2 comments about Learning From Divorce: How to Take Responsibility, Stop the Blame, and Move On.

1. Psychoanalyst Freud describes in his psychoanalytic theory of "repetition-compulsion," our tendency to re-enact earlier experiences for the mind to heal itself of trauma. Philosopher Santayana reminds us that those who ignore the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them. In "Learning from Divorce," divorce attorney-mediator Christie Coates and child custody and parenting evaluator-mediator Bob Lacrosse artfully provide tools for the sometimes painful, always challenging and often rewarding work of self-examination - in the aftermath of divorce. They urge the reader to: consider their role in choosing their partner and in the relationship's "breakup," discard the limiting myths of marriage, understand the divorce grieving process, shed old patterns of blame, and rediscover the authentic self.

   "We don't have the luxury of Bill Murray's [wacky weatherman] character in [the movie] Ground Hog Day," the authors remind us. (There simply aren't unlimited chances in real life, to try and try again to "get it right" - to perfect our approaches to meaningful relationships.) "Learning From Divorce" provides powerful insight and practical direction in the HOW of rebuilding after, and even growing from, the often dark experience of divorce.

   As a conflict resolution professional assisting couples with this life passage and having experienced firsthand divorce's challenges, I found this book a unique distillation of many earlier researchers' work and at the same time, a fresh look with new approaches and tools. Highly recommended for the layperson and professional alike!




2. All too often when people separate or divorce they see it as catastrophic and the end of everything as it has been. They allow it to hold them back and get stuck in the anger, hurt, devestation and blaming. This book, written for the person going through it, is subtitled "How to take responsibility, stop the blame, move on" and that is exactly what it teaches.
   Any change can be painful; the more important the situation that is changed, the more painful it can be. One can be stymied and stagnated by that pain, or use it to learn and grow as a person. This amazing book guides you to become a better you; to understand how you got where you are and how to improve your chances in future relationships.
   It is a wonderful gift to give yourself or to anyone you love who is going through, or has gone through, a separation or divorce.

1 comments about Daddy Day, Daughter Day.

1. ... then read, or better yet (and most recommended), listen to this book! It starts off with a brief intro by Larry, just brief, followed by nine lovely chapters about all of the good times Larry and Chaia have together. Thrill to the time when Larry shows up in his big brown Cougar to pick up Chaia and go play in their "secret" park. Laugh when Chaia asks for a Whopper at one of the many restaurants Larry goes to get a good, free meal, and after a few minutes, one is served on a fancy chiner plate! And that's just the first chapter! Thanks to Don and Mike for introducing this wonderful work of art to me. I can't wait to get this one for myself so I can listen to it while eating BREAKfast!

2 comments about Family Court HELL.

1. This is a truly shocking story of what is believed to be the world's very worst child access case ever. The author, Mark Harris, had to go to the family courts an incredible 133 times before 33 different judges to see his much loved daughters in his ten year battle for access to them. During this time, he got jailed twice for a total of 129 days for waving to his kids while their mother just refused to comply with his visitation rights that were ordered by the courts. But Harris never gave up, instead he took to public protest and is believed to be the very first father worldwide to stage a roof-top protest to see his kids. Harris then led various fathers groups in marches to courthouses, judges private homes and government offices-and from his case the Fathers 4 Justice movement began. His efforts and determination were eventually rewarded when two of his girls ran away to him from their mother. Then the court simply faxed Harris a residence order and that was it-all over. The third daughter then followed within hours. A truly inspiring read for anyone whose been unfairly treated by the family law system anywhere. Buy it, read it and read it again.



2. Family Court Hell goes inside the closed family court proceedings of one particular case and details the horror that took place during a ten-year nightmare by a father simply trying to see his three daughters following a divorce.
   
   Unbelievably, the author, Mark Harris, was cut off from his three daughters for years by a legal system that not only accepted that his children all wanted to see him, but also accepted that he had done nothing wrong. Not only did the court legally seperate him from his children, the court then refused to enforce its own orders that authorized limited contact between the dad and his children. Instead, the family law system simply took away his rights.
   
