3 comments about Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Workbook for Women: Seven Questions to Ask Beforeand AfterYou Marry.

1. I was a little on the fence about this book because I really didnt think it would help. We are not married yet, but this book has helped a lot to see each other out in the open. It has also showed us what the other thinks about us and what we can work on as a couple.



2. Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts is the pre-marital book and companion workbooks our church uses with all our couples who plan to be married. A "season" couple goes through the book with the engaged couple, meeting many times the 6 months prior to their wedding. This mentoring process has proved to be a wonderful experience for both couples, and times together carry on well past the wedding day. The newlyweds now have a couple that have invested time with them, other than their parents, which has been a blessing to them.



3. This book is trite, poorly-written, and is premised on harmful misconceptions about the role of so called "gender differences" in a healthy marriage. It was required reading for our premarital counseling sessions and, although we went into it with open minds, we actually thought relying on the advice in this book would be harmful to marriage! Finally, it seems clear that the male author doesn't respect his wife, from the dismissive way he discusses her. Worst of all, the notes page of the book reflects studies that refer not to actual studies but to unsubstantiated claims made by other self-help authors or in other self help books. Skip this one, and if your church requires it, speak up. It's garbage.

5 comments about All I Want Is Everything (Gossip Girl, 3).

1. Blair Waldorf is having the worst time of her life. She has just completely flubbed her Yale interview, even going so far as to kiss her interviewer; she must contend with a dreadlock-bearing new stepbrother named Aaron, who seems to have some ulterior motives up his sleeve; her mother is marrying a loser whom she has known for hardly no time at all; and, to top it all off, Nate has ditched her for a chesty ten-year-old - well, she looks ten. Luckily, she and Serena van der Woodsen are back on speaking terms, and living it up as BFF's once more. But who knows how long that will last.
   
   The holidays are just around the corner, and with the Upper East Side absolutely freezing, everyone who's loaded is planning on ditching their Marc Jacobs coats, and slipping into their Missoni string bikinis for a Christmas in a tropical place. With Nate Archibald having called it quits with Blair in order to take up a romance with freshman Jenny Humphrey, Blair is anything but ready to say goodbye to the city, and head off to St. Bart's with Serena, where they can sunbathe topless, and, perhaps, have a winter fling. Unfortunately, Serena is being stalked by Flow, the hottest rock star on the planet - at least at the moment - and can't seem to shake him off, and Blair, armed with her iBook plans on holing up in the hotel room writing the essay for her Yale application. Looks like this vacation won't be as sizzling as originally planned. But with Blair's new stepbrother, Aaron, and his pal Miles in tow, you never know when the sparks will fly.
   
   Back in the city, Nate and Jenny are having the time of their life. But with Blair's sudden appearances at every turn, Nate finds himself more and more drawn to the girl he has known and loved for so many years. But then there's Jenny. Sweet, innocent, voluptuous Jenny. Maybe if Nate spent less time being baked, and more time being straight, he'd be able to decide who he's truly lusting over.
   
   Then there's Jenny's older brother, Dan. Since admitting their passion for one another, Dan and Vanessa have been having a whirlwind romance - albeit a dark one - filled with foreign films, cigarettes, strong instant coffee, and lots and lots of black. But since falling in love, Dan finds himself at a standstill regarding his poetry. Suddenly, he's experiencing writer's block firsthand, and it's not a pretty picture. But when Vanessa supposedly does something that betrays both him and Jenny, he wonders if this is the push he needs to get his writing back on track - and to get even.
   
   Three books down, and still Cecily von Ziegesar is going strong; creating intoxicating storylines that leave you craving more, and dying to find out what will happen to S, B, N, and the rest of the gang. Finally Blair and Serena are back to their old tricks, partying 'till the break of dawn, and hamming it up for the cameras. While their friendship is a beautiful thing, and it's wonderful to see them back on speaking terms, the fact that they're not at each other's throats any longer kind of makes the reader miss their feuding; however, their gossip fests about their friends, and their many shopping sprees certainly make up for their catfights. Jenny is still the sweet girl we all know and love from GOSSIP GIRL and YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME; but in AS LONG AS WE'RE TOGETHER, she finally seems to be growing up a bit, and it's nice to see her stand up for herself for once, and not allow people to push her around. Her relationship with her brother, Dan, seems to have changed slightly. Suddenly, he's watching her every move, and not being as friend-like towards her. Instead, seeming more like a jail warden. But, no matter what, you can't help but love each and every one of them - even the slightly creepy Miles, who seems to be stalking Blair. Of course, the installment wouldn't be complete without Gossip Girl reporting straight from...wherever, giving us all the lowdown on what it takes to be a part of the In Crowd, and providing us with the status of every move all of our favorite characters take. As breathtaking as a first kiss.
   
