5 comments about Stolen Innocence: Triumphing Over a Childhood Broken by Abuse: A Memoir.

1. Anyone that has ever lived through the horrifying experience of being raped, just as I have, needs to read this enlightening and healing memoir of hope. Erin Merryn unashamedly bares all in her narrative, recounting the mental, emotional, physical and sexual abuse that she so courageously overcame by breaking the silence of this most heinous of violations. From writing this book, she has given voice to those of us who were afraid to venture out with our own stories due to the stigma and the shame associated with this crime. This book overcame for me what years of counseling could not do. By her candor and her kind and gentle spirit you will be guided to a new self-awareness. You will most definitely come away from reading "Stolen Innocence" a much stronger, more assertive and hope-filled person. No longer will you consider yourself a victim, but rather, a Survivor!!



2. I found Erin Merryn's book by chance in the bookstore. I'm glad I did. I started reading the book and finished it in one night. Erin tells her story by using diary entries that she made at the time the abuse was taking place. She doesn't hold back. The result is a book that gives the reader the true horror of sexual abuse and its devastating effects on young girls. Stolen Innocence is a book that will stay with the reader long after the last page is turned. The story is heartbreaking and inspirational at the same time. What I liked about the book was how Erin educates the reader on the harsh realities of sexual abuse in this society by citing statistics. From there, she takes the reader on the horrifying journey of living with sexual abuse day in, day out. You feel the fear and pain with every word she writes. Sexual abuse is a topic that many tend to "push under the carpet." I applaud Erin for the courage she displays, for her ability to convey her story, and for being a survivor of sexual abuse. The communication between Erin and her abuser is a great addition to the book. Erin allows the reader to witness her raw emotions as she confronts her abuser in a series of emails. This book would be helpful to survivors of sexual abuse and to those who desire to help a loved one who has been abused. A great read!



3. Giving voice to unspeakable abuse is what prevents it from propagating. Only when it remains in the dark is its sinister purpose accomplished. This young woman was able to finally put aside her own fears and come out of the shadows to illuminate the disconsolate corners of her life that had been concealed from her parents and even her own sister.
   I read the book cover to cover in one sitting and had to choke back tears of recognition in several places. The book resonated deeply within me as we had a somewhat similar situation in our own family. Often, the revelation is as traumatic as the original abuse with the survivor suffering much more than the perpetrator even in the punishment phase.
   Nonetheless, Erin has sparked a flame that now needs to be passed among survivors and their supporters to shed light on a subject that is too often veiled by silence.
   Together we can bring light to the suffering. As survivors we need to continue to speak out, to support one another, and educate the public to prevent the growing scourge of sexual assault and child molestation. Thank you Erin for lighting the candle.



4. A riveting and very sober account of the harrowing experience of child abuse as told by the victim. In the end this memoir ia an uplifting account of how perseverance overcame the fear of telling the truth. An amazing book.



5. This story is really sad and it could have been a good book. but the writer is a terrible one. There was so many mistakes and the way she writes is boring. I understand she is trying to make it look like a 6th grader wrote it (she did a great job at that!) but lets get real, does anyone want to read 248 pages of a 6th grader repeating herself over and over again?
   i was excited to get this book from reading all of the good reviews but i would only recommend this to a 6th grader going through the recovery of incest that she was.
   I hope nobody over the age of 13 wastes their money on this book.

1 comments about Clean of Heart: Overcoming Habitual Sins against Purity.

1. Really great book,I would say a manual for everybody,who wants to live according to catholic true.Very helpfull to cope with sexuality.I recommend this book even to noncatholics.

1 comments about Helping Your Child Recover from Sexual Abuse.

1. For my husband and I, this book was reassuring that we're doing things right, which is truly not much of a comfort in this horrific time in our lives. Our oldest son sexually abused our youngest (9 years difference). This book didn't cover much at all on sibling sexual abuse but did cover very real issues like how important it is to BELIEVE your child and give them support, dealing with the responses from friends and family, handling your childs reactions and daily life, the legal system, grieving, self esteem, sexuality, dealing with the abuse as your child matures and trying to move on. As my title says, each section gives a guide/suggestion on things you could say to your child to help them in each situation. There were also some excercises that could be done with older children to help them process things out.
   
