5 comments about The Sexual Teachings of the Jade Dragon: Taoist Methods for Male Sexual Revitalization.

1. So far I've spent about 4 hours going through this book, so I plan to continue to edit and update my review as I study it in more detail.
   
   There is a wealth of information in this book, and it includes translations of several very famous Chinese texts on this topic (with good practical commentary). It is well written and easy to read, very matter of fact, has some very clear illustrations. As a person with a deep interest in the topic of dual cultivation I found it "a page turner". It also points out correctly that this is a very controversial topic both today and historically, and does a good job of presenting the subject in a neutral manner, although I think the book downplays the extent to which dual cultivation was (and is) frowned upon in China.
   
   On the downside, there are some very complex issues of the morality about the use and treatment of the green dragons which are not discussed, the author is rather vague on the issue of informed consent.
   
   The text presented of the "Plain Girl Classic" (Su Nu Ching) is quite different from the 'standard' versions - see Douglas Wile "The Chinese Sexual Yoga Classics" for a scholarly analysis of the publically available versions.
   
   The herbal formulations look very interesting (I'm not a Trad. Chinese Medicine (TCM) herbalist) but the dosage information is very vague.
   
   I think it is unlikely that many if any of the readers will be able to (or want to?) re-create the white tigress / jade dragon dynamic, but it is fascinating to read this description of the behavior of this particular lineage of Taoists in China.
   
   The techniques are described in sufficient detail that it should be easy to practice them from the book. My personal experiences is that there are better techniques for drawing the energy upward (I did not see any references to using either sacral or cranial pumps), and I believe the ones presented in the book will work and are among the simplest. They might also be among the easiest, but that is a very relative term - this is not an easy subject.
   
   This system is based on two particular male/female dynamics, there are other systems.
   
   I am an experienced practicioner of dual cultivation from another school, so I will spend hours going thru this in detail. Would I recommend this as a first book / beginner's book - no. However it terms of the mechanical aspects controlling and channelling the energy it is more complete and useful than Jolan Chang's books or Stephen Chang's on the topic.



2. This book is fantastic from a historical context. It really puts a strong perspective on the tradtions of sexual alchemy in traditional chinese society. The outlines of the five elements in relation to errection and ejaculation are very interesting.
   
   The practical components of the book are a bit scewed, in my humble opinion. I am very well trained in both Chinese Medicine and Kung Fu, and have been since childhood. And though I believe this book is a very accurate and concise translation of the origional text, and the mentality of sexual alchemy in China during ancient times, I don't feel that this material is enough in itself to complete the goal of immortality.
   
   But don't get me wrong this book is VERY important, along with the tigress manual, in achieving longevity and immortality through sexual practices. You should look outside of the reach of this text and explore the small heaven circulation in detail, the conents in this book will be enough on the topic of circuating energy, but you will need to gain further understanding in order to acheive more dynamic results.
   
   Also a word to the wise, the herbal formulas in this book are hot in nature, do not abuse them or you will end up with significant malaise. Consult a Traditional Chinese Medical Doctor to make sure you don't have too much heat or fire before taking the formulas in this book.
   
   [...]



3. I read this book as an outsider - someone curious about the Taoist alchemical tradition, the sexual yoga so deeply involved it, and its form in the current era. This collection of essays and translations is very helpful, and helpful in several ways.
   
   Hsi starts with and outline of the White Tigress, Jade Dragon beliefs and the program of study that is involved. Next, Hsi addresses the different kinds of male temperaments and organs, and offers a series of solo and couples' exercises for strengthening the penis and the sexual energy that guides it. Hsi notes that many readers will stop there, deriving physical and sexual benefit from the practices, but not spiritual.
   
   Next, Hsi offers a translation of the Plain Girl classic written 2000 years ago, conversations between a seeker and the immortal Plain Girl. A few more translations or guides follow, ending with an eighteenth century autobiography. It describes the induction of a young man into Taoism monasticism. His master felt that the student's physical weakness made him too fragile a vessel to hold enlightenment, and prescribed Jade Dragon practice to strengthen his body and mind. That student describes his own advance under Jade Dragon practice, and its benefit to his later life.
   
