5 comments about Her Last Death: A Memoir.

1. In HER LAST DEATH, Susanna Sonnenberg achieves what I believe the very best memoirs can accomplish. She paints a vivid, living picture, not just of a life but of her relationship with her manic but unbalanced mother, and she does so with prejudice and personal perspective. Memoir is not autobiography; at its very best, the genre tells us not the facts and objective observation of the events. Memoir takes us into the heart of the author's experience, and it is its very subjectivity that gives it power. HER LAST DEATH brings the reader into Sonnenberg's internal world, a tumultuous place where both a mother's love and her sanity are always in question.
   
   Sonnenberg doesn't flinch from the light when it comes to examining her own stumbles and weaknesses, and when an understanding of her troubled mother's psyche eludes her, as it often does, the author doesn't engage in conjecture or armchair psychoanalysis. Instead, she allows us to experience this inexplicable world with her, and in the end, we are left not so much with a sense of who her mysterious mother might have been, but rather whom the author has ultimately become.
   
   In the course of facing a difficult past and its ramifications for her future, Susanna Sonnenberg has shown herself to be an extremely talented writer, and I eagerly await more from her.



2. I was very disapointed with this book halfway through. You can't help but dislike the author who seems to have no redeeming qualities. Predictable and self-serving, she seems to think she suffered more than her younger sister whom she abandons in a time of need. Lets hope "Her Last Death" is her last book!



3. I don't think I've ever read a book where the reviews were so extreme - from those who loved it to those who were quite disappointed. Yes, this is a sexually graphic book. Yes, this seems to be a very honest book. Yes, there are some inconsistencies in the story. However, I was very impressed with the personal writing style. Susanna's acting out as a teen and young adult clearly seemed understandable. How many people who knew her had any idea of what she went though at home? I am glad that she told this story, even though it was quite disturbing at times.



4. I love memoirs and I found Her last Death to be hard to leave when I had to go to work, but I have a few quibbles.
   
   The book started off wrongly in the preface where the author, Susannah Sonnenberg, warns us that the only "real" character in the book is her; everyone else has a pseudonym and people and events may be composites of characters and situations. That is not the definition of a memoir, in my opinion. Rather, I felt I was reading fiction into which the author had inserted herself. Therefore, I have no idea if what she wrote actually happened as described or if the people she wrote about, including most of all, her mother and sister and her wealthy grandparents, really existed. A memoir, at least since James Frey got reamed out by Oprah, is about real people and real occurrences.
   
   I also must admit I didn't like almost all of the people described in the book, including the author most of the time. Her husband remains a complete enigma (leading me to believe he's boringly normal) but that he doesn't seem to buy into her dramas says a lot about him. Her father has some interesting qualities and more so as his neurological disease has progressed. The mother, of course, is singularly distasteful in almost every aspect and it seems she has similarly doomed the younger sister. Her story is one of rampant, unrepentant child sexual abuse, passive aggressiveness, and deceit intended for no other purpose than to hurt her children in ways I haven't seen anywhere before. Everything she did was so inappropriately perfused with sexuality in dangerous and unspeakable ways. Should the author rear her two sons to be honest, decent, responsible, and loving adults, that will be a monumental credit to her ability to overcome her dreadful family.
   
   If readers discount the story and the people populating it as mostly fictionalized, then they will experience a well-written, fast-moving "novel" about a quite unsettling family they should never hope to meet.



5. Reading this book, the story of Susanna's upbringing and early years of marriage and motherhood, was like reading someone's diary. Her Last Death is the intimate purging of an extraordinary life with Mummy--perhaps one of the most unfit and reckless characters ever to raise children. What's remarkable is that Susanna not only lived to tell the tale, but also ultimately seems to have turned out to be quite "normal." She has certainly realized her potential as an educated and talented writer.
   
   It's the good writing that got me through this quick read. It certainly wasn't the subject matter. I kept asking myself, uh--WHY am I reading this? It had a definite Mommie Dearest revenge factor thing going for it, but the author's love for her mother came through as well, as she struggled to find herself while standing in an overwhelming shadow. I think it made me appreciate my own childhood, and marvel at the power we have over our children in mapping out the world for them.
   
   The mother she names "Daphne," (the author makes it clear in the front notes that all names but her own have been changed), is in a word, outrageous. Living a sexy, single-girl life with two baby girls in tow, she consistently puts herself, along with her drug and sex addictions, ahead of the responsibilities of motherhood. From a daughter's eyes, the reader senses Susanna's conflict of love and betrayal as she bestows the horrendous details of her childhood. Namely, her mother's constant offerings of cocaine and alcohol to the adolescent Susanna, parading an endless line of lovers through their apartments and hotel rooms, her need to seduce each and every one of Susanna's friends (particularly the boyfriends), and explaining orgasm and introducing birth control when her daughter was hardly beyond puberty. It made me feel both sick and very sad.
   