   Erika Sorocco
   Freelance Reviewer



2. In this third installment in the GOSSIP GIRL series S & B have finally reconciled and the island of Manhattan will never be the same! Serena is being courted by a famous musician whose advances quickly become unwelcome and Blair is having trouble getting over her failed romance with Nate. Meanwhile, Dan and Vanessa are heating things up but how often does a romance between friends really work out? And Nate and Jenny have a good thing but will it survive Christmas break as thoughts of Blair and Christmases past come creeping back into Nate's head?
   
   I have really enjoyed the first two books in this series but I found this one to be a bit more filler than substance. Hopefully this is just a lead in for better things to come.



3. This novel is my first venture into the Gossip Girl series, and I found myself pleasantly surprised. While the wealthy, popular characters of Serena and Blair are supposedly the main draw, he "outsider" characters (Jenny and Aaron) are compassionately drawn and interesting to follow. The plot meanders without building up as much tension as I'd like, but I was willing to forgive the author for that thanks to her occasionally gorgeous turns of phrase and character insights. She also drops enough smart-chick references-- to artists, literary authors, and the like-- that I respected the mind behind the story. I'm looking forward to reading more books in the series.



4. So... I got this book after reading the prequel, gossip girl, and then reading You Know You Love Me. I think the Gossip Girl series is so addicting, you can't help but fall in love. Basically, in this book.... everyone is just getting finished with their essays and SATs and exams and getting worried about college. If that isn't bad enough, Blair has a whole new "extended" family and is being wisked off to some island with them. I personally like this book because Blair and Serena are done being catty and have actually grown to love each other again! Serena met a rock-star named Flow and hung out for one night. Now she has a professional STALKER! Serena, Blair, Aaron, Tyler, Mr and Mrs. Rose, Miles, Flow and many others are going to St. Barts and we soon discover Aarons secret longing for Blair. Jenny and Nate are caught fooling around in Central Park and a video of them is posted on the internet! (Now, I wonder who we know has a video camera strapped to their hip?) Nate flys off with his parents to Maine hoping to be able to light a few joints and get away from stalker Jenny ( who i have now grown to hate for being such a nate-obsessed, annoying.. JERK!) who is stuck at home and being watched closely by Rufus and Dan. This book altogether is starting to form bonds between characters you NEVER expected to be bonded and altogher it has been one of my favorites. I mainly just gave it four stars because of some minor typos and how much Jenny has grown to annoy me. =] Im not always this compulsive... dont worry! ;) I would recomend this book to anyone and this is a lot more appropriate for people under 15 than the last books have been! I hope you enjoyed my review! Go ahead and read it! The worst that will happen is that you wont like the book and will put it down early... right?
   
   Hope I didn't give TOO much away,
   <3 tAyLoR =]



5. I started buying these series of books for my 18 yr old daughter. She never really liked to read but I was hopeful she might take an interest in what Gossip Girl was about. Thank goodness she did! Believe it or not for the 1st time she thoroughly enjoys each book in the series and can't wait to tell me what is happening. Im guessing she relates to alot of what is going on, and Im thrilled she has taken such a huge interest.

5 comments about The View from Saturday.

1. I have taught this in my classroom every year since 2000! I absolutely love it. I've used it in 6th grade and currently in 5th grade. The book easily lends itself to teaching about point of view and a host of other reading skills. Point of view is the skill I think the kids enjoy the most when using this book because each chapter is told from the perspective of a different character. The theme is friendship and genre is realistic fiction in a modern setting. I cannot recommend this book enough! It will always be one of my favorite teaching novels!



2. I was going to write a review, but Sara Hathaway has spared me the time it would take in her "Cloudy View" July 16, 2007 review. I am a grandmother in the process of reading through Newbery winners (a retired elementary teacher, mother of 5, + have 13 grands) and so far am finding it rather tedious and disappointing (See my review for Criss Cross). "View" seemed to promise more, but it just never delivered and so I was disappointed when I got to the end.



3. I think the book The View from Saturday was a waste of time for the writer. The theme was not so interesting and the characters had no personality. It is not a book I recommend to people.
   
