5 comments about Between Heaven and Ground Zero: One Woman's Struggle for Survival and Faith in the Ashes of 9/11.

1. I am a member of the Book Babes Book Club in Georgia, and we have had the opportunity to read many different books from many different authors. Leslie Haskin's account of what happened on that day moved me. She clearly showed how that horrific day started, normally, as any other. What touched me the most was the horrible aftermath that she endured. She really portrayed the suffering that many people went through and are still going through as a result of 9/11. I have a new respect for the survivors, and I know that God brought Ms. Haskins through this ordeal to share her story and motivate others to focus on what is truly important in life. Even after all that she went through, and all that she lost, Ms. Haskins has found peace and a way to give back to those less fortunate. This is an excellent book.



2. Leslie Haskin begins this first-person 9/11 account by stating that she suffers from posttraumatic stress disorder. Given that she barely escaped from the 36th floor of the World Trade Center's Tower One, Haskin's anguish is understandable. In her diary-style memoir, this highly successful businesswoman details the events of that horrific day along with the dramatic changes made to her life - and worldview - following the attacks. Although Haskin's writing tends toward stream of consciousness, which can be difficult to follow, her story is both riveting and inspirational.



3. The first half of this story was ....as I had expected......terrifying. Knowing it was all too true made it even more so. However....the second half of the book became repetitious. Perhaps it had to be written that way but I felt it really let down more and more to the finish.



4. It's rare that I read a book that is so graphic in its depiction of horror that I feel like I need to set it down and walk away for a while. Between Heaven and GROUND ZERO is such a book. In it, Leslie Haskin, an insurance company executive, pulls no punches in recounting her harrowing escape from the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001.
   
   "More than anything, I wish I could speak of joy that came through all of the suffering on that particular morning, but I cannot. There was none, " she writes. "However, in the greatest moments of desperation and overwhelming sorrow, God's loving and outstretched arms were waiting for my acceptance. I now know that His holy presence and peace called to me at every point of overwhelming despondency and paralyzing trepidation.
   
   I know that the Lord walked with me through that concourse. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...
   
   He held me as my head turned about quickly and my eye scoped every inch of what remained. I will fear no evil.
   
   It was another place entirely. It was surreal, like a 3-D movie; too gigantic and slow to participate in, yet too fast for retreat. I felt vulnerable and very mortal. For thou art with me.
   
   Everything I saw broke my heart a little more. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me... Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the hour of the Lord for ever.
   
   Amen."
   
   In a note to the reader and at the beginning of the book, Haskin acknowledges that her story is just one fragment of the mosaic of personal stories that make up the truth about what happened on 9/11. Her retelling is flawed insomuch as she suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder and the factual details of that day continue to be shrouded in a veil of pain. And yet, Haskin provides a brave and powerful testament to the horror perpetrated on 9/11 through her willing to tell us what she remembers, so that we, too, never forget.
   
   The details of Leslie's descent from her top-floor office via a staircase after the planes hit the World Trade Center is like a vision of a descent into hell. Her vivid descriptions of the warped building and suffering people around her are harrowing and disturbing. Even after all the media and cultural attention paid to this event, I gained a new sense of what evil was perpetrated on 9/11.
   
   But more than being a story of collapsed towers, Between Heaven and Ground Zero is the story of a woman undone in a moment of extreme suffering. Leslie freely admits to the pride and hubris she had cultivated and harbored as a result of her successful career. By the morning of 9/11, she had long since strayed from the Christian faith of her childhood, instead worshipping the gods of money and power. And of course, these gods proved fickle during the slow march to safety that started in her office and forced her to continue walking in fear and pain many months after the attacks.
   
   In the years that followed 9/11, Leslie lost her job, her car and her home. Her bout with PTSD has been severe and required intense medication and therapy. Her life as she knew it lay in rubble not unlike Towers 1 and 2. But, very much unlike those towers, Leslie has been rebuilt and stands tall again --- not in her own strength, but in the steadfast love of God.
   
   She writes, "And so I have learned that my life does not belong to me. I understand now how words exhale life, and I will never again hold my breath for so long a time as this. I have relearned to inhale and then to exhale, and as I breathe through Him, the Lord, that is, something wonderful happens --- distance. Space comes between my emotions and me, and it yields an unexpected but welcome gift --- faith. My world broadens until my vision lifts high above the 'soils of despair' and I am soaring. Hallelujah!!"
   
