5 comments about There Is No Me Without You: One Wo Odyssey to Rescue Her Country's Children.

1. I'm writing this as the mother of an adopted Ethiopian child- I bought this book after a random search and it has been the most valuable book of our whole adoption journey. It's loaded with helpful background info on the AIDS & Orphan crises in Ethiopia, history of Ethiopia, insight into the cultural perceptions of adoption (especially by affluent, white Westerners!) and the very moving perspectives of the orphans themselves, and their Ethiopian caretakers. The heroine of this story is very real, and her character development was deep and insightful. I laid the book down several times to have a good laugh (or cry!) but could hardly keep from turning the pages. Whether you are adopting yourself, supporting someone who is, or just interested in learning more about Ethiopia and this heroine's story, I know you will come away inspired.



2. Author Melissa Fay Greene, who is the adoptive mother of two Ethiopian children, relates the story of Haregewoin Teferra, an Ethiopian mother who becomes the foster mother for a multitude of AIDS orphans during the height of the pandemic. Greene truthfully tells the tale without painting Teferra as a "modern day Mother Teresa," but rather as a very real and human woman who is asked by clerics to take in one abandoned orphan after another. A grieving mother whose adult daughter died from AIDS, Teferra discovers that helping the children provides her with a means of overcoming her grief. The individual stories of these "lost children" who arrive on Teferra's doorstep are riveting, as is Greene's account of the assimilation of her adoptive children into her family. Accompanying photos show children shortly after they arrived in very bad shape at Treferra's compound and then later with adoptive American families.
   Greene spares no one as she rails against the pharmaceutical companies that withheld AIDS medications from third-world countries at the height of the pandemic, causing the loss of a whole generation of parents. Despite having no drugs to help the children, hit-or-miss medical care, and scarce food for all, Teferra does her best to feed, clothe, house, and educate the orphans put in her care. Although one might think that this book is a "downer," it is a very uplifting page-turner that relates the indominable spirit of one Ethiopian woman and her many foster children.



3. Melissa Faye Green is an excellent writer. She is a true artist painting a vivid picture of scenes, and weaving historical, political and social aspects of the deadly HIV/AIDS epidemic. This is an incredibly powerful book. It is not easy to read due to the difficult emotional toll it can take on one, but I felt morally obligated to read it, so that I wasn't just shutting out the devastating misery suffered by so many millions. She portrays the human face of this awful disease with poignancy. It is an inspiring and human story of one woman's efforts to alleviate her own and others suffering. God bless Melissa for opening our eyes.



4. This was a wonderful book! Having myself been to Addis Ababa recently (July 07) with my daughter to pick up her adopted Ethiopian baby boy (4 months old), you can just imagine how this story of one woman's love for so many orphans resonated with me. The book is a quick read -- something interesting in every chapter. The author intertwined Haregewoin's up and down story with bits of Ethiopian history and the unwinding spread and theories of HIV-AIDs plus added her own experience with H. and the adoption her own Ethiopian children -- which made the reader come away with a true cultural experience. H. is truly a "Mother Theresa" figure and an inspiration to all women. Thank you, Melissa, for introducing us to her. I really enjoyed having the photos of many of the children and their adoptive families to relate to. I will be sure that my daughter reads this book and I have suggested it to my book club in Boulder, CO which will read it in the fall. -- Gayle Weiss



5. I like what the story is about, however the book has so much detail it is hard to get through the first chapters.

5 comments about Queen Isabella: Treachery, Adultery, and Murder in Medieval England.

1. I will admit to not being an expert on Queen Isabella. I have never read a biography on her before, so when I picked up Alison Weir's book in the store I had nothing to compare it to and enjoyed it immensely. There is wonderful period detail here, especially in the beginning, and I think the reader feels a measure of sympathy for Isabella, whose husband wasn't interested in her sexually (or emotionally it seems). My favorite part of the book was when Isabella (finally) took a lover and decided to make a stand against her husband with him. Part slighted young woman, part Lady Macbeth, Queen Isabella is a very interesting read with a few theories about Edward II's "death" I hadn't heard before (whether or not they could be accurate I can't say).



2. This is a History book. So it has just the facts, M'am. A very good History book and therefore lots of niggling details...and every detail has multiple perspectives gathered from letters and writings of the time and are based on the authors religious or nationalistic views. It is a slow read that you can put down and easily pick up again, as you will want to work your way through this beautifully written and richly informative history as seen through the mind of a very interesting queen. It covers the period of English History from the late times of Edward I (late 13th century) to Edward II and the the beginning of the reign of Edward III (mid 14th century. There is no plot so the fun is in the interesting details and analysis of those Medievil times.



3. I really tried to like this book. Inasmuch as I am an avid student of history and enjoy the tangled web of early to mid twentieth century English history, this book seemed right up my alley.
   
   I can't say that it is a bad book, but upon reflection, perhaps the most telling fact is that it took me so long to finish it. A book of this size generally takes me about a week to finish, reading for an hour or so each night before bed. Most nights, however, found me nodding off in less than half the time. Weir's style can best be described as a dry recitation of historical facts with frequent asides in which she injects her own analysis. Hardly scintillating entertainment and simply not lively enough to keep me awake.
   
   From the standpoint of substance, I can't say that I agree with her efforts to rehabiltate the universally condemned Queen Isabella, the wife of Edward II of England. Isabella conspired against, overthrew, cheated on and likely participated in the murder of her husband and sovereign. According to Weir, she was simply misunderstood and unfairly judged. To my knowledge, she is the only one that believes so.
   
   In order to back up her position, Weir not only spins facts to the benefit of the Queen, but she weaves many out of whole cloth and disregards the numerous facts which clearly implicate her in the crimes for which history has condemned her. In an attempt to absolve the Queen of the crime of murder, she even trots out the old, roundly rejected canard that Edward II escaped from his captors and lived the remainder of his life as a hermit in France. This despite the public, state funeral in which the body and face of the King were clearly displayed and visible to thousands. As if an escape somehow lessens the crime of ordering the murder in the first place.
   
   Even in the cases where she concedes guilt on the part of the Queen, such as her adulterous relationship with Mortimer, she pardons the Queen, holding her to current standards as opposed to those in which she lived. In this regard, she clearly states that were Queen Isabella alive today, she would be viewed as a strong, independent woman, deserving of praise and not scorn (You go, girl). Nice theory, except for the fact that she didn't live in current times. In her day, regicide was perhaps the greatest crime and sin of the day, and adultery by a royal woman was universally punishable by death.
   