   This book was confusing and did not explain the story so well. On every other page there was a new scene. In the book the author did not explain when the characters went to the academic bowls. Some of the characters did not have a personality although Juilan was my favorite because of his differences. He is different because on the first day of school he wore knee socks and shorts and to the other characters and school that was weird. Another part I thought was a little strange was the theme. If you drink tea with your friends your personality will change.
   
   The book is not worth reading.



4. I think that Konigsburg writes in an intelligent way, considering the age groups that will be reading the book and how they're going to interpret the material.
   Telling the story of a sixth grade academic team, and how they can pull together to become friends, 'The View From Saturday' is a feel good novel that everyone who loves friendship and a learning experience should read.



5. Although I'm a fan of the underdog, this story of four such students (all underdogs in their own way) is more insipid than pleasant. It covers the subjects sixth-graders worry about, especially that of how and where they fit in with their classmates and the world. Through a series of coincidences or fate, the four eventually team up and crush the scholastic competition. And there are four sub-stories, one covering events leading up to each student being chosen for the team. But the idea that because individually, for reasons that I won't share so as not to spoil the plot, is able to answer a particularly difficult question custom-tailored by the author to fit their background, qualifies them to be chosen for the team is a bit silly. The obviously contrived plot overshadows the feel good aspect of The View from Saturday. Better: Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery, Frindle by Andrew Clements and The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett.

5 comments about The Serpent Prince.

1. This is a book that reads like a synopsis instead of the full, actual novel. It's a quick little Harlequin when it should be a huge, lengthy, massive Kathleen Woodiwss-sized mega-novel.
   
   The hero, Simon, is a marvelous character, tortured and revenge-mad underneath a light and witty foppish exterior. How delicious! The heroine, Lucy, is grave and calm and lovely, different from the usual run of flighty heroines. The plotline is not too overused, and feels pretty fresh, overall.
   
   The problem is, the characters--all of them, but especially Simon and Lucy--feel like they're sketches instead of the finished product. They need to be further fleshed out. The book itself also feels like a sketch to me, and it really needs to be further fleshed out, more depth added, more details, more explanations, more scenes that show who the characters are and what they're doing and why.
   
   The romance between Simon and Lucy is very sudden and feels uneven, sketchily written. I was surprised when Simon proposed to Lucy--it felt like it came out of nowhere. The secondary characters, like Christian, Rosalind, and Patricia are horribly under-used, and definitely need more time spent on their sub-plotlines. They barely feel like real characters at all.
   
   This book could be so much MORE than it is. It's watered-down, thin, it needs to be much meatier.
   
   If this book took more time to delve into the characters, and even the setting and especially the motives and action and backstory, this book would be an absolute gem, a keeper for sure. There are such marvelous elements to this book! But unfortunately it's too thin and light.
   
   Simon really is an interesting and attractive character, though. I liked what I did read of him. I'd love to have been able to read more.



2. As Dorothy said to the Scarecrow- I think I'll love you most of all ... okay she said miss, but same sentiment. The Serpent Prince completes Hoyt's Prince Trilogy with Viscount Simon Iddesleigh tale of loss and heart wrenching love and it is my favorite of the three.
   
   When Lucy Craddock-Hayes comes upon Simon for the first time, he is naked and left for dead on the country road near her house. When she discovers "he ain't quite dead yet" she brings him home. He awakens later to an angel sitting beside him and in that instant Simon is found, and Lucy is lost.
   
   With his humor, easy manner, and the tale of the serpent prince he charms her, as if he is no more than the man he portrays. But Lucy sees past all the banter to a man who awakens her slumbering soul and stirs in her desires for not only erotic love but also a world she never realized she longed for.
   
   And she's right. He is more than he seems, but it's because of the man he believes himself to be that he eventually leaves her to her country life only to realize he can't live without her.
   
   It doesn't end there. Oh no, not till Simon faces his inner demons and Lucy realizes she can not give up until she's redeemed his very soul.
   
   The Serpent Prince is sexy, full of great characters, a tad maudlin at times, but always entertaining. Definitely not to be missed!
   
   Highly recommend this one!



3. THE SERPENT PRINCE may by my favorite of the Prince books. What can I say? I'm a sucker for an elegant savage. And the hero of the novel, Viscount Simon Iddesleigh, may be the best example that I have ever encountered of the type. Pale, lithe, urbane, with a too-clever tongue, he pretends to be a fop but is too obviously driven and intelligent for anyone to believe the charade.
   