   Susanna divulges several of her own poor choices on the way to her life, as well as her initial struggles with motherhood. She may not be the most likable character walking the roads of Montana; however, due to the way she was raised, she has evoked this reader's sympathy. Overall, I found this to be an interesting and unique memoir and would enjoy reading future work by Susanna Sonnenberg.
   
   Michele Cozzens is the author of It's Not Your Mother's Bridge Club

No comments about Amarcord: Marcella Remembers.

5 comments about Confessions of a Video Vixen.

1. I am not sure where to start on this one. This book was a recommendation from a friend and as an avid reader I tried it on for size. Well, It took me one day to read it becasue I refused to waste another. I can never start a book and then stop, so I had to finish it, but believe me when I tell you, it had nothing to do with the story. I think that Ms. Steffans has some soul searching to do. I was hoping (praying) that redemption was somewhere between the covers, but I was disappointed. I think that Ms. Steffans is a master hustler. I don't hate the player, nor do I hate the game in this case. What I hate is the story and the fact that she simply took the oldest profession in the world and tried to sell it to readers as though it was something new. Karrine, I'm not mad at you girl. If those men let you use them like that then they each deserve what they got. I can't believe that men as innovative and successful as Jay-Z and Puffy would even have anything to do with the likes of you, but then again; they are men, so it is what it is.



2. I lived the same life in my early twenties, but instead of rappers, my life revolved around rock stars & Dj's, so I definitely was able to relate. It's just sad that this book got so many negative reviews commenting on how she's just "exploiting the black community" and "making money off of exposing people" and "blah blah blah". I'd bet that over half of these negative reviews are given by other black women. Here's a story of a young woman trying to find herself as well as her self-esteem & is looking for it in all the wrong people & places and finally gets the courage to write a book & make a little money by telling all. And instead of praising her for it, all of you other black woman have to hate on it and give it a bad review, so typical for another black girl to hate on another fellow black girl. It's so much easier for you to hate on her than give her the benefit of the doubt. Be happy that she found her way and made a couple of dollars to top it off. Nope can't do that can you?



3. This was a good read but not a lot of information like you might think.



4. I must lift my hat to KS who had the guts to paper her life as a whore among hip hops' unfinest. This book is obviously a best seller not because of the writing skills of the author but because of the telling revelations so candily splattered from across the not too many pages. Honestly, I would have loved to hear a lot more of what she has to say.
   
   The saying that all men are dogs seems indeed true. Married or not, these men were having their cake and eating it and paying dearly for it.
   KS did good, she brought these scumbags out in the open for all the young girls to see that yes, it is true, you are just being used.
   I wish KS all the best. She is indeed a troubled woman, rich but troubled nonetheless.
   
   Bottomline is, if you are naive like I was about what goes on in the hip hop circles, this book will have your eyes wide open. I read it in one day.



5. After hearing all the hype of Karrine Steffins book Confessions i had to read it, i had to know who was going to be outed and how her experiences changed her life. To my sadness and my dismay i must say that this is a novel i refer to as a "fake" book. I finish the 250 page book in two hours. The book told me exactly what i wanted to know but in many interviews she told that this was the biography of her life and she couldn't tell her life story worth out mentioning names of the people that played a part in her life i feel the purpose of the book was not to teach young girls to think better of themselves but to put money in her pocket simply because she didn't mention any normal average Joe Blow she was with no the only mention of any men in the book other than her father and the boy who raped her were famous powerful most of them married with children i can not be told that the only men Karrine ever slept with were the rich and famous. I am highly disappointed with her book and will not be purchasing the Vixen Diaries I can simply read the "tell-all" parts in a blog somewhere since that is the only reason worth reading this excuse of a book.

5 comments about Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl (Dover Thrift Editions).

1. I had no idea that this book would be as compelling as it was. Really, it was a bit of a pleasant surprise. I bought it because it was required reading for a class, but ended up liking it... Who knew?



2. It's obvious the difficulty slaves endured. Ironic, but she endures a great deal more than most. How her story ends is not predictable.



3. Concerning this edition (the book is a must read)... Dover's thrift editions are just that--thrifty. The text is close together and the overall readability of the edition is fair. It works, but I'd like to see Oxford or Penguin make a "classic" edition with a scholary introduction, footnoting and contextual information like 19th century reviews, etc... A good edition, needs improvement, but then it wouldn't have a "thrifty" price!



