No comments about Sex and the State: Abortion, Divorce, and the Family under Latin American Dictatorships and Democracies.

2 comments about The Single Woman's Guide To Real Estate: All You Need to Buy Your First Home, Buy a Vacation Home, Keep a Home After a Divorce, Invest in Property.

1. I've been patiently waiting for this book. The trend has been growing for several years(and Fannie Mae says it shows every sign of growing more). And there are certainly a great number of "home buying" books available. But Donna Raskin and Susan Hawthorne have focused specifically on the challenges for single women homebuyers. And they have explored in detail the emotional challenges of this journey (as well as the mechanical aspects). Thank you! I have already ordered two copies from Amazon to be sent to my two daughters, Amy 31, and Jenny 27.



2. I'm in the process of buying my first home- as a divorced- mother of one. By all intents and purposes, I've always been a self-confident girl and then woman, but home-buying scared me so much. This book gave me the information I needed to ask the right questions, and had lots of practical insight. I loved the pros and cons of different mortgages types (there are so many options now) and also the individual "real women" writings that detailed other women's experiences. More importantly, I thought and felt that this book was written especially for me- addressing lots of the fears of single womanhood and homeownership and empowered me with all of the information that I needed. Reading this book was also affirming for me- I now know I'm doing the right thing by investing in a property for my new family. I know I'm setting a wonderful example for my daughter too. Its the ultimate act of self-love and self-care.
   
   I totally recommmend this book.

4 comments about Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence.

1. Fear, desperation, pain, humiliation, and confusion are constant companions to all women who experience abuse of any sort at the hands of their husbands. But the evangelical Christian woman finds herself faced with the unique burden of also needing to know the specific will of God concerning her situation.
   
   I call this a unique burden, because assimilating all the conflicting information she receives from books, well-intentioned Christian friends, family members and spiritual leaders can leave her head spinning--and her ego spiraling...in precisely the wrong direction. To make matters worse, the counsel she receives often ranges from disappointing at best to life-threatening at worst.
   
   The practice of hiding, ignoring and even perpetuating the emotional and physical abuse of women is still rampant within evangelical Christian fellowships, and as slow as our legal systems have been in dealing with violence against women by their husbands, the church has been even slower.
   
   Abuse among Christians often creates a cruel catch-22, as many evangelicals view recommending separation or divorce as unscriptural, but then view the battered/abused woman with contempt for staying in the situation and tolerating the abuse.
   
   Victims quickly pick up on this hypocritical attitude and either leave the church altogether--or begin hiding the abuse. Either way, they are forfeiting the spiritual guidance and emotional support they so desperately need.
   
   The Christian woman whose spirit is being crushed and whose life is endangered by domestic violence needs straight answers--not unrealistic expectations or clichéd, stereotypical platitudes. In this book she will get straight answers, clear scriptural direction and some tough challenges from one who has been there, but is there no longer.
   
   Ministers, friends and family of the abused will find the book informative, useful and challenging as well.
   
   Spousal abuse and domestic violence was not introduced into my life until I reached my late thirties, so I understand both sides of the issue very well. Prior to the abuse, no one could have convinced me that my attitude toward battered and abused women was both casual and condescending, or that I would ever tolerate it myself--yet it was, and I did.
   
   As both a minister and a woman who has experienced abuse, I feel I can contribute a unique, personal perspective to the small but growing data base of books concerned with the issue of domestic violence.
   
   My own experience, together with research and the feedback I have received from many other battered women, has convinced me that, even in these "enlightened" times we live in, the battered/abused woman is still very much alone and confused in her struggle.
   
   It is my prayer that this book will provide answers, bring hope, and prove to be of practical value to both the battered/abused woman and to those she is most likely to turn to for help.
   
   
   Is God a Chauvinist? The Bible and Women: A Complete Look



2. Very informative book from a battered woman who has lived it and questions the church's doctrine and attitude for abusive marriages. I really liked the illustrations and quotes in front of each chapter. I read with the same feeling of bewilderment she feels when the church states the woman has to submit to her husband and is sometimes blamed for his misbehavior. The author is not afraid to criticize the church and its leaders in this discussion about domestic violence and the church. Her answer is God. In my own intense struggle in trying to find answers for my own abusive marriage, I lamented that I never went to the church for help. After reading this, I can see they wouldn't have been able to help me anyways. However, there needs to be changes in the churchs and it is up to battered women like myself and Jocelyn to educate and inform.