   I've read several of Weir's works and to date am not impressed. She seems to be on a personal crusade to rehabiltate the reputations of various women of the Middle Ages that for some reason or another have been judged harshly by history. I've never been a fan of revisionist history and particularly when the revisions are politically or socially motivated. This book is not only not particularly entertaining, but it's not even good history.



4. The book is heavily laced with facts to establish a place in the Medieval World. While the character of the heroine stands out clearly, sometimes the factual context surrounding events is daunting.
   It's a good read although a little too heavy on historical detail particularly in lists of "guests" or of "persons in attendance."



5. This was a great read. For those who have read the author's other books on British monarchy this one will not disappoint. It is a compelling and engaging narrative that sheds light on a historical character I knew very little about. The story of Queen Isabella's reign in England is well worth the effort.

5 comments about Tales of a Female Nomad: Living at Large in the World.

1. I was terribly disappointed in this book. Although the story should have been fascinating I really just didn't care.
   The use of the present tense ("The next morning I arrive early. Already the lobby of the hotel meeting place is deserted. I introduce myself to to the coordinator of the trip...") is something that works fine in conversation, but when used in prose, especially when glossing over details, sweeping through time and scenes so fast, does not express feelings or emotion. Even when describing colorful scenery it comes off a little flat. And for that reason this book felt like it had little heart. It was clear this was a deeply meaningful experience for the writer, but I felt so removed from it I really didn't care what happened next.
   Large events are glossed over, characters are left undeveloped, I never felt fully involved or invested in what was going on. It was somewhat interesting, but at the same time, not very moving.
   I can see how Gelman might have been a great writer of children's books (where the writing is pure story, all about what happens next ) But this book, which should have been engrossing, left me cold.



2. I agree with some of the reviewers that the book is rather slow. I started the book and really enjoyed the first few chapters before I misplaced it while moving. When I found it again I was beginning the section on Indonesia, but found myself not as enthused about the book. The chapters on Indonesia, Thailand and the States were too tedious to read straight through, so I would entertain myself by reading a few pages of Ms. Gelman's adventures before going to bed.
   
   Despite the slowness, I enjoyed the book because Ms. Gelman shows that an adventure abroad doesn't have to be diving into dangerous waters, bungi jumping off of bridges, or being one of the few people to climb a high peak. She shows that the adventure lies in the natives' mundane lives and the quiet, unassuming landscape. Although she used her title as an author to create friendships, Ms. Gelman gave the impression that if you just show people that their lives are important, they will treat you kindly and will happily invite you into their lives.
   
   Ms. Gelman also is very honest about the sacrifices that comes with living in foreign cultures, the isolation, losing connections with family, and not having many possessions.
   
   This book chronicles a brave person who shuns commercialism and lives her life very simply. In my opinion, Ms. Gelman's life is fuller from her travels than a person's whose mansion is filled with the most expensive furniture and art.



3. Especially for those who are thinking of travelling alone or following a dream, this author encourages us with her adventures.
   I enjoyed his story and her guts to begin something new at an age when it's easy to get stuck!



4. I thoroughly enjoyed this book, so much so, that I read it straight through in only a couple of days. Some of the reviewers criticize Ms. Gelman for casting her opinions about some of the culture issues, but I think she demonstrates that she clearly wrestled with this as I think most of us would if we suddenly tried to fit into a foreign (to us) culture. Personally, I was rather horrified by some of the brutality of other cultures and these are places I have no desire to visit. I enjoyed the first part of the book more than the second, because I could really identify with her motives for wanting to get out on her own and see the world and likewise, her struggles to go it alone. I do think some of the writing in the second half of the book seems a bit choppy and does not flow as well as the beginning of the book. But this could also be an editing issue. I appreciated Ms. Gelman's honesty about her motives, her feelings, her learning that her children have missed her and her struggles in getting in shape, etc. Most of us would have painted a pretty little picture and have nixed the honesty. Overall, if you are looking for a book that demonstrates it's possible for a woman to travel on her own and participate in the activities of different cultures, meet people and make new friends a long the way, this is a great book.



5. I just finished reading Rita's book for the second time and loved it even more. I often give a copy as a gift to girlfriends with courage and determination to pursue their dreams, as Rita did (and continues to do). It takes true gumption to live as a nomad and the payback in magical. She's an inspiration! I'd love to meet her one day... hopefully in some far away local learning from the locals. If you've ever considered stepping out of the safety box, give this book a read and see where it takes you.

5 comments about American Eve: Evelyn Nesbit, Stanford White: The Birth of the "It" Girl and the Crime of the Century.

1. Like a few other reviewer's here, I'd never heard of Evelyn Nesbit, Stanford White or Harry Thaw, and only picked up this book on a fluke. What a pleasant surprise to read about one of the first "trial of the centuries" and the "girl in the red velvet swing".
   
   Paula Uruburu has done a spendid job of making the reader feel the gilded age, the stuffy social scene and didn't bore this reader with an endless account of the trial like so many other true crime novels.
   
   Highly recommended!



2. On June 25, 1906, wealthy millionaire Harry K. Thaw killed his wife's Evelyn Nesbit's, former lover, the famous architect Stanford White, at Madison Square Garden. Evelyn, age 20, had spent the past five or six years of her life in the public eye as a model in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and New York, but nothing could have prepared her for the publicity that occurred in the aftermath of the killing.
   
   American Eve is primarily about Evelyn's life, and not quite so much about the murder and subsequent trial. Evelyn was born outside of Pittsburgh in 1885. After her father's death, her mother tried to make ends meet by hiring Evelyn out as an artists' model (as long as the artists were female or elderly men). Because of her timeless beauty, Evelyn soon found herself modeling in Philadelphia and New York, where she met much-older Stanford White, who set himself up as her father-figure and protector. Soon, however, he became much more.
   
   Evelyn met her future husband Harry K. Thaw "of Pittsburgh" in 1903. Thaw was known for his erratic, almost sociopathic behavior, but she married his anyways two years later. Thaw was obsessed with Evelyn, to the exclusion of everything else. He was especially obsessed with Evelyn's old relationship with White, whom Thaw considered the original exploiter of young, impressionable, virginal girls. Then, one sultry evening in the summer of 1906, Thaw shot White point blank, in front of hundreds of witnesses in the rooftop garden at Madison Square Garden. It led to "the trial of the century," as Thaw was tried for the murder under the plea of insanity.
   
   Uruburu tells the story from a feminist point of view, though Evelyn is protrayed as a victim of circumstance rather than architect of her own fate. Every now and then, as in the chapter which discusses the selection of the jury, Uruburu puts in a little aside like, "...and women were excluded, of course." Another thing I didn't like about the book was the opening chapter. The author begins with a discussion of Gilded Age society, whereas I believe she should have begun with the murder, in order to grab the reader's interest right away. And though I liked the photographs of Evelyn, I feel that there should be more of Stanford White (there's only one reprinted here). Also, I wish that more had been said about Evelyn's life after the trial.
   
