5 comments about The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids.

1. The book was filled with interesting insight into how affluent kids are being raised. I appreciated the referenced facts and statistics, and the breakdown of what kids are going through by age. It definitely caused me to re-think the reward-based motivation that I have been using with my children, and re-focusing more on the joy of the activity for it's own sake. I also thought the last chapter for mom's was thought provoking - mom's usually don't have the time to think about ourselves. The book definitely lags in places, and there are a lot of chapters that are obvious and/or redundant.



2. I'll jump right in and say it -- my husband and I may very well be at the lower end of the target demographic for this book. We both work full time, we live in a relatively affluent area of Northern California, own a home, have a Prius, and are currently contemplating whether to send our kids to public or private school. Nevertheless, I was pretty skeptical about a book that treats upper class kids as an "at risk" group, similar to kids who come from poverty-level backgrounds. Yes, the stories and anecdotes sprinkled throughout the book made me feel sad for these kids and families who seem so detached from themselves and each other. But how can you argue that these poor little rich boys and girls deserve just as much pity and focus as kids who literally have nothing but the shirt on their backs?
   
   The truth is a bit more complicated. Like it or not, children who come from more affluent backgrounds are still more likely to rise to a prominent position in our society -- whether that be political, educational, or social -- than kids from a lower socioeconomic background. These are incredibly influential roles that play a huge part in determining the future of our country and our world. So we should be concerned when we hear about the rising number of affluent kids who leave the nest with zero sense of self or personal accountability, drug and alcohol problems, damaged moral compasses, and a general lack of compassion for his/her fellow humans. Whether you "feel sorry" for these children or not is beside the point...the problem is real and these kids can and frequently do grow into adults who have a lot of clout but little interest in leaving this planet a better place than when they arrived.
   
   Levine's book clearly illustrates the challenges these kids face and the repercussions their damaged lifestyles have - not just on themselves but on families, friends, and an ever widening circle of individuals as the kids grow into adults. But lest you think this is one of those downer books that spends hundreds of pages telling you what's wrong without providing a solution, Levine also points out some potential steps parents and communities can take to provide affluent (and indeed ALL) kids with opportunities to become and stay well-rounded, contributing individuals.



3. This book was chosen at our high school for a book discussion. Dr. Levine really knows what she is talking about. This book was interesting all the way through and very insightful. It helps me to understand my adolesents and the adolescents I work with better. Hopefully, I have become a better mother because of this book. I strongly recommend this book to anyone who is a parent or who works with kids. There were certainly issues that came up that are also common in the middle class, it is not only about rich kids.



4. I read this for a parent's book club. I breezed through it and found it really useful. Great examples, really brought the book to life. I gained some very good insights and tips from it. And the book club had a long, involved discussion. The book was a perfect launching point.



5. If author Levine reversed her book's title and emphasis to warn about the epidemic of parents inflicting their own materialism, drug and alcohol abuse, crime, divorce, and other ills on their teenaged kids, this would be valuable book. Just look at the misguided, favorable reviews to see how badly this book miscommunicates the realities facing teens today.
   
   I taught at a big university near Marin County and saw hundreds of these "priveleged" (and not so privileged) students at close range. As a generation, they're fine, generally coping well with stresses. Their parents' generation, however, is not all right. I'm convinced from the growing stack of books like these that psychologists desperately need to get out of their offices and spend time in homes and real-life environments to see how a variety of young people (not just the tiny fraction they see as clients) are coping.
   
   Or, at least, psychologists should stop citing anecdotes and self-praising cases and study the social statistics for the areas they live in. Let us take public health and crime figures for Marin County and compare adults ages 40-49 (the average parents) with teens. About 10 times more parents than teens die from drug abuse, 50% more 40-agers are arrested (including nearly TWICE as many for felonies) than teenagers, FIVE TIMES more 40-aged parents than teenaged youths are arrested for drug and alcohol related offenses, and seven times more parents than teens commit suicide. Those are just a few indicators among many to suggest that it isn't the teens--it's the grownups of Levine's generation who are messed up. You can explore more of these shocking statistics for yourselves. For example, see California tabulations at:
   
   http://stats.doj.ca.gov/cjsc_stats/prof06/21/18.htm (crime)
   
   http://www.applications.dhs.ca.gov/vsq/screen1a.asp?Year_Data=2006&Stats=1 (health)
   
   Levine's claims that teenagers today are more materialistic, selfish, money-hungry, etc. are just garbage. The same surveys she cites actually show that as a result of their parents' generation's greedy refusal to pay taxes to support schools, teens and college students today face massive debts and must work more in college to pay skyrocketing tuitions than their more generously supported parents did 40 years ago. By the best measures, students today are much more community oriented, happier, and less materialistic and troubled than their parents were or are.
   
   So, my modest suggestion is that if you mistakenly bought this book, rip out 90% of the pages and keep only the few in which Levine urges parents to cut out their own bad behaviors and values. Reviewers: stop buying into these books, even if they do flatter your personal demographic. Publishers: we've got a big enough stack of psychologists' narrow, bubble-world misconceptions derived from fixating on their most troubled clients and failure to engage the realities of the larger world.
   
   Mike Males, Ph.D.
   http://www.YouthFacts.org

5 comments about The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships.