   On a personal note, if you are having to look this subject up in Amazon, my heart goes out to you. We never would have expected to be in this "club" that no one wants to be in. There are so many emotions to deal with right now. I want to give this book 5 stars, however it didn't give me any specific info on sibling abuse or any new ideas and I truthfully am still at the stage that Im looking for "the answer" - the one thats going to make all this pain and suffering go away. I know I'll never find it, but, nevertheless.....
   
   I think the book is a worthwhile read.

5 comments about Domestic Violence Sourcebook, The.

1. Just in response to a previous reviewer- As a domestic violence education professional, I assure you that all reputable sources on domestic violence agree that women make up the overwhelming majority of victims of DV (these statistics vary from the 80s to the high 90s in terms of percentages).



2. Ladies, if you're a victim, read this book. (And I say "Ladies" because--despite what the woefully misinformed individual below tells his "clients"--women DO make up the HUGE majority of victims.)



3. Unfortunately, rather than taking on a very important social issue with objectivity and truth, the book simply repeates completely unfounded propoganda that women are the victim in "85%+" of cases. Anyone interested, do what I did (/do) as part of my employment -- go to your local family court and watch on domestic violence day(s). No one will be able to pull the anti-male wool over your eyes after that. Men are the plaintiff in about 35% of the cases -- and we need to keep in mind that men are far less likely to step forward and are far more likely to be ridiculed, harassed, and treated dismissively at every step in the process (for example - 90%+ of all domestic violence shelters have "women" somewhere in their title...not exactly an invitation to a male who desperately needs help).
   
   Sadly, this kind of "book" (with dubious sources when they bother to give a source at all) perpetuates the myths and does great harm by keeping the +/- 40% of victims who need help oppressed.



4. This is a necessary read for any therapist working with couples in crisis. Understanding the criminal nature of battering, the state laws governing the offense, and the denial and minimizing of the act of violence by the victim is important for appropriate intervention and safety of the patient.



5. There is a crucial differences between male and female domestic violence. If a man isn't afraid of a woman's violence, it's not abuse. Fear is a defining factor.
   
   Abuse is systematically controlling another person through intimidation and control in a sadly self-defeating attempt to get needs met. An abuser believe violence is justified in achieving this. Non-abusers may flip out sometimes, but they genuinely believe that violence is only justified in self-defense, and only in enough measure to protect ourselves or others.
   
   Ironically, when a woman is continually abused, she become nervous, volatile, exhausted, and may even respond with verbal abuse and, rarely, physical violence (rarely because the male is usually more powerful.) Think: cornered animal.
   
   When a man begins to change or behaves less violently, the deep anger women have been feeling but suppressing out of fear may finally come out, and not always in the nicest way. However, this is categorically different from abuse: punishing, strategic, intentional violence.
   
   Sadly, men who are violent will use any excuse to defend their behavior. Hence, accusing their female targets of being abusers. That might be where the court statistics listed below come from (if they are even accurate). Ironically, many women don't prosecute their male abusers out of a misguided hope of helping them through nurture and communication instead. (In fact, it appears that real painful consequences are much more likely to motivate an abuser to change.)
   
   Women aren't "better" than men for being statistically much less likely to be abusers. They simply don't have that option due to the reality of the comparable strength of their bodies and society's conditioning.
   
   Think about this: How many women buy a gun and routinely wave it around to intimidate their husband to control his behavior? It seems absurd, doesn't it? What might the man do in response? Run away? Try to overpower her anyway? Yet men easily intimidate women in this way without that gun, simply because they are physically (and often financially) stronger.
   
   Ironically, women who actually are abusive are said to be the hardest to rehabilitate. This is because a woman who goes against all of society's training to use brute force to try to get her needs met is usually severely mentally ill.
   
   So... To the man who feels a need to bring up women's abuse in a review of a book designed to help men stop abusing and help women escape their abuse... What need does this fulfill in you? Why not stop denying and blaming others for your behavior and get help? Or recommend a good book that specifically targets helping women abusers to change and their male targets to free themselves from women's abuse? After all, isn't the purpose of these books to help both men and women...and their children?