   But aside from these points, I really enjoyed Evelyn's tragic story. Since Evelyn's life was so public, a lot was known (and speculated) about her life, and Uruburu does a wonderful job sorting out the fact and fiction. The narrative is also easy to follow, which is also another major plus. Even without Uruburu's contribution, Evelyn, the original "Gibson Girl," and the girl for whom the term "je ne se quais" should have been coined, remains today an interesting and compelling persona.



3. The pictures from the era are fantastic--The United States first super model, whose face even today could stop traffic. Fame she had, but fortune was nil until she married Henry K. Thaw. A modern day Letitia who was used by everyone around her, including her insanely jealous husband.
   If you are into "peeping Tom-ism" clothed in minute detail AMERICA EVE is the title for you.
   The research into the period, the individuals and their culture is superb, but the minute details recorded on every page lead to boredom. Evelyn Nesbit's story was shocking in 1900 and pathetic by the time she died in 1967.
   Writing as a Small BusinessSins of the Fathers: A Brewster County Novel



4. Neither of the names in the title were familiar to me, but I was intrigued that the Gibson Girl had been a real person.
   
   Using up the youth of pretty young girls is not a new thing. Evelyn Nesbit lived it in 1900. The book is sometimes a bit flowery, but the story is gripping.



5. When a historically minded person speaks of the "trial of the century", meaning the 20th century, several come immediately to mind: O.J., Leopold and Loeb, Nuremburg, Sacco and Vanzetti, Scopes, among others. However, the trial of Harry Thaw for the cold-blooded murder of Stanford White was the first of the century (1906), and perhaps the one with the most drama. That was because the chief witness was Evelyn Nesbit, the wife of Thaw, and the former seductee and mistress of White. The author gives us a thorough review of Evelyn's lfe, and her rapid rise to fame as a young girl. This rise is even more remarkable when you consider it happened in the first decade of the last century, before radio, television, the Internet, and supermarket tabloids (although there were some trashy papers in existence). It's a remarkable story, and moves through the high society world of New York, Pittsburgh, and cities in Europe. These people lived quite a different lifestyle than we do today, at least those of us who are not multimillionaires or celebrities famous for being famous. Evelyn had quite an eventful life, and it is retold in a breezy fashion that it easy to read. Occasionally the language gets a bit overblown, but that's often how things were in those days; sometimes events took on a larger-than-life appearance. To anyone interested in social and legal history in the early part of the last century,I highly recoimmend this book.

5 comments about Grayson.

1. Reading "Grayson" is ....like Ms. Cox's 'Swimming to Antarctica" so wordy and stretched that the reader may give up before finishing. I did finish Grayson because I wanted to know the ending. I had even thought, when first reading, that I would give this book to my daughter who teaches Reading to fifth graders. But....I decided against it for the reason that I know they would love the first but really get bogged down before the final page. It's a great story but could have been condensed into perhaps 10 pages.



2. The book grayson, a true life story of a then seventeen year old woman who encounters a baby gray whale in the Pacific near Long Beach, is a story that is poetically and so beautifully told it will linger, I guarantee, in the mind of the reader for a long time, if not forever. This book, about interspecies communication is so beautifully written that I have nothing but admiration for the writer and her exquisite sensitivity. It is a story that is deeply philosophical in nature as the writer describes metaphorically her maintenance of personal positivity and her own soul desire to communicate with this whale and its lost mother. Can we communicate non verbally, with each other, with other species? Read this book and ponder deeply. I recommend this and hope you love it as much as I did and do!



3. Grayson, by Lynne Cox is a wonderful concise book with lots to say. There are three different story threads running through it. The smaller thread is about a girl athlete with lots of will and determination, and the second is a nature story about the sea animals in southern California and the third thread is the most moving. It is an inspirational story about a girl tiring to help a young baby whale finds its mother. It is a story for all ages. I'm 38 and I loved it, bought one for my 1st edition collection, and I bought another for my younger ten-year-old sister.



4. While listening to this tale as an audiobook, I was surprised to be sitting at the edge of my recliner! For a very simple premise, Lynne Cox crafted a plot with a lot of excitement.
   
   I was touched by the sense of communion between the human swimmer and the baby whale, each of them vulnerable and exposed.
   
   The communication and intelligence of the whales in this story, plus a mega-pod of dophins, made me think of the line, "Goodbye, and thanks for all the fish!" the title of Douglas Adams' fourth book in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series. (Where Wonko the scientist posits that dolphins were the actual creators of planet Earth.)
   
   I now own Grayson in an audio format and as a hardcover book, and I consider it a treasure.



5. A sweet story for any age. True, and the information given is stunning. Imagine swimming with a whale! Would be good to read aloud to a 9-12 year old, but I cry everytime with joy at the ending.

5 comments about Women of the Bible: A One-Year Devotional Study of Women in Scripture.

1. This is a wonderful book! However, in the copy I received there were some faded pages that were difficult to read. It was small disappointment in an otherwise very pleasant choice!



2. We are using this in our Women's Circle at church and take one of the Women each meeting we have. It has been a really good study and I have really enjoyed learning about these women in depth.



3. This is one of the best book purchases I've ever made. This is a wonderful devotional. I look forward to opening it up everyday. You will not be disappointed.



4. I LOVE this book. I have been using it this past year and am now buying it for friends!



5. I really love this book! It's a versatile resource for personal home devotional time OR a group Bible study (I know, because I'm currently using it for both). My favorite part is the first day's reading, where they take the featured woman's story and retell it in a compelling, dramatic way that draws you into her experiences. I feel much closer to many of the women of Biblical times after spending a week with them through this book.

5 comments about Nisa: The Life and Words of a !Kung Woman.

1. After reading this text, it is very clear to me why Nisa: The Life and Words of a !Kung Woman is considered to be a classic in anthropological literature. Shostak does a fascinating job telling the story of Nisa, a fifty something female member of the !Kung tribe in the Kalahari desert of Africa. The !Kung are classic hunter and gatherers.
   
   The majority of the text is essentially an interview between Nisa and Shostak about Nisa's daily life (the remainder of the text is narrated by Shostak), and the experiences that she has had regarding many aspects of life, including marriage, childbirth, and sex, and family life.
   
   The text is exploding with interesting details of !Kung life. For Example, according to the !Kung, the gods gave them a wonderful thing when they gave them sex. The !Kung people spend much time talking about sex and about sexual endeavors. Also, !Kung women predict the coming of their menses by the phases of the moon. If the moon comes and goes without the commencement of menstruation, pregnancy can be suspected. This suspicion greatly increased when other symptoms of pregnancy are present, such as nausea or unusual emotion. This ethnography is jam packed with great conversation starters such as these.
   
