5 comments about Saying What's Real: 7 Keys to Authentic Communication and Relationship Success.

1. I came upon this book the hard way. I was raised in a family that rarely showed emotion and never talked about feelings. Although my former girlfriend tried several times to get me to talk about my feelings, I refused to do so and told her that was silly.
   
   After she left me, I tried unsuccessfully to win her back. That's when I realized how terrible my communication skills were. I communicated the only way I knew how, which was usually either by attacking or by being defensive. Yet amazingly, until reading "Saying What's Real," I didn't realize this. I just thought I was logical. After all, I could win any argument with her or anyone else.
   
   This book taught me that healthy communication is not about being right or getting people to do what we want. The author, Susan Campbell, makes the case that most communication comes from the (mostly unconscious) intent to control through manipulation, trying to impress others, lying so as not to hurt another's feelings, etc. She says that, conversely, healthy communication is about, "Creating mutually beneficial solutions... and sharing what we feel and think." In other words, healthy communication is about relating, which Campbell says builds intimacy and connection.
   
   Since I wasn't comfortable with talk about relating and sharing, I initially thought the book's advice wasn't useful to men like me. After all, what man on this planet talks about how something made him feel? However, I kept reading and eventually become convinced Campbell is right. It became obvious that had I been able to really communicate and relate to my former partner, things would have turned out differently. She once commented how we often didn't seem to "get" each other. Now I know why.
   
   After finishing the book, I went back and took 21 pages of notes. I plan to review them on a regular basis until I completely break my old patterns and make "real communication" and relating a habit. I'll also read this book with my next girlfriend when the time is right. It may be too late to salvage my old relationship, but I'm going to make sure communication is not a problem the next time around.



2. As the saying goes, it's the simple things that make a difference. In this case, the focus is relationship communication. The seven keys are as follows:
   1. Hearing what you say, I feel . . . .
   2. I want . . . .
   3. I have some feelings to clear . . . .
   4. I'm getting triggered about . . . .
   5. I appreciate you for . . . .
   6. I hear you, and I have a different perspective . . . .
   7. I would like to talk about how we're feeling.
   
   You might immediately notice the common theme of using "I" statements to express feelings. These precepts are elementary for good communication, and the author presents them in lucid terms, with engaging, narrative examples. Anyone could benefit from applying these principles, especially those new to the topic of relationship communication.



3. To learn to be open and honest can change your life and your relationships. It has been an eye-opener for me.



4. this book has changed my communication skills with my fiancé emmensly. More importantly- changing my communication w/ myself. Recommended for everyone and anyone to read. The seven keys are really ways of telling yourself how you feel about what's going on when it's happening.



5. Reading a book is never going to make your relationship better; only you and your partner(s) can do that. So if you are looking for a book to solve your problems, just stop right now. However, if you are looking for suggestions about what you can do to help your relationship develop better communication, then Susan Campbell's "Saying What's Real" claims to offer such advice.
   
   In the introduction, Campbell discusses what she believes are the barriers to good communication: First, being raised to devalue ourselves and/or others, and second, the defensive response to that, which involves controlling others and the situation. I think these are good observations. She briefly discusses nine benefits you may develop using her seven key phrases to begin and promote good communication. However, I was hoping for an introduction to the author in terms of her authority or background on the issue. She is a therapist, but what type, where was she educated, and what other sources did she use other than observation of her clients for 35 years?
   
   After the introduction, the next seven chapters all focus on one of the key phrases Campbell has used and urges her clients to use to help them communicate more honestly. Repeatedly she emphasizes that using these keys will require practice, suggesting that getting a "coach" or professional help can be useful for that. She offers several snippets of how people she's known have used these keys and the effects they've had on their lives. All these effects are positive, and that makes me a bit suspicious. Where are the failures, and why did it fail? We learn not only from our own mistakes but also from those of others.
   
   Most of the time Campbell refers to her own clients, but from time to time she makes a general psychological claim. I doubt she is the first person to develop those claims, so I expect some citations of where those generalizations come from. Yes, there is a list of resources at the end of the book, but no bibliography listing what other research she is drawing upon. I know that for a general self-help book this may seem silly, but I never think that respecting other people's work and citing it is silly; in fact, not doing so can get one into legal and professional trouble. One can write a nicely flowing book for the layperson and still be academically sound in citation by using endnotes or footnotes.
   