   The novel begins when Iddesleigh is abducted, beaten, and left for dead in the tiny town of Maiden Hill. The heroine of the novel, Lucinda Craddock-Hayes, finds him lying by the side of the road and has him taken back to the family manse, where she can nurse him back to health. The moment that Simon wakes, something clicks between them.
   
   One thing I liked very much about THE SERPENT PRINCE is that while secondary characters frequently jump to the conclusion that if there is trouble in paradise, it's probably because Simon is running around like a tomcat sleeping with other women, Simon never questions his love for Lucy - or his ability to remain faithful - and Lucy, for her turn, doesn't doubt him either. In so many romance novels about rakes, the heroine is constantly racked with fear, convinced she can't keep (or deserve) her man's interest. In THE SERPENT PRINCE, the connection between Simon and Lucy is solid and true from the beginning, and the faith that the couple have in one another really brings that home to the reader. They love one another, it's real, and that's that.
   
   No, it would take something truly dark and terrible to separate Simon and Lucy. That something is Simon's determination to revenge his brother's death by killing all the men who conspired to cause it. As the novel opens, he's already killed two of the four men responsible - in duels - and although the killings don't sit lightly on his conscience, he's not even tempted to change course and find another way.
   
   There is something truly brutal, feverish and animal, about Simon. It comes through in his single-minded pursuit of revenge but it's present in his love for Lucy, as well - the edge of desperation and ferocity always lying just under the surface when he's with her. It's simply part of his character, and not really subject to change. This is another thing I liked about THE SERPENT PRINCE - Simon isn't declawed once he embarks on the road to marital bliss. Lucy anchors him enough to keep him from self-destructing; she gives him something to live for, and that changes some of his decisions; but Simon is never domesticated or tamed. At the end of the novel, he's still the elegant savage that I melted for at the beginning.
   
   I recommend THE SERPENT PRINCE wholeheartedly. The characters are wonderful, the romance heartwrenching, the sex sizzling. It's a tour de force.



4. I just read this, and liked it the best of all the "Prince" books. Unlike in many historicals, the dueling scenes here are as violent and disturbing as they must have been live. The characters were very different from each other, but I found their connection and the ultimate redemption convincing. This one made me cry. Good work, Elizabeth!



5. This was the last book in Elizabeth Hoyt's Prince Trilogy. This book is the fourth book I have read by her, and she is quickly become one of my very favorite authors. She can tell a darn good story that has some humor and intensity, with a hero and heroine that are believable. And she has done it again with Simon and Lucy's story. I loved Simon. He was never serious and joked about everything... until he met Lucy. **He was honest with his feelings, as was Lucy, something that's not done in all stories, since so many are based on misunderstandings and internal conflict.** Anyways, Lucy could see right through with him and he lost it when she told him that she felt like she had known him forever after knowing him for a couple of days. What I sincerely enjoyed about The Serpent Prince was that we went along a cute little journey while Simon and Lucy got to know each other. This was a superb story, and Elizabeth Hoyt can't crank books out quick enough for this reader. If you have not read any of her books, you are really missing out!

5 comments about How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You.

1. I purchased this book and the online instant view. The instant view wasnt worth the $2.00 because you cant print or save.
   
   The book is good, though i havent read much of it.
   
   I have one complaint. The book isnt an easy read. Usually you must read 4 or 5 pages to understand the authors point or seduction tip. I really would have prefered a short, to the point, version of this book. She gives 100 or 200 seduction tips, but then she talks on and on about stories or the details on why it may work etc. Some of her conclusions are speculative.



2. Ok, so I had great hopes for this book, but was worried because the title promised a lot. Actually, its a great book just to make you a better person. It teaches you how to be a better person, to improve your people skills and draw people to you. I can see how it can help you be a better and more likeable person and draw people to you and like you, then some may fall in love with you. I wish the title were different because it sorts of limits the audience with its name.



3. This book focuses on what to do / say when you're around members of the opposite sex in the hope that they will fall in love with you.
   
   The book offers insightful information and key points to helping encourage and foster a relationship with someone. Many of the things suggested actually work (from personal experience) and do help you get closer to the people you care about. Some of the techniques include finding commonalities and really listening to the person. Using the techniques offered could, I would argue, help you improve your relationship with others (family members, relatives, etc) in your life not just your love interest.
   
