5 comments about It Happened to Me: A Teen's Guide to Overcoming Sexual Abuse (workbook).

1. This workbook is just excellent! I have trouble putting it down! It manages to be relevant to a wide variety of teens, without being too technical, too cutesy, or too preachy. Each exercise is short (2-3 pages) but challenging. There are also quotes from teen survivors and sidebars that point out problem behaviors common in abuse survivors without being judgmental. As a college student, I'm a little too old to be the intended audience of this book (all the teens mentioned in here are between the ages of 13-18), but as someone who still has to deal with her parents on a regular basis, I appreciated that lots of the exercises here dealt with family matters under the assumption that you're still living and dealing with your family, something that's not in many of the adult books. Guys might not like that pretty much all the pronouns are "she" and "her", but otherwise it's still a very relevant book for every teen survivor. It can be completed by yourself, in a group, or as part of therapy. Topics covered include emotions and emotional manipulation, keeping secrets, impulsive behaviors, how to get along with other people, sex, suicide, and commitment to recovery. The emphasis is not on "name your disorder" but on returning to emotional health. Even if you have to make a secret trip to the bookstore and hide this book in the back of your closet, it's worth it.



2. I am a teenager and read this book because a friend recommended it to me. She had read about it in Seventeen magazine and knew that it related to some things I've been through. The exercises made me think about the past in a good way - a way that helped me see that I can be a good person no matter what I've been through. The psychologist who wrote this book knows teenagers. I felt like he knew me and knew just what I needed to work through my issues. Also, I loved the quotes from teenagers that were scattered through the book. If you need help working through sexual abuse, It Happened To Me can help you too.



3. This workbook is a MUST. It is a workbook related to abuse and can help anyone who has been through trauma and going through the healing process. I have done some of the exercises by myself and some in a small group. I strongly recommend this workbook. I have a hard time putting the book down between exercises, because I truely feel that this book is helping me cope.



4. I WAS VERY IMPRESSED WITH THE PROMPTNESS OF HOW MY ORDER WAS TAKEN CARE OF, PROSSESSED QUICKLY, AND DELIVERED TO ME WITHIN A FEW DAYS OF THE ORDER. THANK YOU



5. This is a wonderful tool to use when working with teens who are ready to deal with their experience of sexual abuse (abuse of other kinds also). Not only is this useful for clinicians, it can be modified and used by other providers, too. It seems that it is important for the client to be ready to do the work, however...

5 comments about What About Me? A Guide for Men Helping Female Partners Deal with Childhood Sexual Abuse.

1. This is an absolute must read for any men out there who have women partners that have suffered childhood sexual abuse in any of its many and abhorrent forms. My wife suffered this from no less than three different males in her life before the age of 14, and two of them were relatives. I, like you, needed some reference material to try and help me cope with how to help her, and though there isn't going to be a cookie cutter answer for every situation... this book offers a lot of insight and gives you some starting points to begin looking for help.
   
   Thanks.
   Lynn



2. Although this book is somewhat helpful, it is, unfortunately, based mostly on the anecdotal experience of one couple [the author and his wife]. I think that Allies in Healing is a more helpful book - if you are looking for a book written mostly for spouses of survivors.
   
   To husbands: FYI - the healing is a very long and arduous process - it ain't pretty, and it really helps if you have a LOT of love and MORE stamina. If so, I highly recommend "Women Who Hurt Themselves" by Dusty Miller. It's a tough read, but will put things into a logical framework for you. This issue has a lot of gender implications in its understanding, and a logical framework seems to be essential for the male in the role of supportive mate.



3. This book may not earn awards for best literary style, but you can feel the sincerity of deep understanding through this author's words. As with any material, I disagreed with portions of its contents; however, I wish my husband and I would have owned this book at the beginning of our healing process. It gives you a realist overview of the turmoil you will face as a couple. As the abused victim, I was so consumed in my healing that the silent screams of what my husband was dealing with went unheard by everyone. Men, while trying to remain strong and supportive, suffer alone with forgotten wounded hearts which also have to heal.