3. I was so excited to find this book. I have a lot of Christian women approach me for advice on what they should do with their abusive husbands. I now have at least a book to refer them too in their time of need. I have written a full review on my website. Thank you!
   http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art54021.asp



4. This book was quite an eye-opener for me. It is the first hand account from a woman who was brutally beaten by her pastor husband. She explains the dilemmas faced by Christians in these situations who believe that divorce is wrong and are willing to risk their lives for those beliefs by staying in an abusive relationship. She does a good job presenting the problem in many churches where the staff seem to focus on getting the wife to not provoke the husband, rather than using church discipline to correct the out-of-control husband. But as the author explains, the abuse is going to occur whether there's real provocation or not. It is the abuser who is the problem, not the victim.
   
   The book gave some excellent guidance in how to talk to someone you think is in this situation and how best to help. Although the material is mostly from a biblical perspective, the advice it provides would be useful for anyone, regardless of religion. For example, I was surprised to find that the trite comments we think are helpful and encouraging, are instead just the opposite. And she explains why women are so relunctant to go to the police or their pastors for help. This book should be in every church library and required reading for all pastors and counselors!

5 comments about Still Hot: The Uncensored Guide to Divorce, Dating, Sex, Spite, and Happily Ever After.

1. I've picked the book up three times since I first read it - just to check out some of the anecdotes again, because I love to laugh! The authors nailed it. They don't preach; they don't wallow in self-pity. Life is too short for that. They just make you laugh hysterically, nodding your head at the truisms you're reading, and it doesn't matter a whit if you've never been divorced or even married for that matter. I don't think there's anyone who won't relate to this great book. It's not read it and weep. It's read it and laugh 'til tears stream down your face.



2. While in the midst of a divorce reading about it could seem like adding insult to injury. The authors here speak to women at their most vulnerable moment with a touch of humor and understanding that allows readers to open up and be able to take in some of the insight and advice the authors generously share. It's up there together with a best girlfriend giving support during a difficult time.



3. Divorce is probably one of the most traumatic events in a person's life: to have to separate from the one person that you have shared a serious amount of time and intimacies with and possibly had children with, is all about having to change habits, to reinvent oneself. The authors have managed to face this trauma with Humor (with a capital "H"), to get up after they were down, to face life head-on, and with laughter. I admire their strength, their fighting spirit. I know it was not easy, but "Still Hot" makes it look like they could handle anything - it's a terrific book, deep, human and fun. Enjoy.



4. "Still Hot" is absolutely hilarious!
   Loved it - from the opening something's fishy heads up, "Spotting an Alien", through the comical "Do's and Don'ts" and the spot on "Internet: Cracking the Code" advice, all the way to "Hello Tomorrow."
   
   Funnily enough, "Still Hot" is alive with really useful advice, not only for surviving divorce but also for living modern life. I recommend it for anyone facing any kind of challenge at any time. It is sure to help with keeping things in the proper perspective.
   
   It's smart and funny - and it's got style.



5. Behind the uncontrolled New York quipping and sitcom stereotyping --- if the authors interviewed anyone thoughtful, considerate of the other party, much less introspective or, indeed, sad, it seems they left such feelings out --- there's actually a book here containing sound advice, judgment, and commiseration.
   
   *Hot* can be recommended for anyone in the predicament, provided you can get past the shtick.

5 comments about 101 Things I Learned AFTER My Divorce.

1. My interest was to get an idea of the feelings and experiences I might expect while going through the divorce process and after the completed court approved divorce.
   Although I'm of the male gender, it helps to understand as many sides of a situation as possible. The book helped me understand some female feelings.



2. This book was an excellent story filled with humor and insight to the process of divorce. Tomi uses her personal story and pulls no punches. Having just finalized my divorce a year and a half ago, I wish had known about her book sooner.
   
   The book contains several helpful legal tips that can save someone a small fortune while going through a divorce. More importantly, the book is written to share and help the reader go through the emotional process of divorce as well as how to manage kids, social life, work, etc.
   
   I highly recommend this book to any one that is struggling with the emotional anxiety of seperation, the divorce process or the feeling that you may have to start the process soon. It'll make you feel better!



3. This book helped me see what I refused to see during the end of my marriage. It has also helped me see what NOT to do in the next relationship.