1. This book contains a lot of practical information about all types of relationships. It will help you to become more aware of how you function in relationships and why. Then, even more importantly, it gives you sound information on how to take this new awareness and use it to improve your significant relationships. This is one of the better relationship books I've ever read and I read a lot on relationships.



2. John Gottman's books always have some good advice, and this one is no exception. I find his research very interesting and useful. See also Michele Weiner-Davis's The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage



3. This book has altered the course of my life. I whole-heartedly recommend it to anyone who would like to improve their relationships with their spouse, parents, siblings, children, bosses, coworkers, friends, or ANYONE. It teaches fundamentals about the human nature of communication, offering real-life examples to aid in understanding. Based on years of research, I think these guys are onto something amazing, and it has truly changed my life.
   
   When one of my best friends confided to me that her husband had moved out and they were on the verge of divorce, I said, "Read this book together with him. It changed my life. Maybe it can help you, too." A few months later, she told me through tears that going through the process of reading this book together had changed their life too, and that now they were closer than ever. I ended up buying another copy to keep for myself.
   
   For the preview- it breaks communication down to simple "bids" for connection, the way you could respond to them, and the outcomes of various types of responses. Apparently, we are a lot more predictable than we realize, and I have found the information to be tried and true in my life since I first read the hardcover edition when it first came out, happening upon it by accident in the bookstore.



4. I think this book has some very good insights for a variety of situations. I bought it more for some personal issues, but it has some lessons that seem just as effective in the workplace.



5. The author should have tried to appeal to men more.
   Any family therapist knows that rule #1 is "Do not take sides." Your job is not to find out who's got the problem, who is to blame. Your job is to recognize the patterns that the family systems fall into.
   
   The concept of the emotional bid is very simple and effective, but that doesn't get a book 5 stars. The rest of the book was Gottman's hairbrained speculations and "command system" formulas. Reminds me of all the other authors who have done the same thing, cataloging people according to their primary motives...Napoleon Hill, Anthony Robbins, Carl Jung, Myers and Briggs, David DeAngelo, etc. Obviously the emotional command systems notion wasn't "discovered" in his Love Lab. He invented that lens and now sees all human relations through it.
   
   I found it telling that in the dozens of examples, every one portrayed the man as the one at fault and the woman as the innocent damsel trying her best. A man simply snaps at his wife. That's it. Tell the same story about a woman and we get a page of backstory justifying her discourtesy. And the irony is, Gottman's research showed that husbands in happy marriages "turned toward" their wives more often than husbands in unhappy marriages. But not wives. Whether their marriages were happy or unhappy, they "turned toward" their husbands the same amount.
   
   Of course, that means that marriages will benefit most if MEN read and apply this chapter, but not women.
   
   The problem with the entire book is, his research may be sound, but his conclusions are flawed. Gottman did the unforgivable (as it is called in statistical circles). He assigned a CAUSAL LINK where there was none.
   
   OF COURSE their are more emotional bids in happy marriages. Gottman claims that the emotional bids lead to (cause) happy marriages. The problem is, it is just as likely that happy marriages lead to more emotional bids.
   
   Therefore, emotional bidding causes nothing. It is the natural fruit of a happy marriage. Something ELSE caused the marriage to be happy (I'm sure you can think of dozens of plausible causes).

5 comments about Ever.

1. This is completely different from Levine's popular Ella Enchanted. I didn't find it as entertaining -- but that's clearly not the purpose of the book.
   
   On a side note, aren't today's book covers terrible? I wish this, and Fairest, could have gotten a nice illustration like the original Ella Enchanted. It's implied that the story sets place in a Indian-like land, and describes the heroine's dark skin, but all we get is some eyeliner-wearing white model on a photoshopped background...bleh...



2. If you're expecting something similar to Ella Enchanted, don't. Mrs. Levine has taken a different twist, trying a more diverse setting than before. I, as a writer, found it interesting and helpful to see a book written from two points of view in the present tense. It took a little bit of time to get used to, but didn't drag the storyline.
   
   If you are take an interest in philosophy, greek mythology, or bible study, you should consider this book for discussion. Though most wouldn't recognize the story, she takes a little bit from the old testament, a short story in which a man sacrifices his daughter to God. It made me wonder what Mrs. Levine herself believes about the Christian God, and if he is loving or not. But it also includes some other stories, like that of Demeter and Persephone. The ending was happy, and I was glad for that because a lot of stories involving gods and goddesses include unhappy endings, like when a god falls in love with a mortal, they get separated somehow and that's why we have storms.
   
   In agreement with other reviews, it seemed a little too fast paced, and didn't have the humor and engaging descriptions of her other books. Gail Carson Levine's best writing is in Fantasy, where her books Ella Enchanted, Fairest, The Two Princesses of Bamarre and the Princess Tales take place. Her other books, like The Wish, Dave at Night, and Ever are good and worthy of high ratings, but not her author's best potential.



3. I must admit that I was disappointed by Ever, the latest book by Gail Carson Levine. With books such as Ella Enchanted and The Two Princesses of Bamarre on my top list for favorite young adult fiction, I always have high hopes for Levine's books. But Ever definitely diminished those hopes a little, and I am now hesitant to read some of Levine's other recent works, such as Fairest.
   
