5 comments about Walking in the Shade: Volume Two of My Autobiography--1949-1962.

1. I love biography. I never thought I would abandon a biography unfinished and feel no desire to pick it up and continue. I found this dull, self-serving and boring. Lessing seems to be busy making excuses and justifications for her 'fellow travelling' with Communists in 1950s London. Oh, pleeeze! So what? Heaps of people were members of the party or fellow travellers. many have also renounced or reassessed their former positions, but they don't feel the need to go into tortuous self-denial as Lessing does. I find her cold as a person - that's fine, one doesn't have to LIKE the subject of a biog/autobiog to be interested in them. But her writing is cold and detatched as a cold-water flat in misty wintry London!



2. Cold? No way.

   Although volume 2 lacks the profound personal revelations found in volume 1, it is a fascinating collection of her memories and point of view of England in the 1950's. She talks quite a bit about her life in a brutally honest way that few writers, let alone people in general, would be willing to admit.

   Her witty observations of society and what makes it tick are very entertaining, as well as many insights into what later became The Golden Notebook.

   Cold & self-serving? Not this book. It's an oustanding autobiography by one of the most brilliant minds of our time. I think negative reviewers of this book have gotten carried away with their own agenda. Doris Lessing never caters to expectation which makes her writing even more compelling.




3. I didn't enjoy this book nearly as much as Volume I, UNDER MY SKIN. But it's a fascinating book for 2 reasons.

   1. The light it sheds on the relationship between fiction & autobiography, & the glimpse it gives of the novelist's mind, how experience is tranformed into descriptions of people, places, events which are placed in the kaleidoscope of a particular work of fiction, shaken up, & emerge forming a different pattern. I probably would have said the same about UNDER MY SKIN, except I haven't read the CHILDREN OF VIOLENCE series yet, which corresponds with the period covered by Volume I of the autobiography. In Volume II, one sees many ingedients that went into THE GOLDEN NOTEBOOK.

   2. Lessing's observations of the period 1949-1962 in London, & comments on "the States" as she calls us.

   It is funny in places, too. I think there's more humor in both volumes of Lessing's autobiography than in anything else I've read by her, and I wonder why this is.




4. I didn't enjoy this book nearly as much as Volume I, UNDER MY SKIN. But it's a fascinating book for 2 reasons.

   1. The light it sheds on the relationship between fiction & autobiography, & the glimpse it gives of the novelist's mind, how experience is tranformed into descriptions of people, places, events which are placed in the kaleidoscope of a particular work of fiction, shaken up, & emerge forming a different pattern. I probably would have said the same about UNDER MY SKIN, except I haven't read the CHILDREN OF VIOLENCE series yet, which corresponds with the period covered by Volume I of the autobiography. In Volume II, one sees many ingedients that went into THE GOLDEN NOTEBOOK.

   2. Lessing's observations of the period 1949-1962 in London, & comments on "the States" as she calls us.

   It is funny in places, too. I think there's more humor in both volumes of Lessing's autobiography than in anything else I've read by her, and I wonder why this is.




5. This second part of Doris Lessing's candid biography, which depicts her difficult beginnings in London, is a more bitter report than the first one. It is full of personal and ideological disappointments.

   Like so many young intellectuals in Europe, she finds shelter in the leftist Church (with capitalism as hell, Lenin, Stalin or Mao as Christ the Saviour, and Utopia as heaven) and becomes a believer in heart and soul. She still has difficulties to believe why she was so blind (even after a trip to Russia) and stayed like many others so long with the communist movement.
   The agonizing psychological struggle to become an apostate is very emotionally told.

   What saved her was art, in which she has a limitless belief: it can overthrow world powers.

   This is a moving, uninhibited and realistic work, exemplary for many idealistic but wilfully deceived young people in the ninteen fifties and sixties. Outsiders willing to write her biography will not have many more 'secrets' to reveal.
   Not to be missed.

5 comments about Julia Morgan.

1. Much new primary source material. Stunning photography and much more. Something for the scholar, the architect, the homeowner, the dreamer...and anyone who craves beauty.



