3 comments about Why Did You Have to Get a Divorce? And When Can I Get a Hamster?: A Guide to Parenting Through Divorce.

1. I believe that intuition is a solid guide for regular day-to-day parenting, but effectively parenting kids going through a divorce calls for some professional advice.

   Dr. Wolf makes some excellent points that are counter-intuitive. One that hit home the most for me was what to do when a child going through a divorce comes to a parent with untrue accusations coming straight from the other parent. ("Mom said that you guys had agreed to save money to take us to Disney World but you went and spent the money on jewelry for your girlfriend.") The natural response is to set the child straight and explain that the other parent is just angry and not telling the truth. Dr. Wolf convinced me - and I was very reluctant to believe - that the best solution is to tell the child that such issues are between Mom and Dad only and refuse to discuss it. What a relief for the child to be taken out of the middle and not have to try to decide which parent to believe. I remember how hard loyalty conflicts were for me when my parents divorced - the kids don't want to know about their parents' spending habits in the marriage or mean little things they did or did not do to each other. Dr. Wolf helped me as a new stepparent understand that keeping kids out of the middle is just more important than making sure they know the whole truth. Better for your child to suspect you probably did whatever your ex accuses you of than to be placed in the middle of an adult conflict and be forced to choose between parents.

   Dr. Wolf's sample situations are VERY realistic. Here is a man who has really listened to the way kids talk and the things they get worked up about. His suggestions, which cover many common post-divorce dilemmas, make a lot of sense, and are a great help to parents going through a very difficult, emotional time and having some trouble figuring out what is really best for the children. My husband and I got a lot out of this book.

   I also highly recommend "Children of Divorce: a Developmental Approach to Residence and Visitation" and "Mom's House, Dad's House."




2. In my job as a pediatrician, I have given general counseling to families going through divorce and separation for several years, and thought that I was fairly savvy about handling these situation. However with my recent separation from my children's father, I have been shocked at how difficult even little decisions are about what to say or not say to the kids, leaving me almost paralyzed at times. This book has been a big help in laying out the issues and clarifying what is really in the kids' best interest, as opposed to the parents'. Realizing that the kids don't want or need or understand long-winded explanations makes it easier for me to talk to them about the situtaion; and being clear in my own mind on what is grown-up business vs kid business I'm hoping will help me to handle the next difficult months (and probably years) with more grace and integrity. It's an easy read with great cartoons too! Thanks, Dr. Wolf!



3. I literally bought almost every book on divorce on the shelf at my local store. This one turned out to be very simplistic, though I suppose if you are having a very hard time with simple matters or are dealing with an unreasonable spouse, the examples could be good. My largest complaint was that to illustrate his points, he used fake examples, which were often over-exaggerated. I could have used a more in-depth, realistic discussion. I would have given fewer stars, but the last chapter was the best, and it didn't even deal with divorce issues per se! It was about raising children in general and specifically gave good advice about not engaging in power struggles with your children, to just be firm and consistent. Personally, I would rather have found helpful information throughout the book than just at the end, but I do have an amicable situation with my ex, so I am very fortunate; perhaps someone with a more difficult situation would be better served.

3 comments about Complete Divorce Recovery Handbook, The.

1. A comprehensive step-by-step primer for divorced individuals, this book combined just the right mix of psychotherapy (75%) and spirituality (25%). Clear, well-organized chapters each conclude with enlightening exercises. The book also makes a great reference document you can return to when appropriate, even after having read the book in its entirety.



2. The book a lot of talk but not any real long lasting answers. It was not practical in its approach for my situation. I found Larry Crabb to be far more helpful as his books gave me more Spiritual centerness in his writings and it pointed in a direction where we could find strength and answers beyond ourselves in terrible times of turmoil.



3. Rev. Splinter has a good idea of the larger steps of divorce recovery, but he fails to grasp the finer details of the process. He follows the general (sexist) stereotypes of the 70's generation of divorces, where the woman is uneducated and "helpless", and the man is "unable" to express or deal with his emotions. Splinter's observations of various personality types seems rather old and stereotyped as well, and his approach can be heavy handed. Perhaps you might read this book at a general guide, more "food for thought" than a "complete" recovery handbook.

   I have taken Mr Splinter's workshops in St Louis, and like them much better than his book. They wonderfully combine the guidance of the leaders with individual expression, and the groups are always packed full. I highly recommend them.

5 comments about Case Against Divorce.

