5 comments about The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse.

1. There are some insightful points made in this book, but it seems to turn every issue the survivor has into their own sinful shortcomings. Whether this has any basis or not it leaves the reader feeling completely invalidated, condemned, and frustrated. There is very little said that is compassionate. Also, the author tries too hard to impress the reader with his vocabulary in a very unpoetic way that is irritating beyond belief. On the Threshold of Hope is much kinder to survivors and offers more hope for healing and restoration.



2. I am so thankful for this book and the workbook. God has used this book, in my life, to reveal things within me that I did not know were there. I now realize that I went through life constantly protecting myself and functioning in a way that was completely unhealthy. My recommendation, to you, is do not pick up this book, unless you truely desire to be healed from the wounds of your past. Sometimes, before we can be healed, we have to be strong and be willing to face ourselves in entirety. It will take courage and strength. I would also recommend this book for anyone whose spouse or friend has been abused. It will allow a deeper understanding into what they are going through. I also believe that this book/workbook would be helpful to someone who has not been sexually abused, but has maybe been exposed to other types of abuse (mental,verbal, emotional, neglect) in their childhood.



3. This book broke open my heart for healing! An incredible writing of truth and got me in touch with my past that I was in denial about and my life today! I recommend it for anyone who is the least bit suspicious of sexual abuse in their past childhood.



4. The condition of the copies I ordered were pristine, and the speed with wich I received my order was very fast. I would and do recomend this vendor and Amazon to everyone.



5. I highly recommend this book for anyone who wanting to work through past sexual abuse (REQUIRES A WILLINGNESS TO STRUGGLE DEEPLY) or to understand the struggle of a loved one. Dan Allender writes with authority and gentle understanding. This book and the accompanying workbook have been incredibly valuable to me in dealing with my past abuse and understanding how to support other women who want to find healing. This should be a must read for pastors, counselors and anyone who is actively ministering to people.

4 comments about The Orgasm Bible: The Latest Research and Techniques for Reaching More Powerful Climaxes More Often.

1. This book is packed with great info about orgams--how to get there, what they are and how to get more. A definite must read! I also liked Good Sex: A Woman's Guide to Losing Inhibition .



2. This book reminds me of a Cosmo article with illustrations. For example, page 70 is nothing more than a brief explanation of caressing, use of feathers, silk and stroking. The book is only 160 pages and much of that is pictures. That leaves very little room for actual instuction.
   
   Lacking is a detailed explanation of the orgasm and the anal component of the female orgasm. Anal sex receives only a few comments on pages, 122-125. I was fairly disappointed in the lack of information in this book.
   
   For a better explanation of orgasm, I recommend "The Technology of Orgasm" by Maines and "Anal Sex for Couples" by Strong.



3. I love the way she writes, so female sex postive. Because of this, I recommend that every woman who can have access to this book, should read it and make their own conclusions.



4. Great writer, great pictures--all-in-all a lovely book. Every woman should keep one in her personal library so that she can have it handy for reference. I say it is ALMOST the last word on orgasm, because another book specifically address women's difficulty having orgasms while engaging in intercourse. Five Minutes to Orgasm Every Time You Make Love: Female Orgasm Made Simple tackles this problem with a simple, easy-to-follow three step technique. And if you really want mind-blowing orgasms, have your lover learn the art of cunnilingus. Reciprocate by learning the art of fellatio yourself. How? By reading this great book: The Sensuous Couple's (Flip Over) Guide to Seismic Oral Sex. It's a flip over book with everything you need to know about cunnilingus on one side and everything you need to know about fellatio on the other. Buy all three, and you will really be in business!

5 comments about The Courage to Heal Workbook: A Guide for Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse.