   I don't always know whether Hsi is writing in the first person, passing on the knowledge that he was given, or rendering a classic text into English. More clarity there would have helped. Even if it lacks in academic rigor, this book lacks nothing in its main purpose. It's a happy statement that carnal energy and personal enlightenment can and must work together.
   
   //wiredweird



4. I've been studying Tantra and Taoism intensely for about 6 months now. This is one of the BEST books of the subjects I have found. A bit esoteric for most people, but the information here is STELLAR. Enjoy!



5. I've beens studying Internal Medicine for more than 7 years (begin in 2000). This book doesn't not, in my opinion, give adequate caution to the common concerns concerns present in this area of study, nor to the complications that can arise for those with specific historic conditions. When I first read and began exploring the practices of this book I found that I had to adjust several of the exercises. My awareness to make these adjustments came from the observational and discernment skills developed through my prior training. Had I not made adustments I believe that I could have negatively impacted my health (through strain). The book gave no indication that these situations could arise - and for that reason I don't believe it is appropriate to someoen looking to open the door to this area of study.
   
   That said, if you are new to this area; get this book and stick it on a shelf. Leaf it from time to time so that, in a few years of dedicated study, you'll have considerations in mind for beginning to open this door. Don't begin your practices by a full dive into this book.
   
   Great book, otherwise. Really uncommon information.

5 comments about Pick-Up Lines That Work: Get the Girl Tonight!.

1. Yes,there is finally a real book on pick-up lines.The author did his research.Its about time someone wrote a book on pick-up lines and how,when,where and why to use them.This book covers the lot.
   
   The book is divided up into various sections showing which pick-up line suits each situation.Not many corny jokes in this book so you're not likely to get slapped across the face or kneed in the groin.
   
   This is the book every guy should have.If you want to improve your chances with women then this book is going to be help you meet and pick-up women.As for the price the book is good value.It definitely a quality book not one of those books written by some idiot trying to cash in on singles.If you are going to buy a book purely on pick-up lines buy this book.Its the only one you need.
   
   Add this book to your collection of "How to pick-up women" type books and you will be a winner.



2. I thought this book had some really good stuff inside. There are lots of ways to pick up women without feeling ingraitated or like you're throwiing out stupid pick up lines. This book helps with that. I also liked and would recommend Dating Sense: The Practical Way to Meet, Date and Marry the Right Person.



3. This book did nothing for me. Out of the 1,500 pickup lines in here, about five at best were even practical. I've read a lot about pickup in the past few months, and almost every single line in this book is self defeating. If you want to gamble on your "game," or whether or not you have a hand imprint on your face after the interaction, buy this book. If you're looking for a strategy to set yourself apart from the other douche bags out there hitting on gorgeous women, this book will not help you.



4. While the pick-up lines, and I use that term loosely, are nicely divided into section according the most appropriate setting to use them in, the one-liners (mostly) are fairly pathetic. Very few are of any real merit. If your goal is to reduce your appeal to women I strongly suggest reading and using these pick-up lines. Save yourself the embarrassment and money and don't buy this book.
   
   The only use this book has ever been to me was as a complete joke while on a second or third date. I stated that my friend got me the book as a birthday present/joke. We perused it and laughed at the pathetic lines.



5. The pick up lines in this book are retarded. Do you really need a book with lines that have you ask questions to women about the restaurant you are in? You may as well google "pick up lines" instead. I recommend the Mystery Method if you want to learn how to start talking to women.

5 comments about Is He Depressed or What?: What to Do When the Man You Love Is Irritable, Moody, And Withdrawn.

1. This is a great little book, filled with helpful insights and vignettes. I found myself quoting Dr. Wexler's book so often in treatment that I finally got smart and started making it required reading for all of my clients, both couples and individuals, for whom male depression is an issue.
   Janice Horowitz, M.S.W.