1. If you are immature and just want out, and your partner is shallow enough to have also not taken his/her vows seriously, AND you don't have kids in the marriage, then you can take the easy way out and just split. however, kidless and unhappy, this book still will give you a needed side to read that is quite contrary to the legal fabric of this country, where divorce attorneys get fat from making divorce easy. there is no easy divorce!!!! emotionally, it will wreck you.
   
   if you have children in the marriage and are to the point of divorce, then it should be mandated by a judge (if not by a friend or family member) that you read this book. the reality is clear: divorce wrecks children! (not just in the short-term, but LONG-TERM). dr. medved makes this unmistakably clear. any marriage can improve when both parties work at it, and this book will give you the push to get busy doing just that.
   
   anyone who has experienced the reality of divorce should read this book and cram it under the nose of the divorce attorney that handled their case. if attorneys have any soul (doubtful), it might make them stop taking divorce cases.



2. A book anyone contemplating divorce should read. Even if you feel divorce is inevitable, it will at least warn you what you are up against.



3. I read this book while I was working on the set of 7th Heaven . This book shows that most divorced couples divorce for frivilous reasons. (One example was a man who left his wife because he felt that she cheated him of his youth.) The book publishes statistics as well as anecdotal evidence.
   
   One part of the book I enjoyed was that of a man who spoke to a divorced friend about marital problems during a high school reunion. After hearing his friend's callius attitude about marriage, the man decided to work things out, and he did.



4. If you find yourself seriously comptemplating divorce, this book is a must read. Medved, who herself has been divorced and remarried, makes it clear from the start that this book was really supposed to be a non-judgmental, non-critical, typical therapist's take on divorce and its non-harmful effects on everyone involved or touched by it. She had to admit through her own research, her premise changed 180 degrees.
   
   If you are thinking that divorce will solve all of your problems and make you happier, then you owe it to yourself to find out, before doing the deed, what potential new problems you may create for yourself, and more importantly, your children. Both spouses should take the time to read it just in case one (or both) of you has visions of grandeur of life without the other.
   
   Should all marriages be "saved?" No, but we all know of many more lives that have been negatively impacted in many different ways by divorce than those that have been successfully impacted. Do your homework and be brutally honest with yourself (mostly about yourself) before buying into the notion that divorce will fix your unhappiness and dissatisfaction. This book gives a more objective view of the longterm results most people don't have the courtesy to warn you about written by one who has been on both sides of the fence, and she explains quite well and clearly why the grass isn't always greener on the other side.



5. This book is easy reading. Its well written with common sense examples against divorce that we all think about but out of anger, frustration or a quick fix or our own insecurities we deny that these are the reasons to stay together. The truth is after 18, 20, 23 years with one spouse you are connected in so many ways that it's undeniable. If your feel you are not you can reconnect and bring back all the warmth, fun and love you once felt to the surface because it is really there. This book spells it out if your open minded enough to see it! It takes work but the book is a long term study that proves it statistically.

3 comments about Don't Divorce Your Children : Protecting Their Rights and Your Happiness.

1. Just like your divorce, you probably won't like everything in this book, because no matter who you are, you can't help using the kids somehow to act out your own issues with your soon to be ex. This book really takes on the specific issues that effect children, so if you are serious about wanting to spare them long lasting problems as much as possible, read this book and pay attention to what it says.



2. Children don't share our perspectives. Developmentally they have very different needs than the adults in their lives. Divorce can rock even the firmest foundation we have given them. This book gives parents the ablility to seek simple solutions from different perspectives. Answers that were easy, can get more complicated with divorce and it is refreshing to find solutions that use common sense, and place not winning or losing but succeeding as the goal, The authors, understand both children and parent needs, and the importance of building good relationships for all involved. I highly recommend this book, I have had opportunities to put the authors' guidelines to use and they work - for both parents and children, empowering all involved.



3. Don't Divorce Your Children honors the children of divorce and offers practical ideas on how to handle real life challenges. It describes anecdotal situations in a diary format and discusses how to handle them so that the relationship between parents and children are strengthened. The chapters are in an easy to read format that allows you to zero in on a situation that matches your own.

   As a step-mother, this has been a very helpful guide to me when confronted with the negativity and unhappiness of my husband's ex-wife and how her manipulative behaviors effect the children and add stress to the transition between her home and ours. It helps me to be supportive of the children and of my husband at the same time.

   The book is filled with wise insights, comfort, and good counsel. It has been a lifesavor through the journey as the children have grown older and established their own identities. While their parents have been divorced for 8 years and the children are now young teens, each stage has taken on a new nuance, and this book has helped my husband and me to maintain a sense of humor and connectedness as a family.