4. I just finished this book and found that the authors writing was back and forth. For example: She says to deal with the ex in regards to the children. Running on a treadmill for three miles with the ex does not seem like just dealing with the children. At first I thought I should divorce and then by the end of the book I was ready to accept how things are, whether I liked my situation or not. I couldn't relate to the meter the author created because I had never dealt with the things listed. I found myself just skimming through before I got half way through the book. I didn't find any legal advice that was helpful. This book, which has some humorous but crude writing, might be helpful for someone that feels sorry for their self.



5. This is a great book for any wife that's been cheated on. The author shares her own personal expierences and talks openly and honestly. It helped validate a lot of my own feelings.

1 comments about Love Lost: Living Beyond a Broken Marriage.

1. Nothing is as heartbreaking as hearing your spouse say, "I don't love you anymore."
   
   "I can hardly imagine any more excruciating words," says licensed clinical psychologist and social worker Dr. David Hawkins in his excellent book, LOVE LOST: Living Beyond a Broken Marriage. In this desperately needed book, Hawkins offers a roadmap for recovery for those who have separated, are reconciling, or divorcing, born of his experiences working with hurting couples. Most importantly, he walks the reader down the difficult road of acknowledging and grieving losses.
   
   "What exactly happens when love unravels?" asks Hawkins. "Why is it so devastatingly painful?"
   
   Hawkins avoids easy answers. There is no quick fix, no sugarcoating of the pain that will be endured. Marital separation means that spouses will endure a season of grief, of severe loss. "You will not be the same again." He doesn't pretend that all marriages will be healed and he refuses to sidestep the fact. Rather, he serves up a healthy portion of compassion, liberally salted with reality.
   
   "As a small consolation, you should know that others have walked this path and survived," writes Hawkins. "You join many others who have wrestled with rejection and come away stronger than ever. You and your partner can, with diligence, focus on the problems, find solutions, and create a new life --- perhaps together, possibly not."
   
   Hawkins gives the reader tools to survive the rollercoaster ups and downs of marital separation. Deftly, he weaves together the spiritual with the physical, emotional, and mental ramifications of trying to deal with a broken marriage. One bit of insight: "During divorce, 85 percent of your energy goes to emotional coping. The remaining 15 percent goes to the other areas combined. That's why, running low on spiritual energy, you have trouble praying; low on mental energy, you have trouble concentrating; low on physical energy, you feel exhausted."
   
   As well as proffering his own hard-earned wisdom, he also mines other marital experts for their best material. Laudably, he's not afraid to counsel antidepressants if overwhelming stress causes a biochemical imbalance. He emphasizes healthy boundaries. He discusses how your church may not support your decision to separate or divorce, and why it is important to find an effective support network of faith. And he's frank about the attraction of sex while separated: our need for touch, for affirmation, for someone to tell us we're attractive. "Who can blame us for looking for an escape from agony? But ultimately, the only true escape is going through the grief with the Lord by your side."
   
   Rather than rushing the reader to decisions, he emphasizes a time of waiting before action, a time of grieving our losses. "Although waiting goes against our natural instincts to scurry about and try to fix everything immediately, we need to allow ourselves time to be still to collect our thoughts," he writes. "Look to the Lord and in the quiet hear the loving voice that soothes and comforts." We have to sit with our grief before we can move forward.
   
   His advice is down-to-earth. How do you move beyond anger? He offers concrete suggestions. What friends should I be vulnerable with? What about finances? How do I explain what's happening to my children? How much detail do I give my parents? Hawkins has a lovely way with words, and delivers his practical advice with verve and style. Subheads keep the text organized and specific areas of interest easy to locate. Hawkins's tone is always calm and unhurried.
   
   Hawkins takes the concrete advice a step beyond just coping, and advises spiritual disciplines as well, such as making time for solitude and journaling. He also peppers his text with scenarios from his counseling practice, which personalizes the advice.
   
   Despite the grief and despair of marital separation and divorce, there is light glimmering in the darkness. All of the difficulties endured will be redeemed, he believes. "One day you will know why life's events have occurred as they have," writes Hawkins, adding later, "The Lord uses all life experiences, even love lost, to refine our lives. He wants to see his reflection in us. Understanding and accepting this refining process can transform utter agony into a purposeful and rewarding struggle."
   
   Those dealing with separation, reconciliation, divorce, or those who have a friend or loved one in this situation will find solid, practical advice here.
   
   --- Reviewed by Cindy Crosby

1 comments about Growing Up With a Single Parent: What Hurts, What Helps.

1. Forget all myths you were told, and concentrate on reality.
   
   Here you have a collection of various kinds of experiments and correlations regarding children that grow up with a single mother.
   
