5 comments about It Happened to Me: A Teen's Guide to Overcoming Sexual Abuse (workbook).

1. This workbook is just excellent! I have trouble putting it down! It manages to be relevant to a wide variety of teens, without being too technical, too cutesy, or too preachy. Each exercise is short (2-3 pages) but challenging. There are also quotes from teen survivors and sidebars that point out problem behaviors common in abuse survivors without being judgmental. As a college student, I'm a little too old to be the intended audience of this book (all the teens mentioned in here are between the ages of 13-18), but as someone who still has to deal with her parents on a regular basis, I appreciated that lots of the exercises here dealt with family matters under the assumption that you're still living and dealing with your family, something that's not in many of the adult books. Guys might not like that pretty much all the pronouns are "she" and "her", but otherwise it's still a very relevant book for every teen survivor. It can be completed by yourself, in a group, or as part of therapy. Topics covered include emotions and emotional manipulation, keeping secrets, impulsive behaviors, how to get along with other people, sex, suicide, and commitment to recovery. The emphasis is not on "name your disorder" but on returning to emotional health. Even if you have to make a secret trip to the bookstore and hide this book in the back of your closet, it's worth it.



2. I am a teenager and read this book because a friend recommended it to me. She had read about it in Seventeen magazine and knew that it related to some things I've been through. The exercises made me think about the past in a good way - a way that helped me see that I can be a good person no matter what I've been through. The psychologist who wrote this book knows teenagers. I felt like he knew me and knew just what I needed to work through my issues. Also, I loved the quotes from teenagers that were scattered through the book. If you need help working through sexual abuse, It Happened To Me can help you too.



3. This workbook is a MUST. It is a workbook related to abuse and can help anyone who has been through trauma and going through the healing process. I have done some of the exercises by myself and some in a small group. I strongly recommend this workbook. I have a hard time putting the book down between exercises, because I truely feel that this book is helping me cope.



4. I WAS VERY IMPRESSED WITH THE PROMPTNESS OF HOW MY ORDER WAS TAKEN CARE OF, PROSSESSED QUICKLY, AND DELIVERED TO ME WITHIN A FEW DAYS OF THE ORDER. THANK YOU



5. This is a wonderful tool to use when working with teens who are ready to deal with their experience of sexual abuse (abuse of other kinds also). Not only is this useful for clinicians, it can be modified and used by other providers, too. It seems that it is important for the client to be ready to do the work, however...

5 comments about Surviving Domestic Violence: Voices of Women Who Broke Free.

1. Elaine's book is just as impressive as she is. Her sincerity and dedication to helping people hurt by domestic violence comes through on every page. Highly recommeded reading!



2. Well written and filled with practical advice, heartbreaking case studies and a sound voice of independence and advocacy. Here is a book that those who suffer or have suffered must read - and those who love them need to understand.



3. I have been working with domestic violence victims for about 7 years. I love this resource book. Ms. Weiss shows compassion for victims while she gives practical, safe advice for victims, their families and friends. I have already lent it to a victim as she was preparing to leave her abusive husband. Keep writing your books, Ms. Weiss and I will keep reading! Stacey M. Geurds, Esq.



4. It's been going on 12 years since I escaped my abuser. I'm back to school now, working on a social work degree. I want to help others in ways I wanted to be helped back then. While researching material for a research paper on domestic violence I happened across this book. It came to me, along with several others, from the library, borrowed for research.
   
   From the moment I picked it up and sat down with the purpose to skim it for relevant data on a Friday night, until late Sunday night, when I finished it, I was riveted with the stories of the women who were told within the pages. I couldn't just skim with this book. I had to read every page of it, allowing it to dig up memories within myself that had been forcefully buried years ago.
   
   Dr. Weiss does an extraordinary job in telling the stories of these women without any "props" to make their reality any better or worse than what it was. I like the way she begins with her own story in the beginning and then, when telling the others', she uses examples from her relationship with her ex husband to emphasize just how much she identifies with the brave and courageous women who found often ingenious ways to escape from the oppression of their batterers.
   
   Dr. Weiss has the sensitivity and the writing skills to be able to articulate the often subtle aspects of domestic violence. She helps those readers who may not have been victims but who want to learn more about domestic violence to see that it is much more than about blatant physical battering.
   
   I want to thank Dr. Weiss for writing the book and honoring the lives of the women who are in it. I want to thank the women whose stories are told for being shining beacons to those who might read them and gather hope and strength from them.
   