4. Harriet Jacobs' Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl is unique in that it is one of the few firsthand accounts written by a woman. The book is a tribute to an extraordinary woman who spent much of her life fighting against slavery. She also provides details into the reality of this dark period of American history, constantly struggling with how a nation can be Christian and yet allow the practice to continue. It is impossible to read this book and not be impressed with the quality of this historical figure.



5. I used an excerpt from this book included in a women's literary anthology used in my women's literature class. It was one of the many classes' favorite reads. For their final they were allowed to concentrate on one class assignment, write a documented essay, and from it, give an oral presentation with visuals....several successfully replicated, small scale, the yard and house with attic where Jacobs describes as being hidden for years... an incredible true story for everyone of all ages!

5 comments about Story of a Soul: The Autobiography of St. Therese of Lisieux, Third Edition.

1. St. Therese has a lot to say to this day and age. Her "Little Way" is so simple and based on love. I have personally found Story of a Soul very useful in my spiritual life. Even though she is a saint, she is very easy to relate to where ever you are in life's journey. It is a book that I certainly will be reading again as it has made such an impact on my life. Saint Therese may be called The Little Flower but after reading this you realise that she is a stirdy little flower made of steel! A lot of people can be put off her by how she is portrayed, as was I before I read about her life in her words. So get to know her!



2. This book is a great place to start learning about Therese. Includes the full text of the autobiography, and some supplementary material incl. a introduction to the autobiography and life of Therese and some of her letters and prayers. You can get much of this stuff online, but the book is a delight, with many pictures.
   
   Therese is a very special person, and I recommend a familiarity with her beautiful soul.



3. Excellent book and in her own words unedited. Also a good little book on St. Therese is 'Heart of a Soul'. This book Iam reviewing is A MUST Read.



4. Rev. Thomas Taylor's early 20th century translation of the memoir of St. Therese of Lisieux, unfortunately republished in 2006 by Echo Library, was made from the only manuscript then available outside her monastery, one substantially rewritten by Therese's sister Pauline, who made seven thousand changes. Scholars interested in the documents which gave rise to the cult of St. Therese may wish to consult early versions of Taylor. I urge those who want to read what Therese wrote to read the third edition of "Story of a Soul" translated by Fr. John Clarke, OCD, and published by ICS Publications in 1976. The Clarke translation, made from the unretouched manuscript written by Therese (an authentic manuscript published in French only in 1956), is recognized as the standard throughout the English-speaking world. No other translation compares to it. The book is enriched by an introduction, afterword, and easy-to-read notes that set Therese's manuscripts in the context of her life, and the index makes it even more useful. Whether you have not read "Story of a Soul" or have read only earlier English translations (Taylor, Knox, Beevers), the Clarke translation will open the world of Therese to you. Don't miss it. You'll find it at Story of a Soul: The Autobiography of St. Therese of Lisieux, Third Edition



5. It is a well written, inspirational text. I really liked the historical aspects as well as the religious excerpts. Great book for anyone experiencing an ongoing illness. It helps to put the disease in perspective. :)

5 comments about Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper.

1. Juno was hilarious and being curious about how one would go from a Minnesota stripper to a world renowned screenwriter, I bought this book. Cody braves the down and dirty (and often incredibly seductive) Minnesota strip clubs of all strata, and has no qualms about sharing her experiences with us. Some of her insights are terrifying (bed dances anyone?), but to her credit, Cody is never judgmental about those that inhabit the world of her little foray (the only exception being the owners of strip clubs and their exploitative policies). The only place where the story kind of falls off is towards the end when Diablo attempts to wax poetic about why stripping would a appeal to a good ole girl from the `burbs - this is the only time that Cody's writing seems forced, a little classist, and is just an odd addition to a really witty book. The only thing that was odd (and this was just me), was that the chick from Juno was narrating the whole thing in my head -this was funny at times, but also a little unsettling (confessions of a 16yr old pregnant stripper?).



2. This was a fun read with happy ending and all. Sometimes the wording was strange or sentences packed with too many adjetives which got annoying.



3. "A copy typist by day in Minnesota, Cody was hardly a likely candidate for entering an amateur stripping contest."
   
   Why is that so unlikely? A "copy typist" is just someone that types documents from handwritten notes. Quick google search reveals they make between $7 and $12 a hour. Is it any wonder she turned to stripping for easy money?
   
   I think the title's misleading and it's not a shock that someone making such a low income would become a stripper. Now if she was a successful doctor or lawyer then I would say it's unlikely, but a typist becoming a stripper isn't a stretch.