2. This is a great addition to the Julia Morgan literature. A lovely intro by her god-daughter gives some new biographical information, and there are more pictures and discussion of her private home commissions than in any of the other books I have.



3. This book is an exceptional coffee table book for oneself or as a gift. It is one of the most comprehensive books I have seen on Julia Morgan and her architecture with a wonderful compilation of photos.



4. While this is clearly a comprehensive book at JM's work and the photographs are exquisite, the prose could have used a bit more editing.
   For example, the introduction, written by JM's niece is a stream of consciousness of memories vs. a more concise piece on Julia Morgan's relationship with the goddaughter and the mother (who was Julia's assistant).



5. I have both this book and Sara Boutelle's "Julia Morgan, architect" ISBN 0-7892-0019-8. I give a slight edge to the Boutelle book for the writing, but both books are excellent and each provides information, images, and insight not in the other. I wouldn't give up either one.

No comments about From Hoofbeats to Dogsteps: A Life of Listening to and Learning from Animals.

5 comments about Sunlight On The Lawn (Beverley Nichols Trilogy Book 3).

1. Some readers of Beverly Nichol's books have found his writing hilarious, but I do not. I find him amusing, and have read the trilogy plus his GREEN GROWS THE CITY because they sustained my interest, but he is not P.G. Wodehouse or John Mortimer for that matter.

   I cannot judge from Nichols books whether or not he had a particularly deep understanding of human nature. From time to time, he allowed himself to be drawn into odd misadventures with eccentric others, and he certainly had his conflicts with busy-body females, and as often as not he had charming female friends. His best friend in the world seemed to be Gaskin, his 'man' and his cats.

   The central theme of MERRY HALL, the first book in his trilogy, is the restoration of the grounds and gardens at his old Georgian Estate. LAUGHTER ON THE STAIRS covered the renovation of Merry Hall--the Georgian Manor house. His third book, SUNLIGHT ON THE LAWN, has people as it's focus--those who inhabited the area in and around Merry Hall when Nichols lived there in the late forties and fifties. First, there is the sad departure of Oldfield whose gardening days come to an abrupt end. Then, there are various episodes involving the ever meddling Rose, tea with Miss Mint, fractious neighbors, overgrown fields, and wells without water.

   As always, in a book by Beverly Nichols, there are cats. Nichols had a great love of black cats, and the cats often play a role in one of his tales. Most of the time the story is funny, but sometimes a cat meets a sad end. If you are a cat fancier, you may find his cat exploits familiar and amusing. This is a nice book for bedtime reading and a fitting end to the series.




2. Beverley Nichols had a rare talent. His writing is witty and humane and perfect for relieving the stress of life lived in the modern world. When you read this book you will be saddened that only two others of his sixty odd minor masterpieces are still in print. Buy this book if you love gardens, or old houses or simply reading well written stories, some of which are laugh out loud funny. Beverley Nichols writes like Oscar Wilde, except his subject is gardening and old houses and the curious people who dwell in them.



3. Having read Trilogy1 and 2 of this series, I just had to get the third. It did not disappoint at all. A continuance of Beverley Nichols life with his beloved garden, and lifes ups and downs.Recommended reading.



4. Sunlight on the Lawn is the third volume in the Merry Hall trilogy by Beverley Nichols. Where the first volume focused on the garden at Merry Hall and the second focused on the house, this volume focuses on the community, providing a humorous glimpse into English village life in the 1950's. Gardeners and fans of Mr. Nichols' spendthrift ways will be happy to know that large-scale projects continue apace in the author's garden.
   
   It is a mistake to read the foreword first - it casts an elegiac tone over the rest of the book. Save it for the end. Also putting a bit of a damper on things is the fact that we realize in this book that Our Beverley is something of a coward - he touches so lightly on the death of one of the characters (real people - this is memoir, not fiction) that the reader is left gasping, and spends the rest of the book wondering if he has mis-read. For these reasons I have knocked one star off of my rating for this book.
   