   In Nisa, Shostak manages to include an abundance of dialogue of Nisa and additional narration, while simultaneously producing a very easy read. Nisa is a must read for anthropology students, those wanting to know more about the !Kung people, or anyone who enjoys biographies.



2. Marjorie Shostak offers readers an interesting and insightful account of her relationship with a member of the !Kung San people of the Kalahari Desert during the early 1970s, a woman known by the pseudonym "Nisa," in her seminal work Nisa: The Life and Words of a !Kung Woman. The book is a coupling of both Shostak's ethnographic insight and Nisa's life history told in her own words, along with some very interesting photos taken by the author. Shostak admittedly runs into barriers that she must cross, particularly as to whether or not she can trust Nisa, who the rest of the tribe regards as a liar, but really, much can be seen in the lies that people choose to tell as well as the truths. Either way, Nisa's stories are compelling and give the reader a great window into their hunter-gatherer society and the dynamics that make it work. It reveals techniques of tribal socialization and ethic reasoning, the importance of intimacy, as well as offering a model (however debatable it may be) for the ways in which the status of women is compromised by changing demographics.
   
   Nisa's life history account reveals many instances in which can be seen a socialization process that is meant to turn her into a more productive and adaptive person in society. These instances can especially be seen in Nisa's childhood. The !Kung place a high value on sharing in their culture, and Nisa's early tendencies to selfishly covet and hoard food for herself was counterproductive to this ideal. Nisa's mother dealt with her daughter's stealing firmly, often hitting her and screaming such things like, "Nisa, stop stealing! Are you the only one who wants to eat klaru? Now, let me take what's left and cook them for all of us to eat. Did you really think you were the only one who was going to eat them all?" (Shostak 53). By this form of punishment, her mother not only chastised Nisa for her counterproductive actions, but she also reinforced the social norm of the culture - namely, sharing.
   
   Nisa's life history account is also filled with stories of intimacy. The frequency of these stories, as well as her descriptions, reveal much about !Kung principles and social organization. Marjorie Shostak at first assumes that Nisa's focus on sexual matters is her attempt at finding a common ground with a fellow woman, but she soon realizes that it is in fact quite characteristic of !Kung society. The !Kung say that "when the gods gave people sex... they gave us a wonderful thing" and its importance is seen as significant as that of food in sustaining life (Shostak 237). They find talk of sex to be important and it is often used as the subject of jokes "in a deliberate way to dispel tension" such as making pornographic gestures to cheer a man up who had been spat in the eye by a cobra (Shostak 237).
   
   But the act brings out other qualities of !Kung life as well. Many men and women of the society frequently take secret lovers. They see it as an exciting and passionate alternative when those fires have burned out between their spouses. For many women, especially, self-esteemed is gained through their secret games and rendezvous. It also symbolizes another belief among the !Kung, namely, the vitality of women and sex in the social organization: "women are strong; women are important... because women possess something very important, something that enables men to live: their genitals. A woman can bring a man back to life, even if he is almost dead. She can give him sex and make him alive again. If she were to refuse, he would die!" (Shostak 257).
   
   However, despite the powerful feelings a woman may have for her lover(s), it is very important to them that responsibility to their husbands are their main priority, signifying another element in the social organization. Even their lovers understand, as one of Nisa's did when she did not show as promised. He said, "if it was because of your husband, that's all right. But if you do it again, I'll beat you!" (Shostak 245). As Nisa explained:
   
   "When a woman has a lover, her heart goes out to him and also to her husband. Her heart feels strong towards both men. But if her heart is small for the important man and big for the other one, if her heart feels passion only for her lover and is cold toward her husband, that is very bad. Her husband will know and will want to kill her and the lover. A woman has to want her husband and her lover equally; that is when it is good" (Shostak 257).
   
   Perhaps the most significant aspect of this work is the changing status of !Kung women as result of environmental and demographic change. Traditionally, !Kung women have experienced relative equality with men. This is do mainly to the hunter-gatherer existence in which they live, for "!Kung women are recognized by men and women alike as the primary economic providers of the group" by gathering vegetables, roots, etc. (Shostak 216). However, as Tswana and Herero herdsmen have been in the past century moving in on their territory, and whose "village sites expanded to encompass more of the traditional !Kung waterholes, maintaining the !Kung way of life became increasingly difficult" (Shostak 194). This change has affected woman, though, most of all. As some of the !Kung began to settle in these villages they became second-class citizens, for the women's pattern of child caring began to see drastic changes. While these women had previously had a child perhaps once every four years, now those "who live more sedentary lives have shorter birth spacing between children" (Shostak 195). This could be because of cow's milk's effects of birth patterns or women being "better fed and less active," but "in any case, with two children to carry, the women are less likely to go gathering; they become more dependent of the new food sources, animal husbandry and agriculture" (Shostak 195). Because the role that gave women their equal position is now being threatened, so too is their status.
   
   Shostak's study works on a number of levels, and can indeed by appreciated on many as well. Whether one is interested in an ethnographic study of hunter-gathering tribes, or is concerned about feminist issues, or would just like a unique and interesting tale that provokes consideration, this book comes highly recommended.



3. The book is written by Shostak a woman, about Nisa also a woman, and that makes it more appealing because it deals with a lot of women issues. I know that Marjorie Shostak is now dead and Nisa is dead too. When you live with the author and the person she is writing about all this time it suddenly becomes a part of your life and you begin to mourn their death. I really admire Nisa and all these !Kung women and how courageous they live but I also know they don't live according to this book anymore. Long a go they changed their lifestyles.



4. Nisa is an autobiography of a young girl who is part of the Kung tribe. I feel that this book was a very easy read, and some parts of it were interesting but others weren't.
   
   The Kung people have many cultural customs and traditions, such as a woman should give birth alone and in silence, or you shouldn't drink your mother's breast milk if you have a younger sibling. But, Nisa is sort of a rule breaker, or as we would call her, a rebel. Nisa had three husbands, I think. Now, many women in America have had multiple husbands so it's not that big of a deal but along with Nisa's three husbands she has at least 17 affairs, or as they called them lovers. When her husband would go out to hunt for two or three nights another man would sneak to Nisa's hut and they would make love until her husband came back. Many times Nisa got caught, and many times she didn't.
   