   Not only was Levine's writing style different from her past books (though that is to be expected as an author progresses in their craft), the plot did not seem well strung together, and while the ending of the story was technically `happy,' it was not satisfactory. While happy endings are not essential to making a great book, in a story that is lauded as fairytale-esque, there is an expectation that a happy ending will be included.
   Unlike Ella Enchanted, it is hard to connect with the main character, (and assumed heroine), Kezi. It is actually Olus (the god of the wind and main male character) that is more reachable and endearing to readers.
   
   Most disturbing to me while reading Ever however was the sinister undertone of Kezi being sacrificed to the god Admat after her father makes a vow to sacrifice the first person who wishes him well on his wife's (Kezi's mother) recovery from a serious illness. The concept of human sacrifice aside, it is the seemingly dark commentary on religion that made me cringe a little as I put the book down. While making young readers think about things like religion, and forcing them to ask themselves if God is real, if God is good, etc. are all very good things, Levine provides many questions but no answers.
   
   Levine first portrays Admat as loving, then cruel, and then as nonexistent. Asking and implying such big questions but providing no solutions has the potential to leave young readers confused. As for myself, it left a bad taste in my mouth and made me wonder whether Levine was trying to create analogies or whether she just didn't bother to finish what she started in the story.
   
   For a new generation of Levine readers, this book might be heralded as good; but for those of us who started reading Levine long ago, this book will most likely turn out to disappoint you.



4. Ever seems to be a retelling of the famous 'Eros and Psyche' (or Cupid and Psyche) myth.
   'Eros and Psyche' was always my favorite myth and yet I was never truly happy with the ending. I thought that the whole point of the story was that Psyche betrayed him and so she had to go through the quest to redeem and prove herself worthy of being a goddess. But she yet again proves herself a weak person by opening Persephone's box and has to be saved by Eros.
   
   What I liked about Ever is that it took the 'Eros and Psyche' myth and took out all the parts I didn't like about it. There were no malicious/jealous/nosy sisters, no betrayal of trust, and no need for the helpless heroine to be saved by the hero; in fact, it is the heroine, Kezi, who saves the life of Olus (a god), proving that she is indeed worthy of being an immortal.
   
   Sure there were some aspect of the book that I didn't particularly like (I honestly don't get why the heroine is so obsessed with dancing . . . it didn't seem like it contributed anything to the narrative), but those, to me, are relatively minor so all in all, I'm pretty happy with this book. I'm grateful that someone has finally re-written the 'Eros and Psyche' myth and given the heroine some backbone! :)



5. The book is written in first person, present tense. I can never really get immersed in book written this way because people normally tell each other stories in past tense.
   
   I also frequently had trouble visualizing what was going on, particularly when dancing was described.
   
   The worldbuilding was good and the idea was fairly clever. However, I didn't feel like the characters were very deep. I also didn't like the conclusion of the story because it seems to encourage the reader to doubt the existance of anything they can't see and touch.

5 comments about Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul: 101 Stories of Life, Love and Learning (Chicken Soup for the Soul).

1. I am a teacher in two high schools and I like to read the stories of the book to my students from time to time to inspirate them and reinforce their teenage self esteem! I suggest it to all teacher to make the same with a nice calm background music.



2. Once again, "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books has a hit. This is a wonderful gift for young teens with its easy read of short stories on pertinent topics and experiences teens face. Teens I have given it to as a gift have loved it and purchased the next in the teen series. Also a source of good talking points for those anxiety ridden moments or social issues teens face.



3. I skimmed through the book before I gave it to my granddaughter who just turned 13. I thought it had some well written stories that a teenager can relate to and a lot of food for thought. She was so happy to get it, since she had the one for pre-teens also and really liked it.



4. I bought this book as a gift for my 16yr old niece. The very next day, she told me how much she loved the book. She even cried reading it. I think it's nice to find reading materials that can move the minds and feelings of teenagers.



5. My daughter started reading this book at age 12, and has had it for 2 years. She still loves to go back and read selections of love, hope, courage. Give your teenager something worth reading! :)

5 comments about Raising a Sensory Smart Child: The Definitive Handbook for Helping Your Child with Sensory Integration Issues.

1. I like the detailed listing of all the different kinds of conditions, which puts things in perspective. It has also helped me weed through so much of the hype found on various quack web sites. I shared the book with my mother-in-law and she has found it useful too. This book is informative.



2. Everyone should read this book! I cannot think of a person out there that would not benefit from the wealth of knowledge contained in its' pages. If you have a child or even know of a child that might have sensory issues but are unsure, this book will help you decide through many easy behavior checklists as well as more detailed narratives and descriptions of what to look out for. If you know your child does suffer from sensory integration dysfunction, then this is truly the ultimate resource. It includes endless lists of appropriate toys, activities, therapies, further reading, organizations to contact all geared towards helping you help your child navigate the world more joyfully, with significant less stress and discomfort, and more awareness. It explains the condition so thoroughly, in such simple language, with such clear examples, you will feel you really understand what is going on with your child and hundreds of ways you can help. Even if you known about your child's sensory issues for years and have been having regular therapy, I still think the book offers insights and advice that go way beyond the standard information and activities suggested. It goes into great detail, for example, of what to expect in an occupational therapist, what not to settle for, how to handle communication with therapist, your own role in therapy and many other valuable topics that even in a very aware parent could miss or learn from. I would even think parents or those involved with kids who don't necessarily have problematic sensory issues could benefit from reading the book; I know I read the book because my second daughter suffers from sensory integration dysfunction but found as I was reading that my first child really had touches of it earlier on that still come up at times today. Though they were not disrupting her life in any glaring way, I wasn't always compassionate about some of her seemingly exaggerated requests or complaints that after reading the book I could see where actually quite valid for someone who is even slightly more sensory sensitive. This book will make you a better, more aware, more effective parent or child care giver. I can't recommend it highly enough!