1. Just as The Courage to Heal was my Bible in helping me get through the crisis stage of sexual abuse revisited, helping me to decipher what it was I was feeling, and that it was perfectly normal, probably more normal than anything in my life ever had been, and letting me know what I may be going through next, and how people might react to me, ect.....This Courage to Heal Workbook is my homework in learning to become the person I should have started out as. I do a chapter a day, but you can do it a chapter a week, or at your own pace. Pre-reading The Courage to Heal is not necessary, either. It's all self-explanatory. Encourages one to give lots of deep thought to differing topics and to answer honestly and in depth. I strongly recommend this workbook to anyone struggling to heal the wounds of childhood sexual abuse. It allows you to get to know the real you inside all of the protective layers that have been unconsciencously piled on over the years....not who you want people to know, but who you really are, and who you were really meant to be. A bright shining star!



2. This workbook is paperback and has lots of room for notes and comments. Well construsted and felxable for use as a workbook. For any survivor this is a very needful journey. This book and its author has gathered the tools that many have but don't know how to use and helps us understand what to do and how to do it. I have greatly benefitted from this. It is a book well recieved by my therapist. For all survivors and their partners and families this is a book that gives hope, understanding and reassurance. Well worth it.



3. This book is a true gift - to me and to anyone that was abused in any way, not just sexually.



4. this workbook is a great accompaniment to The Courage to Heal - Third Edition - Revised and Expanded: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. i worked with a survivor of sexual abuse as she went through both books simultaneously. each session, we would review what she read and gleaned from the 2 texts. there was an appropriate amount of overlap, but she also found that she learned some very different and equally helpful things from each book. the more information and guidance, the better. both are great resources. one caveat is that the book can be overwhelming for some people, and other treatment to break into the territory of recovery may be necessary first.



5. This workbook is very helpful an assisting my clients while working through their sexual abuse issues.

5 comments about Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love.

1. Yes, if you think you are a love addict/avoidant, get this book. If you find yourself back in the same love cycle and never able to move beyond your relationship problems/hang-ups, etc., this book might be for you. If you can't decide if you love or hate your partner/spouse; if you're afraid you might be unfaithful if things don't change in your relationship soon...this is definitely for you! Buy it, check it out from a library...Devour it. I, myself, haven't quite finished it, but I have found it extremely helpful. I thought my marriage was over, but this book is helping us rebuild it stronger and healthier than ever before. I do encourage additional support as you go through this, however. It's intense and a good therapist/counselor can help you and your partner/spouse navigate through the difficult topics. Hope this helps you in your journey...



2. If you have as many sisters as I got, then you surely need this book. Women tend to be more additive to love. When they are trying to recover, then they should read this book.
   
   In the book, author travel the great length to give you examples of how? Why causes it. Good reads.
   It makes women to analyze their dating strategies. Some might work, some might not, get the book called, "Rules" for dating, get this book for healing, and in between, pray to the lady luck.



3. My beloved yoga teacher recommended I read this.
   
   I highly recommend this book.
   
   Personally, it has been a profound experience. I can now see this is a pattern of behavior that others have gone through as well.
   
   I have felt alone. and reading this book has given me assurance and the ground work for change, for growth and healing.
   It is simple enough to read in a couple of days, but i have reread it several times now. and am working the suggested exercises.
   
   
   thank you for reading.



4. Excellent and helpful information about dysfunctional codependent intimate relationships. Great for people in recovery from substance abuse as well as others suffering from relationship problems.
   Sexist cultural influences not discussed but the useful information outweighs the deficits. Recommended for all readers interested in having healthier, happier and more mature relationships. Helpful for counselors working with adults or teens with relationship challenges.



5. i hated this book. blames everything on a screwed up childhood & tells you to get counseling.
   the author doesnt offer any other explanation as to why you love people who dont love you back.
   dont pay full price for this book if you want to read it.

5 comments about Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror.

1. Dr. Herman has a new book out with almost the same title; I have not read it, so don't know how it compares to this one.
   
   This seems to me to be a view of trauma from a feminist clinician and researcher's point of view, not from a victim's or survivor's. The author is at pains to legitimize the fact of abuse to her psychiatric colleagues and to the public. Male readers will probably have a lot of trouble with it, since male survivors are mentioned almost exclusively when they are combat veterans. When a pronoun is used as a substitute for the word sufferer or the like, it is virtually always "she" or "her" -- never "he" or "his" (unless it is to speak of the abuser). The author speaks of several periods of "amnesia" in the history of the psychology of trauma, the last one being reversed through the "political" efforts of the women's movement. From this book it would appear that recognition of trauma affecting men outside of combat is still in a period of amnesia.
   