   Nisa sometimes had reasons for leaving her husbands, but one of them she just didn't like. The Kung have something that is called a tribe headman. This man decides whether it is ok to get a divorce or not. One of the times Nisa didn't even go to the tribe's headman she just went back to her mother's village. Another time Nisa's husband, who was the father of her children died. Nisa cried and cried, but eventually she got over it. Nisa's next husband was a different story. He beat Nisa all the time, sometimes her back even swelled up. Nisa went to the headman to tell him that she wanted a divorce, but he gave her husband another chance. The next time Nisa went with bruises and the headman told her that she could divorce her husband.
   
   Nisa got pregnant many times, but actually only had 2 kids, one girl and one boy. The Kung people believe that women can have miscarriages in many different ways. For example, they Kung believe that, if the child is not wanted by the mother of father that god will take it away from them. Another way is if the mother is hit or injured while she is pregnant the baby may leave her. Nisa miscarried for many reasons. A lot of the time it was because it wasn't her husband who caused her to get pregnant, it was one of her lovers and it was hard for her to tell her husband, so she just kept lying. Another time Nisa's 3rd husband got very mad at her and hit her with a stick, which made it seem as if the baby wasn't wanted.
   
   Like I said before, I thought that Nisa was a very easy read, but it was still very informative. I really enjoyed how each chapter had a little bit about the culture, and a little bit about Nisa and how she fits in with her culture. Because the book was like that, it made it easier to stay interested because it wasn't 20 pages all about the same thing. I thought it was kind of cool that Nisa was a rebel, because if Nisa just followed all her customs it wouldn't be a very interesting book to read. Nisa seemed like she was very intelligent. She knew how to work her way out of trouble, how to cover up things that she knew she did wrong, and most of all how to lie. I never said that she was necessarily intelligent in a good way. If I were to compare this book to The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down, I would say that I enjoyed this book more. I think this is because The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down had whole chapters about the war and their trip to America but I was more interested in Lia herself. That's why I liked Nisa so much, the book was more about her then the culture.
   
   I recommend Nisa to people who are interested in autobiographies, but ones that are also about other cultures. I think this book offers a wide range of topics and is a very good book to debate this book. If I were to rate this book I would rate it 4 stars, because it kept me interested yet it was a very easy read.



5. Majorie Shostak's account of her anthropology trip to Africa's Kalahari Desert examining the rituals, lifestyles and existence of the !Kung tribe is not to be read like an expanded version of a National Geographic article. It is written with academic rigor and precise examination of a !Kung woman Nisa. The majority of the book is told through Nisa's words which are translated into English with as much accuracy possible by Shostak. Shostak prefaces each chapter with a more general description of the events of Nisa's life which follow. The !Kung have such a different life style than Westerners, so naturally the story telling methods Nisa uses are a little unfamiliar. There is much more repetition of certain phrases and ideas that some of us might find excessive. If one can get past this they will soon see what an expert Nisa actually is. Also it is a tribute to Shostak that she didn't slice up the narrative to make it more accessible for Westerners.
   
   The book in begun with an extensive introduction, about 40 pages. Although at first this might feel over detailed and cumbersome, it is a necessity to read it before jumping into Nisa's narrative because some of the actions taken might seem unfathomable without a better understanding of !Kung life. For instance, when Nisa describes stealing and hoarding food for herself as a child, we might feel she is extremely selfish. But after reading the introduction we understand that in !Kung life there is virtually no private property. Imagine being a young child and having nothing of "your own." I think we all would have stolen to some extent. Also during the time the book was written there was a struggle within the anthropology communities as to whether these "field work" expeditions we're even worth taking. There were many who thought that the "white man" was so engrained with his own cultural sense of morality that any attempt to interpret or understand someone different would be wasted time. So it is possible that in parts of the long introduction Shostak was justifying to her academic circle why it was important that she did go to see another kind of life.
   
   After the introduction is over, we move into various important events in Nisa's life, described by Nisa and prefaced by Shostak. Although these interviews were not given chronologically they are presented in as workable a series events as possible. We are taken first through her childhood in which Nisa's mother has her second child and no longer allows her to breast feed because it is believed that once her younger brother is born, it is his milk. We are then taken, to various cases of childhood problems. The `Discovering sex' chapter is worth noting, children go away and as Nisa says "play sexually". Although the parent's sometimes mildly scorn this, they remember how important is was for them in developing as sexual beings, so they pretty much look away. I think that our incredibly sexually conservative and private culture could learn something from this. It shouldn't necessarily be discouraged for children to discover certain aspects of themselves, and have sexual feeling, (we should stop pretending as if they don't!)
   
   We are then taken through trial marriages; theeseoften "fail", because the girl married is too young. The most important events in a !Kung woman's life are first menstruation, marriage, and childbirth.
   
   Another chapter worth noting is most clearly illuminates why Shostak's expedition into the Kalahari was so vital to understanding !Kung life. The chapter entitled 'Change' accounts the arrival of the very different Christian cattle herders. The Hero brought, (among other things), permanent villages, alcohol, western religion, tobacco, etc. Although some people might consider some of these things "civilization", (and I would not count myself among this crowd), the sad truth is that !Kung culture is dieing. More and more are forsaking the old way of life for the much more stable continuous food source. And even if the corrupt regimes they live under exploit their way of life to promote tourism, they are being stifled the the exact same regimes. Nisa's generation is the last link to the nearly completely un- westernized !Kung life. Without Shostak's magnificent book we would have a much harder time understanding this beautiful nomadic way of life.
   
   One of the amazing thing about this book, unlike many other cross cultural examinations, is that it doesn't concentrate on some of the "shocking" taboos that might have made it a bestseller, (just under Tom Clancy). It instead just tells the story of a woman. One does not finish it and say, "wow they're different they need Jesus." One feels a connection to Nisa, and we realize not that we are different but that we are more similar than we would know or like to know. This also shows us that they're clearly are universal human emotions. Nisa goes through, love, hate, guilt, grief, regret, resentment, fear, happiness, etc, just like every human being! To go through it is to be human. Even in a culture totally different than ours these emotions are still there. In an age where we feel like we must "spread democracy", like we're spreading humanity, it is all the more important to realize that the same humanity exists whether or not they are infested with corrupt corporate puppets. I would recommend this book to anyone who feels lie they want to know more about other societies, and ways of life, in a more in depth format.
   
   We have two wonderful women to thank for this powerful book on !Kung life, or !Kung life as it should be.

5 comments about A Room of One's Own.