   Honestly, though, the only thing I found misleading is the title. You can't MAKE people fall in love with you. This book will definitely help you hold and encourage interest, but if the person's not into you, then there's not a lot you can do to change their mind (see "He's Just Not That Into You").
   
   Overall, the book is well worth the money and really does offer great perspective and insight. You won't be disappointed.



4. This book was amazing! A guy friend of mine had given me some tips from it years ago and recommended I should read it. I finally got around to buying it a couple of months ago and finally sat down to read it. It offered great tips about communication and gender differences. I often found myself reading the sections geared towards men and thinking "Yes! That's exactly how I would like a guy to act!" So I have faith that the sections that are geared towards women are accurate in their suggestions. In fact, I have toyed around with some of the ideas she gives and they honestly worked. I'm sure it isn't the ONLY reason that the guy fell for me, but it certainly helped! I 100% recommend this book for girls AND guys. Even for those of you who are skeptical or not looking for love, it still brings to the table some really interesting sociologial studies and impressive facts! Happy Reading!!



5. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book. It provided keen insight into the dating/mating process. The chapters are divided into relevant topics and the author has a unique writing style that draws the reader into the content. Very helpful and fun.

5 comments about Hot Stuff to Help Kids Chill Out: The Anger Management Book.

1. This book was difficult to use with elementary age children, especially those who are K-4th grade. Some of the sarchastic humor and tongue-in-cheek humor was very tough for younger children and/or kids with lower intellectual functioning. When I tried to use this several times with kids; the concepts did not engage them and seemed to go above their heads. I would also like this book more if it was sectioned off in short activities and lessons.
   Although I do not have any teenage clients at this time; I imagine that this book would work very well with adolescents. I will continue to try and use this book, however. It may just be my current caseload that is not responding....



2. What a wonderful book. I read the reviews here before purchasing and my only reservation was with the "sarcastic" humor in the book. Actually, it is the humor that makes this book work. It was the bait that got my son hooked on the book.
   
   I bought this for my 8 year-old son. He started to read it immediately. The book is a book and a workbook where you do some introspection. When he saw there were places to write down his responses, he ran and got a pencil. The first day he (we) spent nearly an hour reading and answering questions before we told him he needed to put it down and go to bed.
   
   The book does a good job of validating the feelings that a child (actually all of us) has and gives great ways to deal with those responses. If you have ever encouraged your child to say "gooz fah bah" (from Anger Management the movie), then this is the book for you.



3. this book needed more meat, it was not helpful



4. Although Amazon.com lists this 58 page book as for young adults, young children have appreciated having this book read to them. The title is a good example of the style used by this a child psychologist as he speaks to children and teens. With children and teens or young adults, I suggest reading and discussing it together. There are some pointers for older adults as well.



5. I am an intensive in-home therapist who works with chldren and adolescents ages 5 - 17. A lot of my clients have anger issues and I have been using this book with those age 13 and younger. We read a page together and then talk about any of the questions that are asked and take any surveys, etc. during our sessions. This book is a great way to introduce children to the concept of CBT without using the technical CBT language. It teaches them about automatic thoughts without calling it that and is working well with "my" kids.
   I would recommend it to anyone who has a client load which includes 8 - 13 year olds dealing with anger issues.
   Janet A. Suffel, MA, NCC, QMHP

5 comments about When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships.

1. I recommend this book to anyone involved with 2 people. The insight Mira Kirshenbaum offers is so very crucial to those who have nowhere else to turn. She affirms thing that I know in my heart to be true, yet, to see it in print was so helpful. It was as though the book was written just for me. Thank you!