   I think these seven openers for communication can be useful, though given the fairly mundane examples of how they are used it will not be easy for those with more complex problems such as survivors of childhood abuse. The more traumatic the past that created your defense mechanism, the more you will need professional help. Campbell repeatedly says that you will need help to practice these skills, but I wish she had spent time on the rather large number of people whose pasts go beyond the routine denial of emotions found in most families.
   
   For those people whose backgrounds are that routine sort, I think these keys are most useful. However, I would add that one person cannot make things work; you need everyone aboard with the program. Again, Campbell does not spend time on that reality, suggesting instead that once one person is using the phrases, the other will pick it up. I don't think that is necessarily the case, and if you are with someone who is unwilling to change or develop empathy, you will need professional help and potentially the ability to do what is best for you. Reading this book can be a good first step, but you'll need to do more than simply read it or attempt to use the phrases on your own for a while.

5 comments about Simply Romantic Nights.

1. I bought Simply Romantic Nights because the concept seemed really great: two "guaranteed" dates a month for the next year, already planned out! As well as the promise of a questionaire where we would be able to talk about things that aren't easy to talk about...
   
   When I opened the package I peeked at the questionaire and was disappointed...so I opened up one date card and was disappointed again. Finally, my husband and I opened them all up and laughed our heads off at how wrong a choice this product was for us!
   
   I would MAYBE recommend this to newly married couples, or couples who have had trouble communicating in their marriage over the years. But for my husband and I (married 13 years) we were already talking openly about all the issues raised in the questionaire, and we thought the dates presented in the idea cards were #1-EXPENSIVE (not to mention finding all that babysitting) and #2-just kinda silly.
   
   We were hoping for a product to deepen our marriage and help us ensure that we get in some time alone each month, but instead we got a product that was just wrong for us - we're hoping to pass it on to someone who can use it.



2. If nothing else, so far, it has made us more in tune to what each other feels incertain situations and focusing us more on helping to grow in our relationship.



3. This little box of ideas is wonderful. It makes date night exciting and creative.



4. What a great resource for married people looking to add a little spark into their relationship!



5. I thought this kit would be cheesy, which is why it took me months after receiving it as a gift to actually plan a date, and open the cards. I think it cheesy no more, because it works! If you need a kick in the romance of your marriage, give it a try.

5 comments about Project Everlasting: Two Bachelors Discover the Secrets of Americas Greatest Marriages.

1. I'm not a big reader, especially of 'self-help' type books, but after reading an excerpt from this book I was intrigued. The authors have done a wonderful job of presenting the marriage "lessons" they learned in a wonderful story format that aren't far fetched and are very easy to relate to. What I particularly enjoyed about the book was its set-up. The chapters are broken down into short stories about different couples that illustrate the topic focus on in the chapter. For someone who isn't a big reader and has a limited amount of time to read it is nice to have so many good stopping points without feeling lost when I picked the book back up again. The humor interjected into the book is entertaining as well. Both authors are very personable. I've lent it to my fiancé to read (also not a big reader, but enjoying it so far) and plan on giving it as a giving as a wedding gift. Not to sound cliché and cheesy but I laughed, I cried, I highly recommend it to anyone getting married or anyone for that matter.



2. This is a really enjoyable book that teaches practical marriage advice and gives the bones to make up a great marriage. In addition, the stories about each "marriage master" are so lovely and nice to see what others went through for love, commitment and marriage.



3. This is one of the most heart warming books I have ever read. It is well written and made me smile most of the time I was reading it. If you like to hear uplifting stories that have happy endings, then this is your book.



4. I've been recommending "Project Everlasting" to all of my friends, whether single, in a serious relationship, or married. For a single twenty-something like me, the stories of the couples in this book are ones of hope and possibility, demonstrating everything that marriage can and should be when two people are genuinely committed. I think what Mat Boggs and Jason Miller have done in collecting these stories is to highlight all the best things of which human beings are capable. The lessons they've captured are invaluable, whether a person is called to marriage or not; to be able to love in the way that these couples have learned to - with a selfless determination - is the greatest thing that we can strive for in this life.
   
   The book is very well written, and Mat and Jason have an open, honest, and engaging way of taking you right along with them on their journey. This is a book that draws enormous amounts of wisdom from a series of personal journeys - those of the couples in marriage, and those of these two bachelors, discovering exactly what it is about marriage that is so worth waiting for, and so worth the effort that it clearly takes!



5. While I agree on that message the book conveys would be considered 'common sense', I am continuously amazed at how little common sense I encounter in the world at large. There are too many couples who rush into marriage without considering that the commitment they are entertaining is larger than themselves.
   