   On the cover of the book is a quote: "One of the most important psychiatric works to be published since Freud -- New York Times". Now of course the New York Times said no such thing. It must be *someone* *at* the New York Times. The author cannot be held responsible for the book jacket, but to me it is representative of the blind spots or omissions in the book itself.



2. I bought this book for a class I'm taking in college. It was very helpful and informative. Herman discusses several different types of trauma and coping mechanisms.



3. Traumatic experiences can permanently scar or change you. In this groundbreaking work, Judith Herman meticulously explores the impact of trauma on the human psyche, whether the trauma originates from a natural disaster, political terror, captivity or combat. Writing from a feminist political perspective, Herman also investigates traumas that result from domestic abuse, incest and rape, areas largely unexplored before the 1970s. She describes the symptoms of those who have experienced trauma, explains why they occur, puts forth a program for healing and sets it within a social matrix. This often-quoted book on posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) changed the way those in the psychiatric fields diagnosed trauma. It also created a new model for treatment. As such, it is required reading for advanced psychology students, therapists, social workers and counselors, particularly those dealing with patients suffering from PTSD. While it is not for the casual reader, getAbstract recommends Herman's complex, carefully constructed analysis to people who have PTSD or know someone who does.



4. Written from the heart as well as the head, Trauma and Recovery is the best introduction to what is more technically known as post traumatic stress disorder or PTSD. But don't let that scare you off! It is about what happens to people--may have happened to you or people you know--under conditions of fear, helplessness, torment, abuse, that many people discount as "not having been so bad really."
   
   What Judith Herman shows very elegantly and simply is how the body and mind change, are altered at the physical level, even without our knowing it or sensing it. This book is, in her words, about "human vulnerability in the natural world" and about "the capacity for evil in human nature."
   
   She even explains without rancor why at different times people have a backlash against the whole idea of abuse and trauma. This is an elegant and very compassionate book for understanding a particular kind of fracture of the human heart.
   
   I love books that lift us up even as they delve into the broken places, and Judith Herman's book on Trauma is an enduring classic.



5. This book is a must read for anyone, male or female, who has suffered tragedy/abuse due to someone else's actions and who is struggling to make sense of their lives in the aftermath. It's not fair to label this book as a post-traumatic stress book: it is soooo much more than that. The author explains how trauma affects the psyche: particularly the developing psyche, explains the cycle of abuse, explains crime and the criminal mind, and pedophile behavior in a way that no one has before. The author is bar none brilliant. I predict that this book will become a definitive psychology classic: as far as this book defines things that no one has before, makes obvious connections that no one has stated before. It is the ultimate connect the dot book for trauma. This book and should be reading required reading in all psychology courses and especially criminal psychology courses.

5 comments about The Gift of Fear.

1. As a young child, Gavin De Becker lived in a household of violence. As a result, he developed keen observation skills to help him decide what the best course of action would be when a situation began to look out of control. As an adult, he has been able to study cases of violence and further hone his techniques. In this book, he gives some logical advice about avoiding violence, backed up by numerous anecdotes.
   
   I liked the reminder that we should all be aware of our intuition. If something feels wrong, there is probably a reason, and we shouldn't ignore these feelings. I think that it's always useful to have a reminder to be aware of our environment and the people in it, and it's also good to have a reminder that certain horrific scenarios, such as random kidnapping, are much less likely than the media would have us believe.
   
   However, much of this book simply wasn't relevant to my life. As a series of anecdotes about the rich and famous, or a "day in the life" memoir of a security expert, it was very interesting. As a book that would help me in specific situations I may encounter, it wasn't as helpful as I would have hoped. A fairly small group of people will be called upon to screen someone for employment, or to fire that person when things go badly. An even smaller pool of people will ever be famous and find themselves stalked by a fan, or a victim of blackmail attempts.
   