2. This book saved my relationship. I was terrified to start a relationship with a wonderful guy because I knew he drank. I knew he had been in Vietnam but had that was 30 years ago. After reading Dr. Wexler's book I insisted that he go to the VA
   and get help. He is now on an anti-depressant, has a new job, and has completely turned his life around. I am so thankful that
   this book was recomended to me because my darling man was in no
   shape to help himself.



3. Dr. Wexler's book was inspiring and insightful, to say the least. His metaphors and simple, yet thoughtful, techniques and insights changed my relationship. This book helped me overcome my semi-depressed life that seemed to consist of the same day over and over again. I am now able to see myself and my relationship in a whole new light.



4. Husbands or boyfriends who demonstrate short tempers, the tendency to withdraw, and a variety of physical problems may actually be depressed: but how can the myriad of symptoms involved be properly analyzed to determine depression - and what can be done? Step-by-step advice examines the symptoms of different kinds of depression, tells how to effectively communicate with the depressed person, and tells how to locate treatment and what to watch for. An excellent guide teaches all the basics of male depression symptoms, treatment, and a concerned partner's options.
   
   Diane C. Donovan
   California Bookwatch



5. This book is well written and a quick read that is good for women who are concerned about the man in their life. It is also a good book for men to read to better understand the problems of depression in men. This seems to be a topic that has not gotten nearly as much attention as depression in women. With the popularity of the internet the problem of depression in men is beginning to get more attention and it is becoming easier to find information. As of now this is easily one of the top five books available for men with depression.
   [...]

5 comments about Love and Law.

1. With the movie "The Secret" and The Law of Attraction, being so popular at the moment, even though this book was written in the early 1900's, it is still quite pertinent. Very helpful in teaching ways to manifest good in one's life.



2. This book had a bigger impact on me than most other books I've ever read in 45 years. Although Homes has a unique way of speaking, that sometimes interfered with comprehension (he makes up words LOL), the meaning came through, and it rocked me to the core. This goes beyond The Secret, and any other mainstream media out there related to The Law of Attraction. This isn't new--it's old hat. He's been talking about this for many decades. The case histories prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that what we believe shapes our reality. I don't understand why this man's stuff isn't better known. It should be.



3. This book opened my mind and changed how I thought about life... it really made a lasting impact on me.
   
   If you are discovering and learning that what you manifest in life is based upon the direction of your thoughts, then this book is a must read. It will reveal to you that your thoughts are LAW. They are a guiding priciple behind that which we manifest...
   
   I found the book very hard to put down, and truly consider it one of the best ever on the subject!



4. Love and Law is a collection of lectures and private lessons from Ernest Holmes. It is truly the most inspiration book on Metaphysics that I have ever read! It is impossible for you to read this book without feeling something within yourself! It is amazing! I loved reading EVERY word!! Mr. Holmes is an incredible spiritual teacher.



5. I love this work. It changed my mind on Ernest Holmes work. I had read his Science of Mind and understood that emotion had no part in applying the universal laws. But this work countered that idea and brought it to balance in my mind. It also sent me to work on Thomas Trowards works. I am not a metaphysician and never wanted to read these authors. How sorely mistaken I was. Absolutely wonderful. I highly recommend this work, or any that either Ernest Holmes or Thomas Troward, to anyone of any faith that wants to change their life without having to change their religion whether it be a formal religion, informal, or "capitalism."

2 comments about Complete Live and Learn and Pass It On: People Ages 5 to 95 Share What They've Discovered about Life, Love, and Other Good Stuff.

1. It's a really cool book. It 's got some cool quotes. The one's wriiten by younuns are really cute.



2. This book makes a great gift for someone. It is a kind f bookyou can pick up and read any time for fun. I have enjoyed it a lot.
   I reccommend it highly.

5 comments about Tantric Quest: An Encounter with Absolute Love.

1. That is what the essance of Tantra is. Daniel Odier writes about his search to find a Master to recieve this ancient and secretive teaching from. On the verge of giving up he retreats to a small village in India where, almost seemingly by accident, he finds a great Yogini Tantric Master, Devi, in the forest. She agrees to take him on as a student and so begins Daniel's immersion into a whole new way of experiencing the world.