3. I'm a mental health therapist as well as a parent of a child with SPD. This is my favorite book both for myself and the parents of my SPD clients. This book is great for family members of kids with SPD, without additional disorders.
   
   Generally, the book that is most recommended is The Out of Sync Child, which is a wonderful book. However, the Out of Sync Child is geared more toward SPD kids with more severe disorders (autism, Asperger's Disorders, etc). Raising a Sensory Smart Child is a perfect reference for children with SPD without accompanying disorders. It provides answers and guidance for for families who have been wondering "what's wrong" for a long time. I'd recommend this book not only for parents, but for teachers, therapists, as well as grandparents, daycare providers and anyone dealing with SPD kids. Truly an educational read.



4. With my son's recent diagnosis of sensory problems, I have really been accumulating a library of books on the subject. This books is BY FAR my favorite... I am only half-way through it and have already dog-eared half of the pages I have read. It is packed with practical suggestions/solutions on how to help your sensory child cope with everyday life. If you are only going to buy one book, this should be it.



5. This is a great book for parents who have no idea how to deal with their child's issues. We were clueless and frustrated and now we can actually enjoy family time and day to day activities. It also helped relieve a lot of guilt knowing we are not at fault but there are many things we can to to help our son cope. I would definitely recommend this book to parents and teachers.

5 comments about Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist.

1. Nick is trying to get over his ex and move on with his life with the help of his band. Norah is practical and tough, and looking for a guy who is into music, but not into her because of who her dad is. When Nick asks her to be his girlfriend for five minutes, rather than flat out refusing, she sees an opportunity of a ride home for her drunken friend and responds with a kiss. But Norah might have bitten off more than she can chew when she soon finds fifty bucks shoved at her by Nick's friends and a request to make sure he has a good time to help him get over his ex...
   
   And so begins one wild, tumultuous, and exhilarating night. Both Nick and Norah's voices blend together to give vibrant life to an edgy, modern, and completely real novel that explores the unique connection that two people can share. Cohn and Levithan capture the vibrancy and urgency of lust and love, set against the spectacular backdrop of New York City's music scene. Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist is a thrilling, hilarious read--as catchy as your favorite song, and as gritty and real as it gets--that will bowl readers over.



2. Much like Larry Doyle's novel "I Love You, Beth Cooper," this book deals with one night on the teenage scene fueled by sharp dialogue and funny situations that sit on the edge of believable. The authors alternate chapters for each character's point of view, revealing the hidden reluctance and false assumptions that occur in the beginning of all relationships. A YA novel not just for the young.



3. Norah is a good, smart, and sensitive Jewish girl on the mend from her last relationship. So when she meets a guy in a club in New York who asked her to be his five minute girlfriend, she couldn't help but kiss him in response. Little did she know that the guy she kissed was Nick, who like Norah, is also on the mend from his last relationship with a girl named Tris, who also happens to be a girl that Norah is acquainted with. In an effort to get over their pasts and on to their futures, the two set off on a journey through New York City. Through music and talks, Nick and Norah get to know each other and find that the people they are supposed to be with is each other and not their ex's.
   
   Nick And Norah's Infinite Play List is an intriguing book that'll keep readers reading through the night. Although fast paced, I found that enough details were there that it wasn't like a "love at first sight" kind of story but rather a developing love. Details in the book are very descriptive and vivid so it'll feel like the reader is there with Nick and Norah himself/herself. I personally loved all the music in the book. The lyrics that Nick wrote and even the play list at the beginning of the book has some very great songs on it.
   This book is definitely not a book for children or even younger teens. I was surprised to find that there was a lot of cursing by the two characters and a lot of mention of sex. Although a great read, I would not recommend this for younger people, maybe when they're older. I give this book a 9/10.



4. Stellar, awesome, inventive, and all character. I admittedly got pulled into reading it after digging the movie, not the other way around. If you want to live in someone's moment, jagged edges and all, this is your tale. Self-involved, melodramatic, self-conscious, exhilarating, hopeful, pulsing, raging.
   
   It's hard to explain what this book is which is part of why I like it so much. A back and forth collection of interior monologues from Nick, then Norah, tell one night of meeting, connecting, and band hopping in NYC. Definitely one of the best boy-meets-girl I've read in quite some time. Heartfully recommend.



5. The movie does no justice to this book.
   This is the book to read on a train ride home.
   
   Losing yourself between the words is easy because its so captivating.

5 comments about Lost at School: Why Our Kids with Behavioral Challenges are Falling Through the Cracks and How We Can Help Them.