   Hallelujah, indeed.
   
   --- Reviewed by Lisa Ann Cockrel



5. God will get our attention one way or another but it is up to us to listen and Leslie listened. Did God cause 911? No, but He will use circumstances!

No comments about The Life of St. Catherine of Siena.

5 comments about Holy Man: Father Damien of Molokai.

1. "Holy Man" is undoubtedly the finest and most scholarly work to date on this topic. Prior to Daws' work, the overwhelming majority of books on this topic have been somewhat biased as they were produced by Catholic clergy and lay writers. Daws has brought the secular historian's skill to this subject and has produced a truly balanced account of the life and work of Father Joseph DeVeuster. Only a visit to the Molokai, Hawaii, settlements of Kalawao and Kalaupapa will provide the reader with a more detailed account of Father Damian's life and work among the lepers of Molokai. Father Daimian was beautified in 1993. A church inquiry is underway to determine whether or not this "Holy Man" should be made a Catholic saint. "Holy Man" is required reading for anyone even marginally interested in Hawaiian history. In the short period of time this work has been in print, it has become required reading for all students of Hawaiian History, American approaches to chronic and incurable disease and Catholic doctrine pertaining to leprosy and lepers. Daws has written a masterful account of the life and works of this important nineteenth century Catholic clergyman. "Holy Man" is the definitive work on Father Damian and is likely to remain so well into the next century. Father Damian was buried on the island of Molokai until earlier this century when his remains were exhumed and re-interred in his home of Louvain, Belgium. Today, only his hand remains buried on the island of Molokai. The hand is widely regarded as a religious relic.



2. I visited the leper colony on the island of Molokai, the villages of Kalawao and Kalaupapa last March and this book was recommended to me. I picked it up from a gift shop there as I went round visiting the sites of Fr Damien's enormous and extensive ministry. I also heard from the tour guides, stories of the zeal and dedication with which he ministered to the ill-fated leprosy patients. I also knew about him from other sources.
   
   The book is a wonderful read. It brings to the light of the world a rather obscure life of a Catholic priest who belonged to the Congregation of the Sacred Hearts Fathers and worked in the mission of Hawaii. His devotion and dedication to the ministry in favor of the lepers and his eventual martyrdom as a leper seemed to have moved this non-Catholic writer to go into detailed research and strenuous investigation to bring out such a classic work on the subject. Gavan Daws does not idealize Fr Damien's life or make him a superman. According to him Fr Damien was an ordinary man, a priest with his own frailties and flaws, at the same time a hero and a martyr worthy to be called `holy.' The book in fact, is more than a mere biography of the leper priest. A lot of research and study has gone into the writing of this book which is a story of leprosy in the Hawaiian islands, a history of the Church in the second half of the nineteenth century, besides being the life of a saint-to-be. I hope that the book will inspire ordinary people to make deep personal commitments and fulfill them with extraordinary devotion and fervor.



3. Very interesting, and informative on the times that the event was occuring in the Hawaiian islands. The story kept focused, and was very easy to read and keep up with.



4. This is a wonderful book for anyone who is curious about Father Damien of Molokai. It is comprehensive, non-religious, and thoroughly satisfying book. Gavan Daws did a great job describing Father Damien, his negative as well his positive attributes. The book is very well written, very well structured. It includes actual photos of key players at that time and drawings of the Kalawao settlement. I absolutely enjoyed reading this book. This one is a keeper.



5. When people analyze the life of a soon-to-be saint, such as Damien, it's not uncommon for them to gloss over any imperfections. This book, thankfully, doesn't do that. What it does do is show you a very human man, not an intellectual, not the star of his religious community or even his family, but a very devoted man who made an incredible difference in the lives of so many who others wouldn't even touch. Read it.

5 comments about Dreaming Me.

1. Since I have met Jan Willis a few times through my own work at Naropa University, I emailed her after I finished reading Dreaming Me. Here's part of what I wrote to her: "I just wanted to let you know how engrossing I found your book. It was like talking to you, hanging out with you, to read it. I had put it at the bottom of my pile of "books I want to read" but somehow it jumped right up to the top, and I couldn't put it down until I finished it. Please take that as a resounding compliment! Thanks so much for writing it, and for revealing so much of your big heart.