   Having said that, if you have already read and enjoyed the first two volumes, you will be eager to spend more time in the company of this author, and see what his friends and neighbors are getting up to. Mr. Nichols is a keen observer of people, and with his deliciously dry wit (and unsparing of himself) he turns everyday situations and relationships into real entertainment.
   
   Highlights of the book include the escalating but ever "civil" fued between Our Rose and Miss Emily, and how Bob helps extricate Miss Mint from a very sticky situation involving the tenants from hell.
   
   I'm off to order more books by Mr. Nichols!



5. This book is like Canada Dry Ginger Ale- dry, crisp, and refreshing. Beverley Nichols was a very arch and witty writer! A combination of Jerome K. Jerome and May Sarton. This book is about his cats, his friends, and his garden. There are some very funny parts and some very sad parts. Some are almost too sad to read, but that is the way it usually is with excellent books like this.

5 comments about Dragon Thunder: My Life with Chögyam Trungpa.

1. I was a close student of Trungpa Rinpoche for 16 years. I never closed a door in Diana's face; I did spend a bit of time caring for Taggie, yet even though I was "close in" to Rinpoche's family, I did not appreciate or have much empathy for Diana's challenges or for the fact that she was facing them at such a young age. Now at 60, having raised 4 children and being grandfather to 4, I humbly beg her forgiveness and bow to her strong Dharma Heart.
   This book is a generous and bold revelation of life with a rare Great Being. It will help any spiritual seeker break out of their limited notions of spiritual life and practice.
   The way in which Diana perservered in preserving and strenghtening her own spirit under extraordinary circumstances will be an inspiring example for any reader. It with help you develop a mature relationship to meet your own challenges on the path.



2. This is an amazing and compelling story. One of the few spiritual bios that is a total pageturner!



3. "Enlightened Master"
   "Egomaniac"
   "Genius"
   "Fraud"
   "Compassionate"
   "Cruel"
   
   It is difficult to imagine one person attracting so many different sobriquets.
   
   Yet Chögyam Trungpa gathered all of these and many more.
   
   A recognized reincarnation of the Tenth Trungpa, he came to India after the Chinese invasion of Tibet and faced enormous hardships. He eventually came to Britain and met and married the sixteen-year-old Diana Probus, who took the name Diana Mukpo, and finally wrote this extraordinary memoir, almost twenty years after his death. They were married for a tumultuous period of seventeen years during which he established meditation centers throughout Europe and North America, attracted a large number of students and founded Naropa in Boulder, Colorado, the first Buddhist-inspired University in the United States.
   
   Chögyam Trungpa was a key figure in the dissemination of Tibetan Buddhism in the West, and apart from the testimony of his personal students, he has left a substantial body of written works, many of which are widely recognized to be spiritual masterpieces. He was always controversial and heavy alcohol abuse contributed to his early demise.
   
   I never met Chögyam, but I well remember many of my Buddhist friends being scandalized by his behavior. Most of them had acquired an extraordinarily ascetic view of Buddhism that many still hold today. The idea that an Enlightened Master may smoke, drink and have sex is anathema. They have an idea of the way that a spiritual being should behave, and if he or she does not, well that simply proves that they are not enlightened! I have known so many people who never realized that this view of spirituality is a projection based on just one spiritual current. There are many others, and it is a sad reality that rather than practicing tolerance, many of the different spiritual schools and traditions really dislike each other.
   
   This book paints an intimate portrait of a master of "crazy wisdom." It is particularly fascinating to see the juxtaposition of the early life of someone born into a life of privilege in England, with a man born in poverty half a world away. And what an unusual and complex man he was, with a colorful and powerful personality. Not only was he someone who transmitted teachings, he was also believed to be someone who found and uncovered lost poetic and philosophical treasures.
   
   This is a very personal book, but it is not a rose-colored one. Diana was not only Rinpoche's wife she was also his student, and he did many things that must have been very hard on her. There was evidently a clash of cultures and even though she was very young when they got married, she was concerned about some of the questionable decisions that were being made. Though at the end of it all, she says that she has "no regrets." The book gives some extraordinary insights into the inner workings of Tibetan Buddhism during its early encounter with the West. Though not designed to be a book of teachings, it contains a great many acute observations about the Buddhist path.
   