5 comments about Surviving Domestic Violence: Voices of Women Who Broke Free.

1. Elaine's book is just as impressive as she is. Her sincerity and dedication to helping people hurt by domestic violence comes through on every page. Highly recommeded reading!



2. Well written and filled with practical advice, heartbreaking case studies and a sound voice of independence and advocacy. Here is a book that those who suffer or have suffered must read - and those who love them need to understand.



3. I have been working with domestic violence victims for about 7 years. I love this resource book. Ms. Weiss shows compassion for victims while she gives practical, safe advice for victims, their families and friends. I have already lent it to a victim as she was preparing to leave her abusive husband. Keep writing your books, Ms. Weiss and I will keep reading! Stacey M. Geurds, Esq.



4. It's been going on 12 years since I escaped my abuser. I'm back to school now, working on a social work degree. I want to help others in ways I wanted to be helped back then. While researching material for a research paper on domestic violence I happened across this book. It came to me, along with several others, from the library, borrowed for research.
   
   From the moment I picked it up and sat down with the purpose to skim it for relevant data on a Friday night, until late Sunday night, when I finished it, I was riveted with the stories of the women who were told within the pages. I couldn't just skim with this book. I had to read every page of it, allowing it to dig up memories within myself that had been forcefully buried years ago.
   
   Dr. Weiss does an extraordinary job in telling the stories of these women without any "props" to make their reality any better or worse than what it was. I like the way she begins with her own story in the beginning and then, when telling the others', she uses examples from her relationship with her ex husband to emphasize just how much she identifies with the brave and courageous women who found often ingenious ways to escape from the oppression of their batterers.
   
   Dr. Weiss has the sensitivity and the writing skills to be able to articulate the often subtle aspects of domestic violence. She helps those readers who may not have been victims but who want to learn more about domestic violence to see that it is much more than about blatant physical battering.
   
   I want to thank Dr. Weiss for writing the book and honoring the lives of the women who are in it. I want to thank the women whose stories are told for being shining beacons to those who might read them and gather hope and strength from them.
   
   Perhaps the most powerful messages from Dr. Weiss' book are that women CAN escape from horrific battering circumstances; and that if you see a batterer victimizing their significant other in a public place, acknowledge it! Your acknowledgement could very well become the victim's beacon of light they focus on to find their way out of the darkness.



5. This was a great look at personal accounts of domestic violence. This book shows there is no typical DV victim profile. It can happen to anyone. This book also challenges some beliefs out there. The author asks us to stop blaming the victim and instead of asking why the victim does not leave, we should ask why the abuser commits the abuse. Very good.

5 comments about Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence.

1. I was so excited to find this book. I have a lot of Christian women approach me for advice on what they should do with their abusive husbands. I now have at least a book to refer them too in their time of need. I have written a full review on my website. Thank you!
   http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art54021.asp



2. This book was quite an eye-opener for me. It is the first hand account from a woman who was brutally beaten by her pastor husband. She explains the dilemmas faced by Christians in these situations who believe that divorce is wrong and are willing to risk their lives for those beliefs by staying in an abusive relationship. She does a good job presenting the problem in many churches where the staff seem to focus on getting the wife to not provoke the husband, rather than using church discipline to correct the out-of-control husband. But as the author explains, the abuse is going to occur whether there's real provocation or not. It is the abuser who is the problem, not the victim.
   
   The book gave some excellent guidance in how to talk to someone you think is in this situation and how best to help. Although the material is mostly from a biblical perspective, the advice it provides would be useful for anyone, regardless of religion. For example, I was surprised to find that the trite comments we think are helpful and encouraging, are instead just the opposite. And she explains why women are so relunctant to go to the police or their pastors for help. This book should be in every church library and required reading for all pastors and counselors!



3. In a day when popular Christian leaders put most of their eggs in one basket where Christian marriage is concerned, and focus on putting the responsibility of making marriages work upon the shoulders of wives, thereby implying that husbands are permitted to treat their wives as they will, this book is sorely needed! "Woman Submit! Christians and Domestic Violence" is a work that tells it like it is, using her own experience of being beaten by her husband and left to die as a springboard to educate readers about the atrocities being committed against women here in the United States, in the land where freedom of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is proclaimed as the inalienable right of all men. (perhaps that's the problem; some men think it's the right of men--not women) Ms Andersen is not afraid to name names, including Dr. James Dobson, to help explain how he, along with other Christian leaders advise wives to return to their abusive and life-threatening husbands, and even explain how the wives are responsible for their husbands' abusive behavior.
   