   The transmission of Tantric tradition is very personal. Devi puts Daniel through a variety of tests to strengthen the bond and trust between them. She warns him at the outset of this journey that doubts about himself, anger and even hatred of her could manifest during their work together. As Daniel progresses, and the master/student bond is solidified, Devi's teachings become more deep and subtle. The final part of his time spent with Devi involves his initiation into the Tantric ritual sex, the joining of Shiva and Shakti, causing the rising of the Kundalini(a sacred spiritual force that purifies the body for deeper spiritual attainment).

   Daniel not only shares his experience of Devi and what she taught him, but tells how he came back to the 'real world' to use what he learned. Not always an easy task.

   A fairly good book, a beautiful story of the student/master relationship, and it's not too wordy either. A basic knowlege of Hinduism is a real plus when reading this.




2. In this story of his personal spiritual quest to find a Tantric master, Odier, a young man, wanders through India where an unusual, sometimes disastrous, sequence of events leads him deep in the forest to yogini Lalita Devi. Over a period of months, Odier undergoes a series of trials, tests, and rituals of purification that culminate in a sacred sex initiation in which he experiences the awakening of the kundalini, and the joining of the divine forces of Shiva and Shakti.



3. It says a lot about the personal qualities of Daniel Odier that he was accepted by a skilful teacher from a true tradition of Tantra, and was also able to pursue the teaching, over years of practice, to its realization.
   
   Mystical sex is certainly a part of this book -- Odier makes no secret of this interest as he begins his quest -- but as his learning continues, he and his search grow beyond it. The story is both fascinating and inspiring. When finally he is given his sexual initiation, he has abandoned the sexual quest, so that what he actually receives is an initiation into absolute love. Paradoxically, it is only at this point that he can truly enter the sexual experience -- and truly enter, as well, every other experience of human life.
   
   Although some may wonder if it all really happened, the story rings true because it continually relates the struggle to overcome the ego. The absolute love of Odier's teacher allows her to place her willing but unsuspecting student, time after time, in exactly the situation which will push his ego to its limits. He must give up grabby goals, self-preservation and mental chatter each time. His ultimate reward is the awareness of this love: the great goal of the mystic, a union with all that exists. There are parallels with Buddhist meditation teachings, and the story also recalls certain words of the Bible, for example that perfect love casts out fear, or that we must lose the world in order to gain the Kingdom.
   
   Through it all, the key is perfect awareness of the present moment, inner and outer. There is certainly sex in the book, including a wonderful (and discreet) description of a Tantric sex act which demystifies the subject for Westerners who have only had the works of non-initiates to read up to now. (Western students of tantra-sex who have attended workshops will recall learning to become more fully present to themselves and their partners.) Daniel Odier's story offers this and far more, not only sex but also the constant partners of sex: life, death and above all love.
   
   I read the original French version, but the English translation is also very clear.



4. This book is a great read. It works as a story, as instruction, and as literature. Can't recommend it highly enough.



5. The full title is Tantric Quest: Encounter with Absolute Love.
   Daniel Odier, the author, met a woman who intitiated him in the secrets of tantra and sacred feminine, and what is more important, she was belonging to the unbroken lineage of spiritual masters.How this happened? (Authentic initiatrixes are difficult to find). Odier went on spiritual quest during the sixties. He was fortunate enough to encounter in some remote rural area a woman who was a highly realized spiritual teacher, and after series of demanding trails, she initiated him in the practice of tantra (very much like Zen masters do, but without Koan questions, or Mahamudra and Dzogchen masters, but of course, initiations vary, I am talking her about general pattern).Odier lived with her, was empowered by her,and his quest was an unusual, spiritual journey,which deepened his insights and cleared neurotic patterns in his mind. And yes, there is also a sacred sex initiation described, but this is not neo-tantra.
   