2. This book was read in one marathon session that flew by all too quickly. It spoke to the very core of my being. Having this story told in such a personal way deftly teaches the reader at every level. It's well written and one could easily be fooled that they are simply being entertained with a good read. There were many moments where I felt stunned with deep recognition of a life experience that mirrors a good portion of my own. I connected with this book deeply at the heart level. Most touching were the moments with her teacher, Lama Yeshe. His extraordinary heart helped her heal deep societal and personal pains which have traveled across generations influencing and shaping our culture in difficult ways. Thank goodness Dr. Willis chose to develop the good heart, rather than fight the good fight. One does not need to be in a culturally specific group or religion to recognize and feel Dr. Willis' experience. She reached into the depths of spirit and wrote in a way that touches universally. This lady has a heart that totally outsizes her brilliant, immeasurable intellect and her story will benefit countless numbers. I'm one unabashedly grateful reader.



3. Books like "Dreaming Me" are gifts or treasures that we rarely have the good fortune to discover. Ms Willis' journey is at times painful yet ultimately joyful. She shares this pain and joy in a compelling writing style that is filled with anecdotes and drama. No matter what your life experiences may be you are quickly drawn into the universal themes that every human being shares. As a white male living in the Northeast during the sixties I was on the other side of the world from a person like Ms Willis. Yet she made her experiences part of me. And like two parts of a greater experience I felt whole after reading this book. I highly recommend it. Thank you Ms Willis for putting your experiences into such a beautifully written book.



4. There is something intriguing about a story which chronicles a former Baptist's alteration towards adhering to the teachings of the Buddha Shakyamuni. Jan Willis is an African-American Tibetan scholar and translator, a professor of religion at Wesleyan University and teacher of Buddhism for more than 25 years. She starts the book recording her life prior to finding the Buddha's teachings, a life spent as a devout Southern Baptist in a segregation ridden south. The KKK was active in her area of Alabama, and at a very early age they had burned a cross in her parent's front lawn. Later she would go on to march in Martin Luther King's civil rights movement, adhering to the values she so strongly believed in. In 1965, with 7 other African-Americans, she enrolled in Cornell University where during her junior year she sailed off on a trip to India which greatly impacted her life. For a brief period she returned to the states to continue her studies at Cornell, but eventually she felt drawn back unto the East again. She left this time for Nepal and underwent intense study with the Tibetan master Lama Yeshe. She studied with him for more than 15 years, where she faced a problem most predominant in all our practices: sense of self, ego.

   This book is a fascinating look at a very small minority in the world of Buddhism, the role African-Americans have played in it's growth and the teaching of the Dharma. In the west, in my lineage of Zen, African-American's are probably the least represented group of all. While we have male and female teachers, and practitioners of several racial and cultural backgrounds, for some reason or another there is a very small pocket of African-Americans present. This is not due to any sort of discrimination but rather, to be frank, oftentimes the African-American individual can at times have a problem with breaking down ego. Something which has it's roots in the horrendous treatment this group underwent at the hands of a predominantly white America. This work is a fascinating look at practicing the Buddha Dharma in modern times with a voice of honesty, clarity, and incisive wisdom on each and every page. Enjoy this treasure.




5. I've always had the impression that Western/American Buddhism was overwhelmingly white, upper-middle-class and academic - an impression and perhaps a prejudice (or a hang-up); in spite of having read and been influenced by the philosophy and practice through much of my adult life, I've always held any personal endorsement or affiliation at arm's length because of this - I'm not white, upper-middle-class, or an academic, and the (perceived) insularity of that particular world doesn't often seem to be very inviting.
   
   This is why this was such a valuable read for me - Willis belongs to a very, very small demographic - African-American Buddhists, and in DREAMING ME she traces a path from a Baptist upbringing in the segregated (and oft-violent) South to her present life as an academic and Buddhist scholar. Willis' recountings of her childhood were - to me - the most successful part of the book, with the grimness of Jim Crow-era Alabama rendered in cinematic detail. Willis also - with great success - draws parallels between the faith she grew up with and the philosophies she grew to accept as an adult. Beautifully written, she makes it almost seem effortless.
   