   Throughout the book, Ms Andersen paints a compelling picture that provides answers to the question "Why doesn't she just leave?" For the Christian wife, besides other pressures like economics and fear for her safety, the pressure--and teaching--to stay with or return to her abusive and violent husband comes from Christian leaders and the Christian community, and all too often even from a woman's church. Considering that in Isaiah 58, God spells out that the fast he will honor is that of delivering people from oppression, it is reprehensible that the church has not been leading the charge against domestic violence, but instead has been perpetuating the oppression of women. Society has had to educate Christian leaders about family violence and appeal to them to do their part to teach against it and stop it. The statistics in chapter 5 were especially chilling. That 1 in 4 women had experienced domestic violence as an adult, and another survey said 50% of women who had been abused never reported it to anyone. This would suggest that 50% of women have experienced domestic violence as adults! I repeat, this book is sorely needed! The church must stop sanctioning wife oppression!
   
   Woman Submit! also goes deeper than other books dealing with the abuse of Christian women. "Keeping the Faith" by Marie M. Fortune, for example does correct misinterpretations of biblical passages, but it does not go deep enough. For a woman who has had "Wife Submit! in everything and no matter what he does" pounded into her head, a writer saying the wife does not need to yield all the time and that the husband is commanded to be nurturing, just does not carry much weight. But Ms. Andersen points out the passage in Proverbs that was so helpful to her. When wisdom enters an abused woman's heart, knowledge, discretion, and understanding will deliver her from the way of the evil man. There it is: God is for deliverance from an abuser.
   
   Thank-you, Jocelyn for obeying God and writing this book. It must have been tough to have to relive the pain of what you went through in order to write it in such a succinct (in that nothing was repeated or wallowed in) yet thorough way (taking the time to write enough detail that we get the picture and to explain Bible words and meanings). I will definitely use your book as a resource in my effort to help women.
   
   In addition to this wonderful and helpful book, please check out Jocelyn Andersen's blog, [...]. The post "A Question of Submission" for example, adds insight about the Ephesians 5 question, and other posts keep us up-to-date on the comments, teaching, and efforts of popular Christian leaders.
   
   Waneta Dawn is the author of Behind the Hedge, a novel. Visit [...] to read chapter one, for information on the damaging effects of non-physical violence, and/or to order.



4. This book forces open the door on a subject so many would rather avoid than face head on. It has never been acceptable to look away when someone is being harmed, yet we see that attitude all the time when it comes to spousal abuse. Victims of domestic violence are so often misunderstood because of the effects that abuse has on them. Women subject to the control and violent abuses of their spouses lose their dignity, self-respect, and spirituality. They need support from their community, not criticism.
   Simply written, this book forces us to take a very honest look at ourselves and how we view (or choose not to see) this subject. It is so easy to pretend and avoid rather than face the ugly truth. This very moving book provides enough clarity to help us all have the strength we need to be honest and ultimately supportive of those who need it most.



5. Gives sound advice for Christian victims of domestic abuse. The author has survived and been set free from horrendous abuse and explains how she did it, with God's grace. Her own story is mind boggling. She discusses the problem of 'addiction' to an abusive spouse well, without in any way blaming the victim. Very helpful.Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence

5 comments about In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior.

1. This book is up-to-date on a topic that until more recently went unrecognized as problematic. It can be beneficial for professionals working with a client population that participates in a variety of compulsive or addictive online sexual behaviors and who would like to reduce or eliminate these compulsions and addictive behaviors. It can also be recommended to clients for their own use. It helps in determining if a problem exists with use of a screening test, how to set up healthy boundaries, and help with relapse prevention. It can be especially beneficial when paired with a workbook on breaking free of compulsive online sexual behaviors. This book, by reputable authors, provides information & help designed especially for this population and for professionals attempting to help.