2. This book is a must for anyone who is married, involved, contemplating marriage, contemplating divorce, contemplating an affair... This is the first time I have read anything on the subject of infidelity that I felt portrayed an accurate, objective, nonjudgmental, commonsensical explanation of how it happens and how to proceed once it has. Dr. Kirshenbaum does not advocate infidelity, she merely accepts it as an unfortunate fact, and instead of leaving the reader feeling worse than s/he already does, she explains how to make the most of the situation by engaging in deep soul-searching through the many questions she poses. She clearly states several times that infidelity is wrong, and can be catastrophic, and she urges the reader to take steps to stop. I can see how judgmental, black-or-white type of people could criticize Dr. Kirshenbaum as being too lenient on the offenders, especially as she is brave and intelligent enough to publicly advocate keeping the affair a secret to take to the grave. However, in all the research I have done on the subject of marriage and happiness, as well as all the affairs I have witnessed with friends, etc. - I truly believe that what she says is correct. It is not a contradiction of terms to say good people have affairs. It is scandalous but correct to say that affairs can indeed strengthen a marriage in the types of situations she describes. She does a great job of helping the reader analyze whether s/he is in the right marriage, if the lover is indeed the right person or perhaps s/he should be alone, and she has the reader ask some extremely valuable questions regarding her/himself and the people with whom s/he is involved. Dr. Kirshenbaum allows for the possibility that while a happy nuclear family is the ideal, in some cases this is impossible and divorce may be the best even when children are involved. She helps the reader decide this also. The tone of the book is direct and friendly and it is an extremely quick read. I picked this book up while researching for my own book (a self-help book for women who lack passion and motivation in their lives), and I have urged all of my friends to read it. Why wait until your own relationship is in trouble? I recommend that people read this in order to avoid either marrying the wrong person, or being personally affected by infidelity. As Dr. Kirshenbaum points out, most infidelity happens almost by accident, in a non-premeditated manner. Best to be prepared by reading this book even if you don't think you need to!



3. This book is nothing short of incredible. Imagine your car (ie: marriage) is breaking down and you need a manual and all the tools to fix it in one neat package. This was it! I spent so many years of my marriage thinking i was the worst person in the world for having confusing thoughts and feelings. i never even had the actual affair, but was thinking about it all the time. this book helped me understand and sort out my feelings and gave me all i needed to put my energy back into the most important relationship in my life.



4. I really enjoyed Mira's book. It wasn't what I had expected, but it was better.
   I thought it was going to be written in a very scientific manner, however it was
   written in a user friendly format with some great humor. As a person who has found herself in one of those triangles Mira writes about, I wish I would have read this book years ago! Mira gives great insight and advice toward some very human issues.
   I highly recommend this book.
   Danielle



5. I had several problems with this book, but for lack of space, I will just concentrate on the two biggest problems:
   
   First, the author swears that affairs are wrong, but then says there "hidden wisdom" behind them. So, which is it -- a wrong decision or a wise one? The author explains it like this. When people are unhappy in their marriages, they are torn between two choices -- save their marriage or leave their marriage. Unable to decide, in the meantime, they go behind their spouses back and get intimate with a third person as a way to cope with their stress. Apparently they were too weak and confused to know better (a.k.a, the insanity defense). The affair was supposed to make them feel better, however, now they're being forced to make yet another decision -- choose either their faithful spouse or the person who's helping them lie to their faithful spouse. However, if they'd just listen to what the affair is trying to tell them, they'd know which person they're meant to be with and which action they're supposed to take. So, the affair was the answer to their problems all along, hence the hidden wisdom.
   
   I could write an entire book on the faulty logic behind this thinking as well as whether or not a good person would actually behave this way, but instead I'll just focus on why I think this message is reckless. Although the author points out that affairs are the wrong way to decide whom you're meant to be with (a decision the author compares to deciding which dessert you want, they're both so good), some readers may not focus on the part that's wrong, but rather the part that's "wise". Opportunistic people may use it as a license to view an affair like a need rather than a want. If they're spending lots of alone time with an attractive person (innocently, of course, no agenda whatsoever) and then become troubled over whether they should be with this person person or their spouse (never mind that they already made this decision on their wedding day), then they may just go on ahead and have an affair to hear what it's hidden wisdom tells them to do. So, by spreading the word that affairs have some hidden wisdom attached to them, instead of helping to decrease the number of affairs happening today, the author may have actually helped to increase that number.
   
   Second, the author says that once you've supposedly gotten an affair out of your system, you should not confess about the affair to your spouse, not even if asked point blank. Affairs are about deception, so if the author is so against that, why would she try to solve deception with more deception? The author basically says that the affair is done with, so there's no point in teling your spouse now. It would only hurt them. No, in fact, it would scar them for life. So, not telling them would be doing "what's best for everyone involved".
   
   Wow, the way the author puts it, being dishonest is not only noble, it's heroic! First of all, since when do you decide for another person (who's not your child) what's best for them? Shouldn't they, as capable adults, decide that for themselves?
   
