carol Baker, beautiful, world reknown actress decided to chuck Hollywood and travel to Paris, a place she hadn't been since a disasterous love affair with a French diplomat ended poorly. She's intent on writing a book, and on her first night in the City of Lights, she's in a taxi in a tunnel when a car full of young men pass her taxi. One of the young men looks her straight in the eye, and seconds later the tunnel explodes with a terrorist bomb. Carol is ejected from the taxi, and for days, no one knows who she is. In the hospital, she awakes after days, but has total amnesia. Over the next weeks and months, her memory comes back, her former lover comes to visit, and the bomber even tries to kill her in her hospital room. She gets better, her children stop twittering over her well being, her ex-husband goes back to the States, and her best friend and secretary allow her privacy to see her diplomat lover. In the end, Carol goes off in to the sunset, madly in love and all is well with the world.



2. I found the script to be reminiscent of the repetitiveness found in many of her other books. The book could have been easily abridged without the loss of any content. I noted many sentences that were incorrectly structured and/or contained poor grammar.
   One of the themes in the book (very wealthy and important woman meets very wealthy and important married man)is recurrent. I find it rather disconcerting that in many of the books I have read, she seems to promote extra-marital relationships as healthy and normal (the fault resting on an unloving spouse, thus justifying the new, blissful relationship). I find it hard to identify with/sympathize with a woman who falls in love with a married man and is hurt when he won't leave his wife for her. I would like to see more books about "ordinary" "boy meets girl" who marry and stay married through sickness, financial difficulties, marriage problems, disasters... the stuff with which most of us can identify.
   As a medical professional, I was incredulous with regards to the lack of accuracy in the details surrounding Carol's brain injury and recovery. They are not believable and are technically incorrect, such as the effects of an injury to the brain stem, the process of removing her from the ventilator (not "respirator" as it is referred to in the book), etc. The post-injury recovery time was very abbreviated and unrealistic. Maybe I am being too picky, but when I read books that incorporate medical conditions, I expect the author to do the required research and confer with appropriate medical professionals before including such detail into a book (especially when it is a primary focus).
   I do not wish, however, to be totally negative in my review. I like the overall theme of examining one's life and relationships-past and present. I also think that the terrorist element is definitely relevant to this day and time and is something for everyone to contemplate.



3. Honor Thyself is the story of Carole (already forgotten her last name!), a Hollywood actress who is taking time off from the big screen to write a novel. She has a case of writers block and decides to take a trip to Paris to "find herself" so she can complete her book and go back to acting. On her first day in Paris she is in a victim of a terrorist attack that leaves her unconscious and unclaimed in the hospital. Once her ex-husband finds her, he, their two children and her assistant rush to her bedside. Carole comes out of her coma only to have amnesia. The rest of the story details her recovery.
   
   Honor Thyself is a poorly written book. Commas are everywhere and I would guess the majority of sentences are seven words or less. Some of the storyline left me shaking my head. Guards with machine guns in hand walking beside the wheelchair when Carole's dismissed from the hospital and then she's traisping all over Paris with her old boyfriend while the same machine gun-toting guards are in the car behind them or walking at a distance to afford them privacy??? Come on Ms.Steel, write something the reader can believe. I know it's fiction but this was quite a stretch. I kind of like my fiction to be believable. And how many times do we read that Carole loves her ex-husband as a brother. What??? Does one really love someone they were married to and had two children with as a brother?
   
   Honor Thyself is just more of the same from Danielle Steel. I honestly don't know why I keep reading her books. Thank goodness I get them from the library now and don't waste my hard-earned money on them. I guess I'm hoping that the newest DS novel will be like the great can't-put-them-down books she used to write. How disappointed I am each time! I have wondered why her books have been so bad lately and I happened to see the same interview as mentioned earlier. My advice to Ms. Steel is to quit writing five books at one time and just concentrate on one. Honor Thyself Ms. Steel and maybe then your readers won't be so disappointed.



4. I really enjoyed this book, it started good from the start . It continued on at a slower pace but you have to acquire a taste for the character and all involved . People who suffer from amnesia has to go through this process to try and remember stuff from their life , so i dont think it was repetive that she loved her ex husband like a brother , she just did not remember much details about her previous life with him . Overall it was a good summer read , and i enjoyed it during my vacation . I would still recommend Danielle Steele's novels . I am an avis fan of hers for over twenty years . Keep up the good work , and dont mind these negative reviewers they have personal issues .