   As any parent might be expected to do, Harris looked for any means to see his daughters. He took to waving to them most mornings when they were being driven to school. For this act of unauthorized parenting, Harris was jailed without trial.
   
   As the years passed, Harris continued to try to see his children around the town and started the protest movement that led to the formation of Fathers 4 Justice.
   
   The Courts accepted that the children still wanted to see him but stopped this hapening. Harris stepped up the protests and led other aggrieved dads on public demonstrations..

5 comments about Dropping in with Andy Mac : The Life of a Pro Skateboarder.

1. Dropping in with Andy Mac is a really good book. It is about Andy Macs life. If you dont like skateboarding dont read this book because every page mentions skateboarding at least twice.



2. My 9 year old son loved this book. He learned a lot of good values from someone he really admires. I highly recommend this book.



3. Here's an awesome book that will have you reading non-stop from beginning to end. Have you ever had the dream of becoming a professional skateboarder? Andy MacDonald has fulfilled such a dream. Dropping in with Andy Mac The Life of a Pro Skateboarder, is by far the greatest cant stop autobiography ever! I fell in love with this book from he start. It's a quick fun book to read.
   
   The book tells you about the life of Andy Mac with great detail, starts with Little Andy getting constantly poisoned, I'm sure you are wondering what I mean but I guess you are going to have to read it to believe it! From the day he started skating his life was changed forever, when he got better he began to discover new places to skate, such as his buddies back yard which had a 9 foot half pipe.
   
   There are plenty of reasons why anyone would enjoy this book. The book has less than 200 pages, but the font is decently sized. Not only is the story short but also there are plenty of pictures to give you a good idea of what he is talking about.



4. 
   
   
   
   
   There are many great things about this book. It's humorous, gripping, and you just do not want to put it down. I rely enjoyed this book. I give it our stars. It is a must read . Even if you do not like sports you will like this book.



5. The appeal of Andy Mac is simple: he's down-to-earth, amiable, ambitious, and loves skateboarding for the natural high it gives him. This autobiographical book makes me believe he would still be skateboarding even if his sponsorships had been cut off and he was working in a greasy spoon flipping burgers. Andy is the consummate competitor: focused, extremely hard-working, and dedicated to a sport he loves. The beauty of skateboarding as presented here is that the athletes compete against themselves as well as the other participants. Seeing rivals competing with a respectful comraderie is refreshing. I can relate. Playing basketball all my life has made me realize that part of the love of the sport comes from pushing yourself to exceed your limits. It's a blast competing, but it's more fulfilling when you respect your opponent and his skills. Laughing in admiration when someone knocks down a three-pointer in your face (even though you did your best defensively) or completes a perfect 360 spin off the vert ramp is what makes the sport endearing. Andy Mac is a fierce talent, but he also learns from his peers. He sets a good example for aspiring young skateboarders and makes me want to learn a kick-flip, even though I'd probably snap my coccyx in the process. This book is loaded with personal anecdotes and insights into this exciting, acrobatic, and often punishing sport. Professional sports would be more appealing if all the athletes were as good-natured as Andy. Instead of thinking about the next thousand-dollar bling jewelry he will purchase after winning an XGames competition, he's happy he can fill his cupboard with jumbo boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal. That says it all.

No comments about Two-Home Families: A Family System's Approach to Divorce Therapy: A Step-By-Step Model for Preserving Parent-Child Relationships After Divorce Strikes.

2 comments about Growing in Faith When a Catholic Marriage Fails: For Divorced or Separated Catholics and Those Who Minister With Them.

1. In day to day life, when I meet people and discuss the fact that I build and write for Catholic web sites, I occasionally encounter individuals who are bitterly separated from the Church owing to circumstances involving an ended marriage. The common denominators in these meetings are the sense of pain I feel emanating from the separated brethren, and the discomfort I feel in advising them on how to reconcile with the Church.
   