1. PLEASE NOTE: The following review is a DRASTIC, ninety degree turn from my previous review of "Lost at School," which was entitled "Theoretically Interesting--Practically Unrealistic." (Nov 8, 2008)
   
   NOVEMBER 28, 2008:
   
   I got "Lost at School," because the description of the book led me to believe that it might offer "easy," well defined ideas that I could implement to increase interaction with my sons. When I got the book, I quickly concluded that the book would do anything but provide "easy" solutions. That the book was not what I was hoping for, that I did not read the book as carefully as I should have, that I allowed my own biases about the subject matter to filter what was being said, and that I allowed introductory comments to unduly influence my comprehension culminated in my misunderstanding "Lost at School." This misunderstanding resulted in my original review, that was a less than favorable review of "Lost at School." My second reading, without my biases to interfere, led me to a completely different understanding of what "Lost at School" is really about: viewing children from a completely different perspective than typically used by most people today; respecting the humanity of all individuals; educational "imagination" to escape the bonds of current theories; and a scientific "revolution" to change society's current paradigm for social interaction. Thus, while "Lost at School" is not a quick "fix," I cannot say enough to recommend this book to others.
   
   I owe my new appreciation of "Lost at School" to those [including the author, Dr Ross Greene,] who read my initial review and wrote to me with questions for clarification about what I said in my review. So, THANK YOU READERS for taking the time to reply, as I requested at the end of my review, and for emailing me your comments to ensure that I got them. Hopefully, this new review will answer these concerns and questions.
   
   If you are ready to read about a true alternative to the existing policies guiding how our society deals with problems in general, and "behaviorally challenging children" specifically, "Lost at School" is a book for you. "Lost at School" is an attempt by the author to outline, in as simple of terms as he can, steps for implementing policies (for dealing with children) that are radically different from those generally used today by most social structures (e.g., schools, hospitals, families). These policies are founded upon completely different--not new, but DIFFERENT--assumptions about social interaction and, more specifically, socialization. At its most basic level, a key difference between Dr Greene's "model" (or "Plan B" as it is frequently labeled in the book) for helping others, is the notion that "kids WILL do well if they can" (emphasis added). Such a tenant is drastically different than the more commonly held assumption of many people (e.g., parents, teachers, other kids, adults) that "kids do well if they WANT to" (emphasis added). I have emphasized the key word that imbues the meaning of each notion, because the differences are more than semantics and lexicon. "Will" is internal, proactive, optimistic, and assumes that subsequent responses are founded upon the individual thinking about AND deciding what "action" to take. "Want" is (generally assimilated from) external, reactive, pessimistic, and assumes that subsequent responses are founded upon the individual discriminating between options for the least aversive or most favorable "behavior."
   
   Another crucial difference being offered in "Lost at School" is how a person must interact with the (behaviorally challenging) child. This difference--in my opinion--is not adequately emphasized or delineated in the book; especially given the importance of one aspect, EMAPTHY, to the author's model. In general terms, this means a person must interact as "humanistically" as possible, taking a "subjective" approach to interactions. Specifically, the first step of interaction requires empathy: "understanding of a kid's concern or perspective." Without true empathy, the model for change presented in "Lost at School" WILL NOT WORK. PERIOD.
   
   The biggest difference proposed by "Lost at School"--and a basic assumption for employing empathy and will--is that everyday life involves social interactions, not habits and behaviors. It is the root concept of Dr Greene's proposed model for changing "challenging" children, and from which the author derives the name for his model: Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS). Without social interaction you cannot have collaboration; without "will" and "empathy" you cannot have collaboration. And as already stated, without empathy [and will] this model will not work and change will not happen. What will happen is reversion to the "acting out" of undesirable behaviors and habits.
   
   From a scholarly and scientific perspective, the ideas of the CPS program are founded upon entirely different theories and philosophical perspectives than those held by a majority of people today, both within and outside educational systems. In academic terms, "Lost at School" is a presenting a totally different paradigm of how and why things are they way they are in the world. Unfortunately, in order to keep "Lost at School" simplistic enough for those not interested in the "grander" and more "academic" aspects of the "program," the book more "covertly" presents these aspects to the reader. This covert presentation was HUGELY problematic for me, because it prevented me from clearly recognizing what was being said in my initial reading of the book; ergo, my original review title "Theoretically Interesting--Practically Unrealistic."
   
   As I see it, "Lost as School" is three essays, in one book. There is the main text of the book, wherein main concepts, points and conclusions of the book are addressed. The "second essay" of the book is the "Q & A" [Question and Answer] sections, which theoretical questions that a reader (or audience member) might ask the author. The "third essay," which starts with the opening of chapter one initially lead me to view this part of "Lost at School" as an extended exemplar of what the author was saying in the text. In fact, this "third essay" is more than an exemplar, as it presents some very critical points through its discourse that are not covered in, or I missed in my first reading of, the main text. However, reading this part of the book (the "third essay") is necessary to understanding the substance of "Lost at School" because it is within this "essay" that the "covert" content is made most clear. Hence, my failure to read this part of the book the first time resulted in my complete misunderstanding of the book's importance. Interestingly, while reading this running story narrative, two songs kept popping into my mind: "Imagine" by John Lennon and "Revolution" by the Beatles. When I finished reading "Lost at School" I found that these two words--and the context of the songs themselves--best described Dr Ross Greene's book.
   