   Perhaps the most powerful messages from Dr. Weiss' book are that women CAN escape from horrific battering circumstances; and that if you see a batterer victimizing their significant other in a public place, acknowledge it! Your acknowledgement could very well become the victim's beacon of light they focus on to find their way out of the darkness.



5. This was a great look at personal accounts of domestic violence. This book shows there is no typical DV victim profile. It can happen to anyone. This book also challenges some beliefs out there. The author asks us to stop blaming the victim and instead of asking why the victim does not leave, we should ask why the abuser commits the abuse. Very good.

5 comments about Ditch That Jerk : Dealing With Men Who Control and Hurt Women.

1. An invaluable manual for how to get out of an abusive relationship and how to break the ties afterwards. I also recommend it for women who are looking for a serious relationship and for young teens. There are definite red flags to look for BEFORE you become involved with someone.



2. The book tended to ramble on a bit, but overall, I found it very informative and helpful. The title is this books biggest flaw. The book itself has the potential to help women to tell the difference between a good man who does bad things but can be helped, and a really bad man she should stay away from. Unfortunately, when I tried to get my daughter to read this book, she was offended by the title. Even after I explained the intent of the book, she still refused to take it. She was afraid if her boyfriend saw the book, he would think she was trying to get rid of him and it would cause trouble in their home.



3. This seems like a good book. However, if women didn't get themselves into these problems they wouldn't need it.. Women are drawn to A-holes. That's all there is to it. If you are nice to a woman she won't want to sleep with you or marry you. But if you start treating her like garbage, she can't get enough of you. Then they sit around and complain about how guys mistreat them. Yeah miss genius, couldn't you tell he was a jerk to start with!? When you start dating a guy, how he treats you is pretty much how he is going to always treat you. If he is a jerk now, he will only be a bigger jerk as he gets to be more comfortable around you.



4. I'm really just here commenting on a lot of the "non-reviews" here. I read them and then did an Amazon search for "men hating women." Lots of hits. Then I did one for "women hating men." Nothing. So just a reminder that no matter how bad you think it is, men are not joyously publishing books about "them thar crazy women folk." Since most of these reviews concentrate on the supposition that all men are abusive, which is not in keeping with the title of this book, I'd say let's pull back from the rhetoric, read the book, and then comment.



5. This is a very, very informative book on abuse. It doesn't necessarily have to be for women only. For men in relationships abused by women, this will be very helpful to you too.
   
   The book concentrates mostly on physical abuse, and I wish the author talked more about emotional / verbal abuse, but the dynamic behind all kinds of abuse is the same. Same denial, justifications for the behavior, shifting the blame tactics that all abusive people use. The author tries to help the reader determine their partner's capacity to change by using three categories - potentially good, bad, or hopeless.
   
   Some things that determine an abusive person's potential to change are self-examination, whether or not he acknowledges he has a problem, type of friends he has, whether substance abuse is involved or not, does he make excuses, deny or minimize his actions, etc. The author thoroughly goes over them all. She also describes types of counseling that will / will not work, and the guilt tactics she described that abusers use really hit home with me.
   
   This book has very good substance to it, and is a must for abused partners to read. Despite the cheesy title that makes it sound like a typical breakup book, it's as informative and educational as Lundy Bancroft's "Why Does He Do That?"
   
   I also object to the title because someone who hits his partner is way more than just a "jerk."

5 comments about Secret Survivors.

1. Secret Survivors is one compelling book. The first time, I read it straight through and was sure I'd found the User's Manual to my brain. And perhaps I have. The knowledge packed into this little powerhouse of a paperback is vast and dense, and covers a huge amount of ground. You won't find any fluff, either - every word counts. The writing is tight, clear, and intelligent. And the jewel so carefully packaged within this book's pages is this: it gives the incest Survivor a way of understanding herself from a whole new orientation, one that assumes she is not a nutcase, and that there's a very good reason she acts and thinks the way she does.
   