   This is a book that will be of interest not only to Buddhists, but also to anyone who would like to learn more about the development of meditation and spirituality in the West.
   
   
   
   Richard G. Petty, MD, author of Healing, Meaning and Purpose: The Magical Power of the Emerging Laws of Life



4. this is a good read because mukpo doesn't try to convince anyone, including herself, of anything. she tells her story as it happened and is happening, willingly opening herself to possible criticism and raised eyebrows. this is a real life, a real marriage, not, as her husband said, "one of those suburban couples" who pretend everything is real when it isn't. trungpa may have had some issues, but he profoundly impacted many lives. whether his impact was positive or negative is irrelevant--buddhism does not judge.



5. I really wanted to like this book. I am a practicing Tibetan Buddhist of the Drikung Kagyu lineage, and I really wanted to come away from this book with a better understanding of Chogyam Trungpa. I wanted to be able to stop thinking of him as a womanizing drunk.
   
   Unfortunately, this book didn't help me. The author spends a great deal of time explaining away Trungpa's behavior by stating that he just wasn't like other people and that the normal rules didn't apply to him. It felt like someone who is abused making excuses for her abuser. I didn't gain any clearer dharmic understanding of Trungpa's outrageous actions or his reasons for having affair after affair after affair, drinking to excess, or taking drugs.
   
   Brilliant teacher he may have been, but from what I read in this book, he doesn't strike me as any sort of a dharmic role model or a spiritual friend on whom I could rely.
   
   In addition to not feeling like I gained any sort of higher understanding of the main character, I feel that the book dragged on and on and on. It read at times like a list of dates and places, overly specific and uninteresting. The author seemed to be trying to account for every event in her and Trungpa's lives and explain how and why it showed Trungpa's brilliance. It got boring long before the book concluded.
   
   I give this book three stars because some of it is very interesting, and it gives a decent account of how Shambhala Buddhism came to be, but it doesn't offer any sort of scintillating window into who Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche was.

5 comments about Blackbird: A Childhood Lost and Found.

1. Jennifer's memories of her childhood contains the detail and emotion that captures readers and draws them into her early life. At a too-young age, she assumes much of the care of her terminally ill mother. You are drawn into the vivid scenes of her mother's illness, the all-too-brief attention from her father and the cruelties of her brother.
   Her life becomes increasingly difficult as first her mother dies, her father remarries and the stepmother resents and mistreats her. After her father's heart attack, Jennifer suffers greatly from neglect and malice from her stepmother and step-siblings.
   You can't stop reading, but at times it is hard to keep going as you relive her life through her words. You fear for the child and hope it doesn't get worse, but it does. If you've read The Glass Castle and Angela's Ashes, then add this book to your reading list. It's a memorable account of a dreadful childhood and the ability to endure and overcome hardship.



2. I kept thinking, "This has to get better, this downward spiral can't continue."
   
   And yet it does. And it does again, and oh Lordy, not again... and yes, there it goes again.
   
   Ms. Lauck's beautiful writing is what carried me through. I tried to read this title once and had to set it down, it was simply too much heartache encapsulated in one read for me. On my second attempt, I devoured it in three days and I am hungry to read the sequel.
   
   Many of the reviewers here have synopsized the story of "Blackbird" - Jennifer Lauck's story opens as she is a little girl, preschool aged child, with a very sick Mommy and simply doing the best she can - idolizing and learning from her Mommy, quoting her Mommy's favorite self-care mantras... and attempting to understand what is happening while following the rules-of-life-according-to-Mama.
   
   Her handsome, hardworking Daddy does what he can, and little Jenny (who he calls Juniper) does her best to keep things afloat even when Mama dies and brother Bryan creates mayhem and insta-wicked-step-Mom sends her to a cult camp... it is one sad (yet life-affirming, somehow) tale after another until at the very end when fate turns... or so we hope.
   
   Fabulous writing from a child's point of view.... and if it is hard for you to get through on your first attempt, try again later. You will be glad that you did.