   I think the book serves as a tool for use in self examination and reflection, hopefully leading to honest conversations. It's a shame for someone to grow up only after vows are exchanged and families are hurt. My parents were married for 55 years until death parted them. I hope to do at least as well.
   
   Consider giving this to engaged couples or using it along with marriage preparation.

5 comments about David Decides About Thumbsucking: A Story for Children, a Guide for Parents.

1. Bright colorful pictures of David and his brother and sister invite kids to join David as he decides if and how to end his thumbsucking habit. Great story. Remarkable impact on my son, who read the story and decided to follow David's example. Also, the best compilation of information for parents on thumb and finger sucking that I've seen. Covers all the research. Explains how sucking habits help young children, but then gradually become detrimental as kids get older.



2. Great story- My son and I read this book together before bed one night and because of the book, it was his idea to try to stop. We are into the sixth night now with no thumbs! This book was written from a childs view and talks to the child directly and hits on the subject in a very positive way. I highly recommend this before trying the 'nailpolish', or any other old-fashioned techniques. Very positive!



3. My son and I read this book and tried the techniques. Socks were off hands by morning. Bandaids didn't make it past my closing the bedroom door. I think the information in the book is good advice especially if tried when the child is younger but my six year old is still sucking. I hope he stops by his wedding day.



4. A great book to help parents and kids. We have used this at the dentist office for many years.



5. I purchased this book 8 years ago for my oldest, but by the time I got it he had quit (needed an appliance). For my now 8 yo, I read this to her when she was 6. Until that time she had no desire to quit, and our dentist refused to give her an appliance until she did. This book motivated her. We tried all the advice, but she still couldn't quit all the way. So, she still needed an appliance, but by then she was wanting to stop, just needed more help.

5 comments about 1, 2, 3 ... The Toddler Years: A Practical Guide for Parents & Caregivers.

1. This book is a waste of time and money. It is written in large type with a lot of empty space on the pages. I was hoping to learn new parenting strategies to use with my 20-month old son, and didn't read anything that I hadn't heard before. The bottom line is that there is really no substance to this book at all. Each chapter is literally 1-2 pages long.



2. I guess I was just hoping for something more profound. Most of the book boils down to listening, talking and loving. In my opinion the parent that is involved enough to look for a toddle specific behavior book doesn't need the common sense advice this book doles out. If you know a really bad parent, this might be a good gift for them but since you're good enough to want to find a book to make you better, you don't need this one.



3. As both a parent and an early childhood/parent educator, I have to say that this book continues to be the one that I recommend to parents of toddlers and that I keep revisiting when I need encouragement with my own toddler. It is clear and practical- the type of education and advice that so many of us need and want. It encouarges us to respect our children, set appropriate limits, and offer them the type of environment that will enhance their growth and development.



4. This is a great book which outlines very clearly, in an easy and enjoyable to read format, why respect for toddlers creates respectful children. Great examples and anecdotes. A must read.



5. My wife read this book and has been raving about it ever since. It sure made a difference for us.

5 comments about Between Husband & Wife: Gospel Perspectives on Marital Intimacy.

1. I'm engaged and some of the anatomy type explanations were very helpful, that's where the good parts of the book end. As a man reading this book I felt like every stereotype in society about men being sex-animals with no feeling or regard for anyone was pointed out-and agreed with. If my sex drive is higher that's my problem, and I need to fix myself. If our sexual relationship isn't going right it's always the man's fault. On the flip side, my fiance almost cried as she read the book, feeling that being happy with our sex life and finding satisfaction can't ever happen. While I haven't been married yet, I believe this is a false belief, that a wonderful sex life can be achieved. A relationship where each partner is unselfish and aware and sensitive to the needs of their partner. This book did a poor job of giving anyone who's never experienced a sexual relationship, hope of that ever being a unifying, positive experience for both people.



2. I am LDS and my bishop gave me this book before my marriage. I found the book to be an easy way to approach this serious subject before marriage with someone else who was may be shy to discuss intimate things openly. I specifically liked the section about the purpose of the honeymoon.
   
   I think the people who complain that the book labels oral sex as unnatural and against LDS doctrine, are the LDS members who are guilty of it and don't want to admit that their behavior is against church teachings.