   Blume is fearless when it comes to confronting the lies and misconceptions surrounding incest. She does it simply and powerfully by stating the truth, the kind you feel in your gut. She is believable. She exudes integrity. This is important because when you begin reading you may feel, as I did, that she's been walking around inside your head, pulling out thoughts - even whole sentences - you've probably never shared with another person. When she says, "The Survivor feels...." or "The Survivor thinks...", or "The survivor may do/act/be this or that..." she's not speculating. She knows, and she's dead-on right. This sense of being known and seen makes the book an intensely personal experience, but never once have I felt exposed or invaded, or, even worse, like someone's science experiment. Instead, I felt respected and validated, enormously relieved that I'm a lot more normal than Mom thought I was, and sometimes even a little overwhelmed by all of this goodness. But I can learn to live with that.
   
   I have gotten so much from Secret Survivors! Blume's belief in our own strength and ability to heal helps me feel stronger. I feel like I have an advocate, and a mountain of one at that, standing between me and a (mostly) unbelieving world. It doesn't matter that I don't know her personally. It just matters that she's real, that she exists someplace. I have something solid to hold on to in this book, that reminds me, over and over, "You aren't nuts - you were hurt in the worst possible way, and this is what it did to you. But you're strong, too, you're gonna make it, kid." I now know it's possible to be told, and to hear, the truth about myself in a way that is life affirming. And I know that the man who hurt me doesn't get to win anymore. All of this is why Secret Survivors remains on the top of the bedside reading stack, why it's all marked up and dog-eared, and why, in the middle of the night when it's too hard to believe I can do this and everything inside feels so broken, it's what I reach for first for comfort and encouragement.
   
   Thank you indeed, E. Sue Blume.



2. Dear E. Sue Blume,
   
   I recently had the opportunity to read your book, Secret Survivors. In short, I have discovered a hell within myself that I did not know was there thanks to you.
   
   You see, I had no idea that the after-effects of my incestuous past ran so deep. You originally intended your book to be for those who could only remember their incest in part, or maybe not at all... in my case, it has been the opposite. Most of the memories have remained clear for me, it was the resulting damage that was vague or unrecognizable.
   
   I did not know that in being molested by my family of origin, and having them interchangeably argue that there was nothing wrong with it to justify its continuance... my entire life, my identity, was so deeply fractured by its ugly roots penetrating so deeply. What an incredibly rude awakening you had in store for me.
   
   For example, your checklist... there are 34 items on there. I checked off 28 of them. Eating disorders, wanting to change my name, unable to sleep at night, guilt and shame, psychic numbing, those are just a few of them. About the only thing it seemed I hadn't developed was a multiple personality.
   
   That was just the beginning of my plunge into that internal abyss. Oh no, I hadn't even been that rudely awakened yet. It wasn't to say I didn't know something was there. But I was looking at it through a thickly frosted and smeared pane of glass. You simply lifted this so I could see, and I was shocked.
   
   No, it wasn't until I began reading chapter after chapter of the after-effects, in detail, that I felt my guts wrench. For it was then that I had my eyes opened to just how much they stole from me. Your incredibly accurate descriptions of what goes on behind the compulsions, the fears, the rage, walking around feeling permanently defective and marked, the way it affects adult relationships, dropped my jaw. There were days I had to simply put your book down and walk away, it was so much to take in. It took me months to finish it, I even had to buy my own copy because my library wanted theirs back and I didn't finish it in time.
   
   Here I had thought I was doing okay... when in truth I had merely stayed in a "safe" place where I couldn't - didn't want to - look any deeper. A place I know now was illusionary and would not have served me a long-term purpose, for a transparent sheet cannot keep down the demons that claw away at it. They will burst the membrane and come spewing out, and they would have eaten me alive if I hadn't been alerted to them.
   
   Then you threw me another curve ball: These things in themselves, did not mean I was crazy. They were actually normal ways of coping in the abnormal and evil environment sexual abuse conceives. But once out of that environment I was left with coping mechanisms that don't work within healthy functioning realms... something I had already discovered within my marriage and in my relationships with my children.
   
   He deserves a better wife, they deserve a better Mommy. But how was I to know where to begin if I did not even have my eyes opened until now?
   
   I have had the lid taken off of a pit of hell I could not face or even see before your book, Ms. Blume. It is a pit filled with pure rage, pure pain, and pure grief. Mostly because in seeing how pervasive the tumor of incest is implanted within my being, I've begun wondering just who the hell I really am. Am I merely a bunch of wounds and symptoms? Some days it feels that way.
   
   Lately my stomach is on fire from hurt and anger, and my head is buzzing heavily with emotional memories that I'd forced underground to survive years of abuse. There are days when it's all I can do to run from my desk or from my house, screaming and howling as I tear my hair out in clumps. I was an innocent child who was treated like rotted filth... every little girl should feel like they are a princess in their home, and I never had that.
   