   A striking finding claims that children that grow up with single mothers are indeed less successful, but not because they grow up without a father. Just:
   1) Genetic heritage. The same genes that cause the parents to divorce have on average some effect on children's personality etc.
   2) Socioeconomic status. Single mothers are usually poorer.
   3) Lake of stability. Single mothers move from neiborhood to another more often than married couples. This is damaging the children social relationships etc.
   
   There are other interesting finding there.
   I am not the last word in "approving" the conclusion. But they look convincing. And one should certainly give them a thought.
   
   There is a lot of value in thinking our assumptions from the beginning, and trying to give up our prejudices.

5 comments about My Parents Are Divorced Too: A Book for Kids by Kids.

1. This book is great for a pre-teen age group. It covers a lot of feelings that the child may feel and lets them know those feelings are ok. I would not recommend this book for children under 8. It is a little mature for children younger than that.



2. I was looking for a book to give to my nieces because my sister-in-law was getting a divorce and the kids were having a difficult time. This book was recommended by a therapist. The book did the trick--helped the kids talk about what was bothering them. I asked the kids why they liked the book and they said because it was written by kids like them. They thought it was great. That's the best testimonial out there.



3. I am a recently divorced mother of two young boys, ages 8 and 9. I could tell the divorce upset them, but I couldn't get them to talk about it--until we read this book together. It is written by kids and they talk about how they felt when their parents divorced. My boys could relate and it helped them start talking about their feelings. I recommend this book to any divorcing parent with kids between the ages of 8-12.



4. My kids loved this book. It's written by real kids who have gone through their parent's divorce and it opened a dialogue with my children that I would have never had if we hadn't read this book together.



5. I bought this book but I really do not know why. I am a school counselor and do not find this very useful with my students. Their own stories are more powerful than reading these stories. To each his own, I would say. I would send it back, but the postage would be almost as much as the book, I think.
   
   It might be a useful book for a parent to share with a child.

3 comments about Julie Tells Her Story (American Girls Collection).

1. I received the book very fast and it was in great condition and my daughter loves it.



2. Julie's teacher assigns the class a project called "The Story of My Life," of which has several categories, including "The Best thing that ever happened to me," and others. The one Julie is dreading is the part of the assignment titled "The Worst thing that Ever happened." Why? Because her parents divorce is the worst thing that ever happened to her, but its 1974, divorce isn't that common yet, and Julie isn't looking forward to telling her class about her parents divorce.
   
   Then, on the day of the big basketball game, Julie breaks her finger, and decides that she'll back out of telling her class about her parents divorce, which, to her is truly the worst thing that ever happened--in favor of telling the class about her broken finger. It'll take courage to tell her class about the real worst thing...is Julie up for it?
   
   This is the second book in a set of seven books about Julie Albright from 1974; it is preceded by Meet Julie: An American Girl (American Girls Collection). I highly recommend it; Megan McDonald is a very good author.



3. Julie's finally settling in at Jack London Elementary School. She loves being part of the basketball team (in fact, she's the only girl on it!) and she likes her fourth grade teacher. If only she didn't have this "Story of My Life" project looming overhead! After her father surprises her with a tape recorder, Julie conducts mini-interviews with her father and her mother, records silly songs and sound effects with her best friend Ivy, and eavesdrops on her older sister Tracy. Julie has a little accident while plant-sitting Tracy's science project, and an even bigger accident on the basketball court. Her melancholy passes when she confesses the truth and realizes that she rather likes the story of her life.
   
   Julie Tells Her Story is the second book about Julie Albright. The character reminds me a bit of Dawn from The Baby-Sisters Club by Ann M. Martin, with her California cool and the way she is illustrated by artist Robert Hunt.
   
   Written by Megan McDonald, the Julie books are part of the American Girls line of books, which offer realistic glimpses into America's past through the eyes of young girls and furthermore encourage the girls of today to reach for the stars.

2 comments about How It Feels When Parents Divorce.

1. PARENTS ARE UNDER STRESS GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE. THEY USUALLY HAVE A SUPPORT SYSTEM ( LAWYER, FRIEND, FAMILY, CO-EMPLOYEES] children do not have a support system nor age and wisdom to help them. this book allows parents to step back and objectively hear the childs voice at different ages advise how they felt and what parents can do.



2. I plan to read this book with my daughters and use it as a place to start talking about how they are feeling. The book is not new, so some of the problems addressed by the kids might not be as much of an issue now. I still feel it is a good book to read with the kids and start talking about what's going to happen.