   The author's life is colorful; there is no denying that. His work is fascinating and useful, but much of it simply isn't useful to ME.



2. 'The Gift of Fear' was recommended to me and my husband at a restaurant recently. The person recommending it is a young man, a dear friend of our daughter and son-in-law. He recently returned from a tour of duty in the Middle East. His job was full of danger, so when he recommended this book as "good information because it reinforces survival instincts, especially when you're dealing with strangers", I ordered the book the next day from Amazon. It came a couple of days later.
   
   When the book arrived, I noticed the full title: 'The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence'. The book is by Gavin De Becker, who is in the business of protecting others from harm. He knows what he's talking about.
   
   I read the book in a couple of days. Chapter 4, Survival Signals, is worth the price of the book alone. There are seven signals that Mr. De Becker points out, in well-explained detail, that each of us should be aware of when dealing with strangers. They are: Forced Teaming, Charm and Niceness, Too Many Details, Typecasting, Loan Sharking, The Unsolicited Promise and Discounting the Word No. Each of these signals is a means to trust that little voice inside your head that tells you "No. Something is wrong." After you read this chapter, you'll understand why that little voice shouldn't be ignored.
   
   Buy this book and read it, especially Chapter 4. It could save your life.
   
   The rest of the book is well written and very interesting. I think Mr. De Becker's chapter on handguns seems a little shrill re: how many people are shot daily in this country, but I know I'd rather have my own weapon handy in case my loved ones are threatened or my home is invaded. With the ongoing Muslim problem in Europe, some Europeans may wish they had the means to protect themselves as we 'cowboys' do here in the USA. My opinion, for what it's worth.
   
   By the way, our young friend at the restaurant read the book before going on his tour to the Middle East. He was glad he'd read it.



3. This book is the best collection of pragmatic and practical advice I have yet read. I gave it to my teenaged daughter and highly recommend it for any man or woman who wants to learn to trust themselves and be less fearful about living in a world where not everyone is nice.
   
   I survived my earlier years by somehow intuiting and practicing much of what De Becker teaches in his book, though it would have been nice to have had it laid out so clearly for me at that time.



4. I really loved this book. I took away some great tips around reading non verbal queues. I especially like how he emphasiszes not only to "trust your instincts" but also walks the reader through deconstructing the clues that make sense of what your instincts are telling you.
   
   I first read this book several years ago (before I had kids) and I guess the best thing I took away from this book, or the thing that affected me the most - even years later, is that now if a stranger approaches me while I'm out with my son (and if I get that uncomforatble feeling that something is not right) I have absolutely no qualms about removing myself and my child from the situation. I no longer worry about being 'nice'. de Becker makes a point, and I'm paraphrasing, but it was something like 'worst case scenario is that some stranger in the mall walks away thinking you're rude. best case scenario, is by not playing into the person, you could have just saved your child from being abducted by a predator'
   
   I think you have to take it with a grain of salt though. No book anywhere, no matter how well written, will offer fool proof solutions to keep you safe from violence. This book is not Gospel. But it made me think. And it was an interesting, captivating read and I walked away better for having read it.
   
   I also read Protecting the Gift, and liked that as well.



5. This is an excellent book as far as it goes. However, to learn how to hide your home address, you need to read JJ Luna's book "How to be Invisible." It shows you what to do when a stalker is after you, so that you can hide from him forever.How to Be Invisible: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Personal Privacy, Your Assets, and Your Life (Revised Edition)

5 comments about The Courage to Heal - Third Edition - Revised and Expanded: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse.

1. People who have been abused and remember their abuse and have some evidence other than their own imagination can do much better than this book. They deserve our support as they move forward. The danger of this book is the potential for susceptible people to think that things that are not so good in their lives are the result of sexual abuse even though they don't remember it. They may "work" to remember and the pain and suffering of the person who is "remembering" and the people they accuse is like an atomic bomb going off. Our family has been the victim of a memory that supposedly was repressed for 40 years. There is NO supporting evidence and the pain of that accusation to the entire family is enormous! We are only now beginning to recover and the person who had the "memories" is suffering the most from the knowledge of the pain she caused. We love her in spite of all and are working to re-establish all the good things we shared in the previous years. Thank God for forgivenss!