1. One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.
   ~Virginia Woolf,A Room of One's Own
   
   Virginia Woolf's very intense A Room Of One's Own, is actually a long essay she wrote "with ardour and conviction" on the the topic of women and fiction, that she prepared when asked to speak about this subject at women's colleges. A Room of One's Own was published in 1929, when young women were still discouraged from attending college (due to genuine fear that a good education would make a women unfit for marriage and motherhood), and although it's not angry in tone the essay reflects a society in which severe limitations were put on women and their achievements. Virginia Woolf speaks about the creative process that lead to her talks, of her notebook in which she recorded a multitude of ideas, thoughts, and mental meanderings, and writes about the train of thought that led to her conclusion, that "a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction". In A Room of One's Own (not a simple matter), and demonstrates and expresses the complexity of her thought in her trademark stream-of-consciousness writing. Defying conventions of the time, she talks about the actual food served at the luncheon party, of the soles and partridges and potatoes, and of the importance of food to the artist in a more general sense. She discusses numerous things in this full, layered essay of her thoughts, among them a sense of loss due to the war which began in August of 1914, that changed the underlying current of life--previously filled with music and poetry, with romance--and of the special difficulties women artists face (still relevant today!). Her message is simple (though the means is not), that women must have money (a fixed income) and a room of their own (privacy) in order to have the freedom to create, luxuries that men may take for granted. She imagines Shakespeare's "sister", equal in talent and genius, but because of her sex, never writes a word, never expresses her genius, never lives to old age because she takes her own life in quiet desperation. Her essay is meant to encourage young women, to inspire them to create, as she's sympathetic to their plight. In A Room of One's Own,Virginia Woolf wants the limitations removed, and for women to have the same intellectual freedom that men have had for centuries, so that they, too, may express their genius.
   
   (This is a passage slightly modified from my blog about books, Suko's Notebook, suko95.blogspot.com, which I invite you to visit.)



2. Transaction went smoothly and got the item quicky in the condition promised. Would purchase again.



3. I found it tedious to read in spite of the high literary reputation and ability of Virginia Woolf. There must be something lacking in me.
   
   Edward Cook



4. Virginia Woolf in her best form - personal but not self-centred, concentrated and ready to fight for what she believes is right. This long essay gives her views on the position of women in literature but offers also an overview of their role through centuries - from the imaginary Shakespeare's sister to her contemporaries. A must read for all readers regardless of sex!



5. after i ordered this book, the distributors let me know instantly that they no longer had the book on shelf, and instantly refunded my account. speedy service is one thing, but keeping the customer informed is another...thanks

5 comments about Expecting Adam: A True Story of Birth, Rebirth, and Everyday Magic.

1. Expecting Adam is Martha Beck's engrossing memoir of her pregnancy with her second child, who has Down syndrome. She and her husband, John, both Ph.D. students at Harvard, decide to keep the baby, for reasons they can't at first articulate, and even though doing so goes against most of the values of their Ivy League community.
   
   During the pregnancy, Martha and John experience deep transformations of their worldviews, values, and ambitions. Each also has numerous spiritual and paranormal experiences which they understand to be connected to their unborn child. Most of these experiences are so strange that for many months Martha and John don't even confide in each other.
   
   The Harvard community Martha paints is bleak. Intellectual prestige and appearance are the supreme values. "Knowing a great deal is the norm and knowing everything is the goal, [but] appearing to know everything is considered an acceptable substitute." In order to survive in this culture, Martha consciously calls up a sort of alter ego, named Fang, before every visit to campus. Fang is fearless, aggressive, disdainful, and competitive.
   
   Martha also paints a less than sympathetic view of the passionate feminists who apparently exist in large numbers at Harvard. After one public bout of morning sickness, Martha is approached by one such feminist, a stranger, who says, "I think it's time you stop kissing up to the enemy... This crap about -- what do they call it? -- morning sickness. You know it isn't real... All of those myths were made up to justify denying women access to decent jobs and positions in society... I don't care if you think you can help it or not... It makes us all look bad... Just stop it."
   
   With the exception of a few amazingly supportive friends, this is the context and community in which Martha and John learn that the baby they are expecting has Down syndrome. Their community is often intolerant of healthy pregnancies, not to mention unhealthy ones. The Beck's are pressured on every side to abort -- by fellow grad students, professors, advisors, colleagues and medical professionals. Not to do so is considered both foolish and irresponsible.
   
   These pressures are intensified by Martha's nearly constant "morning sickness" (actually an autoimmune disease not diagnosed until many years later), John's frequent absences due to consulting assignments in Asia, and the anxieties they both have about raising a mentally impaired child.
   
   Martha and John find reassurance and strength in strange places. This is where the spiritual and paranormal experiences come in. They have visions, sometimes even "seeing" each other across continents. And they frequently sense the presence of spiritual beings who they believe speak to them, give them peace, orchestrate events in their favor, and in at least two instances save Martha from grave physical danger.
   
   The ending of the story is never in doubt. Throughout her memoir Martha intersperses chapters about Adam after he is born. He is a beautiful child.
   
   This book was an easy and engrossing read. I particularly enjoyed Martha's and John's transformation from a thin existence characterized by mindless striving, excessive individualism, emotional hunger, and disbelief in all things spiritual, to a thicker existence that was more human and allowed for (in fact, could not deny) a spiritual dimension to life.
   
   I also appreciated Martha's instinctive sense of the vulnerability and humanity of her unborn child. At one point she describes an exchange between herself and her obstetrician, who pressures her to terminate her pregnancy:
   
   "'I would not make the choice that you have made,' he went on steadily. 'I have never known anyone who would.' ...
   
   'I don't know,' I mumbled. 'I guess I just... can't reject him.' It was a miserably inadequate statement. My real feeling, the one I couldn't articulate yet, was that my entire life hinged on knowing that there were people who would continue to love me unconditionally, even if I were damaged, even if I were sick. Such love was the only thing that had sustained me during the turmoil of the past months. If I eliminated my child because of his disability, if I put him out of my life, I would be violating the only thing that was keeping me alive. I'd be ripping the rug out from under my own feet."
   
   In addition, I was touched by Martha's descriptions of life with Adam and the insights she gained because of him. For example: "I was afraid Adam would slow me down, and he has. Not because he has required more care and time than a 'normal' boy (he is the most helpful and least demanding of my children) but because the immediacy and joy with which he lives his life make rapacious achievement, Harvard-style, look a lot like quiet desperation." Another example: "[Adam] has taught me to look at things in themselves, not at the value a brutal and often senseless world assigns to them. As Adam's mother I have been able to see quite clearly that he is no less beautiful for being called ugly, no less wise for appearing dull, no less precious for being seen as worthless. And neither am I. Neither are you. Neither is any of us."
   
   I had a few disappointments with the book. First, I grew tired of reading about Martha's sickness and her seeming neglect of her own medical needs. I began to wonder how, if she was so sick, she kept up with her doctoral studies, mothered her two-year-old daughter, and kept the voluminous journal that she said she relied on to write her memoir more than 10 years after the fact.
   