3. Wow. This book and the sequel took me on a roller-coaster ride that I didn't really want to be on in the first place. It opened up some doors I thought were closed in my own life, forgotten childhood things that weren't quite as resolved as I thought they were.
   
   I believe that most women will find a strong voice in the words and true life story of Jennifer Lauck, but I wasn't prepared for the reaction this book would have for me on a personal level. Readers with unresolved personal issues are advised to proceed with caution - this is a good book to use in a discussion with a group, but some readers may not want to journey by themselves into the places and the emotions that Lauck so vividly writes about.



4. This book was simply amazing... As a person that has had the chance to meet Jennifer and talk to her the book it just makes it that much more amazing. This story is all true and it is amazing that one person can go through so much.



5. I received a copy of this book along with enthusiastic reviews from two of my co-workers. I both expected and wanted to share their enthusiasm, but for me the book lacked credibility. The first section of the book dealing with her mother's progressive illness, her brother's anger, and her father's growing physical and emotional absence resonated with me. However, the later parts of the book concerning her relationship with her stepmother and her abandonment in the commune seem so exaggerated as to be false. (What about her elementary school teachers? Would they be indifferent to her absences, illnesses and obvious neglect?) I doubt very much that the author has verified her account either by interviewing any of the other participants or revisiting any of the places in the story. For me, this tarnishes what should be a powerful story of overcoming loss, anger and estrangement and abuses the term "memoir". I suspect that had this been submitted to her publishers as a work of fiction, Ms. Lauck's editor would have demanded a "truer" story.

5 comments about Speak, So You Can Speak Again: The Life of Zora Neale Hurston.

1. Lucy Anne Hurston, the neice of Zora Neale Hurston, in a collaborative effort with the Estate of the great writer, has produced a beautiful tribute to her aunt and also a collector's item for fans of Zora Neale Hurston. Not only does it include biographical sketches of the famous author, but also live interviews, as well as a CD of folk songs sung by Hurston.
   
   The pages of this book are rich in heritage, painting a kaleidoscope of her life. Touching on her childhood, her days attending Howard University, and of course her writing, the reader is able to see that even though Zora Neale Hurston wrote about memorable characters, she too could have been one of the characters she wrote about. Because of the replications of original letters, maps, photos and writings, the reader is given a more detailed account of her life, told by someone who knew and loved her. Each of these are in pull-out sleeves and envelopes, easily removed from the book to allow closer inspection upon, or displayed vividly on the full color and black and white pages of the book.
   
   SPEAK, SO YOU CAN SPEAK AGAIN is a fascinating keepsake of a writer who means so much to not only the Harlem Renaissance and to African-American readers and writers, but also to literature as we know it. Through this collection, readers are offered an intimate portrait of a literary legend.
   
   Reviewed by Tee C. Royal
   of The RAWSISTAZ™ Reviewers



2. This is sheer magic. Just magic. For teachers of Hurston, it's a fantastic opportunity to hook students further into the life and times of Hurston and the fascinating (albeit simulated) feel of working with primary documents.



3. This is really great addition to my library. I have several of Zora's books. The pictues ,copies of handwritten notes are great. I really feel more connected to Zora with this edition. Great as a gift!



4. An unusual but delightful collection about Ms. Hurston. Listen to her sing and talk. The book is beautiful. Her works are wonderful for everyone--not only women.



5. I came across this book at a Pamida drugstore of all places, so thank you Pamida book buyer. As a fan of Hurston, I am thrilled to have this beautiful labor of love by her niece. To have a CD of Hurston singing and talking, to hold in my hands copies of her letters and manuscripts tucked throughout this cleverly designed work of art, it just brought tears to my eyes. What an amazing and wonderful tribute this is. I may not know much about the black experience, but I can tell you that great literature leaps all racial boundaries and brings us that much closer to understanding each other. Thank you Lucy Anne Hurston!

1 comments about Sharon Osbourne Survivor: My Story: The Next Chapter.

1. Sharon has a fascinating life and puts it all out in the open for everyone. While some people might not be as open about their misfortunes, Sharon doesn't sugar coat anything; she tells it all. This book was well written and very personal. Her life is very interesting and how she has put up with Ozzy, I will never know. That must be what true love really is. She is such a hard worker and a great inspiration for women everywhere.
   