   But you know what? I couldn't be more grateful. You showed me that I was the only one who was "normal" in my family of origin where abuse ran rampant. What an irony for an autistic woman, who doesn't think much of herself most days, to hear this.
   
   You also validated my having been abused by a close-age sibling as being incest, true abuse, when so many "experts" still refuse to see this as anything more than normal experimentation. Sure, they'll admit sibling abuse exists, but it doesn't "count" if you're less than a certain age difference, depending on where you life. Somehow, just because I came along sooner, suddenly I'm seen as a participant, no matter how many times I said no, and regardless of the fact that I went to my mother to make him stop.
   
   In fact you described my situation, the fear and the mixture of confusion I felt, the power imbalance already at play, so dead-on I was speechless. I couldn't stop reading those few paragraphs over and over for the longest time.
   
   Furthermore, I believe you cannot find a solution without knowing the problem, and knowing it intimately. Reading Secret Survivors handed me a mirror that couldn't have reflected this back to me any more clearly. It's almost to the point that I'm going to have to re-read all these wonderful books on healing and recovery that I've had my hands on over the past year. I suspect what they offer is going to appear different to me now.
   
   Despite this hurricane of tumultuous emotions and despair, I have hope, because you've promised that is available to me. You provided no solutions, instead saying we must seek them through outside resources such as support groups and therapy. That is all right, though I do hope someday you will write a follow-up that answers the burning question of, "Now what?"
   
   You have also encouraged survivors like me to speak out, and tell our story, so that we may get the world to wake up and see we cannot ignore this problem that rots and infests the family unit in a silent but fatal way. That includes in the court system, where 16 years after publishing your book, we appear to be no better at protecting children from the monsters who feel fit to breed their victims. I wish every family court system was required to read your words so they would understand the harm they do by insisting on visitations with parents who perpetrate, and family reunification after someone has been caught.
   
   I have also experienced an unexpected result of reading your book: My husband and I are growing closer. I've found the courage to open up to him more about what really happened. He'd known I'd been abused but I'd never really told him everything the way I am now. In turn he has been unconditionally supportive, he has not told me to "get over it" and he is letting me slough off the layers of grief and pain at my own pace. I already knew he was a good man but just as I was not aware of the depth of my pain, I was also not aware of the depths of his love like I am now.
   
   So, thank you Ms. Blume. While I have entered a valley of darkness since the day I opened your book, I also know that this will pass someday and then I will truly know what it is to walk in the sunshine that comes with taking back your life as your own, and truly surviving, in a way I will have never known before.



3. I read this book on the advice of my therapist. It was the most painful yet powerful book I've ever read and I could hardly put it down. It seemed to me that I was represented in nearly every chapter. Reading this book provided me with relief - that I am not alone and that there is hope and healing in my future. It was helpful for me to make the connection of my past sexual abuse and how it relates to the problems I am now having in my marriage. Having read this book I know that it can invoke overwhelming memories through flashbacks and reliving painful events. I'd suggest reading this with someone you trust so you won't feel desperate. This isn't all behind me but I know it can be because I too am a survivor and you can be too.



4. I think this book is the best thing that has happened to me. I have been in and out of private therapy for a few years now, and finally I have found myself validated BY A BOOK no less. For years I felt that SOMETHING "terrible" had happened to me. This books tells me that I am not crazy... or imagining my feelings, etc. It is very informative and to the point. Sue Blume gives good advice as to how to "manage" your life and the reasons behing the way we feel and act. I recommend this book to anyone who is struggling with the aftereffects of incest. Secret Survivors: Uncovering Incest and Its Aftereffects in Women



5. Three years ago I was encouraged to read "The Courage To Heal" but couldn't bring myself to buy it because I thought it didn't apply to me, even thought I felt like something was amiss. When I finally became ready to tackle it, I also bought "Secret Survivors". This was the first book I read because it is shorter than the other. Upon reading it I realized what a smart thing it was to buy this one. It was like reading my own biography. I felt the beginning of a rebirth afterward, and readily accepted the daunting task of the Courage To Heal book and workbook. So, I suppose I'd say it is a good springboard to do further work. It will answer questions that may seem too vague for you right now, and it is touchstone work for understanding the basic principal's of this issue, and how an entire life is affected by incest, both emotional and physical.