   Thanks to a new book from Catholic author and mother of six Antoinette Bosco, I now have the perfect resource to offer these types of friends and acquaintances. Growing in Faith When a Catholic Marriage Fails: For Divorced or Separated Catholics and Those Who Minister with Them (Resurrection Press, July 2006, paperback, 128 pages) is the perfect resource for any Catholic wanting to know more about the Church's ministry to those whose marriages have ended. Bosco, herself a divorced Catholic, shares not only her own personal story and perspective but also the truth about Church teachings, doctrine and processes. This book is a work of great love, encouragement and hope. For those dealing with ended marriages, it offers support and practical wisdom. I plan to keep copies on hand to share with those I meet who need support an advice when dealing with the difficult issues of divorce.



2. Antoinettte Bosco must receive a Doctorate in Catholic Moral Theology, honoris causi, due to her perceptive and holy work. Not only is she for Ignatius Press the interviewer and biographer of the undeclared American saint Mother Benedict: Foundress of the Abbey of Regina Laudis, but she also turns the first hand tragedies of her own life into lessons in our Catholic moral theology, its practice, its compassionate evangelical essence and its pragmatic politics.
   
   For instance upon the tragic loss of clse family members, she reinforces our Church's teachings against the death penalty in her profoundly moving work Choosing Mercy: A Mother of Murder Victims Pleads to End the Death Penalty, written with orthodox fervor in close line with numerous Vatican dogmatic statements and our own Catholic Bishop's The Culture of Life & the Penalty of Death. Within this book she provides a personal witness and prayerful reflection opposite that which we so often see upon the evening news of family members calling for a false and fanciful "closure" which by our Church and Our Lord can only be found within the mystery of forgiveness, and a courageous acceptance, and prayer for the compassionate grace of God. In her book, Bosco makes such teachings hard reality, and thus provides us all the strength to live in God's grace and compassionate Love, the strength to accept and to forgive and to love once again in peace. She with a mother's love and a mother's loss guides us gracefully and fearlessly back to God's infinite love, and peace, in spite of our profound personal pain unending within this mortal earth which will only found closure within the eternal and perfect Love of Heaven.
   
   So within this courageously generous book as well, in which Bosco opens to our understanding her own heart and her own deepest loss and pain and pilgrimage towards redemption and life. She firmly guides us once more, sharing our own human weakness and guilt and fears, along the road through the stages of grief, in denial and anger and bargaining back to acceptance and forgiveness and to love, to life and even once more unbelieveably unto laughter.
   
   Every Catholic minister and cleric must read this book. In our secular culture which promotes over one half of every marriage to fail, every Catholic must read this book. One half of that failed partnership in one half of every American marriage which fails might be without fault, might be the victim of deceit, of abuses we cannot imagine, might have done the very best they could within a very bad situation, praying for peace, believing in the sacredness of the matrimonial sacrament as an incarnate divine mystery, an outward sign of God's own Love, and yet it all fell apart and the center could not hold. This book teaches us how and why a divorce cannot allow us to drive the divorced from our midst as a pariah, but rather most deeply embrace the walking wounded within our faith comunity, our church, our strongest prayers and our love. We must not permit the perhaps sinful situation of divorce, which turned out in the very end to be the only possible fruit of a marriage gone bad, to be the staging ground for deeper sin and ultimate despair. A divorce is the time for our Church to show her deepest compassion for her abandoned children. Saint James writes we practice truest religion in comforting widows and orphans in their distress. The divorced are de facto widows, their children orphaned; let us provide every comfort we can in every way that we can as a proof of our Faith and our Following of Our Lord's example and commandments. How will it be upon the last day as we are led aside with the other goats as God says: "I was thirsty and you did not give me to drink; hungry and you did not feed me; ill and you did not visit me; imprisoned and you did not liberate me; was divorced and you did not pray with me nor share even a comforting cup of coffee with me."
   
   Our Lord Jesus was loudly condemned by the righteous religious of His time for eating with those whom they considered prostitutes and other sinners. Now He certainly joins with those who most need Him amongst the lonesome community of those who have been divorced. We must do no less.
   