   I also highly recommend Sharon's first autobiography "Sharon Osbourne Extreme: My Autobiography" and the book "Understanding: Train of Thought".

5 comments about Jen-X: Jenny McCarthy's Open Book.

1. I think the book was one of the greatest books i have ever read. i could realate so much to her. she is my like idol and i was so happy when i found out she had a book coming out. i bought it the very first day i saw it at the mall. one day i hope i can meet her but i know that will never happen but all in all the book was really good~! i think everyone needs to buy this book and see just how much she is like anyone of us!!! well if your out there jenny mccarthy i just wanna say hi and maybe i will be lucky enough to see you one day! i love you! you are so cool! well people i have said enough, now you need to go get the book that i am raving about!please buy it! it will make me happy! well cya people! hope you read this jenny!!!! from: Your biggest fan in the world!!!!jenny h



2. When my boyfriend gave me this book as a joke for my birthday, I didn't find it very amusing! You see, up to this point, I was one of the hopefully few "Jenny-haters" out there. But I decided to give the book the benefit of the doubt and give it a whirl, and I have to say that I was more than just pleasently surprised! Jenny McCarthy is not only very down-to-earth, but she's witty, hilarious, and quite frankly...normal! It was so refreshing to read that she isn't perfect after all - that she had acne, and stretch marks, and bad hair days, and bozo boyfriends. This book flys by, and I really didn't want to put it down. I am so glad I decided to read this book, not only because it was 100% entertainment, but because it gave me a chance to meet the "real" Jenny McCarthy. I loved it!



3. The title should tell it all: Jen X. It should read Jen O because she is a negative interger. Take away those breasts, and she is just another annoying self serving celebrity with little talent. This book is a must read for airheads, retards, mutants and crackheads. Enjoy!



4. I found the book to be a great information resource into her life and career start. The only thing I didn't like about the book was the out of order details, found to much jumping forward then back, or back then forward, but other than that, I thought is was a great book and I still love jenny in a big way, she is the greatest.



5. It tells us secrets about Jenny never evealed before.It's a little costly but well worth it.

5 comments about A Paper Life.

1. It takes true courage to disclose these intimate details of a person's life, especially if you are in the public eye. Seeing her in the news again brought me back to when I read this book and her life she has lived.
   
   I hope she finds the peace she is seeking soon. This book will help you understand her more and not judge her. Movie stars are people too.
   
   It will bring your compassion out when reading this book.
   
   Merna Throne
   
   Pocket of Pearls: A 30-day pocket workbook to start hearing a softer voice inside of you!



2. this is a very important book. what an extremely sad life. she suffered so much at the hands of horrendous parents and a drug-addled narcissistic hollywood culture that to this day still destroys everything that it touches. then (surprise) she marries a complete prick in mcenroe who does everything to destroy her. what an important expose on the hollywood culture that continues to destroy so many people. they sacrifice any chance of love and normalcy to be famous and get the cash. her father should have been arrested and/or institutionalized a long time ago. this is a great book because it completely destroys the hollywood myth and exposes it for the horrific juggernaut that it is- all smiles and lies and phoniness hiding the reality of addiction, emptiness, abuse and wholesale prostituion of the soul. before these people get a chance to really live they dive head-first into a profession and a culture that rapes their souls and treats them like financial institutions. they are rendered soul-less and rutterless, trees without roots, standing on the pier as their lives sail away from them. once you miss the train it can be hard to get where you need to go. in other words there is absolutely no substitute for being loved, protected and guided by parents who know the meaning of love and aren't using their children to get rich and become famous.



3. 
   Tatum's courage to overcome horrific abuse is very inspiring and this book chronicles that journey. Some may question the validity of the abuse she describes in the book but anyone who's had abusive parents knows she speaks the truth and is not exaggerating.
   
   It's very telling that the first thing Ryan O'Neal and John McEnroe said when this book was released was "Tatum is crazy". That's the classic response abusers always give - it's a dead giveaway.
   