2 comments about Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse: Practical Self-help For Adults Who Were Sexually Abused As Children.

1. First let me say this: I commend anyone who puts out a book on this subject matter, it is brave, thoughtful, and honorable. It is a much needed genre and shouldn't be too strongly criticized.
   That aside, one of the few things this book suceeded in doing was convincing me that sexual abuse has a detrimental effect on the person in their adult life, something I had no need to be convinced of. It also no doubt made the average survivor feel less alone. In addition, there was one wonderful chapter about how to protect one's own children from abuse.
   It lacks practical use. Most of the survivors' resources (hotlines) in the back were disconnected or when actually put to use were run by characteristically undereducated people. There are no suggestions for prosecution that I recall, and virtually nada hardcore advice for dealing with the residual effects of this abuse.
   Overall not worth buying unless you are just now becoming aware of your own abuse and need to overcome the feelings of shame and isolation, or you're coming to grips with the abuse of a loved one and you need to be educated on the emotional experience of said loved one.



2. Although there were one or two chapters in the book that didn't pertain to me, I found this book very helpful. The exercises at the end of each chapter really made me think, and made me realize why I react the way I do to certain things. It helped that I was able to share the questions and my answers with a couple of trustworthy friends. This book gave me the incentive to want to move on to the next step in my recovery process.
   I, too, have tried to contact a couple of the helplines mentioned in the back of the book, but was unable to. However, that is not a problem for me, as I can contact a local agency.

5 comments about Ghosts in the Bedroom: A Guide for the Partners of Incest Survivors.

1. Being a survivor myself, and suffering from several mental illnesses, including Dissociative Identity Disorder, I was married eight years before my husband decided to talk with my current therapist and figure out things like: Why I can't just get over it or Why, when having a flashback, I can't simply say, "Oh, this is nothing but my imagination." My therapist recommended this book to him.

   At first, the book seemed a bit on the old side, but as we read, we discovered many nuggets and wonderment within. This book will explain to partners of incest survivors what the process is (internally) in dealing with trauma, the stages, how to get over their own denials and feelings, how to deal with a strained sex life, dealing with core issues, problem areas, children, transference, the traits of an abuser, the traits of a survivor, getting and staying healthy, finding partner's support groups, etc.

   My personal favorite chapter is the one on understanding the survivor. It talks of every kind of characteristic from low sex drive to self-harm to eating disorders and beyond. This book is an asset to anyone interested in truama, but a MUST for anyone married to or seeing someone who's encountered incest of any sort. Highly recommended! :v)




2. This is a fantastic book for couples where one has been through abuse. I rate this book very high. Easy to read and to understand. Excellent resource.
   Also let me recommend for those abused: Nightmares Echo, Beauty For Ashes and Lost Boy.



3. I think anyone considering this as a starting point is way off.I am a partner of a survivor. There are three books which I have read at this point. "What about me" and "Allies in healing". I feel that these latter two were the books which I gained the most from.
   
   This book is very clinical in it's approach.Great for a threrapist. Not good for the reader. The other two mentioned come from a much more human place. "Me?" is written by the partner of a survivor, "Allies" by an authority on the subject and a survivor herself. Do yourself a favor, start with one of the other two, then come back to this one. After all, it is all about arming ourselves with info isn't it? Read them all, just read this one last.



4. The title of this book is misleading. Only about 10% of the book is targeted toward partners of incest survivors and not childhood sexual abuse survivors in general, and it isn't a very long book. A lot of the issues I thought a book for partners of incest survivors in specific would discuss weren't addressed or only grazed on. I didn't feel like it had a lot of sound and non-obvious advice for helping my partner deal with some of his more complicated emotions or my own feelings in regards to his abuse. I felt like a lot of the book was just repeatedly saying, "Be careful, don't be co-dependant! You're probably co-dependant if you were attracted to a victim of sexual abuse! In fact you probably were abused yourself! Reading books alone won't help you, get into a 12 steps program or see a therapist!" as far as your own emotions went and as far as helping your partner it could be summed up as, "Don't be needlessly harsh, cruel, and insensitive!" Aside from that the focus seemed narrowly set on survivors who were traumatically abused by parents. The only mention of sibling-sibling abuse seemed to write it off as more likely than not harmless if the children were in a similar age range, downplaying the potential for damage if the abuser is only a few years older and things were fairly consensually even if the younger sibling was being robbed of a well-paced sexual development. Other issues only briefly mentioned were the complex emotions partners might have to face when interacting with the involved family member(s) once they've obtained knowledge of the abuse and seeing their partner continue to remain close with their abusers, survivors still having unwanted lingering attractions to their abusers, and the emotions of survivors who never repressed the memory and felt abandoned when they got old enough that abuse ceased. Overall I would have to say the book didn't help me very much, I wouldn't really recommend it unless I knew a person was having trouble understanding the facts and misdirecting their anger about the events on their partner instead of their partner's abuser.