   There is recent years a lot of talk about sacred feminine. Many of those discussions are based on speculations, modern myths emerging from mixing facts and rumors.(Sacred feminine went pop-culture after the DA Vinci Code created such a stir).But what about something solid and alive? Here you can read about personal experiences of a man who was instructed by a woman from the tradition revering sacred feminine.(Hindu tantra). And the book is well written,as Daniel Odier had a career as a novelist before his journey. (For ex. he wrote the novel Diva, on which the movie of the same title was based). He is conducting workshops, and teaching theories of tantrism at American universities.He continues to write books.His background is very solid, and he does not sensationalize the subject.I very recommend this book to anyone who is interested in first person relation about initiatory experiences,and what it means being empowered by a woman of high spiritual standards.This book appears honest and authentic as the first hand relation.

5 comments about My First White Friend: Confessions on Race, Love and Forgiveness.

1. At first, I wasn't sure I wanted to read this book because of the title. But, I had an occasion to interview the author so I decided I should read the book before I went. I found the book to be exceptional in both the writing and keeping my interest.

   This book also helped me in some of my own healing because I related to so many challenges that Patricia speaks about that were directly related to her family. The book was about forgiveness and how one woman decided it was time to move on with her life.

   Because I work with women regularly who are attempting to do the same, I will recommend this book to many.

   Diana Hart, MA, Career and Life Coach, Hart to Heart Communications, Inc.




2. My first white friend tells the life of Patricia Raybon, an African American women growing up in Colorado. Through her life, she felt on the outside because of her race and did not fully trust Caucassions and held a lot of hostility towards them. However, as she grows and matures, Raybon begins to become friends with a white women in high school. Through her life, she is faced with challenges dealing with her race like people questioning her credential when she teachs college. Through her life, Raybon is able to reflect and come with a better understanding of race relations. She begins to realize that the racial hostility she had can be overcome and that we can all get along.

   This book is a great book to read regardless of your race or experiences with other races. We can all gain from a book like this.




3. I brought this book because I couldnot put her other book. This book is interesting because it deals with issues in my own life.
   It lends it self to a therapy session everytime you pickup the book. I am not Afro- American but I am Hispanic and have dealt with alot of the same issue that Pat has. But not to the extend she has. She has a way of writing that by the time you finish the chapter you have really gotten to the core of the matter being spoken about.
   I will continue to look for books by this author she is great!



4. I couldn't put this book down!! I love her writing style. Easy to read, easy to get into, but not easy to put down. I liked the sharing of other people's lives and struggles that she included such as Ghandi and Martin Luther King. I must admit, I have a few other pages to read before I'm finished, but I want to buy a copy for several of my friends for a Kwanzaa gift, so came online to order. This is a good book for anybody to read. And I strongly recommend it to any 'haters'. Hopefully your viewpoint will change too!



5. Allow me to echo the favorable reviews above. This book is so timely and insightful that I bought four used copies and added them to our library's book sale to make sure that it stays in circulation. The tone was a bit to religious for my tastes, but that does nothing to deny the importance of the subject, how it is portrayed, the unexpected 90 degree angle turns, and the overall message underlining the truth that racism is indefensible. I was unsuccessful using the author's website e-mail link, so I'm expressing my deep appreciation for her sharing her story with us here.

5 comments about Boundary Issues: Using Boundary Intelligence to Get the Intimacy You Want and the Independence You Need in Life, Love, and Work.

1. Finally someone explains "boundaries" - a lot better than most shrinks do (including Dr. Phil!) This may be the best self-help book I've ever read - I'm buying it for my mother, my best girlfriends, and my 24 year old daughter



2. This really useful book offers tons of good advice for those of us who find it almost impossible to say no! I learned a lot from the author's suggestions about where to draw the line in the sand. This is one of those self-help books that actually offers help!!



3. I always thought boundaries were a way of keeping others at a safe distance and out of my personal business. Instead, after reading this book, I learned that boundaries can also be a way to connect with others, and allow greater closeness and intimacy with the people in our lives. In order to do this, we need to cultivate something the author calls "boundary intelligence," which is an intentional management of three aspects of boundaries: their permeability, flexibility, and complexity.
   