   But that's just me. Bosco writes so much more beautifully, helping us to find when a Catholic marriage fails a time for growing in the Faith. This excellent, comprehensive if fairly brief treatise, published by Catholic Book Publishing/Resurrection Press, includes great reference materials to other Catholic resources, including the Reverend Father Raboir's Prayers for Catholics Experiencing Divorce and Father John Catoir's inspiring, reviving Joy: The Spirit's Gigantic Secret Behind the Church's Survival. Other resources suggested from Catholic Printing Houses include Ave Maria Press's Healing the Wounds of Divorce: A Spiritual Guide to Recovery and the Abbey Press's publication under a similar title written by Ruth and David Stipp. Bosco also suggests contacting the website of the North American Conference of Separated and Divorced Catholics.
   
   I suggest strongly we all read her book, in order the better to understand, accept, forgive and love those members of our Faith who have suffered this epidemic of separation and divorce, and to embrace all as ever within our Church community. Let us be thankful for each day we each share one with the other, and let us Read this Book. We read here a courageous and faithful and dedicated Catholic witness, one which once more leads us all, everyone together, closer to our Faith. As in Choosing Mercy, Bosco does our Church, and all of us, a great and compassionate and illuminating service.
   
   Highly recommended for ministers and the faithful, the fallen away who feel they find no place in the Kingdom and for the most carefully committed who feel that place is for them alone. We are all one family and must care for one another as commanded, as God cares for us. Each day we find wounded left along the road. Let us be that Good Samaritan for one another, and thus fulfill the will of God.

5 comments about Divorce Doesn't Have to Be That Way: A Handbook for the Helping Professional (The Practical Therapist Series).

1. Seeing divorce as a growth process is no easy feat when you're bogged down in the needs, responsibilities, and emotions surrounding your breakup. As author Appell points out, most of the professionals you turn to for help are committed to using their power in an intelligent, wise manner. They want to do what they can to minimize pain, protect the kids involved, and promote a peaceful dissolution of marriage that doesn't have to leave anybody devastated. That's the ideal. The problem is that there hasn't been much in the way of good training materials to guide helpers in keeping the big picture in view and steering clients through divorce in a healthy, positive way.
   
   Appell wrote this comprehensive handbook to give helping professionals a practical reference for honing skills and developing instincts in today's complicated divorce environment. There's a lot of information available, she says, but not much solid advice on how to apply it. That's what she does here, addressing each issue from her own experience as a custody evaluator, parenting coordinator, mediator, and psychotherapist. She knows that what seems like help is often actually a hindrance in the long run; that helping is not always about being an advocate in the aggressive sense of the word, fighting to help your client win custody or keep the house or nail an abusive ex with a restraining order. Those things might constitute a kind of support, she explains, but they're not always in the best interest of the client. Appell strives to make professionals -- marriage and family therapists, psychologists, social workers, guidance counselors, physicians, clergy, and others -- aware of the ripple effects every divorce decision has.
   
   This book includes a concise summary of the divorce system and its key players, as well as an overview of the societal context of divorce. It details alternatives to litigation, and offers descriptive scenarios and tools for keeping conflict to a minimum and clients "at the maximum level of functioning" throughout the process. Appell advocates a holistic approach to balancing the needs of individuals, couples, and families, so they can transition as productively as possible under the circumstances. Since this is a highly charged area to work in, helpers must be objective and rational as well as sensitive if their ultimate goal is to be a force for healing. This is an empowering, well-written guide for anyone working in the helping professions.



2. "Divorce Doesn't Have To Be That Way: A Handbook For The Helping Professional" by Jane Appell (a private practice psychologist and Assistant Professor in the Department of Pediatrics at Tufts new England medical Center, and President of the Massachusetts Association of Guardians Ad Litem) offers marriage counselors and family therapists with a complete guide to divorce counseling with an emphasis on providing healthy support to clients that is family centered and non-adversarial. Step-by-step therapeutic intervention procedures are outlined and explained covering all of the key elements of the divorce process from initial decision to relevant legal issues. Highly recommended as informed and informative reading, "Divorce Doesn't Have To Be That Way" covers working with 'problem' personalities, domestic abuse, child custody, alternatives to litigation, and more. Also strongly recommended from Impact Publishers' 'The Practical Therapist Series' for therapists counseling couples considering or engaging in divorce actions is "Defusing The High-Conflict Divorce: A Treatment Guide For Working With Angry.