4. I am a licensed Counselor, who specializes in trauma/substance abuse.
   In reviewing this book, I have found it to be a wonderful book for my client's partners to better understand their significant other's needs and their own. This book creats hope for both partners, and supports increased and healthy communication between both individuals. I would recommend this book for anyone who practices within this field, or an individual who is involved in a loving relationship with a person who has been sexually abused. Remember:"It is better to be active and supportive with those that have been abused, then to do nothing at all, and hope one day things will work itself out."



5. Grant Cameron explained, in practical language, the many ins and outs that you run up against when your loved one is the survivor of childhood sexual abuse. There were many revelations for me, light bulbs going on, as I worked through his book. I found myself using a yellow marker, and going back and taking notes, just because I learned so much from his experiences.
   
   The book is easy to read, covering some complex subjects, such as the Inner Child, patience during the process, the necessity for breaks for the supporter and for both supporter and survivor together, and the complications for sexual relations, and the lack thereof for a long time. His chapter on trust also made me stop and consider. I highly recommend the book.

4 comments about Beginning to Heal (Revised Edition): A First Book for Men and Women Who Were Sexually Abused As Children.

1. 
   Like their other book, "Courage To Heal", this book is a must read for those in the abused community. It will help you to understand so much of what goes on inside the minds of those that have been abused. A Book that should be read by everyone, abused or not. Prevalant information and help, as well as inspirational.
   other good reads are: Courage To Heal and Nightmares Echo



2. An excellent book for survivors who are starting to deal with the effects of childhood sexual abbuse.
   A perfect prelude to the comprehensive extension "the courage to heal"



3. This book is a very good review for your self of esteem at this diffucult time in your life. It's very easy to read and its not too long either. Personally, for me I thought it was too basic. I need more help than it gave. I need more to do with what happens in adult hood to help you get over or deal with what happend when you were a little younger. Like preteen. This book focuses on children that were abused and not preteens.



4. This book is aimed at people who were sexually abused as children and are avoiding the subject of their past or don't think it is relevant to their problems of the present. If you care about someone who is clearly failing to cope with life in general, and you believe they have been abused, then this book makes an excellent gift. It is delicate and offers examples to introduce the topic. It is surprisingly compact, with a fairly simple message, that will hopefully lead to empowerment to take the next step.
   
   Out of the pile of books I purchased to educate myself and give to my survivor friend, this book was the one I chose to give her first. It is thin and short, so hopefully it won't frighten her off reading it. I was quite nervous about giving it to her, but it was appreciated. She didn't think it would be helpful though and I haven't convinced her to open it quite yet. I know it is what she needs to do. Being light on the details, it will need to be replaced with something heavier down the track. If we get to that point it will have been *so* worth it!

5 comments about Ghosts in the Bedroom: A Guide for the Partners of Incest Survivors.

1. Being a survivor myself, and suffering from several mental illnesses, including Dissociative Identity Disorder, I was married eight years before my husband decided to talk with my current therapist and figure out things like: Why I can't just get over it or Why, when having a flashback, I can't simply say, "Oh, this is nothing but my imagination." My therapist recommended this book to him.

   At first, the book seemed a bit on the old side, but as we read, we discovered many nuggets and wonderment within. This book will explain to partners of incest survivors what the process is (internally) in dealing with trauma, the stages, how to get over their own denials and feelings, how to deal with a strained sex life, dealing with core issues, problem areas, children, transference, the traits of an abuser, the traits of a survivor, getting and staying healthy, finding partner's support groups, etc.

   My personal favorite chapter is the one on understanding the survivor. It talks of every kind of characteristic from low sex drive to self-harm to eating disorders and beyond. This book is an asset to anyone interested in truama, but a MUST for anyone married to or seeing someone who's encountered incest of any sort. Highly recommended! :v)




2. This is a fantastic book for couples where one has been through abuse. I rate this book very high. Easy to read and to understand. Excellent resource.
   Also let me recommend for those abused: Nightmares Echo, Beauty For Ashes and Lost Boy.



3. I think anyone considering this as a starting point is way off.I am a partner of a survivor. There are three books which I have read at this point. "What about me" and "Allies in healing". I feel that these latter two were the books which I gained the most from.
   
   This book is very clinical in it's approach.Great for a threrapist. Not good for the reader. The other two mentioned come from a much more human place. "Me?" is written by the partner of a survivor, "Allies" by an authority on the subject and a survivor herself. Do yourself a favor, start with one of the other two, then come back to this one. After all, it is all about arming ourselves with info isn't it? Read them all, just read this one last.