   The four elements of Boundary Intelligence are: awareness, insight, intention and action. It makes sense--if someone is stepping all over us, or if we are trespassing on their boundaries, we need first of all to be aware of the transgression, and then have the insight to realize that we need to adjust our boundary's permeability. Then we can form the intention to change and formulate a plan of action to address the boundary transgression.
   
   All of us have different boundary styles, and an interesting quiz in Chapter 3 helps us understand our inner boundaries; those we have with others in our lives; and how their complexity, flexibility, and permeability all impact our dealings with others. I found this very interesting and helpful.
   
   The book had several other quizzes, but they lacked enough explanation for me to make real sense of them. Throughout the book, numerous anecdotes and examples tell of boundaries being trampled on and ignored, all of which further illustrated the necessity of understanding and learning how to successfully negotiate boundaries with the people in our lives.
   
   One area dealt with something the author termed "emotional trespass." This is when "we may not know exactly where our boundaries are, but we know when they've been violated." I can think of innumerable examples of this in my own life, but I never had a way to describe it before.
   
   Armchair Interviews says: Boundary Intelligence will help you navigate your way through all the relationships in your life.
   



4. In her first book, Jane Adams successfully addressed a specific challenge: grown children who disappoint their parents. This time she chooses a topic that's hard to pin down. Ironically, she needs to draw boundaries around this topic. By generalizing to a wide range of situations, the topic becomes almost too broad to be useful.
   
   The topic has a great deal of relevance. As a career consultant, I find over half my clients have trouble dealing with boundaries. So I was looking forward to the book. I found some new insights but I would have liked to see the author go deeper rather than broader.
   In her first book, Jane Adams successfully addressed a specific challenge: grown children who disappoint their parents. This time she chooses a topic that's hard to pin down. Ironically, she needs to draw boundaries around this topic. By generalizing to a wide range of situations, the topic becomes almost too broad to be useful.
   
   On page 35, Adams introduces elements of boundary intelligence. Although BI appears in the book's title, the concept disappears almost immediately. Instead, Adams describes types of boundaries and boundary violations through the use of anecdotes.
   
   The topic has a great deal of relevance. As a career consultant, I find over half my clients have trouble dealing with boundaries. So I was looking forward to the book. I found some new insights but I would have liked to see the author go deeper rather than broader.
   
   On page 35, Adams introduces elements of boundary intelligence. Although BI appears in the book's title, the concept disappears almost immediately. Instead, Adams describes types of boundaries and boundary violations through the use of anecdotes.
   
   The self-help portion of the book comes from the many exercises and assessment tools -- very shaky since they're ad hoc and conversational rather than scientific. Adams offers limited advice. She brings up the old chestnut: "When you do X, I feel..." Contemporary counselors recognize this language will not defuse a confrontation: in fact, so many people have ridiculed this formula it's likely to backfire.
   
   Adams introduces the concept of "boundary personalities," i.e., we differ in boundary permeability and flexibility. But I suspect these personalities can be influenced by situation. Someone may have highly permeable boundaries at home but not at work (or, alas, vice versa).
   
   Adams identifies inner, family and work boundaries. Inner boundaries refer to our abilities to separate rational thinking from emotions. This topic has been researched extensively. Adams refers to the self-regulation literature but I would like to see a much more extensive discussion with reference to scholarly articles.
   
   More important, it's hard to see similarities among inner, work and family boundaries. Each calls for unique strategies so setting boundaries in one arena may not be relevant to another.
   
   Adams seems most at home with family boundaries, where we have the most control. We can set limits. We can say, "Respect my boundaries or leave." We can talk about feelings. These strategies won't work in the workplace.
   
   As a career consultant, I naturally wanted to learn more about workplace boundaries. Instead, Adams offers examples of employees whose boundaries are violated. I've found that people in transition are most subject to boundary violations: they often feel lonely and seek help or companionship inappropriately. The key is to realize when your defenses are down and act accordingly.
   