5. Helps to understand what you are experiencing as a partner of a survivor. I highly recommend this and What About Me.

1 comments about Helping Your Child Recover from Sexual Abuse.

1. For my husband and I, this book was reassuring that we're doing things right, which is truly not much of a comfort in this horrific time in our lives. Our oldest son sexually abused our youngest (9 years difference). This book didn't cover much at all on sibling sexual abuse but did cover very real issues like how important it is to BELIEVE your child and give them support, dealing with the responses from friends and family, handling your childs reactions and daily life, the legal system, grieving, self esteem, sexuality, dealing with the abuse as your child matures and trying to move on. As my title says, each section gives a guide/suggestion on things you could say to your child to help them in each situation. There were also some excercises that could be done with older children to help them process things out.
   
   On a personal note, if you are having to look this subject up in Amazon, my heart goes out to you. We never would have expected to be in this "club" that no one wants to be in. There are so many emotions to deal with right now. I want to give this book 5 stars, however it didn't give me any specific info on sibling abuse or any new ideas and I truthfully am still at the stage that Im looking for "the answer" - the one thats going to make all this pain and suffering go away. I know I'll never find it, but, nevertheless.....
   
   I think the book is a worthwhile read.

5 comments about Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma.

1. I read lots of books on my path of healing, and this one was the best. I still refer to it today. The best part to me is all the great quotes from various survivors throughout the book. Definitely assures you that you are not alone. I also like how Staci shows the range of reactions and feelings one might have to abuse. Each of our reactions is unique, and she makes room for it all.



2. This book was increadibly helpful. This book gives information about how to stay present during sex. It also helps you work past the feeling that sex is something to be afraid and ashmed of. This book offers straight answers and helpful suggestions to work through all effects left from rape or molestation. This book gives information from the basics (anatomy) to more advanced topics. This book was what I needed to help me with my triggers. I am working slowly through them, but this book has been essential for me. I started seeing a counselor just over a year ago and it took me about 6 months to tell him that I was molested. I was embarassed that I had been molested and raped later. He suggested this book for me. He suggested that I get it and keep it for when I felt safe enough to work on my own sexuality. I am early in the recovery process but feel that this book will be one that I read over and over. I have learned a lot from this book and it helps me communicate with my counselor because it puts names to symptoms. I never really knew how to explain what happened when I hit a trigger until I read this book and had a name to go with the symptom. This book gives you powerful information.



3. The author had written about having S/M sex. What rape victim would find the thought of being bound sexually arousing? Doesn't she know childhood sexual assault brings about great struggles with trust? She wants the rape survivor to trust a spouse or partner to "tie them up" for sex, when the survivor can't bring herself to feel intimate compassionate love? I was looking for help to restore a loving relationship, instead I read sections on the unthinkable. The use of the "F" word was disgusting and her terminology for sexual acts were enough to make me want to throw up and forget sex completely. I am fighting to find enjoyment in one of the most beautiful relationships a husband and wife can share. That relationship was destroyed by a rapist and this book with its ugly choice of words and descriptions has only deepened the scarring with its filth.



4. I am a survivor of Childhood molestation from birth to 14 by 3 different men. Then when I was 16 I was gang raped by 3 other men. Needless to say I hated sex, even the word made me sick. After 4 years of marriage to my wonderful husband I needed to do something to aid in my recovery. I read this book, followed the exersises and now I actually WANT SEX, ENJOY SEX,and am healing a much distressed relationship I had with my husband. And I say with all my heart, if you are ready to take that step, make the effort, THIS BOOK WILL HELP YOU! If you arnt ready than you can still try it and see if it makes you want to be ready. Trust me it is worth the money and the effort!