   Also, let's be real here. Sparing your partner from pain may be part of your reason not to tell, but I doubt it's the main reason. The author even says that while your secret remains hidden, you still have the option to stay in or leave your marriage, but once you reveal your secret, those options go away. But what about your partner's options? If you sincerely want to do what's best for everyone (and not just yourself), then wouldn't you allow everyone a vote? Well, no, if they were allowed to vote, they might vote to leave you and you want them to stay put while you decide. So, by withholding the truth from them, you strip them of their choices so that events will turn out to your advantage. Therefore, the person whose pain you'd really be sparing is your own. This power play is not only selfish and controlling, it's manipulative. It's just manipulation reframed in a positive way, otherwise known as the analytical lie or the spin. So, despite what the author wants you to believe, withholding the truth in order to keep someone bound to you is not the actions of a hero. They're the actions of a coward.
   
   She also makes the point that telling the truth won't make you feel less guilty, so why bother confessing? That's like a murderer saying confessing to the murder won't make me feel less guilty or bring the victim back, so why bother confessing? Because it's not just about you. Confessing is not about alleviating your guilt, it's about the decency of giving your partner the knowledge to make an informed decision whether or not to stay with you. Look, if you fantasize about having sex with another person, your partner doesn't need to know unless you want them to. You made a promise to never have sex with other people, not to never have sexual fantasies about other people. Your sexual fantasies are your own and are irrevelant to the relationship. But if you make that fantasy a reality by physically going out and having sex with another person, your partner DOES need to know that because that information IS relevant. Giving your partner not only the knowledge but the power to decide for themselves how they'd like to proceed is truly what it means to do "what's best for everyone involved".
   
   If you really don't want to hurt your partner, then you can do two things when confessing. First, never ever blame your partner for the affair. Not even if you have the spouse from hell. You always had the option to either save the marriage in a healthy way or leave it. Since you chose an affair instead, you are 100% responsible and accountable for that decision. Second, while your partner needs to know about the affair, they don't need the gory details. They don't need to know if the sex was better, if the other person was sexier, etc... They only need to know who you had the affair with, how long it lasted, and if it's over. If it's not over, then they need to hear your game plan for ending it. That's it. These two things won't eliminate their pain, but at least it will reassure them that the affair wasn't a personal attack on them.
   
   The author gives two exceptions for hiding the truth. The first is that if you had unprotected sex during the affair, you should tell. Sounds noble except that if your partner has been faithful to you and then contracts an STD, that STD would rat you out anyway, so you'd just be beating it to the punch. The other reason is if there's a possibility your partner could find out, then you should tell. Well, there's ALWAYS a possibility your partner could find out, so doesn't that prove you should tell? Otherwise, you'll spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder hoping there wasn't some clue you may have overlooked. Don't kid yourself, this is no way to live!
   
   And you are kidding yourself if you think you can just pretend the affair never happened. Imagine overhearing your partner bragging to someone by saying, "My spouse has never cheated on me. Not even once! I'm so proud to call this person my partner." If you have a conscience, these words will feel like being stabbed in the chest. And if your partner is telling this to someone who knows about the affair, your partner will look like a fool and be pitied, and you will look like a jerk. But imagine if your partner said this instead, "My spouse had an affair. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me, but my partner exceeded my expectations in how maturely and patiently he/she handled my grief which allowed me to finally forgive him/her and for us to grow together as a team. I'm so proud to call this person my partner." Wouldn't you rather hear your partner brag about something that's real about you rather than about some lie you've been able to manage? And this way, your partner gets to keep their dignity in tact while you come across as a good person.
   
   Therefore, if you want to be classified as a good person, you need to earn that title. You may not have acted like a good person when you had the affair, but you can take the first step to becoming one again by telling the truth. Acting like an adult, stepping up to the plate by admitting your wrongdoing, taking full responsibility for your actions and accepting whatever consequences that may come -- really, isn't that what a good person would actually do?

5 comments about If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path.

1. There isn't enough rating stars available for me to rate this book in my opinion. I first read this book on a recommendation from a young male co-worker. I bought my own copy and reread it at a staggered pace. I read until something hit home and then I would dwell on it's contents as it pertained to my life until I had disected it to pieces. When I came to the full realization I continued on until I was hit again. This one book has affected me more than any book I have read in my entire life. When I read it I didn't associate it with a partner but with life itself. I can't begin to use enough adjectives to describe this book. Excellent material!!!