   Adams rightly notes that we risk a loss of privacy when we file a health insurance claim with an employer. But I believe we should focus on legal and ethical elements of privacy -- I don't see these concerns as boundary issues.
   
   Most important, rather than focusing on our boundary styles, we need to come up with strategies to protect and defend our boundaries at work. The relevant question isn't, "Are my boundaries permeable?" but rather, "How can I maintain a professional relationship with colleagues and customers?"
   
   Bottom line: I enjoyed the book but felt it was trying to be too much and too little: The concept of "boundaries" was stretched to explain situations and challenges beyond what was realistic or helpful. And given the authors PhD credentials we would anticipate more reference to social science research.
   
   The self-help portion of the book comes from the many exercises and assessment tools -- very shaky since they're ad hoc and conversational rather than scientific. Adams offers limited advice. She brings up the old chestnut: "When you do X, I feel..." Contemporary counselors recognize this language will noto defuse a confrontation: in fact, so many people have ridiculed this formula it's likely to backfire.
   
   Adams introduces the concept of "boundary personalities," i.e., we differ in boundary permeability and flexibiity. But I suspect these personalities can be influenced by situation. Someone may have highly permeable boundaries at home but not at work (or, alas, vice versa).
   
   Adams identifies inner, family and work boundaries. Inner boundaries refer to our abilities to separate rational thinking from emotions. This topic has been researched extensively. Adams refers to the self-regulation literature but I would like to see a much more extensive discussion with reference to scholarly articles.
   
   More important, it's hard to see similarities among inner, work and family boundaries. Each calls for unique strategies so setting boundaries in one arena may not be relevant to another.
   
   Adams seems most at home with family boundaries, where we have the most control. We can set limits. We can say, "Respect my boundaries or leave." We can talk about feelings. These strategies won't work in the workplace.
   
   As a career consultant, I naturally wanted to learn more about workplace boundaries. Instead, Adams offes examples of employees whose boundaries are violated. I've found that people in transition are most subject to boundary violations: they often feel lonely and seek help or companionship inappropriately. The key is to realize when your defenses are down and act accordingly.
   
   Adams rightly notes that we risk a loss of privacy when we file a health insurance claim with an employer. But I believe we should focus on legal and ethical elements of privacy -- I don't see these concerns as boundary issues.
   
   Most important, rather than focusing on our boundary styles, we need to come up with strategies to protect and defend our boundaries at work. The relevant question isn't, "Are my boundaries permeable?" but rather, "How can I maintain a professional relationship with colleagues and customers?"
   
   Bottom line: I enjoyed the book but felt it was trying to be too much and too little: The concept of "boundaries" was stretched to explain situations and challenges beyond what was realistic or helpful. And given the author's PhD credentials we would anticipate more reference to social science research, rather than anecdote or speculation.



5. I bought this based on reviews here and at another bookstore. The author uses Kegan's constructive-developmental model as a framework, which is fairly difficult to understand; it also suffers from being based on Piaget's work, which has been shown to be misleading at best. She has merged it with Gardner's multiple intelligences theory (modulo Goleman's Emotional Intelligence) on a very superficial level. She incorporates numerous quizzes, which give the whole book a sort of women's-magazines feel. While there are notes, her sources are out of date, often of questionable merit (Mahler's work has been discredited and Winnicott's work has been shown to be very limited in utility).
   
   So much for theoretical underpinnings and the structure of the work. She includes many interesting stories and anecdotes. These stories show clearly that the audience for the book is assumed to be women. Her commentary is extremely heteronormative, even though she includes anecdotes involving lesbians and gay men. Her treatment of relationships between women and gay men is particularly appalling. She assumes that family life is disrespectful and challenges the reader who does not believe that to try to not engage in emotional trespass for 24 hours, as if that is some impossibility.
   
   All these things I might be able to forgive. But the book doesn't even make much sense. I liked her three parts to boundaries (flexibility, permeability and complexity -- although she occasionally uses variability, which is confusing), but she desploys this analysis in a very rough-and-ready fashion that does not bear close analysis. Even this I could forgive. But her advice in many of the anecdotes is really pretty bad.
   