   Not a very well-known book, unfortunately - and I fear this may slide into obscurity. I would encourage checking it out.
   
   -David Alston

3 comments about For Kirk and Covenant: The Stalwart Courage of John Knox (Leaders in Action Series).

1. I have read 3 or 4 biographies of Knox in the past ten years. Stanford Reid's *Trumpter of God* is considered the standard. But Wilson's is by far the most engaging.
   
   I am not a Wilson fan at all. But this is a good read.
   
   Wilson has not attempted a comprehensive biography. Instead he hits the milestones and highlights what made Knox one of the most interesting figures in Western history. WIlson seems to have relied primarily on 2 or 3 sources and has little to no familiarity with the bulk of the scholarly literature on Knox, but this matters little for the scope of this work.
   
   Wilson makes contemporary, practical applications from Knox's that the reader will find very challenging.



2. A great reformer written from an honest perspective, well aware of our own culure... another great one for young and old alike!



3. For Kirk and Covenant is an easy book to pick up and get a feel for John Knox--particularly his character. But I have not found the result of reading it to be that I feel that I really know and love the man himself. The book's short chapters (topically arranged) are engaging but paint a choppy picture of his life. Author Douglas Wilson's aim to display his godly character and leadership requires him to continually protect Knox from his critics--the result being an almost perfect picture of him in every chapter. I'll use For Kirk and Covenant as a supplementary reference, but I look forward to reading a more comprehensive chronological biography.

5 comments about Augustine: A New Biography.

1. I read the book with a group of ministers as our quarterly selection. We felt we learned about a fascinating period of history and Augustine as a man. O'Donnell seems to know everything about Augustine, and to be critical about nearly everything of his spirituality, theology, and personality. This is disappointing. The work provides a detailed but bombastic perspective. I found supplementing this book with the viewpoints of Peter Brown in his new edition of Augustine's biography to be valuable.



2. T. van Bavel once compiled a bibliography of all the books and articles published about St. Augustine from 1950 to 1960. It is at least twice the size of O'Donnell's book. And this is a just a list of bibliographical info plus brief descriptions of content. Imagine how thick all those books and articles must have been! Let's see: mutliply all that by 4 and 1/2, and you get a rough estimate of how erudite you have to be now to write an adequate biography of the greatest Christian thinker after St. Paul. If an author on St. Augustine ends up playing the role of one of the six blind men trying to describe an elephant, he has a lot of company.
   This much I can grant to anyone who tries to present all about St. Augustine in fewer than 400 pages. What I am more reluctant to concede is a treatment of the man and his thought that recasts him and it as a practitioner of cheap journalism might do to a leading public figure today. Augustine comes out of this book stripped of his own garments--exposed, as they say today, or cheapened, as I say. He's even worse than naked: he is reclothed in contemporary undress--just enough on to make him lurid.
   As other reviewers here, I do not recommend this book for Augustine beginners. Try not Peter Brown but the third edition of Gerald Bonner's "St. Augustine of Hippo". And when you feel ready for a recent and really erudite, not sensationalist, study, read Serge Lancel's "St. Augustine".



3. This author makes needless technical references, vague historical references and largely little known theological ideas to what end? To demonstrate to the average reader how intelligent he is? How about a simple glossary? The average liberal arts university graduate will find several passages difficult to decipher. What a shame. It has all the makings of a brilliant book, but only seeks to speak to other theologians. This writer knew better, if not, his editor certainly did!



4. Too many books on Augustine are hagiographic, written either by Calvinistic types who love him or Catholics who while having some doubts still respect his sainthood. Here however is a biography with all the warts, and there are plenty of them. Critics have accused the author of lacking faith, as if that were a good foundation for a scholarly work, which it is not. No one seems to have noticed that the author is a professor at a Jesuit university. The Jesuits have always had many doubts about Augustine's theology and his excessive influence. In the 16th and 17th Century the Catholic church moved away from Augustine with rapidity, condemning not only Calvinists but Catholic Jansenists for a false theology. It did not officially, nor could it easily, break fully with Augustine but it did as much as it could. Augustinian Christianity is not Catholic any more.
   