5. It saddens me to say, but the phenomenal author formerly known as Danielle Steel no longer exists. She has hit rock bottom, although imo it would take just ONE quality, impressive novel to restore her former glory, with the condition that she CONTINUE to put out quality over quantity. The plot was interesting enough, but I must agree with other reviews in the fact that her writing has become atrociously elementary, repetitive and laughably unresearched. It shocks me that reputable publishing companies will put material like this out based on a "brand name", while truly magnificent material from thousands of would be/should be authors gets tossed to the trash heap before they even get a fair review. Before reading this book I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it couldn't be any worse than 'Bungalow 2'. I was right in that assumption, but not by much. My advice to DS fans is check your local library before parting sight unseen with your hard earned dollars. My advice to Steel is fire your editor and take a refresher course in writing 101. What do you expect when you churn out novels at an assembly line pace? Read your reviews and it will become crystal clear that the majority of your fans DON'T appreciate quantity over quality and are liable to desert you in droves if it continues. It appears as if you're sacrificing your God given talent as a writer for the almighty buck, and I, for one, don't appreciate being ripped off.

5 comments about Breaking Free: A Recovery Workbook for Facing Codependence.

1. I've taken a few sessions with Diane, a cognitive therapist, who has shown an interest in Melody's work. From the little I've read it seems that the work of Freud and Jung are at the heart of this type of analysis. From memory Freud argues that there are conscious and unconscious levels of human experience.
   
   At the conscious level we go about our day to day lives growing, working, having families and other relationships as we may. The sub-conscious level of being is the fundamentally human, the BIOS of being. Here we are programmed to procreate and well being is achieved by behaving in ways consistent with successful procreating and nurturing. The two may collide as life choices at the conscious level ...
   
   I think that a practical person has to start with simple assumptions like, `in the end we are all dead', and no matter what else, the dog needs a bone.
   
   This is why I value the stuff I've read from Freud and Jung and see the study of the `child within' from behaviourists and cognitive therapists like Melody and Diane useful and instructive, but apt to take you beyond the point of utility. What is the reason for analysing the mysteries of childhood? Probably to identify points of dissonance between the conscious and unconscious aspects of self and to experiment with healing strategies which lead to healthier being. But there needs to be a line in the sand beyond which you press to make the experience of life the point rather than be lost under too much analysis.
   
   The danger is always at the level of the navel. Anything too far south of the navel for too long can in the end lead to time consuming introspections which channel energy where is might have been more usefully employed at the practical level.
   
   Because of this fear of losing the plot, being analytical to a point of purity and inertia, I feel more attracted to Seligman's texts, like Learned Optimism. Although wordy and victim of the modern determination to demonstrate that the underlying methodology is clinical and tested, it falls into the `kick in the bum' camp. By this I mean Seligman wants the reader to move forward in life, to live more successfully having learned of the kinds of errors of thought which waylay us all to some degree or another.
   
   Melody is deep navel. She is an iconoclast and defensive to the point of leaving little time for self improvement. By the time I'd accepted I'd wounded my `child within' I was ready to cauterize the bastard and throw the bone at the dog rather than to the dog. To be fair she turns the ship into safer waters in her recovery workbook but for god's sake I'll die of the tedium before I finish the exercises and get into recovery.
   
   Besides, my `bsmeter' goes into meltdown when someone defines their descriptor of human life so broadly as to include everyone and adds to that that anyone who questions whether or not they fit the bill as being in denial. Diane commented in this regard during one session. If a descriptor is universal and defended by a huge protective moat, it risks defining nothing more accurately than its own purity and purposelessness.
   
   Apart from being forward looking, Seligman concludes that we arbitrate our own destiny. At the end of the day he has us able to fix ourselves if we want to. Change what you can and acknowledge that that which you can't change is something you can manage, maybe with drugs in the case of some depressions for example.
   
   Co-dependence theorising is fine, but the ship is at sea taking water, so let's stop looking at the errors in the maps we were issued with and turn the boat around before it hits another iceberg.



2. This book was extremely helpful as a follow-up to Pia Mellody's other books.I know someone in recovery for drug and alcohol addictions and this book has helped me to help support them in their recover.
   reccommend it.



3. It took me several years before I was ready to work this book. I would pick it up, get paralyzed with fear, and then put it down. Once I was ready, it changed my life completely. I buy a new one every year or so, and work it for different reasons. Totally changed my world. I am forever grateful to the author.



4. Ok, ok, I have to admit I have journaled this year and so I bought the book hoping it would help me streamline the work I need to do. However, it didn't. But not because it's not well thought out but because I prefered to follow my own thoughts and feelings in my own way rather than the way layed out in the book. If you're interested in purchasing this book I recommend looking at it in person and carefully thinking about whether it will be helpful to you. It's basically lots of empty space (so you can journal) but it does give you suggestions and examples on what to journal about. I'd say that the more you struggle facing your issues the more helpful the book will be to you because it will give you ideas.



5. Breaking Free: A Recovery Workbook for Facing Codependence
   Great companion for working the CODA 12 steps. makes tackling that fearsome 4th Step a lot easier. Simplify your recovery.... this workbook is a 'must have' tool.