4. Cody makes a fresh statement in her debut, a memoir about a year discovering her wild side by stripping (among other acts). She is at home making numerous pop culture references, and the savvy reader will pick up on these eagerly. Cody doesn't hold back, explicitly detailing her numerous adventures that makes this a great, untraditional read. It's quite refreshing to read something so blatantly honest, so thrillingly open. Indeed, I raised my eyebrows a few times at her almost callous comments, but in doing so felt gratified to know that I wasn't a passive reader - Cody engages you, takes you along for the ride. Though there wasn't anything particularly groundbreaking or heartfelt about the book, her genuine anecdotes make up for the superficial lifestyle which she describes.



5. I loved this book! Not only was it hilarious, it also gave an interesting look into a world I knew nothing about. I laughed out loud at many parts of this book--Cody is truly talented at getting humor on paper! I have passed this book on to others, both men and women, and they have all also enjoyed it. Highly recommended for summer reading!

5 comments about A Small Place.

1. Ignore the reviews laden with the white liberal guilt or the white liberal defensiveness. This book is about a struggling country that needs the money from the west to survive, yet at its heart wishes the west would just take its rude tourists and away. As tourists we refuse to see that we've created a new form of economic imperialism around the world, we really just want to get away from the cold and draining life we left at home. It is easier to close our eyes and claim that angry brown people are lazy, stupid or senseless. After all we gave them hotel jobs, cruise ships and casinos, how dare they be angry at us. How dare they refuse to close their eyes to the parralells between slavery and the tourist industry maid job. This is not an essay providing answers - it is merely an essay trying to get people to wake up to the problem. After all the west caused the problems - what if they tried to solve them too!



2. If you expect a well-reasoned and persuasive essay, look elsewhere. At best, this is the mindless rantings of somebody who's been through a lot and really needs to vent. The only thing she was able to persuade me by the end of the book was that I was an evil person.
   The book is divided into several chapters. The format is fairly simple: in every chapter, Jamaica Kincaid hates on a different group of people. In the first chapter, she rants about tourists. In the second chapter, she rants about British people. If she focused on one group of people, her argument might make sense, but when she focuses on them all it becomes clear that she just hates everybody. Because she writes the entire book in second person, every insult is directed straight at the reader. I left the book feeling extremely guilty, while at the same time not exactly sure what I had done wrong.



3. Published in 1988 Kincaid's "A Small Place" is an unflinchingly angry portrayal of post-colonial, post-slavery life on the island of Antigua. To put it simply: Kincaid is as mad as hell, and she's not going to take it anymore. If you're white and can shelve your defensiveness for a moment this book is actually really enjoyable, it's written in first person and directed at "you," the British colonizer and/or the fat white tourist. Kincaid's sense of humor is wonderfully dark, and there are a lot of moments of humor if you keep an open mind. Still, at the heart of the matter is the story of Antigua's decay, left to rot by the British colonizers, with a population that doesn't vote openly corrupt officials out of office. She openly points out the irony of the celebration of emancipation alongside the valorization of the Hotel Training School, which teaches the residents of the island to be servants. In the end Kincaid concludes that no one is to blame, that after slavery the masters are no longer evil and the slaves are no longer "noble," but that everyone is merely human. She problematizes the matter, but offers no solutions, which might irritate those concrete sequentials among us. Also, she refers to Columbus, and the explorers in general, so adored in American culture, as "human rubbish" on multiple occasions. You might not agree with Kincaid, but this is one topic someone should be angry about, and her unapologetic narrative is about as honest as you can get.



4. I had to read this book for a Multicultural Literature class at my Uni, and, far from being informative, all it did was fill with me a contempt of my own. I am not a racist by any means, but when confronted with such a bitter, snide voice as the one Kincaid displays, I find myself unconsciously getting defensive. When she says, "you are a tourist; you are ugly," I find myself saying, "Fine, I'll keep my money and let you trade with seashells and beads." Kincaid is a master of the self-fulfilling prophecy: she says Antiguans are so oppressed and so downtrodden and so angry, and rather than doing anything to help it, she's exacerbating it by using such a bitter, over-the-top voice.
   
   Other reviewers have stated that the vision of Antigua portrayed is a warped and extremely limited one, biased by Kincaid's apparent small mindedness, and I must confess that I'm glad to hear that. To think that the entire island is solely occupied by bitter people who imagine themselves to be ex-slaves would make me steer clear of the area any time I go on vacation.
   
   Because, yes, I am a tourist. And no, being a tourist does not automatically make anyone ugly, despite what Kincaid's bitter rant might say.



5. A major failing of this essay, which claims to be non-fiction, is Kincaid's sole reliance on her own memories of Antigua. As an eye-witness, Kincaid has the chance to provide a unique perspective on the issues of slavery, corruption, tourism, colonialism, and SIDS (small island developing states). Yet, she ruins this chance, in my opinion, with her complete disregard of any perspective other than her own.
   