   This is not an easy book to read or much of a pleasure. But for those who want the truth it may be indispensable.



5. A vile, slanderous attack by a Jesuit hit man on a Father of the Church. O'Donnell completely rewrites history with a seemingly drug-induced plethora of fiction as he seeks to deny every historical fact known to man about St. Augustine. Indeed, if he was to write a history of Germany he is the very type of author who would use 400 pages to show why you should believe the Holocaust never happened too.
   
   A thinly veiled attempt by an ignorant Georgetown "academician" to defame the name of St. Augustine and to defame the hsitory of the Catholic Church. O'Donnell denies all persesecution of Christians, denies the Papacy, denies Augustine' spirituality and suggests that the Catholic Church violently overthrew the only true and legitimate heir to Jesus' teachings.
   
   Revistionist hsitory at its worst ... I suggest we turn this heretic O'Donnell over to the Grand Inquisitor for burning at the stake ... may he ever rot in hell for his absurdly stupid and ignorant comments!!!!!!

5 comments about Virgin Time: In Search of the Contemplative Life.

1. Virgin Time is a book that half way in I was nearly ready to toss - the walking trip thru Umbria seemed to have little relationship to her childhood memories of a Catholic upbringing and education. Only at her return to Assisi with a Franciscan study group did the structure of the book begin to appear. Only in the last chapters of the book did the need for the first half of the book become apparent.

   As for the internal spiritual journey, Patricia Hampl has a perspective that is useful and uncommon - the problem is not God but is prayer. Her resolution comes on retreat in Northern California - a resolution that has several insightful observations on prayer.

   There are individuals for whom Virgin Time should be "required reading" - others will find that it is an interesting one-time read from which they will learn little other than how personal a spiritual path must be - different questions as primary - different aspects of the answer missing.

   The best way to learn if this book is for you is to read it.




2. Although I do not consider myself to be religious and have seldom set foot in a Catholic Church, I found this book captivating. It is refreshingly honest and simple to read and the characters are charming and sometimes quirky. The narrator has spent her life trying to break free of her childhood Catholic roots only to find herself drawn back into them in middle age. She begins her pilgrimmage in Italy with a group of agnostic British couples and moves on to a group of Friars and Nuns, who are delightfully humorous and not at all what one would expect them to be. Throughout her trips in Italy we learn bits and pieces of her childhood along with the story of St. Francis and St. Clare. The places she stays and sees are described beautifully and I felt as though I were on the trip with her. The book is fun and charming to read and I highly recommend it.



3. I have tried twice to read this book and couldn't get through it either time. I was determined the second time I read it to try harder, thinking there had to be some redeeming value, but if there is I just didn't have the patience to perservere. There are too many engaging books to be read.



4. This book is carefully and elegantly constructed, with the quiet pacing of a richly written travelogue. Her writing is so clear, descriptive and nuanced that the countryside, her fellow travellers and her own inner life are vividly realized. I enjoyed her candidness about the difficulty of constructing an authentic spiritual experience and the magic of actually experiencing one. It has what the best spiritual autobiographies have: hopeful doubt, caution, journey and joy. It is her stark candidness and the quality of her writing that set it apart as an excellent read.



5. From the other reviews, this is clearly a book you either love or hate; as someone who loved it, I also found it (as the other fans of it did) a very moving and coherent tale. Hampl takes us with her as she seeks for a way to understand what it means to seek; she (like many of us) yearns for some sort of spirituality, but rests in a deeply uneasy relationship with her childhood Catholicism. The book follows her on a series of trips-- to Italy with jaded English tourists, then with Franciscan pilgrims, to Lourdes, back into her childhood memories, and finally to a retreat in California. I think readers who find the travelogue parts and the retreat section disconnected are not seeing this as a spiritual journey (in fact, most of them admit they aren't interested in it!-- then why read this book?) but it is-- and one that moves Hampl, not into certainty, but into peace and acceptance with her own doubt. The book charts her finding her way to accept and forgive those who travel with her, and especially to forgive herself for the dance she does between wanting this contemplative life and not wanting to give up the world-- adoring her sweets and coffee, her human companionship, her writing, her shyness, all the weaknesses that make her human and that she finally realizes do not have to be left behind, but instead embraced with compassion. The lessons she lives out are not solely Catholic or Christian but remind me of Pema Chodron's teachings on living with uncertainty. I found it honest, moving, and, in the end, deeply joyful.