   Thank you, Tatum (and Griffin, Redmond and Patrick), for this book and the hope it provides to all of us who've survived being attacked and violated by our own parents.



4. First of all, I would like to say that I am sure the book is very good but I would strongly suggest the AUDIO book it is excellent and most of all it is READ BY TATUM herself and is read with true emotion and feeling. You can tell by her voice that some parts were very hard for her to write and admit to but to tell the true story of her life she had to endure retelling some of these things that happened to her and her family.



5. Although this was, in parts, a difficult read, I understood all too well how Ms. O'Neal must have felt growing up and trying to escape and then finding that she had "married her father" all over again. I always wondered what it must have been like to be married to her husband when I would read about his temper and exploits on the tennis courts. Now I unfortunately know. That poor girl, and her children!
   
   I felt so sorry for the situation she was caught in, yet wishing and praying over and over again that she would finally escape and not accept an invitation to return to the abuse and dysfunction that was so clearly the only life her family knew.
   
   I understand the kind of loneliness one has when there is no real "family" to rely on, as holidays come and go... just empty words and then actions that belie any kind of caring or truthfulness or understanding. And when you do weaken and "take the bait," you get kicked in the teeth once again. It's a lonely life that we lead when we cut ourselves off from abusive individuals and families that we are "tied to," but as classic codependents, blaming ourselves for the attacks of our abusers, and trying desperately to "please them" to gain their love, we risk ever-present, guaranteed failure each and every time.
   
   There is no "cure" for narcissistic, borderline personality disorder (BPD) at this time, and anyone who thinks the other person will one day magically "change" and recreate the initial hypnotic magical "honeymoon stage" is doomed to failure. Codependent thinking says that that one day they will be able to get their abuser to love them "if only they could change themselves and act differently next time." I know this all too well.
   
   They end up spending their entire life chasing a dragon that will only turn on them, breathing smoke and fire, and burn them to ashes and death. No matter how much we feel sorry for our abusers, and wish they were different, and wish to help them, and wish they would love us, and know that we would do ANYTHING in this world to get them to change and to finally love us and give us what we want, a home and family, what's wrong with that?, these damaged, abusive individuals can only damage others in return. They are not capable of more.
   
   You have to recognize them for what they are, turn and run and never look back! Some people are nothing but rattlesnakes or poisonous spiders and toads, and can't do anything but spit venom, attack and bite at any unexpected moment in time. They must be avoided at all costs, no matter how much we wish they would love us, how we wish they were different, but they are not. They can't and they don't and they won't. Can a charging bull love someone? No. End of story there.
   
   What do we do? We have to learn to love ourselves, and find love in the solace of the natural world. How to do that? I don't know, but looking to others who cannot love is not the way.
   
   I kept wishing that Tatum would simply leave and take her children with her and make a new life for herself, but apparently too much damage was done.
   
   I will also point out that when Tatum was growing up and being beaten by her father, physical "discipline" and child abuse was not considered a crime. I know this from my own experience. Thank God the laws have changed! Her father was recently arrested - again - for physically attacking his son, and for his on-going drug use. Some things never change, yet you defend this man that you apparently no nothing about.
   
   Tatum is to be commended for telling her story from a heart-wrenching point of view. The emotional damage is the hardest to overcome, to which judgmental people, who have not lived through it, do not understand. They only add acid to the wounds. People who complain about "name-dropping" don't seem to understand that celebrities mix with other celebrities. Who else are they supposed to talk about? These are the people in their lives.
   
   God bless Tatum O'Neill and I hope she is able to come to terms with her upbringing and realize that codependency doesn't help when you are dealing with vicious narcissistic borderline individuals (like some of the authors of the few negative reviews). All I know is to try and find solace in God and prayer and forgiveness. "Put it in God's Hands" and move on with our lives, ask God to show us the way, is the only solution that many of us can follow, since it is all that we can do. It's also enough for now. Thank you Tatum for writing your book and sharing your difficult story. It is a cautionary tale for anyone in an abusive relationship, which says "Save yourself. Get out now!"