4. The title of this book is misleading. Only about 10% of the book is targeted toward partners of incest survivors and not childhood sexual abuse survivors in general, and it isn't a very long book. A lot of the issues I thought a book for partners of incest survivors in specific would discuss weren't addressed or only grazed on. I didn't feel like it had a lot of sound and non-obvious advice for helping my partner deal with some of his more complicated emotions or my own feelings in regards to his abuse. I felt like a lot of the book was just repeatedly saying, "Be careful, don't be co-dependant! You're probably co-dependant if you were attracted to a victim of sexual abuse! In fact you probably were abused yourself! Reading books alone won't help you, get into a 12 steps program or see a therapist!" as far as your own emotions went and as far as helping your partner it could be summed up as, "Don't be needlessly harsh, cruel, and insensitive!" Aside from that the focus seemed narrowly set on survivors who were traumatically abused by parents. The only mention of sibling-sibling abuse seemed to write it off as more likely than not harmless if the children were in a similar age range, downplaying the potential for damage if the abuser is only a few years older and things were fairly consensually even if the younger sibling was being robbed of a well-paced sexual development. Other issues only briefly mentioned were the complex emotions partners might have to face when interacting with the involved family member(s) once they've obtained knowledge of the abuse and seeing their partner continue to remain close with their abusers, survivors still having unwanted lingering attractions to their abusers, and the emotions of survivors who never repressed the memory and felt abandoned when they got old enough that abuse ceased. Overall I would have to say the book didn't help me very much, I wouldn't really recommend it unless I knew a person was having trouble understanding the facts and misdirecting their anger about the events on their partner instead of their partner's abuser.



5. Helps to understand what you are experiencing as a partner of a survivor. I highly recommend this and What About Me.

5 comments about I Never Told Anyone: Writings by Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse.

1. I don't generally like short story format, but I found this book to be better than I expected. Just be warned that some of the stories are graphic and can be disturbing, so be prepared. It must have been quite empowering for the women to tell their stories since, as children, they likely kept it a secret. Another book that comes highly recommended is Miss America By Day by Marilyn VanDerber.



2. This book provides insight into the inner workings of child sexual abuse and why victims don't tell. The stories range from a quick one-time exposure to unthinkable brutality. Some perpetrators were strangers; others were family members. All caused lasting emotional damage. The accounts are so honest and true that they allowed me to recognize for the first time that I had been molested, and it completely changed my life.
   
   I read "I Never Told Anyone" about twenty years ago, when I was still living with my parents, not long after I graduated from college. My mom had checked it out from the library, and the title haunted me because I, too, had a secret I had never told another living soul. I read the back cover and then kept moving the book away from wherever I was in the house, terrified of what was inside. Finally, I couldn't resist. I stayed up all night and read it from cover to cover. I saw my own story in the things that were said, the feelings that were expressed... For the first time I realized that maybe I wasn't evil; that maybe I didn't deserve to die; that instead, as an innocent child, I had been manipulated and molested.
   
   It was the most difficult thing I have ever done, but because of this book, I did tell, and I got help. Child sexual abuse is extremely devastating, but there can be happy endings, and I am living one. Thank you so much, Ellen Bass and your courageous contributors, for your part in that.



3. This book gives women the opportunity to "speak" against the abuse that happened to them. I appreciated the way it was organized into types of abusers (fathers, family members, siblings, strangers, etc.) so that you could go to the areas that were of most interest to you. I would highly recommend this book to anyone having been through abuse as a child.



4. If you are a male that was molested, this book may not help. The book also has overtones that males are all bad because of their sexual drive and females are predominantly victims of being primarily sexual objects. If you are looking to get over sexual abuse, this book does not seem to provide answers for how to find a cure.



5. This material is timeless, in that the stories will always be relevant, though the problem with this book is that most of the stories are very dated in terms of the time in history that they occurred. My wife as a victim of childhood sexual abuse, would be a better story reference than someone from the 20's, 30's, 40's, or 50's... as the treatment of women during those decades was viewed completely different from the 60's going forward. Still a worthwhile read for women who need to understand they are not alone in this suffering, but it could do with some updated stories and references to more modern women.
   