   My philosophical viewpoints too often lead me to quickly criticize things that are not what I perceive to be holistic, and this resulted in my stating in my first review that the model reduces "behaviorally challenging children to kids that need to learn to behave properly." I originally perceived the book's theme "that behind every challenging behavior is either an unsolved problem or a lagging skill" as reducing how one dealt with challenging children to operantly teaching kids in one or two specific skills listed in the Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems (ALSUP)--an inventory provided in the book for assessing "lagging skills." However, while the model presented in "Lost at School" for dealing with "challenging children" currently focuses interactions on teacher to student involvement, it is not reducing it to teaching specific behaviors as I concluded in my first review. To be blunt, I misunderstood the role of the ALSUP inventory--partially because I skipped the "running story"--when I read "Lost at School" the first time; and I was looking at it out of context. As I initially read the inventory I concluded two things: 1) these were skills that were intended to be operant (behaviorally) conditioning for kids; and 2) that the iventory was too limiting in its scope and did not take into consideration family or culture.
   
   Another error that I made upon my first read of "Lost at School" was the role of cognition as practically applied by the program. As several people pointed out in emails, I recognized that the ideas in the book had at least some foundation in social cognitive theory. As such, they could not understand how I concluded that the program presented in "Lost at School," known as the CPS model "doesn't factor cognition into what you are trying to do." Dr Greene put it most clearly, when he wrote to me: "My model is all about changing the way challenging kids (and the adults who work with them) think, so I'm similarly confused about how you've come to the impression that the CPS model 'doesn't factor cognition into what you are trying to do' and is therefore 'nothing more than a new trick for people to learn (also known as conditioning).' Nothing tricky about it...changing how adults think about and interact with challenging kids is a far cry from models emphasizing conditioning. So it sounds like you and I may be thinking very much alike!"
   
   In the final analysis, "Lost at School" is a book that starts out asking the reader to "Imagine;" imagine if classrooms were...imagine if there were no "behavioral" problems...imagine if all students were learning and felt safe... imagine if everyone did this...imagine, just as John Lennon's lyrics challenge listeners. But, "Lost at School," after getting you to imagine the possibilities of living in a world of will, empathy, collaboration, and interaction, turns around and basically says, "I want to start a revolution." (Beatles, "Revolution" on their White Album). In my youth I took these words, these ideas, and randomly tried to abide by them; tried to get others to "see" the world from the perspective (often labeled symbolic interactionism and/or transcendentalism) that incorporates the notion that people really can think, and, more importantly, act and interact rather than behave or play out habits.
   
   While the CPS model presented in "Lost at School" can be breathtakingly refreshing and full of promise, one of my initial impressions (laid out in my first review) is still valid: "While I believe that users of the collaborative problem solving model feel it is truly effective, I would argue that they most likely have been fortunate to 'work' in an environment willing to fully endorse and cooperate with the program. That is, this program is fully dependent upon all parties agreeing to take the extra-ordinary time, patience, practice, and collaboration to assess the difficulties, develop a realistic program, implement it, AND, most importantly, FOLLOW THROUGH TO THE 'END.'" Reading "Lost at School" in fact does injustice to this reality--especially the running story, which makes it seem all so "easy."
   
   PLEASE NOTE: If and when this review is posted, I will post my original review under the comments for those who are interested. I will also post the comments left to that review.
   
   As always, if this review was not helpful to you, I would appreciate learning the reason(s) so I can improve my reviews. My goal is to provide help to potential buyers, not get into any arguments. So, if you only disagree with my opinion, could you please say so in the comments or email me. Please don't impute the review system by not indicating why the review was not helpful. And of course, I would appreciate it if you would not indicate that my review was not helpful simply because you disagree with the opinions in my review. Thanks. Karl



2. I have really enjoyed reading this book and found it to be straightforward and easy to follow. I have been an educator for many years, first as a classroom teacher and now in an alternative setting (a juvenile detention facility). For many years now we have been told to differentiate our teaching, to understand that children learn in different ways and we, as educators, should be sure to address all children's learning styles. It makes sense that we should also understand that behaviors need to be addressed differently. As I read through this book I could "see" children I had taught in the past, children who seemed to be unable to control their behavior. I believe this would be a valuable tool for a classroom teacher and for parents of a child who is having difficulty in school.
   
   I don't think this book will solve every problem for every child, but I do believe that the methods set forth in this book could be a godsend for many teachers, parents, and especially for many children who are getting lost in the shuffle.
   
   I highly recommend this book for parents and teachers dealing with children who are struggling with behavior issues.



3. If you are a real teacher (or principal or dean) in a real school, this humane and engaging book will surprise you with its combination of practicality and idealism. It will inspire you to change things and to believe in the possibility of change.
   
   After teaching for eight years, I have spent the last three as "the discipline guy", Dean of Students, in a small, rural middle school. As both teacher and now as dean I have developed a deep suspicion of a certain sort of books. You know the ones: written by theoreticians or one-on-one therapists who have never had to juggle a roomful of 25 actual young human beings with not enough time, not enough resources and far too much of paperwork, testing, and ringing bells; and more and more deeply-troubled youngsters. These are the books that anxious or angry and frustrated parents bring to meetings that tell them how you should be meeting the needs of their unsuccessful or disruptive child. These books make things far worse for everyone involved.
   