5. First of all, why do I say this book is not for devout Christians? Well, Ms. Haines does not hide that she is a former manager at Good Vibrations, a VERY sex positive adult store in San Francisco. She is very blunt in her discussion of the sex act (she uses the 'f' word often). And is not disdainful of alternative sexual lifestyles (BDSM, polyamory, GLBT), but seems to rather encourage them. Her opinion seems to be that to recover your sexuality, you must be TRUE to your sexuality, whether that means you are gay, kink, or trans, then so be it, but OWN it. I, personally, found this to be refreshing, and helpful, however, many devout Christians will find this offensive and disgusting.
   
   Her chapters are nicely laid out, and the exercises at the end of each chapter are well thought out, and truly make you think about your own sexuality.
   
   Her tone is upbeat, and she notes that you should pause occasionally to check in with yourself to make sure that you are ok, and ready to continue.
   
   All in all, I love this book, and can see myself reading and re-reading it many times.

5 comments about Beyond Betrayal: Taking Charge of Your Life After Boyhood Sexual Abuse.

1. It is the best book I read on boyhood sexual abuse. It is a life saver!!! It is very constructive in rebuilding one's life after the abuse. A must read...



2. In the early months of therapy my therapist suggested this book. She had listened to me when I said that the other books seemed to be about victims, but not 'of' victims; she said this book was geared more from the victims' perspective. Reading it was one of the defining moments in my healing; this was a turning point. I read about people just like me; I read about how they felt and how they expressed it to Dr Gartner; I read about them not wanting to say the truth because they feared reprisal or ridicule; I read about things I thought only I felt, suffered, endured and held inside. I read reality and it hit home, it hit home hard and true and I let go of something. I let go of the illusion that I was the only one in the whole world that felt like that. I let go - so simple yet so profound, and in letting go I opened a small window to let my therapist see into my world. If you doubt anyone ever enduring the same as you, read this book. Skim it if you will; jump about through the paragraphs; read one page a day if it hurts but, please, read it. Read the real people. Know, in you heart, that you are truly not alone. You have to do that for 'you' now.



3. This book was the first one I read when I finally chose to accept my abuse. It is sensitive, compassionate, and full of positivity. Some of the stories from other surviviors will force you to recall similarities in your life, but in the end, it will help you to appreciate that you're not alone and you will become a Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse and no longer a Victim. Mr. Gartner will give you the tools that you need to move forward and live a life that you always knew you could live. It will not happen over night or over a month or even a year, but it will happen!!



4. We just don't have to feel so alone any more. Dr. Gartner's amazing earlier book, Betrayed as Boys, was written for professionals but he used language that many laymen (including me) can find moving and useful. In Beyond Betrayal, he writes directly to men like us as well as to our partners, spouses, and loved ones. Beyond Betrayal speaks so directly to my own experience as a man trying to heal from boyhood abuse that I almost felt he knew me and wrote it specifically for me. There is a stunning description of early betrayal and how it leads to severe problems with trust in relationships later on. He then leads you through how society cheats you by making you believe that men can't be victims. The result of this is that we often believe that our abuse was our own fault -- leading to shame, silence, and guilt. This section was especially startling and remarkable. He covers all the bases, including abuse by priests and other clergy, abuse by women that we are told is "sexual initiation," and so many other facets of boyhood sexual abuse!
   
   But he dioesn't stop there. Dr Gartner also tells us how to find our way. I not only felt understood, but also felt I got specific tools to move me along a path of healing. The section on how to find a therapist (even if you live in an isolated area not likely to have specialists in boyhood abuse) will be a godsend to many men. So is his section on things we can do for ourselves in addition to therapy. And our partners and loved ones -- who are often really left out in the cold in books like this -- will also find relief, comfort, and specific ways to help themselves, us, and our relationships as we journey together.
   
   Thank you, Dr. Gartner!



5. Gartner has written a must-read book for those of us in recovery. I've read several books on the subject, and "Beyond Betrayal" almost seems to be written directly about MY life. I learned so much about myself by reading and journaling along with this wonderfully helpful book. It has been extremely helpful to my wife as well...she understands so much about me now. Thanks Dr. Gartner!

1 comments about Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse Workbook: Practical Exercises For Working On Problems Resulting From Childhood Abuse.

1. This is one of the best books I have ever used to help people cope with and heal from sexual abuse! It has pratical ideas on how to explore this sensitive issue, good suggestions for coping methods, and excellent excerpts from others that help survivors feel less alone.