3. Notwithstanding the severe hatred that some of my fellow readers seem to harbor for this book, in truth it can be a very helpful and educational for those of us entering marriage that are "naive" to matters of sex. Before I get too far into it, I personally know Dr. Brinley and have taken a class at BYU entitled "Marriage Prep" which was fantastic. I do, however, fear that the stance of the book taken on certain topics was not completely accurate. However, I also never felt that topics such as female orgasms were portrayed as negatively as some would have you believe. In fact, during his class he was quite clear that satisfying your wife was just as important as your own pleasure. Unfortunately, the subject of "unnatural" sex (specifically oral sex) is not discussed clearly, and I do believe the implied views are inaccurate because I've yet to hear clear guidance on the subject from actual Church leaders (at least not from this century). In fact, from what I've understood, the church specifically avoids answering these questions because, as the book says, it's between Husbands and Wives.
   
   In conclusion, don't let the extreme negatism pursuade you against reading this book if you really need help understanding yourself and the opposite sex. It was an excellent aid for me and my wife and I believe it encourages sex between couples much more than some critics would have you believe. Do remember, however, that this is NOT doctrine, and these are only the educated opinions of "professionals."



4. Does little more than admit that a husband and wife should have sex. Still very conservative. Not much helpful information.



5. If you are looking for a book which frankly discusses human intimacy for those of faith who are seeking to figure out where the worldly ideas of it and God's diverge, this is a great book to help you in that quest. It provides a perspective that is rare today.

5 comments about Six Wives: The Queens of Henry VIII.

1. I have never been able to put a book down before on Henry the VIII and his wives. After struggling to finish this book of exhausting but uninteresting detail, I thought I would sell it on Amazon, a first for me. But then, after checking, I learned it was only going for 87 cents. Why am I not surprised?



2. There have been numerous books written on the lives of Henry VIII's wives both as a complete history and on an individual basis. Starkey's book is an interesting read if you want to have a very in-depth understanding of just how incredibly political each of his marriages were. There are complaints that most of the book is spent on Catherine of Aragon and Anne Boleyn but in looking at the history of these two women, they were the beginning of the making of Henry as well as England's history to come. Catherine of Aragon has been painted in some books as being a complete victim to be sympathized with for the harsh cruelty of Henry while he pursued Anne Boleyn. Starkey is not the first to intimate that she was actually a political machinist in her own right but he likes to present himself as being the first. Catherine's situation is no different than any other woman's reaction to "the other woman" so to imply that Catherine was not so obedient and submissive as she appeared is merely to say that perhaps she was at one point but came into her own as she progressed as Queen of England. That's psychology 101. Regarding Anne Boleyn, there's really nothing new painted about her specifically but there's a great deal of information presented about the true complexity of the divorce proceedings. This is truly the first book I've read that goes into just how many people were involved, what they actually did and how the hand-offs took place from person to person. In other works, only the most prominent figures in the picture are brought to light. The other wives did figure prominently in Henry's marriages from a very political standpoint. However, many authors outside of Starkey have indicated that there is little recorded information on each the successive wives especially in regards to Anne of Cleves. The one extreme criticism I have for Starkey and all the other authors regarding Catherine and the "consummation" of her marriage is the supposed evidence. Starkey follows the same path as all the others. I was hoping to see something more plausible. Every author states that the marriage must've been consummated based on two points of evidence. Arthur's boasting the following day of marriage being thirsty work and that he'd been amongst Spain and Catherine's silence on the subject. Why is it that every author does not take into consideration that Arthur was a 15 year old boy who carried the weight of an empire and was expected to perform his marital duties and therefore may have bragged because he couldn't state the other possibility....that he didn't perform? Regarding Catherine's silence on the subject and the question of "why didn't she complain?", she was a born princess. What princess/Queen who was 17 years old, in a foreign land and married to a King would complain that the marriage had not been consummated? To do so would be the equivalent of denigrating and humiliating her husband and a nation. The question is always left that only God knows whether the marriage was consummated or not. I beg to differ. There is one other person who would know if Catherine was a virgin and that would've been Henry. He was not sexually ignorant when he made Catherine his wife and where were his boasts? I recommend this book more for the political information surrounding the wives and what raised them and who truly took them down. Henry may have had final say but his court was very powerful in manipulating him. This book points this out more than any other out there.