   I was also disappointed by Martha's misunderstanding of, and opposition to, the pro-life movement, notwithstanding her own profound experiences. She expresses puzzlement that religious people who possess "a devout belief in the life of the spirit" and a "belief that life exists outside of mortal bounds" are the same people who are "so obsessed with a fetus's 'right to life' on this messy little planet." What she doesn't understand is that such people (I include myself) are not devoted to some belief about the nature of spiritual life, but to God himself, the Author of life, who creates humans in his own image. Because he is the Author, that life is sacred and created for his purposes, not our own.
   
   I also found myself wanting to better understand Martha's and John's spiritual experiences. I hoped that these obviously significant experiences would lead somewhere coherent. But Martha and John seemed content not to question, categorize, or define their experiences. Martha simply called the visions the "Seeing Thing" and the spiritual beings the "Bunraku puppeteers" (after a Japanese puppet show). Perhaps their attitude is understandable in view of the Mormon faith in which they each were raised and each abandoned. Nevertheless, their spirituality seems to turn into a free floating, New Age-ish, therapeutic sort of thing. When they conceived Adam, it was as if a door cracked open providing a way out of a harsh philosophic reductionism, but the door never leads anywhere coherent.
   
   Lastly, as I hinted above, I had some doubts about the author's credibility. I wondered how a memoir like this, chock-full of details and verbatim dialogues, could be written so many years after the fact, even with the aid of a journal. I also began to wonder if Martha was prone to exaggeration and caricature. And I questioned the sheer number of strange voices, visions, presences, and events that she describes. After reading the book, I found some biographical information about Martha that, unfortunately, only added to my doubts about her credibility.
   
   Nevertheless, this story was engrossing, moving, and enjoyable.



2. This book was recommended by a writer-friend saying it was well written and an interesting read. I was sucked in by the writer for a few pages, but then decided to start listing all the inconsistencies and reality-defying events. By page 95, where I am now, I have 10 major ones listed. Then I remembered the lately discussion about Fake Memoirs and thought, hey lets see what the reviewers on Amazon say. I'm surprised at the large number of reviewers who believe this stuff actually happened as written. She might have gone to Harvard and might have a Down's syndrome kid, but after that, it pure fiction. Try imagine writing about what you had in the refrigerator on day 26 of vomiting 10 years later. But you have to give Ms. Beck credit for a vivid imagination; similar to a paranoid-compulsive nephew I know who can make up the most compelling fictitious event scenarios; way better than I can.



3. I was primed for this book. Our third grandson, Adam, had just been born (August 5), when I visited a bookstore just down the street from the hospital. So the title, Expecting Adam, quite naturally practically leapt off the shelf into my hands. I originally thought, what a great gift for my daughter (the new mother), but when I read it was a story about having a child with Down Syndrome, I reconsidered. Our particular Adam, although a few weeks premature, seemed pretty much perfect, and I didn't want to needlessly upset the new mom. I needn't have worried. This is an absolutely wonderful book, told with humor, compassion, wit, wisdom and a nearly other-worldy sense of wonder. And did I mention humor? Because this woman is a very funny writer. The numerous references to invisible beings, whether she calls them angels or Bunraku puppeteers, and intercontinental telepathy are the kind of thing that would normally put me off, as I am a natural skeptic. But somehow Beck pulls it off. Probably because she believes it, she makes me believe it too - all of it. My wife wants to read it now. (She'd seen Martha Beck on Oprah some time ago, she tells me.) We will then pass the book along to our daughter to read. We know she will relate, and probably cry a little, when she reads Beck's perfect descriptions of a tiny foot the size of a man's thumb and a head the size of an orange. Babies. Ain't they just the grandest things?! I'll say it again. This is a wonderful book. - Tim Bazzett, author of the ReedCityBoy trilogy



4. Read this book if: you are struggling with the belief that you must be perfect to be loved. I have read other Beck books. I especially liked Leaving the Saints. And like some of the other reviewers here, I occasionally pause, scratch my head, and say "can all of this stuff really happen to one person?"and "is it possible she is taking literary license with some of the details? And then I look at my own life, and I think, NO. If all of us told the truth of our own existence, the late night thoughts, the dreams, the spiritual experiences, we'd all sound like lunatics. These are the things we must share with each other and these are the things we don't share because we are afraid some "reviewer" will skewer us or smirk or otherwise besmirch our integrity and sanity. I loved this book. It brought me back to the power of my dreams and my connection with the divine. I thank Martha and Adam for the inspiration and love shared.



5. As many have mentioned, Beck's story has very little to do with Adam, her son, and everything to do with the many miracles that she feels surrounded his gestation.
   
   The assumption is that something very spiritual took place. I don't doubt that's true. But I found her position to be highly unbalanced.
   
   Being the scholar that she is, I have to wonder how she wrote this memoir as "truth" when the subject matter cannot be proven.
   
   The red flags are:
   
   1) From A to Z this story is presented with *high emotion.*
   2) While she was expecting Adam she was under tremendous stress.
   -she was physically hampered by a difficult pregnancy compounded by an autoimmune disfunction (which she doesn't name).
   -her academic requirements would have produced enough stress to put the Dali Lama on Prozac.
   -she had very little family support
   -she was caring for another child under the age of two.
   -after her appartment building caught fire, when she claimed she and her toddler nearly died, she kept right on pushing herself to the extreme. She sought no psychological help for what must surely have been a traumatizing event.
   -when her fears that "something was wrong" with her baby were confirmed, she kept pace with all her stress. She worked and studied and cared for her other child. It seems to me she took very little care for her physical and mental health.
   
   Another thing to consider is that her other books are also questionable. A quick background check into the controversies surrounding her life and experiences suggests there is no middle ground present in this woman, only extremes. Her pendulums swing all the way to the right or left. They don't appear to rest anywhere in between. This has landed her in more than one sticky situation. Beck and former husband John once co-authored a book on abstaining from homosexuality. Today they are divorced and both are openly gay. She also wrote about leaving the Mormon church, where she accuses her father of molesting her. Her seven other siblings all contest her reportings, some were said to have shared a room WITH her and have no idea how molestation could have taken place without thier knowledge. Even John felt the need to respond to her portrayal of events, feeling they were inadequate and unfair. To date she's at odds with her family, her husband John (so highly represented in the book, they are now divorced) and the Mormon church of her upbringing. Controversy is to Martha Beck as ink is to paper.
   
   By now this review sounds largely negative. Let me add that Martha's writing is stellar and extremely readable. Even believable. To the untrained eye, this is an amazing account.
   