5 comments about Faith and the Presidency: From George Washington to George W. Bush.

1. Gary Scott Smith's Faith and the Presidency is fascinating to read and weighty in substance. Full of personal details drawn from the lives of various presidents as well as important observations about public policy and religious impulses, Smith hits the sweet spot between bold, exciting claims and strong supporting evidence.
   
   I was particularly persuaded by the book's observation that the foreign policy of presidents more readily reveals their philosophical commitments because the U.S. presidency has greater latitude abroad than at home.
   
   This is a book worth reading from cover to cover. Smith hits a home run with this exceptional book. A tour de force!



2. If you are looking for fresh information about the role of faith and religion in the lives of some of America's greatest presidents then I highly recommend purchasing Faith and the Presidency.
   The author, Gary Smith has done his homework. His research is very thorough and his style of writing is clear and free of technical jargon.
   I thought the book presented a balanced view of democrat and republican presidents; and the author covers each president's religious affiliation without bias. After reading this book I finally understand why religion is such a hot topic during every presidential election.
   Reading about Abraham Lincoln and how his faith helped him address the crises of the civil war is the best I have read to date.
   Students, teachers of history, religious leaders and those with a love of presidential history need this book to complete their library. A must read for 2007!



3. A first-rate work in which eleven presidents are analyzed in terms of their religious beliefs and their actions. Solid framework of analysis. The work brims with new details, broad understandings, and sound and judicious conclusions. Impressive, varied bibliography. The copious notes, alone, are worth a close read. Sparkling writing and sound organization make this a page-turner.



4. I encourage you to set aside a block of time each day as you loose yourself in the history and faith of each of these men. It is full of interesting faith facts that just a history of these presidents would never touch. I must confess it took me time to read and digest this book, but well worth the time. I look forward to reareading this book in order to grasp new facts that I did not glean from the first read. I would love to see it used in school class rooms everywhere. The research, notes and excellent writing of this work is outstanding!



5. Even though tomes have been written on the American presidents, Dr. Smith manages to bring fresh insight as a result of painstaking research. ( It could serve as a model for any student looking to document his research) The book is not "light" reading....but the author writes with clarity and with as much impartiality as humanly possible. I found his distinction between the ways that these presidents' faith shaped their policies to be thought-provoking. This book provides a strong framework from which to examine the coming election season.

5 comments about The Great Failure: My Unexpected Path to Truth (Plus).

1. Goldberg has the ability to make people come alive on the page with all of their idiosyncracies, and she makes you care about them in the process. In this poignant and regret-tinged memoir, she demonstrates how her absorption in unattainable ideals blinded her to a deeper connection with two important men in her life. Goldberg's honesty and ability to look inward, no matter how painful the epiphanies, offer valuable insights to the reader.



2. Idealization of spiritual teachers can be so strong that news of their ethical misconduct is just as shocking after their death as while they are alive. In her latest book, The Great Failure: A Bartender, a Monk, and My Unlikely Path to Truth (Harper San Francisco, 2004) Natalie Goldberg poignantly reveals her dismay and disappointment at finding out, several years after his death, that Katagiri Roshi, her Zen teacher, had slept with some of his female students. Similarly, Goldberg shares her dismay at finding out about her father's extramarital affair after his death.
   
   Psychotherapists, doctors, school teachers, college professors, and supervisors at work may represent parental figures from the past to their clients, patients, students or employees. These relationships may evoke yearnings and expectations in clients, patients, students or employees that may or may not be met. "I needed to be reflected in another," Goldberg admits (p. 101). This is what Freud had called "transference," and the relationships between spiritual teachers and their students are fraught with potential for sticky transferences that may become very difficult to work through-especially since they are rarely, if at all, acknowledged or commented on in the spiritual teacher-student relationship. "Unknowingly, Roshi became my mother, my father, my Zen master" (p. 102).
   