2. This is a fantastic book that takes the reader into a detailed explanatation of what this addiction really is. Mr. Carnes explains the factors and processes that affect the addict by also giving examples of behavior and describing patient's stories. For those trying to get a more comprehensive understanding of the addiction as well as the issues that prevent an addict from freeing him or herself of it, this book is excellent.
   
   Just one note of caution: As much as this book as well as others by the same author are great resources, they are not enough. As with every addiction, there is a "cleansing" process that must be followed, and should be guided under the supervision of an experienced professional. Also, people in this addiction should seek a support group, such as the SLAA.



3. This is a great resource for people dealing with online sexual compulsive addictions. Whether its you or someone you love, this book helps navigate through the confusion associated with the addictive behaviors. Many books just touch on the subject, but this one really focuses solely on the topic. It covers everything from diagnosis to recovery. Patrick Carnes is a straight forward, no nonsense Dr. The book is well written and a fast read, no need for a PhD in order to understand it. Finally a book that offers hope and relief! I'm greatful to have found it.



4. As the spouse of an internet-porn addict,this book explained exactly how I felt and helped me to understand how my spouse felt when he was trapped in the Net. The best part about this book is the explanation of how the difficult journey to freedom will be worth more than the temporary and ultimately devastating "high" that users are addicted to. It also shows users how this seemingly harmless pastime can lead users to become someone they don't know or never thought they could become-doing things that stand against their own moral standards. It is brilliant.



5. This book was somewhat helpful. I definitely think it helped solve some of our problems.

3 comments about Hope and Recovery: A Twelve Step Guide for Healing From Compulsive Sexual Behavior.

1. Hope & Recovery is the current basic text of SAA (Sex Addicts Anomyous, a twelve-step group for sexually recovering people). The book is designed for individuals who feel that they are sexually compusive and are looking for information on the addictive disease and "tools" to use to become and remain free from sexual addiction. Each of the twelve steps is explained in detail on how they can be lived daily for sexual recovery. A number of individuals tell their own experiences of how they lived their disease, discovered the hope of the program, and how they are currently living a life of recovery. The book is well written, sensitive, hopeful, and a continual must read through the journey of recovery. Definately Hope & Recovery.



2. I was checking out some recovery books on Amazon and noticed this review about "Hope and Recovery". I'm a member of Sex Addicts Anonymous and "Hope and Reovery" IS NOT the basic text of that fellowship. It is read, but it's not the basic text. If you read the Steps and Traditions in the book, and really the rest of the book, nowhere is Sex Addicts Anonymous ever mentioned in those pages. I'm not saying "don't read Hope and Recovery," I just want to make it clear that it's not the basic text of SAA.

   "Hope and Recovery" is a good read especially if you're a sex addict seeking recovery. It's a great book to "identify" with the problem of sex addiction. What has helped me in my recovery program with sex addiction, however, is reading the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and the AA "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions"--the start of all 12-Step recovery programs. Though not an alcoholic, I can translate the problem as well as the solution to my sex addiction and my recovery from it, one day at a time. I use these two books more than I use "Hope and Recovery."




3. Just as claraification: This book was written by anonymous members of the group Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA) and is the basic text of that group. I am a member of SCA and I have found this book extremely helpful. I would recommend it to anyone, both on the basis of a standalone book and and a possible introduction to what SCA is about.

5 comments about What About Me? A Guide for Men Helping Female Partners Deal with Childhood Sexual Abuse.

1. This is an absolute must read for any men out there who have women partners that have suffered childhood sexual abuse in any of its many and abhorrent forms. My wife suffered this from no less than three different males in her life before the age of 14, and two of them were relatives. I, like you, needed some reference material to try and help me cope with how to help her, and though there isn't going to be a cookie cutter answer for every situation... this book offers a lot of insight and gives you some starting points to begin looking for help.
   
   Thanks.
   Lynn



2. Although this book is somewhat helpful, it is, unfortunately, based mostly on the anecdotal experience of one couple [the author and his wife]. I think that Allies in Healing is a more helpful book - if you are looking for a book written mostly for spouses of survivors.
   