   "Lost at School" is different; and that's clear from the beginning. After a brief introduction which pulls no punches in saying "school discipline is broken" the book launches into a story! Every teacher I know likes a good story - and this one feels so much like real (school)-life from the beginning that it sets the hook for the rest of the book. The different thing about this story is not the characterization of the troubled and challenging kids, but of its inclusion of the realistic range of adult personalities that combine to make education what it is - and sometimes isn't. The book sets out to follow the path of a handful of youngsters and another handful of fictional teachers and administrators who are struggling with the limitations of their own range of personalities and world-views as well as the real constraints of what schools can and cannot do. It is quite eye-opening and, in my opinion, dead-on accurate.
   
   Now don't let me give the impression that this book is just another entertaining "Up the Down Staircase" or "Room 222" or even merely another inspirational "Stand and Deliver". "Lost at School" is ultimately focused on a suite of methods for understanding children who exhibit challenging behaviors in school and for working with them to help them change. The "storyline" serves as an opportunity to view those methods in action as used by some fictionalized but well-drawn characters.
   
   The core assumptions of Greene's approach are that behaviorally challenging youngsters (a) "know how we want them to behave" and (b) "want to behave the right way". They don't need us to keep depriving them of privileges or offering them rewards to learn these two bits.
   
   The basic premise of the book is that these youngsters lack specific thinking skills which make it difficult or impossible for them to behave in circumstances that come up too-frequently in their school lives. Much as education has come-around in the past 20 years to acknowledge that cognitive deficits, learning disabilities, must be acknowledged as part of a youngster's learning of reading or mathematics, we need to move to a similar approach with behavioral difficulties.
   
   The goal, then, for educators, parents and the students, is to identify these missing or lagging cognitive skills and help students develop them - as central parts of their education. Greene provides an inventory which will remind educators of the sorts of rubrics we use frequently, for instance, in assessing students for attention or hyperactivity disorders. Some of these skills may well have come up in your conversations about a difficult student, e.g. "difficulty handling transitions". Some of them have probably been parts of conversations about students without the notion that they ought to be taught, e.g. "difficulty considering likely outcomes or consequences of actions". And some of them might just not have occurred to you as loci of behavioral challenges, e.g. "difficulty taking into account situational factors that would suggest the need to adjust a plan of action". Rarely, though, have you or I managed to systematically think about what to do with these anecdotal observations.
   
   Having worked through the assessment of lagging skills, the next task is to "teach" these skills. In this regard Greene shifts gears and does not provide a "curriculum". Instead he provides an approach - a way of communicating with behaviorally challenging youngsters that he terms "Collaborative Problem Solving" or CPS. Some might find this unsatisfying. I did, at first; hoping for a "methods" approach to teaching this as any other group of skills. But I found Greene's system ultimately satisfying and revealing instead. He gives us CPS and weaves his ongoing story of sixth-grader Joey into its explication
   
   The CPS approach is interesting because it sounds so simple. Greene calls it simply "Plan B"; distinguishing from "Plan A" - wherein the teacher or institution imposes its will on the student, and from "Plan C" in which we "drop an expectation completely, at least temporarily". I have to compliment Green on boldly sticking to such a simple naming scheme instead of coming up with typical ed-psych jargon to describe his schema or its alternatives. But the real power of such a simply-named approach is that describing it reveals how much we are all rooted in bouncing between poorly-implemented versions of plans A and C as part of school discipline. The "Plan B" or CPS approach assumes and requires listening to and the meaningful participation of the student -- and that is revealed to be a deeply-buried skill of even the well-intentioned educators in the storyline. But it can be learned and is the key to making things work.
   
   Greene is very open to all the ways things can go awry in dealing with real kids in real school environments. He peppers the book with "Q&A" sections, and sample dialogues. But central to his acknowledgement of the "real world" is his fictional one! He weaves in, throughout, the ongoing tale of Joey and Mrs. Woods; of the Assistant Principal who got knocked in the jaw by Joey back in chapter one; of Joey's anguished mom and even of Mr. Armstrong, the "these kids just have to learn how to behave" guy, whom seems so familiar to any educator. This side-story becomes in many ways a central one as all of these people move through a year of struggle and transformation.
   
   I won't tell you how it ends but will reassure you that it does end, as most school years to, not with a bang of disaster or triumph but with a deep breath and a look ahead as all the good but flawed folks involved anticipate the next year's labors. In this Greene manages to honor the motives and efforts of everyone who chooses to work in the often thankless business of education while he deftly reminds us of how much better we could and should be doing with these youngsters.



4. There is so much conflicting information out these days about education, discipline, and parenting, it's nice to find a book that makes sense and supports it's theories. This book does a good job of discussing kids with behavioral challenges, and ways to address their needs that can work.



5. I have just finished reading this book and am so grateful to Ross Greene for having written it. I am a long time follower of his work, having read his two previous books, "The Explosive Child" and "Treating Explosive Kids: The Collaborative Problem-Solving Approach", and having attended several of his presentations. I am the mother of a teenager who was an explosive child, and I am also a pediatric occupational therapist and special education instructor. This new book is valuable to me for all of those roles.
   
   The way this book is set up makes it very user friendly. It combines both the background and strategies of the CPS model with ongoing scenarios commonly found in schools. In addition there are excellent questions and answers found at the end of each chapter. As I was reading them, I could think of the exact teachers and parents in my school who would be asking those questions, and having a ready answer will be quite valuable. I have used the CPS model at home and in my work in pediatrics and have had great success. The changes I have seen in children's willingness to take part in helping themselves and in trusting adults has been exceptional. Perhaps one of the most profound things this book and the CPS model do is to promote a major paradigm shift in the way adults view children with behavioral issues. Once you read this information, it is hard to ever go back to viewing a child's behavior the same way again. I am planning to try to implement this approach within our school with as many of the staff as I can get on board.
   