2. The last review before this one completely missed the wisdom of this book, which I find sad. This book is quite simply the best book I've EVER read on the topic of dating and relationships. Charlotte Kasl starts with the 4 noble truths of buddhism as her premise. From there, she explains in a very in-depth manner how to apply these concepts to your life to find wholeness within yourself, see the ways that you have deceived yourself, and understand the ways that you have allowed yourself to be guided by fear instead of love.
   
   Additionally, the book defines the 9 fundamental ways in which people bond, from most superficial to most substantial. The book has specific exercises which help you to deduce precisely what is most important to you in a partner on each of these levels, and the results may surprise you. Overall, this is one of the best 4 books I've ever read - and it is a must-read.



3. More than just a handbook for finding love, this book provides wisdom for finding life on a spiritual path. Each bite-sized chapter provides Buddhist-centered but universally-applicable guidance for discovering how to fully love--and live. General Buddhist concepts such as non-attachment, impermanence, acceptance, and living in the moment are gracefully woven into specific guidelines for finding and nurturing relationships. This book helps illuminate how the compass found within each of us can be our best guide for navigating the journey on our spiritual paths.



4. Arrived on time, in the condition promised. I have not read it yet so no review on that but it was reccomended by someone who read it and loved it.



5. I encourage all my single clients and friends to read this book before they begin dating. Kasl clearly helps the reader create a "relationship vision" and think about what is important when preparing for the journey. She simplifies a message that is very reader friendly and, at the same time, gets to the core of self. It's not a book about practical dating tips - it's about how to make yourself ready and aware to be the best you for and others while dating. I love it!

5 comments about Nonviolent Communication Companion Workbook: A Practical Guide for Individual, Group or Classroom Study (Nonviolent Communication Guides).

1. Has info in it that the regular book doesn't have and I found it useful to understand more of what was in the regular book. I definitely would recommend finding a group to study this with for sure. The group brought it all together for me.



2. The dither surrounding this workbook is unwarranted. There is little need in the world for such stilted speech.



3. This, and the companion book Non Violent Communication, offer very helpful insights into the effects of how we communicate with others, as well as very practical, concrete exercises for improving the effectiveness of our communication, decreasing anger and violence, and in learning to hear and understand the communications of others.



4. This book maps the way to get in touch with feelings and needs and then shows how to get those needs met for everyone in a win/win context. Learn to let go of judgments and criticism in order to truly "see" other people and understand the needs driving their actions. Empathy and compassion for ourselves and others is the end result, making the idea of peace on earth more than "just a dream some of us had."



5. This is an invaluable companion workbook for getting the most out of the textbook of the same name.

5 comments about Your Child's Health: The Parents' One-Stop Reference Guide to: Symptoms, Emergencies, Common Illnesses, Behavior Problems, and Healthy Development.

1. I am a RN and have used Dr Schmitt's book for years. I am glad to see a newer edition come out because my other book was all torn up! I currently work phone triage, but have also worked in a Pediatric office and Labor and Delivery. I tell so many new parents to buy this book! I buy it for shower and baby gifts as well. I can't imagine how many unneccessary trips to the ER this book has saved for parents.



2. This book has been very helpful as a reference book whenever I've had a question about my daughter's health. It is easy to find what you need and is very common sense about such things as fevers and how to treat them. It's a great companion to the "What to expect" book and I find myself turning to this one first now.



3. I received this book as a baby shower gift before my first child was born, and I have to say, it was the most helpful gift I got. There is so much real, helpful information, including detailed guides on when to worry (and how much). A guide like that can do wonders for new parents, especially if you tend to jump right into panic mode at the first sign of trouble. When my pediatrician gave handouts at the end of the well-baby checkups, and many of them were taken directly from this book, I knew it was a winner. My oldest is 11 and it's still my go-to reference. I buy it every time I'm invited to a baby shower - it really is the best gift.



4. I looked through the book and some items were read. Very informative. This was a book that I would have liked to have when I had my child several years ago. I had purchased this book for my daughter in law to have for her child. She also looked through the book and said WOW! This is good. Yes, I would recommend this book to any new mother.



5. I am a telephone triage nurse and this is one of the reference books that we use. All of our copies are beat to death because of how much we use them, it is a favorite of all the nurses. There is a wealth of reliable information in this book! Everything is layed out clearly with an easy to use index. I am buying one to keep at home for reference for my kids and giving them out as gifts at baby showers. This is one book that is a must for parents. I am convinced that using it will keep a lot of parents out of the ER and doctor's offices for things that can be mananged at home.