   A Small Place presents a biased and incomplete account of many of the issues facing Antigua and other islands in the Caribbean. Some of Kincaid's criticisms are certainly valid; however, others have been blown completely out of proportion. If one really wishes to know the history of Antigua and to understand the lingering consequences of colonialism, I suggest looking elsewhere.
   
   What this book lacks in factual information, it does not make up for with a strong emotional appeal. Kincaid's story line is incomplete and unengaging. She repeatedly wanders from topic to topic and back again, giving no sense of what is most important or relevant. Additionally, whatever sympathy she may gain from the Western reader is repeatedly lost with her hateful generalizations.
   
   I am sorry that I have to write such a negative review of this book. I believe that it is important for people in the West to understand the plight of developing countries, especially SIDS. However, I do not believe that A Small Place is at all helpful in promoting this dialogue.
   
   It is important to understand the past. And I can sympathize with Kincaid's intense hatred of those who have and continue to oppress "her people". However, I think this text is short-sighted in its desire for change. After repeatedly criticizing tourists for their greed and laziness, does she really expect them to want to understand Antiguan society? I see the hatred and dualism expressed in A Small Place as a major obstacle in achieving a better tomorrow.

5 comments about Marrying Anita: A Quest for Love in the New India.

1. I bought this book after finding it through a link somewhere. I'm interested in reading about what singles do to find love (although this is not my situation), and I liked the idea of learning more about Indian culture. This book was a big disappointment, however: in the end, I thought it was trashy.



2. Not to give things away, but the title of this book doesn't do justice to its content. One blog says that 'Marrying Anita' covers the "cringe-worthy aftermath of her decision to move to India and seek an arranged marriage." I like that. The 'cringe-worthy' part is a testament to the author. She goes through some painful, uncomfortable stuff, but - to her immense credit - it's all recorded here on paper. Before the halfway point, you start wondering if the title event is in the cards for Ms. Jain. As the pages quickly run out, the answer becomes more and more apparent.
   
   No matter - 'Marrying Anita' is still a compelling read because of its very interesting look at the rapidly changing social mores of India. [Well, of the big cities at least. The author notes that to go to the country is to be hurled back in time.] Ms. Jain dives headfirst into Delhi's go-go business and after-work cultures. She's come full circle from her parents' departure some thirty-plus years ago. Her reporter's keen eye compares her present-day experiences to what her father left behind. Moreover, she points out the sizable differences of today vs. her first foray to India immediately after college. The differences in those 11 or so years are striking.
   
   In her Acknowledgments, the author says "I am profoundly fortunate for the as-of-yet unconditional love and support of my parents." I take that as: "Some of what is written here is going to test that." And how. But the love and respect that the author has for her parents pours out through the pages of this book.



3. Anita Jain's "Marrying Anita" has received many enthusiastic reviews. But quite a few readers who were born and raised in India, and steeped in Indian culture, were shocked and pained - her parents among them, I must say - to read this book. In an interview the author has said that her parents were "not happy" when they read the book.
   
   Passages such as this will shock an average Indian not exposed to American culture. "Going to India to find a husband also raised other considerations. I wondered if I would be able to find someone modern enough in his thinking to be comfortable with a wife having a great deal of her own agency, not just in terms of making decisions for the household but in having a full life outside the marriage -- one that included going out with friends, drinking, and smoking. A woman who has had sex in the past -- and not just with those two long-term boyfriends. I wasn't sure what I would find, but I owed it to myself to try."
   
   Written with wry humor blended with wit, and in a sarcastic tone, portions of the book are entertaining and highly readable. But there are many portions that caused me pain, shock and regret, especially at the needlessly snide remarks the author made about a couple of suitors. I think the problem is that even though her name, appearance, and lineage are Indian, she is not an Indian at heart, and she lacks basic knowledge about Indian culture, manners, and etiquette. Here is an example - this is what she has written about Lalit, one of her suitors:
   "Lalit worked as a clerk at a shipping company, earning 8,000 rupees, less than $[...], a month. He'd never been to my upscale neighborhood. He greeted my parents -- "Namaste, Auntie. Namaste, Uncle" -- then surveyed the place, clearly thrown by the style in which I lived. I was the last thing he noticed."
   
   I have a different perspective on this encounter because I was born and raised in India and I am steeped in Indian culture. Lalit did not do anything wrong; he behaved most appropriately. He greeted her parents respectfully. Then he surveyed her flat and looked at the furniture. Again he did nothing wrong, because a prospective suitor is not supposed to start gawking at the woman immediately after sitting down. That would be considered impolite in Indian society. He is supposed to look around, perhaps at a potted plant or flowers in the vase, take his time, and sneak a look or two at the prospective bride while sipping coffee. That would be considered polite. Later, after some conversation, if he wishes, he can look at her for a longer time, without the fear of being considered rude. I know this is not the American way, but it certainly is the Indian way. Lalit's main fault seems to be that he did not have a good income.
   