   Finally, it's a book about boundaries aimed at heterosexual women. Yet at no point does she deal with the topic of sexual advances, by women, towards women, wanted or otherwise. Kind of a big hole, isn't it?

5 comments about Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years.

1. Okay, it was a wonderful book. Interesting and absorbing, but because the author is a "Sex Researcher" the book a tad creepy. It's like if Jeffery Dahmer wrote a cookbook. While your reading this you can't help wondering about whether this lifestyle influences her academic persona. I'd have much preferred if this had been published as "By Anonymous".



2. I was disappointed because more than an empowering book for women in their prime, it was a little black book of her conquests. I couldn't even finish it. At first, I was intrigued, but then it became like a revolving door (sorry Pepper!). Plus, she has a condescending attitude towards people like me who prefer a more long-term serious relationship. Living in the era of AIDS, HPV, and herpes outbreaks does not engender me to leap into casual flings just because I can. I mean, I'm shocked she never even tested these people before bed-hopping. And the indifferent way she brushes off amours that want something more but that stifle her "growth" is positively aggravating. I had to put it down (and thankfully, return it to the library).



3. Dr. Pepper's book candidly looks at dating at mid-life. Her anecdotes provide personal insight, and allow us to live, experience and learn through her. It's going to take several meetings and relationships before finding "the one," if at all....and Pepper reminds the reader that maybe finding "the one" isn't what we should be after - that it's more of the journey, and loving the journey instead. As I go through this process, it makes it a heck of a lot easier to keep Pepper's experiences in mind - I know I'm not the only one going through this....I'm not the only one who will experience losses. Great book! I'd even tell men to read it - I think they'd learn a lot as well!



4. This is a great read,not just for single women in their "prime," but for men and women of any age. Other amazing book about this topic is:I Love You. Now What?: Falling in Love is a Mystery, Keeping It Isn't



5. Just finished the book today. It's a great story of Pepper's growth but more than that, I think it is a help for those women over 50 that may need permission to let go and enjoy life. It lets women know that sex and love does not HAVE to end at a certain age. I turned 60 in May, am sexually active, going to the gym (for myself, not for him), eating healthier, planning to do some traveling (may include Bali one day) and enjoying my life to the fullest. I am having a ball and this book proves that it can be done. I recommend it to women over 50 but I think all women should read it no matter what their situation: married, single, divorced, or widowed. This is a great read.

5 comments about 101 Grrreat Quickies.

1. Having read Laura Corn's The Great American Sex Diet, I thought I'd read another excellent guidebook written by this insightful therapist. However, 101 Grrreat Quickies is a major disappointment. The "quickies" Corn refers to in the book -- eating food out of each other, doing the deed in front of a mirror, etc. -- are banal and uninventive. I expected to get advice I hadn't already known -- otherwise, I wouldn't bother to read this sort of book. Looking for a great sex guidebook? Skip this one and read Corn's The Great American Sex Diet instead.



2. The book was an incredible disappointment. 98% of the stuff in this book you've already tried if you've been having sex for more than a year. Laura also seems to assume women don't work outside the home ("meet your man when he gets home from work..."), and most have a closet full of "full, billowy skirts" with which to perform her quickies. My husband and I bought this book hoping it would have some fun, innovative ideas but what we got was a lot of silly stuff, most of which we've already done - and I agree with some of the other reviewers - most of these "quickies" are anything but quick. If you are new to sex and want to try some silly stuff, this book might be fun. If you are a "seasoned pro," don't waste your money.



3. This book is Okay. It's not original but we still try to have fun with it. It does suck that they're not really quickies though. Although if you have a free night, some of them are good :)



4. I can't believe someone got paid to write this tripe material. What so quick about this stuff? You have to be clueless in the sex department or just discovered viagra after a thirty year dry spell to get anything out of this book. Save your money.



5. I like this book,it goes right along with Laura Corn's "101 nights" that one rocks too and if you have that you should get this,and if you get this you gotta get that...rip out the pages and go.....fun fun fun