   Thanks.
   Lynn

5 comments about When Your Child Has Been Molested: A Parents Guide to Healing and Recovery.

1. This is an excellent book to help parents, friends, teachers, everyone and anyone interested in helping a child following a disclosure of sexual abuse.



2. This book offered many worthwhile suggestions for dealing with a difficult subject.



3. I wish this book had been given to me the first time we started to uncover this mystery with my 4 1/2 year old daughter. Once we entered the "system" the experts seem to forget that the parents are starting at "ground zero" and have a lot to learn. Even after begining counceling, working with Children Services etc... there were so many unanswered questions and our personal struggle with denial - ("it can't be what she is describing".) This booked helped me so much, expecially the list of "signs". Thanks to this book, we were finally able to understand that many of the behaviors that our daughter was showing at the time stemed from her trauma, and helped us move through the process of healing. PLEASE READ THIS BOOK if you are going through this with your child. The most important aspects of the book for me were 1) the list of "signs" 2) reassurance that children don't usually make these stories up unless it was real and 3) that children don't tell the complete story at first - so they don't hurt the parents / and their own fear. Which is why it is so important to listen to your child and give them the love and assurance they need. ( and take the information your child is telling you seriously) In the end - this book helped us put most of the pieces together and helped more than the councelors to bring "peace" to us as we moved through the healing process, and reassured us that what we were feeling and the family process were actually normal. (and we were not alone)



4. I was unprepared to hear my 5 yr. old disclose that our neighbor had molested her. The Sheriff's department focused on her and as a parent I needed to understand what to do for her and for me. This book helps teach you how to respond to your child when they disclose. With so many children being molested, the likelihood is greater than you think. If you are not prepared, your emotions get in the way of supporting your child when they need it most. If I'd have read this book before, I would have responded differently. I recommend reading it even if your child hasn't been molested.....yet.



5. This book had some great practical guidance for the family going through the trauma of child abuse. I highly recommend it!!

5 comments about How Long Does It Hurt: A Guide to Recovering from Incest and Sexual Abuse for Teenagers, Their Friends, and Their Families.

1. This book is great. I started reading books on the subject of sexual abuse when I was 15 (when I told) and am now 19. I have read all of the popular book out there on this subject (paticularly The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass) and have found others helpful, but none of them have ever compared to How Long Does it Hurt. It helped me a lot to realize that what happened to me was horrific and was really abuse and that it was okay for me to feel the things that I did. I'd recommend this book to any and every survivor out there. Teenager or not. It very well could be a lifesaver.



2. this is the best reference book for teens facing sexual abuse that i have found, and i have found several. it is also very, very helpful for a parent/parents.



3. I am a therapist with a private clinical practice, working primarily with adolescents and women of all ages who are survivors of some form of trauma, including sexual abuse and incest. I have to say, that this is the book I use most, with all ages, including women who are uncovering and dealing with painful abuse memories. Over and over I hear clients proclaim that the book and quotes from other survivors help them not feel so alone and to also understand better what happened to them and to know there is hope. Also, the way in which the author discloses her own incest history and recovery is refreshing and hopeful and establishes a climate of credibility and trust. In my 20 years of clinical practice and training, I have aquired and read $1000's of dollars worth of trauma books and materials and this book sits as one of the top and most frequently used resources. Also, there is a children's book called "BRAVE BART" which has been a wonderful resource for adult survivors as well as children and adolescent survivors.
   D.
   (Licensed Clinical Social Worker/Licensed Alcohol and Drug Abuse Counselor)



4. This is a book which is going to help so many people deal with issues and put them to one side before reaching adult hood and meeting a partner. I believe it is a soul saver
   thank you for writing this
   Lynn Grocott
   author of Cut the Strings the true story of a soul reclaimed



5. Great book, I've read a lot of books on this topic and especially ones targeted towards young adults. This is another book that I highly recommend because: it's easy to read, it practically speaks to you and you can finish it within afew hours, it's style is appealling to teenagers and young adults.
   Also it's directed towards girls and boys, it's style should also interest guys to read it and benefit.
   Another good book I recommend for girls is "invisible girls" by Dr. Patti Feuereisen.

5 comments about Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma.