   Anita Jain went to India with an admirable goal, of course: to find a suitable husband. "I was looking for a modern Indian man, someone comfortable with a wife who went out with friends, drank, smoked and had had other boyfriends," she has written. But her actions, the way she behaved with the prospective suitors, the cryptic remarks she made after the suitors left, belie her stated goal. The witty one-liners and the sarcastic two-liners uttered looking down on the men might entertain and elicit a hearty laugh from the readers; but such behavior is not conducive to human understanding. Understanding human heart takes patience, empathy, and that most precious of all human qualities: compassion (not pity). In Delhi, had she gone to a Jain temple and spent some time with ordinary Indians, she would have learnt very quickly how good-natured Indians behave with others, with kindness, respect, a bit of humility, and tolerance. The very nature of the way Indians greet others saying, "Namaste", denotes not just respect - it borders on reverence. If you criticize every thing you see and every man you meet, and think that they are beneath you because they happened to look at the luxurious furniture of your flat in awe, or that they did not speak much, I am afraid you will never find a suitable mate. In a garden with various and abundant flowers, a visiting bee seeks only honey-bearing flowers. The bee will avoid as a waste of time and effort a flower devoid of honey, no matter how bright, rich, colorful or splendrous. Endow yourself with at least a bit of honey, and the bees are bound to follow. Make all the snide remarks if you wish, to entertain and elicit a quick laugh, but be prepared at the end of the day to sleep in an empty bed.



4. I really liked Anita, and enjoyed reading this book. It's well-written, candid, and full of very interesting observations and insights into both Indian and American culture. As I read along, though, I found it increasingly frustrating - and ultimately maddening - that Anita seemed to lack the slightest insight into herself. Specifically, the very traits she rails against the most are the ones she herself exhibits in spades.
   
   The most laughable sentences in the book: "This so-called `fear of intimacy'... what is this? It seems rather unfathomable to me." What's unfathomable to *me* is how Anita can be unaware of how obviously terrified of intimacy she is. She rails against men who declare early on that they're not looking for anything serious. She doesn't seem to realize that it's much more insidious and irresponsible to declare that you *are* serious (and even to believe you're serious) about wanting something real, as she does - and then to have your every action and decision declare otherwise, as hers does.
   
   If a man is married, or has a girlfriend, or lives on another continent, or has taken a vow of celibacy, or is inappropriate for her in every way, or is "just not that into her", or is downright cruel and heartless to her - well, she's all over him. On the other hand, if a man is appropriate, genuinely interested in her, well-intentioned and respectful, she can't seem to write him off or sabotage the relationship fast enough. News flash, Anita: these are classic symptoms of serious intimacy issues.
   
   Case in point: her father arranges for her to meet a young man in whom she has no interest. She's much more taken with his chaperone - a handsome, accomplished, engaging and well-read professional. Unfortunately, he's just the chaperone, and naturally he is all the more alluring for being out of reach. But wait! This attractive and appropriate man calls her and wants to date her. In fact, two such men are interested in her at this time - two age-appropriate, professional, accomplished and courtly men. So what's the problem? She's admittedly too hung up on a boy she describes as a "surly, inarticulate kid" -- someone who actually *hangs up on her* whenever she calls him -- to give these other men a real chance. She even goes so far as to moon about this kid while on dates with her would-be suitors. News flash, Anita: this is not the behavior of a woman who is truly interested in attaining intimacy.
   
   For that matter, seemingly appropriate and well-intentioned men display interest in her throughout the book. If she's not actively sabotaging her chances with these men, then she's disqualifying them right out of the gate, often for the flimsiest of reasons. After her father told one suitor that Anita doesn't do housework, they wrote the guy off for essentially saying that he doesn't do it either. She wrote another man off (a man she describes as attractive, very successful, and considerate enough to make dinner reservations in her honor) because his *mother* was adopted.
   
   Another little hint that intimacy-phobia is at work here: if Anita isn't attracted to someone with whom she's on a date, she drinks slowly and in moderation and asks him questions about himself. In other words, she behaves appropriately. If she is attracted, she gets plastered and reckless immediately. With a man she describes as perfect for her, Anita orders "a double vodka-lime-soda, the first of three at *that* bar," and then, by her own admission, "slurs" and "stumbles" and "yodels" and "grins stupidly" as the date rolls along. News flash, Anita: when a professional, accomplished man of substance is evaluating a woman in terms of a potential wife and mother, he's usually looking for a modicum of stability, good judgment, impulse control and decorum. There's nothing wrong with kicking up your heels and having a good time once you get to know and trust a guy, but why brandish your "party girl" side at someone so relentlessly in the very first hour of your acquaintance? You complain about all the men who aren't looking for anything serious, then you seemingly do your best to not be taken seriously.
   