3. I bought this book because I knew the author and thought she might have something interesting to say. As a person that has spent the last four years researching the divorce industry and its impact on people especially children, I believe I have a better understanding of it than Dr. Appell (who has been working in this field as a professional for many, many years). The author does make a few good points but it takes too many pages to get those few points across. Most of the book is so generic and high level that it is useless. The complexities of the issues she tries to cover can't be done without a true understanding of the what causes them and this book misses the point.
   
   Save your money and time!!!!



4. I have read and reread Dr. Appell's book and found it to be a great reasource for me with my divorcing clients. It is insightful and to the point and covers a wide range of areas that divorcing parents may be facing. When working with divorcing parents it is usually only information from their prospective and input that you have to work with. Understanding the many complex areas of a family going through a divorce as well as the impact it has on their children is essential. This book covers many topics in a clear, concise manner and offers effective information to provide to clients. In my opinion, divorcing parents would benefit from reading this book, as well as clinicians, to help them better understand the effect their behavior has on their children. I would recommend this book to any clinicians working with divorcing families as well as individuals who may be going through divorces themselves.



5. This book is both readable and useful. I disagree with the reviewer who found this book too generic. I doubt he read this book carefully. If he knew more than the author, she either really helped him, or he spent a great deal of time doing research about divorce. The author's many years of experience in working with divorcing individuals and families comes through in every chapter. Though it is supposed to be written for helping professionals, this book useful is a useful resource for separating individuals and families in that it provides new insights and helpful tips for coping with divorce. This book also makes you think about the kind of help that is most useful when going through the divorce process, and how to avoid the kind of professional help that can make things worse.

1 comments about What Would Love Do Now?.

1. I liked this book because it truly caused me to think differently about relationships. If you seem to be stuck in a rut with respect to relationships you might want to take a chance on this book. I think this book is good for single and married individuals alike.

No comments about File for Divorce in Washington (+ CD-ROM) (Legal Survival Guides).

5 comments about Healing A Broken Heart: A Guided Journal Through the Four Seasons of Relationship Recovery.

1. I gave my sister this book after watching her go through 4 major break ups in about as many years. It was a great tool to help her process the repeating patterns. The writing is thorough, but has a gentle tone. The overall design is beautiful and nice to spend time with.



2. This is one of the best self-help books I've seen. It actually takes you through a process by which you can understand what happened in your relationship and get your thoughts and feelings out so you can move on. It makes you dig deep and think hard as you go back to the root of the problems that interfered with your relationship. The poetry used is a nice touch and the exercises very effective in helping one get to the grief that's left when your heart is broken. The technique the authors use could be applied to healing other emotional pains as well.



3. When my nearly 3 year relationship ended, I was surprisingly relieved- it had been going nowhere for quite some time. But even in the midst of my newfound freedom and happiness, I knew that I still needed to grieve and learn from my mistakes. This journal was a godsend to me. I didn't want to read an advice book since that was not what I was looking for. This journal allowed me to reflect upon what had happened and then look toward the future. The various anecdotes and poems were extremely helpful as well. This journal also fit well into my life; I am often quite busy, and it really allows you to do as little or as much as you want/need to at a time. I can honestly say that I am completely healed and loving life more now than ever after completing this book.



4. I'm really glad I bought this. It provides many thought-provoking questions and prompts. The book consists mostly of pages with a question at the top followed by blank lines for you to write. There are some poems, quotations and words of guidance, but it's not about the reading, it's about the writing, which I liked a lot.



5. THIS BOOK IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND JUST SO GREAT EVERY PERSON SHOULD HAVE A COPY!