1. I am a survivor of Childhood molestation from birth to 14 by 3 different men. Then when I was 16 I was gang raped by 3 other men. Needless to say I hated sex, even the word made me sick. After 4 years of marriage to my wonderful husband I needed to do something to aid in my recovery. I read this book, followed the exersises and now I actually WANT SEX, ENJOY SEX,and am healing a much distressed relationship I had with my husband. And I say with all my heart, if you are ready to take that step, make the effort, THIS BOOK WILL HELP YOU! If you arnt ready than you can still try it and see if it makes you want to be ready. Trust me it is worth the money and the effort!



2. First of all, why do I say this book is not for devout Christians? Well, Ms. Haines does not hide that she is a former manager at Good Vibrations, a VERY sex positive adult store in San Francisco. She is very blunt in her discussion of the sex act (she uses the 'f' word often). And is not disdainful of alternative sexual lifestyles (BDSM, polyamory, GLBT), but seems to rather encourage them. Her opinion seems to be that to recover your sexuality, you must be TRUE to your sexuality, whether that means you are gay, kink, or trans, then so be it, but OWN it. I, personally, found this to be refreshing, and helpful, however, many devout Christians will find this offensive and disgusting.
   
   Her chapters are nicely laid out, and the exercises at the end of each chapter are well thought out, and truly make you think about your own sexuality.
   
   Her tone is upbeat, and she notes that you should pause occasionally to check in with yourself to make sure that you are ok, and ready to continue.
   
   All in all, I love this book, and can see myself reading and re-reading it many times.



3. Don't believe the "Usually ships within 10-12 days". I ordered my copy last May, and am still waiting for it in September. Periodically, I receive e-mails to tell me that the delivery date has been delayed by a few weeks. I wonder if I will ever receive it.



4. I purchased this book in the hope that it might encourage me to become more comfortable as a sexual being. It has, instead, only served to INCREASE my shame and avoidance of all things sexual. Ms. Haines' solutions are simplistic, her logic flawed. While I do admire her for striving to include people of all sexualities, including GLBTQ persons, polyamorous relationships, and those who practice S/M lifestyles, as those elements are rarely touched on in sexual healing materials, it is thoroughly insulting to suggest that people who do not wish to incorporate such elements into their sex lives are in some way "less than" those who do. Am I any less deserving of healing than someone with a broader range of sexual interests? Logic dictates not. Ms. Haines unequivocally says yes.
   
   I feel worse about myself and my circumstances having read this book than I did before buying it. If a sexual trauma survivor is already well on the road to healing his/her sexual self, has a decent idea of his/her sexual needs and desires, and believes that they correspond with the aforementioned foci of this body of work, this book may well be beneficial in making those needs and desires realities. For anyone taking their first tentative and terrifying steps into reclaiming themselves, I would avoid this book like the plague.



5. If you are a survivor of sexual abuse, primarily as a child, and you have not read other books on the subject, this can be a good first book. It introduces you to the concepts of alternative sexuality as normal, lays out guidelines to help you determine what is healthy sex for you, and offers some basic information about sex and sexuality. However if you have read other books or gone through a few years of therapy I don't think this book has much uniqueness to offer. If you are looking a solution, no book can offer you that, only lots of work and time can help things but there is no magic solution. Unfair? Completely since something that took a predator only minutes to do can take you years to recover from but then life isn't fair.

5 comments about Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men.

1. I am proud to have written this book. When I went through my own past struggles with addiction, there was nothing for me to read that offered the kind of information and direction that truly reflected my own struggle. I feel that this work really offers any gay man struggling with his sexual behavior - a real chance to evaluate his concerns and figure out how to get help. I hope it helps you or somone you love.



2. I solemly recommend this book for the emotionally heart shattered gay men out there who can't cope with their inner sexsual outing in a controllable manner. This book is amazing & has helped me along my path to recovery.



3. This is a very nice book. I have read about it in Brazil and I immediately decided to buy this important study report. After having finished I was sure it was exactly what I was looking for. Have a nice fun!



4. After reading this book you'll finally understand what was happening to you that motivaded you to endless cruising while isolated you from your friends, familiy, hobbies and joy.
   What is great about this book is it not only makes you understand sex addiction, it gives you many information about how to recover from it.
   I also think it is valuable reading for every gay/bi men since it helps in distinguishing to what degree one's sexual adventures are or are not an addictive behaviour.
   This book must be translated to other languages fast!