   Anita, I was once just like you. I was only willing to invest emotionally where a real relationship was all but impossible. It took me years to understand that the fear of intimacy was mine and the suffering was 99% self-inflicted. I really hope you will take an honest look at your choices and your actions and realize how thoroughly they belie your words. You blame nearly everyone and everything around you for your situation: you blame the men, you blame New York, you even blame the entire Western system of dating. Where is your share of responsibility in all this? Come on, you're a Harvard-educated, highly intelligent woman, and this isn't rocket science. The one truly lacking in "clarity of intent" is you. There's still time for you to achieve what you say you want, but you need to wake up to what you're doing. I hope you'll believe me when I say I wish you the very best, because I really do.



5. As a guy, the title isn't something that drew me in; however, I have a keen interest in all things India, so decided to give the book a try.
   
   Amid the amusing and often hilarious anecdotes about Anita and her escapades is a fascinating look at India in transition that goes well beyond the supposedly heavyweight but hopelessly behind-the-curve tomes such as Freidman's "The World is Flat". Jain, of Indian heritage but having grown up in the U.S. is in a unique position to take the pulse of the key demographic in the New India. Her observations are cogent and witty.
   
   This is a very good book.

5 comments about One Drop: My Father's Hidden Life--A Story of Race and Family Secrets.

1. I liked this book. Not so much b/c I was interested in Anatole Broyard, but rather I found his family history and his daughter's struggles to come to terms with her father's and her own identity much more compelling. Bliss Broyard did a wonderful job of detailing her paternal history all the way back to 18c Louisiana. I felt her need to connect with her new found family and her pain when her family (while polite) did not fully embrace her. Highly recommended.



2. Bliss Broyard is amazing, and I am so glad that she wrote this book. I discovered her existence seeing an excerpt from African American Lives and became curious about her journey. I had just had my own DNA testing done to confirm or dispel a family story about us being American Indian and Scottish, instead of Irish as we'd been told. When my results came in, showing a strong subsaharan African and Egyptian Berber influence (in addition to the Scottish and American Indian parts) I was startled and surprised. I didn't know what to make of it, or how to incorporate this new knowledge into my self-identity. So, reading Ms. Broyard's book was amazing for me, because I'd gone through many of the challenges she spoke of. I was somewhat jealous of her ability to connect to relatives and gain so much genealogy information, as I've been doing these searches for 10 years and not gotten so much. Her book is a testament to rethinking the memory of her father and making meaning for herself. Her writing is exceptional, and she's honest, sincere. I wish there were more authors (or people in general!) like Ms. Broyard. Good for her for publishing this! I've passed on my copy to other friends who struggle with their multiple cultures and identities, and gifted a copy to a friend who's interested in his own genealogy. Go Ms. Broyard, and bless you for the courage it took to write this book!



3. Bliss' voyage was very special to me. I felt her pain and confusion and unfortunately could relate too closely to her tale. Her account is so honest and self-reflective that it was embarassing at times to be privvy to her thoughts. As a mother,I wanted to hug her and explain to her all the racial garbage that American society dumps on us. As a Creole of Color whose mother, grandmother and God knows how many other relatives passed while I couldn't, I can relate to her family stories and pain. Yet, this young lady taught me so much with her amazing historical research. If I ever drag myself back to Louisiana to my maternal home, I will have lots of tips to learn more about my family. For example, who is my Italian grandfather and does a great grandfather's portrait as a judge still hang in a county courthouse? I'd love to have her help me retrace my roots. I am amused at her stories of people discovering their black ancestry and I laugh at the thought that if people in the 30s only knew that my red-headed grandmother, a magazine cover girl, was actually black/Negroe/Colored/Creole or that my mom, the lady in the 60s Wonder Bread commercial, wasn't white. But the scars still remain with all of us. The lies, the denial of self still haunt the family. I am sending this book to my mom who prbably to this day experiences some guilt about not raising her eldest daughter because she couldn't pass in her white expatriate world.



4. I just finished reading a novel called Passin', by Karen E. Quinones Miller, and Broyard's father was mentioned in that book. What little I learned from Miller's book intrigued me, so I hurried up and purchased One Drop. It was a decent book, but not as interesting as I might have hoped.
   