2. this book is a great resource for survivors of sexual abuse. a perfect accompaniment is The Courage to Heal Workbook: A Guide for Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. the books have an appropriate level of overlap, but each is enough different from the other to make both very helpful and informative. they can be read in succession or simultaneously because they build on each other either way. the book breaks the healing process down into more manageable parts and begins at the beginning, which i find much more helpful than jumping right to "forgiveness" or "moving on." one caveat is that the book can be overwhelming for some people, and other treatment to break into the territory of recovery may be necessary first.



3. I read so many reviews on here that say that this book is filth and a horrible buy and that whomever is interested should seek professional help and advice. I am currently seeing a licensed therapist and conferred with her over whether or not this would help and she supported it 100%. Yes admittedly there is such a thing as 'bad therapy' where they foster and encourage mistaken beliefs of abuse but to throw ALL accounts of abuse into that category is nonsense and absolutely ridculous. The ppl that write these reviews are the same ppl that proposed the idea of 'false memories' If you remembered the abuse before you entered therapy then it is NO fault of the psychiatrist that you feel and think like you do. I am a sexual abuse survivor myself and I am absolutely appallled at the backlash survivors are getting when attempting to seek help. The authors prior occupation as a creative writer matters not in the fact that all this book is intended to be is a place to read excerpts from others like you. Its only purpose is to let you know that your not alone and that with work it does get better. People would sooner think your lying than face the fact that humanity breeds filth. I would recommend this book for anyone already seeing a therapist so that you can work together to work through it. The best advice on knowing if it happpened or not is to listen to your heart. Only you can know for sure, if it feels like it did than im sure that there is some truth to it. Do what you feel is best for you regardless of what you hear or read anywhere. Your never alone. Whichever decision you come too you are never alone.



4. I purchased this book to "heal" from sexual abuse at the hands of a boyfriend during my high school days. I've since realized that "healing" is a broadly-used term for a trendy concept. The authors, Bass and Davis, never really define healing. Well, maybe they don't because they aren't psychologists, psychiatrist, neurologists, or pastoral counselors. They really don't know what to say!
   
   Yes, this book includes A LOT of vulgarity. I do not believe that we need to be so vulgar when we're discussing sexual abuse. Especially when there are very sensitive women trying to read this book. The vulgarity comes off as "angry womyn" syndrome- don't we want to overcome that stereotype?
   
   Yes, this book is amateurish! The advice is very basic. If you've read other self-help and pop-psych books, you won't find anything new here. Observations of the obvious with "feel good" statements thrown in.
   
   No, this book does not promote forgiveness. Forgiveness has nothing to do with condoning the action. It means not allowing the memory of someone and his/her actions to live in your head forever. Check out the books by the Linn brothers for true forgiveness and healing, from a healthy, biblical perspective.
   
   Yes, this book promotes witch craft. Rachel Bat Or changes her name from Ruthann Theodore. To honor this changes, she holds a Neopagan ceremony. I do not recommend showing this to women, as many are too fragile to work through said ceremony without attracting negative energy. (Pagan lit states that you have to be in a certain frame of mind before rituals!!!) Also, be careful what spirits you invite into your circle- you could pick up very bad energy that plays upon your mind. NEXT, there's the troubling story of Kyos Featherdancing. The woman is bitter, angry, ugh! I don't think women will learn much from her- except how to create more anxiety, ulcers, depression, etc. Kyos, a Native American, follows in the religious footsteps of her pagan grandmother. Be careful that you don't misappropriate their culture and get involved in Native American rituals- you don't know what you'll conjure up.
   
   I was a little weirded out by grown women holding each other in their laps. That happens at workshops and it is recommended for survivors. It's also appalling that the others encourage women to confront their abusers w/o any evidence. Check out other reviews for how this goes against the constitution.
   