   It sometimes takes a lot of emotional energy on the part of parents and children to work through these solutions, and this guide has given us permission to remain firm in being actively involved in the children's lives (even if their mother wishes we would move to another planet.)

   A consistent and helpful approach is provided no matter what age your children are or whether your divorce is new or long-standing. This is a book worth buying and reading again and again as you encounter new and different situations.

No comments about The Complete Idiot's Guide to Surviving Divorce, 3rd Edition (The Complete Idiot's Guide).

3 comments about Essentials of Premarital Counseling: Creating Compatible Couples.

1. Reviewed by Richard R. Blake for Reader Views (7/08)
   
   "Essential Premarital Counseling" is the seventh book in the New Horizons in Therapy Series published by Loving Healing Press. Dr. Sandra L. Ceren presents a complete ten session premarital program with case studies for discussion, and suggested resolutions. The program uses a proactive group approach with opportunity for extended sessions for individual counseling when needed.
   
   The material in the book includes material for an intake interview, thought-provoking and probing self-examination questions with follow-up discussion suggestions. Dr. Ceren also provides a tool for personality testing and a relationship quiz. Conflict resolution training is an essential part of the subject matter of the program and provides instructions for the practitioner.
   
   Role playing is another important part of the program. Challenging situations and scenarios are given to the participants based on material covered in earlier sessions. These role plays are followed up with suggested conflict resolutions and provide insight for impending warning signs in a premarital relationship.
   
   The case studies dealing with personality disorders and doomed relationships are especially significant in building a long-term relationship resulting in marriage. I particularly appreciated the case studies with illustrated key and lasting, inflexible personality basics that form patterns not easily broken.
   
   These personality characteristics hold back social and career performance and need to be considered in decisions of the magnitude of marriage. Ceren also noted the importance of values, goals, interests, and hobbies in a relationship. The case studies include numerous unresolved conflicts with suggested solutions.
   
   The premarital questionnaire provided in the appendix is an exceptional tool for the couple considering marriage and for use in evaluation and counseling by the therapist. The recommended resource list is comprehensive and includes books--both fiction and non-fiction, as well as suggested cinematherapy.
   
   This hands-on guide is an excellent program resource for clinical practitioners, marriage and family therapists, premarital counselors, and trained lay counselors. "Essential Premarital Counseling" by Dr. Sandra L. Ceren has received high acclaim from leaders in the field of premarital counseling.



2. Dr. Ceren shares her interactive quizzes, techniques, and roleplaying scenarios proven to produce results in four decades of counseling premarital couples of all ages. You can't go wrong with the right tools!



3. Enchanted Self: A Positive Therapy (New Directions in Therapeutic Intervention , Vol 1)This book is a win-win for everyone. The therapist is given excellent guidance so she can create a marvelous ten session program for a couple who wishes premaritial counseling and the couple can benefit from the extraordinary case studies and quizes and questionnaires that make up the meat and potato's of this book. Like, my book, THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy, Dr. Ceren has made a decision that I think is invaluable. Her book can be read by both the therapist and the clients. Rather than keeping technique and wisdom a secret, she puts everything out in an easy framework so that all can benefit. In my positive psychology book, if the client reads the book and benefits from learning why I use a paradigm shift toward what is right with oursevles, rather than what is wrong, and also benefit from the case studies, all the better.
   
   When the therapist gives a copy of Essentials of Premarital Counseling to the couple, then all benefit from the fabulous case studies and dilemmas that Dr. Ceren brings up for discussion and really getting to know yourself and your future spouse.
   Here is just one of hundreds of examples: "Holly and Howard knew their approach to speding money was different when they first met and began dating. Holly was prudent....Howard paid no attention to the cost of the meal....
   Their individual spending habits did not become an issue until they maried and pooled their money in to join accounts....They decided to have hree checking accounts: "His", "Hers" and "Ours." They would each place 25% of their respective income into their own personal accounts to do with as they pleased and 75% in "Ours."....
   I think you begin to get the flavor of Dr. Seren's writing. It is captivating. She could have been a novelist. But what am I saying? She is! Look for her wonderful mystery novels.
   
   In summary, this is a book for every therapist that sees couples before they have tied the knot, for the couples themselves and quite frankly a great resource book for couple therapy in general.

5 comments about Widowed.

1. This was a gift for someone else, but I have read this book and learned a lot from it.



2. Most self-help books for widows focus on ways to "get over" the grief. Dr. Brothers rightly says one never gets over the loneliness of widowhood, although it does lessen with time. She describes in detail the illness and death of her husband of 39 years, and her desperation and loss of purpose so common to those bereaved. It's easy to identify with her "two steps forward, one step back" progress, and and she is candid about her pain and suicidal thoughts. She wisely spends only a few pages at the end on the usual "tips" for getting on with life after loss.
   