3. I agree with unsolved fan and J.A. Miller, this book was by far the best book about the wives of King Henry than any others I've read.
   Starkey presents facts in such a way as to keep the reader thouroughly engaged, and looking forward to reading the next chapter.
   This book is quite fascinating. I've learned so much more from Starkey's book than from any history course.
   I recommend this book to anyone wanting to learn some of England's history and, to enjoy doing so.
   I wish he had spent more time on Katherine Parr, who seems to have been the most influential in bringing about reform in the churches of that day. That wife, Henry's last, was probably the most interesting and of a deep-thinking mind, than all his other wives, except for Catherine of Aragon, his first.
   I also totally disagree with the popularity of Anne Boleyn, now, in the movie theatres. Boleyn was not as worthy of attention and study, as are Catherine and Katherine.
   READ THIS BOOK! You'll be glad you did!



4. I agree with another reviewer who felt that this book sets a tedious pace that is frequently bogged down by constantly rehashing the ups and downs of Henry's divorce trial, first from Catherine of Aragon's point of view and then Anne Boleyns. While the amount of material regarding Catherine of Aragon is enormous the writer does stop often to compliment himself (tasteless) and by the time Anne Boleyn comes on the scene the reader is exhausted.



5. I really enjoyed this book. I'd have given it a full five star rating if the author had not asked the same silly questions over and over again, and if he had written a little more on the later wives like Anne of Cleves and Katherine Howard. However the book was very informative and interesting and I recommend it to those who wish to know more about the wives of Henry VIII.

2 comments about Natural Health after Birth: The Complete Guide to Postpartum Wellness.

1. Aviva Jill Romm's book is destined to have widespread appeal for its compassionate and wise advice. I am grateful to Aviva for having so much vital information in one volume. The topics are Herbs, Nutrition, Yoga, and Practical Wisdom and sagely begins with Chapter One -- The Birth of a Mother. Her chapter on Replenishing Yourself -- Body, Mind and Spirit is particularly wonderful and the photos of the mother and newborns are full of soul. Both Robin Lim's (After The Baby's Birth) and Aviva's books make the best baby shower / Blessing Way gifts! For too many years postpartum has been neglected in terms of self-help guidebooks and within a moon of one another in 2002 came two excellent contributions to what I hope to see is the growing body of knowledge for new mothers. This is a book I will give my children and grandchildren!



2. A friend recommended this book as we both started our second pregnancies. I'm so glad she did!! This book is great for first time moms and moms who have already had their first babies - excellent perspectives on what we go through after birth and gentle, reassuring advice on how to cope. A must read!

4 comments about Always Have Popsicles.

1. Thanks, Rebecca Harvin, for summing up the wonderful role of being a grandparent. What a treat to read such fabulous ideas and thoughts on enjoying my grandchildren--It was a wonderful gift when having my first grandchild! Again, Ms. Harvin writes delightfully and from the heart! I bet her ideas are tried and true!



2. I am the mother of three. I recently lost my father. He always had
   popsicles for his grandchildren. A great memory to cherish.



3. I keep this book on hand to have as a surcie when I hear one of my friends is about to become a grandmother! Its wonderful pages of heart rending shorts just makes everyone smile. It is a real keeper!



4. Great Little Book! We used it for a Golf Outing give away and it was a huge hit!

5 comments about The Complete Outdoor Wedding Planner: From Rustic Settings to Elegant Garden Parties, Everything You Need to Know to Make Your Day Special.

1. Whether you are contemplating a big bash of a celebration, an intimate dinner, or an elegant afternoon party, this book has plenty of inspiration and ideas. I bought it in anticipation of a wedding potentially planned for a barn. We moved the venue, but still borrowed many ideas from the book for refreshments, flowers, lighting and other party particulars.



2. I was hoping the focus would be on planning an outdoor wedding. I am a very detail oriented person and thought this would give me all the details I've established and then the ones I wouldn't even think of, being I've not planned an elegant outdoor event. Unfortunately my own details far surpassed what is written in this book. Most of the advice mentioned in this book is common sense. I would have appreciated a bit more info on seating, on sand, deck, grass, a mountaintop...decor, and what will work where, and what to use in place of candles (being outside can be windy), Outdoor foods, maybe some budget ideas thrown in...a disappointment, sorry



3. This book is way short on substance (based on what it's supposed to help you with) and way long on anonymous hype. Don't buy it.



4. We learned so much from this book! From the insider questions to the solutions to common weather challenges, decor ideas and great secrets about which types of menu items to use and not use...this book saved us a LOT of trouble with our planning, and we now have details that we're confident about. Instead of worrying, we're looking forward to the wedding because we were so well-guided by this book! We especially loved the ideas for planning an outdoor wedding aisle, and those will definitely be a part of the wedding.



5. Was a gift for my sister and future brother-in-law. Had it shipped to them, but it was never received. Sounds like a good book though.