   This book will definitely appeal to Neopagan feminists who don't want to go through a healthy healing process. For women who reject traditional thought processes, want something intuitive, and don't want to play by the rules, The Courage to Heal is the book for them. That's why I give it 2 stars- it fits a niche. This book did not help me grow. I stuck with it, but threw it out after S.R. Benjamin's story.



5. I think this book has caused a lot of needless pain. I don't address these ideas to those who have always had memories of their abuse, however:
   
   Any book that encourages people to believe they were abused with absolutely no concrete evidence is DESTRUCTIVE. Any book that encourages people to get as angry as they possibly can, as sad as they possibly can, and let their abuse define them and take their lives over is destructive. This book has been successful because people feel empty and confused, and they need something to hang onto. How does it help to decide all your problems are caused by abuse in your childhood? This is NOT the answer.

5 comments about Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction.

1. I purchased this book for my husband shortly after discovering his sexual addiction. He found it spoke to him so profoundly that he insisted I read it as well. It has a lot of information on a difficult topic presented in a way that just makes sense. By the end of the book, I felt real hope for his recovery. We have since purchased numerous other books by this same author.



2. As I am currently in the process of divorcing a sex addict, this book was very insightful for me. It is still very painful to accept, but at least the book sheds insight into how and why this happens.



3. Carnes does a great job of not only showing how destructive sexual addiction can be, but also how slippery the slope is so that the addict can easily fall into the illegal and extremely shameful without realization or intent.
   Along with this dire warning, he also offers hope and shows that while admitting the problem may be humiliating, refusing to admit that the problem is there can easily lead to absolute devastation.



4. This book has some good information in it. It forces you to take a hard look at yourself as a victim or co-dependant to the addict.



5. All I have to say is if you are someone who feels they may have a sexual addiction problem or somebody who knows an individual who has a sexual addiction problem, this should be the first book to read! Out of the Shadows is the best source for insight on sexual addiction out there, its the sex addicts "story" so to speak. Addicts, spouses, friends, professionals can ALL benifit from the material outlined here in this book as well! I'll recommend it all day everyday.....

5 comments about Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.

1. How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get InvolvedHow to Spot a Dangerous Man Workbook: A Survival Guide for Women Surprisingly sound reading, unveils the myths and mystery of the abusive relationship. Lundy Bancroft's passion in his resolve to merge insight and justice for the abused if not bewildered twenty-first century woman is sensible and courageous. Lundy's work will literally guide and provide every mother, daughter and sister the perceptions necessary to begin healing, necessary to bring us out of this dark age and out of abuse.



2. 
   This is a life changing book. I found myself underlining something on almost every page and writing my agreements in the margins. I urge anyone who is in an abusive relationship or has been in one to read this book. It is essential to understanding those type of men who abuse. If I had read this book when I first got married,it would have saved me from 33 years of abuse waiting and hoping he would change. I left 2 years ago but still struggled with my fears and mixed emotions. People think it should be easy to get out but this book explains so well the many reasons it isn't. When I finished reading it, I felt it was finally over. At last, I felt validated and learned that those nagging feelings I had for so many years were right. Now, there's no looking back, I'm free.
   I haven't found any other book that explains how those men think.
   A must read.



3. This book is outstanding! I felt as if the author had been looking in my window because the scenarios were so accurate. Unfortunetely, I'm still easily swayed by my husband and just can't seem to "get it". Please pray for me.



4. This book helped me see my husband for what he was...a sociopathic drunk. Before I read this I thought marriage counseling could fix everything in our relationship. Thanks to Bancroft I was expecting it when my verbally abusive husband became violent. I didn't hesitate to call the police the first time he hit me. He did three months in jail. After his release the courts ordered him to undergo alcohol abuse treatment and psychological therapy. He wouldn't stick to either program. I've filed for divorce and he's out there somewhere running from the law for violating his probation. I haven't seen my husband in four months, but he still calls me in the middle of the night to profess his undying love. I wish I'd read this book before I met this creep. It gives you lists of early warning signs to look for. If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn't have risked my life by marrying my soon-to-be ex-husband.