   This book is not just for widows; anyone who has lost a loved one will feel better after reading this book, just knowing that someone else has gone through it and shares your feelings. Her realization that the sharp pain had gradually, imperceptibly, lessened is realistic and heartening. Recommended.



3. I am fairly young and recently widowed and I never would have thought I would get anything out of this book but I happened upon it in the bookstore and I was totally wrong. This is the first book that really hit home with me. I feel that a lot of the ideas that Dr. Joyce Brothers presented really validated my feelings and as a psychologist really explained it such as the scientific explanation of how tears help in the healing process. I definitely recommend it.



4. I bought this book right after my husband died. It's very helpful and honest, and I couldn't put it down. You will see yourself in the pages, even though Dr. Brothers's story may be different than your own. The best part is that you will not feel so alone, and you will realize that all your emotions and weird little behaviors are very normal. Get it!



5. This book is a must for a widow. She is candid and explores and converses about every issue I faced as a widow. Good to keep and read several times when having to walk that valley .Also give this to the new widows you know .AN ABSOLUTE MUST

1 comments about Getting Yourself Together When Your Family Comes Apart: Coping with Family Changes.

1. You will find numerous reproducible pgs. in this book that will get even shy kids talking about family changes. Some of the pages in this workbook work well with family change situations OTHER than divorce, as well. I have used with children who are living temporarily with other relatives and are "bounced around" from relative to relative due to incarceration, drug abuse, etc.
   I think this book is very different from a lot of the others like it out there. It touches on topics not usually covered. The more I think about it, the more I love this book.

5 comments about Transformational Divorce: A Step-by-Step Plan for Women.

1. Transformational Divorce is truly a gift for those going through this devastating experience. Rather than concentrating on the usual get-out-and-meet-people advice so common in divorce books, Karen's book shows readers how to create a happy, productive life without falling into the "quick fix" solutions that fail to provide the depth needed for lasting change. Reading this book is like speaking to a compassionate friend who's been there and knows how to not only survive but thrive. A definite must-have for anyone going through the divorce process.



2. Karen Kahn Wilson's book "Transformational Divorce" is a must read for any woman going through the process of divorce and for those already divorced. It's enjoyable to read and the exercises start you on the road to transforming your life. Karen celebrates the woman inside all of us that CAN emerge to create a wonderful post-divorce life. This book is truly a gift!



3. This book transcends the divorce genre. Karen Kahn Wilson, in lucid, easy-to-read prose, speaks to all of us who want to learn from past relationships and move simultaneously towards increased independence and healthier connections with others. Although I have no plans to divorce, this book inspired--and empowered--me to take greater control of my life.



4. Thnak God for this book. I have been divorced for almost a year. My ex was a cheater and I could not put up with this behavior anymore. I missed my old life style though. I have to start from scatch. I was a housewife with a BA degree. So now, I am looking for a job. Most of my friends and family were through my ex's family and any other friends that were married have seemed to have forgotten me.
   This book gave me the blue print to move on and forward. This is the best book for any women trying to start fresh. Good luck to you!



5. 
   I loved the title of this book and bought it for that reason. I was not familiar with previous work from this author.
   
   Cheerful but not annoying, encouraging but not shallow, the author manages to help divorced women (her primary focus) see divorce as an opportunity to move forward, changing their lives and their futures in positive ways.
   
   Without thinking about it, we always label divorce as a negative: it is. But if we are open to learning, growing, maturing, and becoming a better person, divorce gives us that opportunity --- whether we want it or not.
   
   This is a well-written book from an author who clearly understands the thoughts, feelings, and struggles of divorced women. Very well done.
   
   Dr. David & Lisa Frisbie
   The Center for Marriage & Family Studies
   Authors of 8 books, including Moving Forward After Divorce: Practical Steps to * Healing Your Hurts * Finding Fresh Perspective * Managing Your New Life

2 comments about A Three Hat Day (Reading Rainbow Book).

1. A funny little man who loves hats cheers himself up by wearing three at a time! This is a great book for teaching primary graders about permutations and probability theory.



2. This story is about the Pottle family and how each one liked to collect different things. All the Pottle's meet there husbands / wife's on a rainy day. The story is about how the third Pottle finds his wife on a sunny day when he is sad and then it turns into a rainy day. When Mrs. Pottle and Mr. Pottle got married they had a girl and she liked shoes. They meet at a hat store when a lady was yelling at him because he was dancing around with a hat from the store.