   If you, like me, have that niggling suspicion her perception of supernatural abetting may indeed be larger than life there is one question to be considered: Is the niggling doubt of a spiritual manifestation? Or could it merely be common sense...
   
   I will close by mentioning that I too have kept journals of my experiences in life. Looking back I could easily assign spirituality as the sole benefactor of certain events. But it wouldn't be fair to present myself as though that were the ONLY cause of my life's outcomes. My choices and actions are part of the equation. One also has to wonder if Beck's perceptions were in any way altered by psychological (perhaps peri-partum depression? anxiety? Outright psychosis?) were in any way a factor in her view of what was happening inside (and outside) of her body at that time.

5 comments about In His Sights: A True Story of Love and Obsession.

1. This book is an amazing look inside the life of someone who's being stalked. It's written in such a compelling way, I couldn't put it down-- Both times I read it. It makes you both sad and angry because it reveals how ill equipped we are to protect the victims of this crime. Everyone should read it. It's that good.



2. I am surprised by the anger this book generated in a recent review. I, too, read the book. It was clear the experience was fully documented as accurate. Although documenting subtle and mind-playing games must be difficult, it was apparent that the authorities saw it as real and recognized the potential for great danger and harm. I applaud the effort and courage this author extended to validate her own experience and the experiences of others who feel helpless and victimized.



3. I had high hopes for this book. I myself was a victim of stalking several years ago, and was looking forward to reading an honest account of it. By the time I was 3/4 of the way through this book, I was genuinely beginning to believe that the author either fabricated most of the plot (which is fine, but just don't call it non-fiction) or, more frighteningly, was *herself* the obsessed one.
   
   When you really get right down to it, this is the memoir of a deeply narcissistic, navel-gazing woman who took extreme-yet-illogical measures like traveling under an assumed name (like a customs agent in the United Kingdom, post 9/11, is going to care about a hand-written letter from a small town police chief when her airline ticket doesn't match her passport?) and yet she continues to go to the same therapist for a decade, continues to go to the same libraries for years and years, etc.?
   
   I just finished this book tonight. Once I read the last page, I sat down and thought, 'OK, what really happened?' She never once, except for at the very end, actually SAW Paul. She slipped it in that he had REMARRIED and completed MEDICAL SCHOOL, all the while he was allegedly stalking her? C'mon. So, her phone line went dead a few times. She herself admits it happened only once every two years or so. She saw an acquaintance at an airline ticket office, an acquaintance who apparently didn't even take note of her. Her "complex, modern" alarm system rang false alarms a few times. So does mine. All the time. I can't think of anything else that happened to support her claims of being stalked.
   
   She was never assaulted. She was never threatened; not verbally, not in writing, not second-hand. She never once saw her alleged stalker, nor did she imply that he was following her and was just good at hiding. A backpacker in the woods in Maine asked if he could sit next to her. GASP! CALL THE POLICE!!
   
   Honestly, I am surprised at my own reaction to this, but I guess I feel really tricked and manipulated by this book. There's simply no evidence that this woman was stalked, let alone brutally stalked by a virtual ARMY of paid "surrogates" for more than a decade. I think she is chronically bored, has an overactive imagination, and was perhaps spurned by Paul. What kind of a person doesn't get out the FIRST time their boyfriend says, "Does it bother you that I have a gun in the house?" Does it really ring true that she laid there night after night as he asked and re-asked that question? Wouldn't it be a little more realistic that she might turn over and go "What the hell, freako? You asked me that last night, and the night before that!"
   
   Another lie: She says she didn't get a restraining order because Paul would've had to come to court and be in the same room with her. That is an absolute falsehood. The system is not set up that way.
   
   If I am wrong, then God forgive me. But I don't think I am. Do some critical thinking, folks. Look at the evidence she provides. Look at the likelihood of some of her stories about creating false identities and "going on the run," yet then she returns to her mother's house (where presumably Paul had frequently been a visitor when they were dating) and lives there for a year without a worry?
   
   In conclusion? I don't buy it. In the very beginning of the book, she says she will not name anyone still alive in her acknowledgments, because she is afraid that Paul will hurt them. At the end, she goes on to name full, first and last names of several people who helped her with the book. Huh? I also found it interesting that apparently, according to the author's own words, several people in her life also decided that this alleged "stalking" was a fabricated drama of her own making. I'm with them.



4. I ordered this book immediately after seeing it advertised in a newspaper and read it almost straight through once I got it. I'm very sad for this author who has to be so aware & methodical in her daily doings and living. I also greatly admire her strength and tenacity in being in "control" of her own life while also being Mindful of how quickly the rug can be pulled out from under her. An amazing lady for sure!!



5. 
   
   
   
   Stalk, stalking, stalker - all frightening words. They are words that we see in newspapers, online, or in books. Fortunately for most of us those words are not applicable to our lives, yet we do know that millions of women are terrorized by stalkers. Frequently these women are too frightened to speak out. Not so for Kate Brennan who has been the victim of a stalker for some 13 years. Choosing to write pseudonymously in order to protect those close to her, Kate recounts years of emotional turmoil, fear, aggravation, and anything but a normal life.
   
   Those years have also been a time of growing self-awareness as she remembers growing up in an alcoholic family and the fact that she has always been attracted by slightly out of sync, controlling men. She wonders how she could have loved and once trusted a man capable of such fearful acts. Kate believes that the answer is "...that life with my family had left me with such a high tolerance for cruelty I couldn't recognize perversion when I saw it." Then, as she notes, when she did see it she still thought that sick people could be well, that enough love and understanding might heal. She learned how very wrong she was.
   
   Kate first met Paul at a party in the home of friends. A writer and Bronte scholar, she went alone, comfortable with herself as a 41-year-old single woman. Paul was attractive, a charmer, and independently wealthy. He was a photographer, and the two shared a love of travel. He pursued her and despite past poor luck at romance Kate moved in with him.
   
   However, Paul was not at all what he seemed to be. It wasn't too long before he began having affairs, there were signs of illegal dealings, his once congenial facade changed dramatically. Kate moved out. She thought this was easily done - just walk away. She learned differently. "You can do all the psychic and physical separation you want, but there's no getting away from someone who wants to remind you he can mess with your life anytime he wants." Paul has the resources to do just that, and she now realizes it will not be over as long as he lives.
   
   She has moved repeatedly, still her phone goes dead because her account has been canceled. Small things are moved from place to place in her apartment, people are hired to intimidate her. When she goes to a movie, she first locates the exit then sits in the back row so she can keep an eye on the audience. There is nothing the police can do because there is no solid evidence against Paul.
   
   One wonders how she has been able to maintain her sanity through all of this. Kate's story is a chilling one, even more terrifying because it is true.
   
   - Gail Cooke