   To husbands: FYI - the healing is a very long and arduous process - it ain't pretty, and it really helps if you have a LOT of love and MORE stamina. If so, I highly recommend "Women Who Hurt Themselves" by Dusty Miller. It's a tough read, but will put things into a logical framework for you. This issue has a lot of gender implications in its understanding, and a logical framework seems to be essential for the male in the role of supportive mate.



3. This book may not earn awards for best literary style, but you can feel the sincerity of deep understanding through this author's words. As with any material, I disagreed with portions of its contents; however, I wish my husband and I would have owned this book at the beginning of our healing process. It gives you a realist overview of the turmoil you will face as a couple. As the abused victim, I was so consumed in my healing that the silent screams of what my husband was dealing with went unheard by everyone. Men, while trying to remain strong and supportive, suffer alone with forgotten wounded hearts which also have to heal.



4. I am a licensed Counselor, who specializes in trauma/substance abuse.
   In reviewing this book, I have found it to be a wonderful book for my client's partners to better understand their significant other's needs and their own. This book creats hope for both partners, and supports increased and healthy communication between both individuals. I would recommend this book for anyone who practices within this field, or an individual who is involved in a loving relationship with a person who has been sexually abused. Remember:"It is better to be active and supportive with those that have been abused, then to do nothing at all, and hope one day things will work itself out."



5. Grant Cameron explained, in practical language, the many ins and outs that you run up against when your loved one is the survivor of childhood sexual abuse. There were many revelations for me, light bulbs going on, as I worked through his book. I found myself using a yellow marker, and going back and taking notes, just because I learned so much from his experiences.
   
   The book is easy to read, covering some complex subjects, such as the Inner Child, patience during the process, the necessity for breaks for the supporter and for both supporter and survivor together, and the complications for sexual relations, and the lack thereof for a long time. His chapter on trust also made me stop and consider. I highly recommend the book.

5 comments about It's My Life Now : Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence.

1. I could not put this book down, I carried it with me everywhere it helped me regain my sanity after a very abusive relationship.
   A brilliant read - you will find yourself on every page. You are not alone. An important book for recovery.



2. Easy read, that helps make so much sense after coming out of an abusive marriage. It helps to make sense of the situation and how one might have gotten their- without the blame.If you were ever abused, mentally, physically, emotionally, this is a book for you.



3. Please refer to the 2006 expanded, second edition. Just click on either author above.



4. I would recommend this book for anyone who has been in a relationship with a controlling person. You will think you're reading about your own life.



5. It's My Life Now fills an important gap in the literature on domestic violence. There are several great books out there that help bring the abused to the point of recognizing that they are in an abusive relationship that they must escape. These books help clarify the patterns and cycles that are common to so many abusive relationships. When searching for help and healing myself, I largely encountered books that told me how to get out, get safe, and (had I any children) get custody. But at that point, I had already fought my way out of my abuser's grasp and was searching for something to help me untangle the webs of control, humiliation, and verbal abuse I had endured. I was also struggling with difficult feelings of guilt, loss, and anger that I needed some guidance to process. That is where this book came in: the practical guide to regaining yourself after enduring abuse and/or violence.
   
   What is so valuable and remarkable about this book, compared to many others, is that it walks the abused through the complicated (and admittedly frightening) time AFTER she gets out of the relationship.
   
   It begins with the typical identification of abuse and abusive behaviors, but as this book is written for those who have already left their abuser, this list serves a different purpose. In an incredibly reassuring and helpful chapter that addresses the feelings of love for the abuser that may still remain, we are asked to make a list of the qualities that were attractive in him in the first place. Then, we return to the initial chapter's list of abusive behaviors and make a list of what type of abuses were committed and with what frequency. The positive list serves to reassure the abused that she had compelling reasons for being attracted to the abuser, while the abuses list reminds her that the abuser (however charming) is not who he seemed. There are many more simple, journal-style exercises that I found important for gaining insight and perspective.
   
   The book addresses key issues I encountered in the uncomfortable period that ensued within one week or two of leaving my abuser. The author also recommends that readers return to these topics and exercises one month later, for comparison. (Perspective is everything.) I have emphatically recommended this book to the women I have met in domestic violence support groups, who have returned nothing but praise for the usefulness, pertinence and clarity of It's My Life Now. I have found it invaluable in my own process and will continue to refer to it when I require strength or guidance.