   She had me mesmerized when writing about her father's life, but then when she goes on her own journey to learn more about her African-American roots my interest began to wan. I tried to figure out why, and then realized it was because she was writing about it almost as a disinterested character herself! She never drew me in, because she wasn't that drawn in. So why did she bother with this odyssey to find her roots, I wonder? Maybe to write this book?
   
   Also, and I saw this mentioned in a few other reviews, she seems to have some (residual?) racist views herself about blacks . . . and you out and out feel that she thinks it ironic that she's now part of a group she and her friends have always considered inferior.
   
   If anyone ever writes a full biography on her father, I'd love to read it. But this memoir left me feeling a little on the exploited side, myself.



5. One of the best biographies ever. Blyss Broyard blends two hundred years worth of family secrets to explain how and why racial identity can be so controversial. Her father, Anatole Broyard, kept his mixed race parentage from his children and the result of that decision is this marvelous book.

5 comments about The Naked Truth: Young, Beautiful, and (HIV) Positive.

1. First, I really enjoyed this book. There is nothing better than telling "The Naked Truth". When I get the chance to meet Ms. Marvelyn,I will give her a friendly hug because she is very special. I believe that she was placed here on earth to tell this story. Her story was very entertaining and educational at the same time. I watched her when she made an appearance on 106 and Park. I really admire Ms.Brown for sharing her personal life story with the whole world. This book was well worth the price at the bookstore. This book should be at every library around the world. This story is a prime example of how PEOPLE will turn their backs on you just when you need them most! It also shows how people will fight reality even when it means lying to loved ones. Even today in (2008), PEOPLE are still very uneducated about HIV and AIDS. It surprises me that so many adults fail to educated themselves on AIDS. The bottom line is that PEOPLE are so focused on LIFE and not the REALITY of it. Over all, I enjoyed this book and will continue to pass it along. THANKS MARVELYN



2. It is my belief that this book should be required reading for every teenager and their parent(s)and that they should sit down afterward to discuss the contents.
   
   I can only imagine that it isn't easy trailblazing a path to erasing the stigma attached to being HIV+.
   
   Marvelyn Brown is a very brave young women and I'm willing to bet that if you were to spend time talking with her she would say that she doesn't see herself as being brave but rather as someone telling the 'Truth' about her life.



3. I thought this book was remarkable and I praise Marvelyn Brown for coming forward so that she can educate women like myself. You won't want to put this book down.



4. I was introduced to Ms. Marvelyn Brown and her story during CNN's 'Black in America' special that aired in July. Marvelyn Brown and Courtney Martin have written a book that is both riveting and shocking in it's candid description of the choices and events that led to Ms. Brown's positive HIV test.
   
   The authors have shined a light on the continuing ignorance and naiveté of many people in this country as it relates to understanding HIV. Marvelyn's story could be the difference between a positive and negative test for a lot of sexually active teens (and adults) in this country.
   
   I pray that many will read this book and share this story with people they love. It is truly a cautionary tale.



5. First, I'll deal with the misleading part. The product description states that Ms. Brown is a non-promiscuous young woman. I take issue with the 'non-promiscuous' part. If Ms. Brown had not caught HIV from Prince Charming, she very easily could have caught it from one of her many other sexual partners. The definition of promiscuous is having multiple sexual partners. By definition, Ms. Brown was indeed promiscuous. THAT is how she caught HIV.
   
   Her message is that everyone, even non-promiscuous heterosexuals, are at risk. That message is very important. She should not jeopardize that message by trying to pretend she was being chaste and still caught HIV.
   
   One last issue I had with the book: I think this message needs to reach everyone, not just African-American females. Her language is raw. That may jeopardize her message by turning some people off before they have a chance to finish the book.
   
   Having said that, let me reiterate the importance of her message. Actually, there is more than one message. She talks about the impact of suicide, the impact of growing up without the presence of a father-figure, the long-term impact of decisions one might make in high school, and the impact of low self-esteem (self-love)- all while sending the message that being HIV+ does not need to be a death sentence. All of these messages are so important and she does a great job of getting those messages across.
   
   I used the book last night to have a discussion with my daughters. Ms. Brown's words are more eloquent than mine, so I actually read out loud from the book. Her message that suicide does NOT send the message you may intend is extremely powerful. I read that to my girls.
   
   I read to them the myths and realities of AIDS. That was a very easy and non-awkward way to pass this information on and discuss some unusual topics. We also read together the AIDS facts that are included in the back of the book. These were very informational and very helpful.
   
   Please hand a copy of this book to every young woman you know who does not have the parental guidance she needs. Make a gift of this book to your public library, your school's guidance counselors, and to your church leaders.
   
   For those of you with children: I recommend you read the book before you hand it to your teenagers.