   For those who have read Ross's previous books, there will be some repetition about the actual set up of the plan. However, I found the specific school application added a new dimension to my understanding of CPS. Additionally, review of these strategies is always a good idea in order to carry them out with the greatest success. Thanks Ross! Through this book you have once again touched the lives of many children,professionals and parents in a very positive way!

5 comments about Louder Than Words: A Mother's Journey in Healing Autism.

1. This book is a quick read that is inspiring and amazing. Jenny gives a very real look at the reality of having a child with autism, and the difficulty that many of us parents of autistic children have getting the help for our kids that they need. Jenny shows just how much we can accomplish with perseverance and a belief that our children CAN GET BETTER. It's stories like hers that have inspired me to keep searching for the answers for my son's issues, and now he is nearly recovered! This book also has a helpful section in the back of resources for parents just getting started.



2. As a therapist, and a woman wanting to have children, this book was very disappointing. Speaking as a therapist, we are not all out there to steer you in the wrong directions, rip you off, or give misinformation. This book makes it sound like the medical world is trying to prevent parents from getting answers or help and that is simply not true. Autism is tough, no doubt about that, it's tough for everyone involved, and we should be in this fight together instead againist each other which is what the book infers. Speaking as a woman trying to conceive, I did not appreciate the authors comments about being "very afraid" if you are wanting children. After I read that, I immediately stopped reading and almost threw the book away. As a woman trying to conceive, that was a really disturbing line to read. Shame on the author for trying to promoe fear instead of understanding. My advice, there are many other books out there that are much better.



3. I liked the book but as a mother of an autistic son the things she does to "cure" her son, wouldn't work for us. My son has had all the tests there are but all come up negative. My son doesn't have seizures as her son does. She is only an expert when it comes to her own son, and that is how it should be read. Not as a book of facts for everyone. It's the story of her journey not yours. Every mother and/or father wants to do what is best for their child and that is what she did. You need to figure out what is best for YOUR child because every child on the spectrum is different. I'm not sure she understood that, though.



4. Jenny's ex-husband's reaction in the book points to a man who might have Asperger's Syndrome. He was very inappropriate in the way he handled his son's medical problems. He was inappropriate in his inability to support his wife through their harrowing experience. His reaction left me wanting to hear more about his demeanor and hear also what his parent's experience was with their son as he was growing up. The husband's diagnosis would support the genetic theory of autism. As a mother of a boy who has Aspergers, I would like to see money go into the school systems to educate the educators about how to best teach these incredible children. Also money should not be wasted on theories that have been scientifically disproved.



5. I have spent many many hours in the UofG (University of Google) and could relate to this book 100% I could not put it down and finished it in a few hours. My son does not have any diagnosis at this point and may or may not have autism, but it gives so much hope for the future. Alternative medicines have been overlooked by the medical community for so long, I love that this book opens people's eyes to more possibilities than just what they've been told by Drs. I have 2 autistic nephews and my SIL is doing some of the treatments with her children that Jenny did with her son. Sometimes knowing that other people are in your same position is all it takes to keep chugging along. I read another review that pretty much said google and mothers instinct is not as good as what Drs will tell you. Well, doctors don't know everything. That is why it's called "practicing medicine". Mother's instinct is right most of the time, even if the scientific evidence isn't there to support that. I feel rejuvinated having read this. Definitely recommended to anyone with a special needs child, or anyone who loves a special needs child.

5 comments about Other People's Love Letters: 150 Letters You Were Never Meant to See.

1. i got this book for valentine's day and i found it really interesting. the best part is the descriptions at the end of what happened with the people who wrote and received the letters.



2. I personally was not a fan of this book. I was excited to get it because I thought it may be interesting. While there were a couple cute letters, I particularly did not feel it was worth the money, and was boring.



3. My husband Wiley writes waaaayyyy better love letters than this. Many are not even "love letters" they are just stupid, poorly written notes. Save your time and money.



4. This is not really a collection of love letters at all. Not very romantic, and not even letters. It's mostly just a bunch of sex emails and scribbled notes. More confusing than amusing. Nothing special



5. THE PRIVACY OF OTHERS IS ALWAYS INTERESTING TO OTHER PEOPLE. IT'S LIKE A LOOK INTO SOMEONE ELSES SOUL.

5 comments about Making Children Mind without Losing Yours.

1. This is a must read for all parents...even the ones whose kids "mind" or don't think they need to. This book is more about being a good parent and being happy with the end result. It has made such a positive impact on my family, that I have told anyone that would listen about it.



2. ....probably you will see yourself in this book and help your child become all they were meant to be. Help yourself and your kids, give it a read.



3. This is a great book for anyone who wants to know how to get children to understand discipline.



4. This book is for every parent whether their child is difficult to raise or not. Easy read and many examples to help you implement the discipline.



5. Leman does it again. This book tells it like it is and gives us a great alternative to whatever it is we are doing that is not working! I could have done with a few less sports analogies, but overall this is a great, quick read with some very effective techniques.