5. Being that I am a gay man in SA; a sex addiction recovery program as well as having over 20 yrs sobriety in AA I am no slouch in terms of recognizing when something this informative and compelling arrives on the scene. I found this book to cover most of the tools and information that I have gleaned over the years in one concise presentation, I like the way that it is presentled in a non-pretentious sort of way that I occasionally find in this type of book, where someone writes about that which they have no personal experience. Thank you for inspiring presentation.

5 comments about Invisible Girls: The Truth About Sexual Abuse--A Book for Teen Girls, Young Women, and Everyone Who Cares About Them.

1. I appreciate what Dr. Patti is trying to do here. I do. However, this book is laden with the myths and stereotypes survivors are fighting to overcome in their everyday life. I was extremely disappointed when I read this. The author practically says that "Date Rape" (also known as acquaintance rape, which is by far the more correct term--look up statistics if you're interested in what I mean) is often preventable. This again places the onus on potential victims/survivors to make sure they aren't assaulted. So often, those wo haven't survived a rape or assault are told they shouldn't have had that last drink, or worn a short skirt, or done ANYTHING that could have potentially put them at risk. No one ever mentions that it is a perp's decision to assault someone. She seemed to say that it wasn't the survivor's fault while simultaneously contending that rape can be prevented--and that if you put yourself in a certain position, you were in some way implicitly involved in your own assault.
   
   She also "rates" abuse and assault. While this may seem innocent (Incest, for example, is "the deepest cut"--or wound--it's been awhile since I read it), it implies that other experiences are somehow less damaging. Isn't it more important to support all survivors than to somehow rank their experience and trauma? Who can do that, and why would we want to? Also, the ONLY example of child on child sexual interaction is in terms of "playing doctor." While it is important to differentiate normal exploration and abuse, Dr. Patti fails to include in her book an example of NONconsensual sexual interaction between children. This further promotes the idea that child on child sexual abuse cannot when occur when it can and does.
   
   I could barely make it through this one. I wish her the best of luck, but this book really didn't do it for me. There are others out there that are much better.



2. This book turned my life around. As a survivor of rape and abuse, I had developed many unhealthy habits such as denial and isolation. After reading this book, I felt connected to a larger community and was finally able to get some help! The stories of the girls in this book are so personal and so touching that it is easy to find strength in their struggle to heal.
   
   But the real power of this book for me is that the individual accounts of abuse and survival are used as examples to support the chapters on each kind of abuse. These chapters are filled with information about the abuse, understanding of the typical response (did you count? detach? act out? It's all ok here.), and advise on how to work through the memories of the experience.
   
   I would recommend this book not only to any girl who has suffered abuse, but also to anyone who knows someone who has suffered. It will help you understand the pain and bring a very hidden problem into the open where it can be fought.



3. Invisible girls is a great book. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and even as an adult I found it very helpful. I am also the Founder&CEO of Safe Girls Strong Girls a 501 (c) 3 committed to Breaking the Silence on Childhood Sexual Abuse. I give this book to all girls that attend our programs. It is a great resource and allows teen girls to see that they are not alone. Terrific read and a great resource. I highly recommend it.



4. I love the authenticity of the stories in this book. To my knowledge, it is the first book with a healing theme that has been written with a therapist's voice giving support and explaining and breaking down issues throughout. It has universal appeal and, though it continues to be the best book on sex abuse for teenage girls, it is really appropriate to anyone healing from abuse. I am a psychotherapist and I give this book to my clients of all ages, who all heal through reading it.



5. This book is amazing, it has helped me so much. Parts of it I felt like were my biography or something. It's just so supportive, I felt like it had an answer to everything. It was this book that made me realize (for the first time in my life) that maybe what happened to me wasn't my fault after all. I'm still learning that.
   This book was ten years in the making. Instantly I knew why, it truly is amazing. It helped me so much. I'm already re-reading it. I think what I like about it the best is that you managed to include everything a young survivor needs to hear in a way that is comforting and safe.
   My healing would be totally different, and probably stalled at this point, if it weren't for me having this book to read.