5. In Feb. of this year my child and I escaped from my husband's abusive behavior to a domestic violence shelter. The shelter staff fortunatley invited me to a teleconference by the author Lundy Bancroft who summarized the behavior of an abusive person which fit my husband almost to a T so I bought the book.
   
   This book helped me to see clearly. I'm a pretty logical person and had only been in the abuse for 3 years and had tried marriage counseling before deciding to leave. I knew he wouldn't change but my emotions were all over the place and I asked myself all the time "Why did he do that?" "Didn't he know what happiness he was missing out on?" etc.
   
   After finishing the book I understood why he had acted that way and I also noticed more subtle forms of emotional and verbal abuse he had used on me. I had no question that I could never go back to him. If I hadn't read the book I'd be questioning myself more.
   
   I lent the book to my brother's friend who is a guy that was being abused by his wife. This guy I viewed as pretty much destroyed and thought he'd never leave his wife. I knew that if he read the book he'd be able to leave her. Happy news he read the book and has left her.
   
   In addition to victims others should read this book like lawyers, judges, marriage counselors, police, teenagers, etc.to be able to see through the lies. Many abusers are very cunning and can mislead law enforcement, courts, and marriage counselors.
   
   I just can't recommend this book enough. I donnated my copy to a local domestic violence shelter and am going to buy another one to lend.

5 comments about The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond.

1. This book is phenomenal! Whether you are the perpetrator of the abuse or the victim of it, you will find solid information about -- and vital insights into -- this sometimes insidious problem. If you haven't already recognized a verbally abusive relationship that you are in, you will see it immediately upon reading Patricia Evans' book. If you have realized that you are being verbally abused, you will learn how to effectively respond to it. And, then, when it's all said and done, as a knowing victim of the abuse, you will see that this book will offer you the tremendously needed hope that you can and will recover. I highly recommend this book.



2. I was called every name in the book by my alcoholic husband. He even criticized me because I peeled a cucumber "wrong"!! I have a Masters Degree in my field. He would tell me things that were in my OWN field. As Toby Rice Drews says in her book, "Getting Them Sober" ----- Getting Them Sober: You Can Help! (Getting Them Sober)"if Florence Nightingale was married to an alcoholic, he would have her convinced that she was a terrible nurse." Many of our verbal abusers have drinking problems and we don't often even recognize that it's alcoholism ---- but verbal abuse and alcoholism often go hand in hand. (According to the National Institute of Health, half of all American families have active alcoholism.) After years of being verbally abused and nitpiked to death---I began to doubt that I could do the most ordinary mundane tasks. Then I found the book, "Getting Them Sober" --- it gave me hundreds of practical ways to protect myself against abuse of all kinds. (No wonder 'dear Abby' endorsed the book, and wrote "this book should be read by everyone").



3. The book is good for what it's worth, but it doesn't address alcoholism at all. The first thing a partner of a verbal abuser should consider is whether there is alcoholism involved. Then it's a whole other issue!



4. This book was like reading a chapter out of my life. When I read the checklist on behaviors, and could check 7 or 8 things off, I knew I had to act to change my life. I would read a passage and say, "Oh my God, that is me." I felt the worst when I read about what living in a verbally abusive relationship does to my children. I wish I could have started the response techniques that were written, but after 25 years, I figured it was too late to start. He has moved out, and I am beginning to find peace in my own home. I don't know what the future holds, but I will never be treated like that again!



5. This book was instrumental in my recovery during and after divorce. It was given to me by a coworker who had read it and found it most helpful. I had no idea that verbal abuse was this prevalant in our society. The book really helped me gain insight into my ex husband and consistently provided me with reassurance that I made the right decision to leave the relationship. Please consider purchasing The Verbally Abusive Relationship for yourself or for someone you love. I am buying a third copy to give to a coworker whose sister is just emerging from a toxic relationship. This book was the key that opened the door to my new life.