   Not only do spiritual teachers represent parental figures for their students-in a very real sense, they represent, for want of a better term, the Divine. For example, Zen students may believe that their Zen teachers are deeply enlightened individuals who, because of their many years of meditation and training, and because of the authority vested in them by virtue of ceremonies that sanction the transmission of the Buddha's teachings, are infallible spiritual heroes. "I had made him [Katagiri Roshi] perfect," Goldberg confesses. "Because of my family abuse, I was driven to get what I had longed for in my family" (p. 101). "He spoke to me evenly, honestly. My hunger was satiated-the ignored little girl still inside me and the adult seeker-both were nourished" (p. 118).
   
   As Goldberg looks back on her six years as Katagiri Roshi's student, she identifies moments when her idealization was weakened:
   
   "I had a glimmer then of the chasm between the Zen master and the lonely, insecure man. That moment was an opportunity to hold contradictory parts of him, to understand life doesn't work in a neat package the way I wanted it to. I could have come closer to his humanity-and mine. But I wasn't ready or willing. I had a need for him only to be great, to hold my projections. In freezing him on a pedestal I had only contributed to his isolation" (p. 115).
   
   As a former Zen student of fifteen years (eleven under the direction of one teacher), I recall how I, too, needed my former teacher to "be great." Would I have idealized her less if my own personal needs had been less, or if I had acquired enough perspective of how the Zen institution had contributed to mythmaking through the centuries? Goldberg was fortunate to have that glimmer. Was Goldberg an unusually perceptive student, or did her Zen teacher allow himself to be revealed in some ways, however small? Many Zen teachers in the west seem to do everything possible to avoid being seen as real people: they put on a façade that is impossible to live up to, or hide behind their role, or discourage reading and study about Zen-a necessary element for placing the Zen institution and the teachers who represent it in an appropriate historical and cultural context.
   
   Sooner or later, façades come tumbling down, hypocrisy and secrets reveal themselves. One would expect that long-term idealization would come to an end, or at least be compromised. "Eventually, as the teacher-student relationship matures, the student manifests these [projected spiritual] qualities herself and learns to stand on her own two feet. The projections are reclaimed. . . . We close the gap between who we think the teacher is and who we think we are not. We become whole" (p. 91).
   
   One would hope. Goldberg describes the best-case scenario, and rightfully points out the student's role in growing up spiritually. But spiritual teachers themselves have a part to play as well. If Zen teachers are savvy enough, their relationships with their students will become more down to earth and horizontal-and not just regarding the meditation practice itself. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case. Many longstanding western Zen students are unable to reclaim their projections, precisely because their Zen teachers, threatened by such reclaiming, do not foster it and cling to authoritarian, top-down ways of relating to their students.
   
   Goldberg describes her struggles with deep loneliness and lack of a sense of purpose after losing her Zen teacher and her father. Years after the death of Katagiri Roshi, Goldberg realizes that the "regimented practice" of formal Zen meditation no longer fit her (p. 97). Goldberg goes on to share her ongoing process of making peace with her Zen teacher's and her father's past in her journey toward writing as spiritual practice.
   
   Although at times Goldberg leans a bit too heavily on the individual student's role in idealization and subsequent disappointment in Zen teachers, The Great Failure offers solid insights into the often problematic transferences that develop in students with respect to their spiritual teachers. Written with honesty and sensitivity, this book is recommended reading for anyone who has ever left a spiritual teacher for any reason, and for those who wish to understand the nature of the relationships between spiritual teachers and their students.



3. Browsing in a library today I picked up this book and, I confess, only read bits and pieces of it. I don't like this kind of "truth-telling," but in some way it is, indeed, compelling. The author is obviously intelligent, emotionally gifted, and a good writer. She also appears to be a genuine and sincere spiritual seeker. But that doesn't make this a good book.
   
   You will notice in several places in the book that the author feels compelled a) to find out the truth and b) to tell it. I couldn't disagree more with those impulses of hers. Her discretion on these occasions would have been "the better part of valor," but you will notice how she accuses herself of cowardice each time she hesitates, and thus eggs herself on. Big mistake, in my view. What this shows me is simply that her teacher was right about her: she's a troublemaker. (One would hope to outgrow the piercingly insightful criticisms made by one's spiritual teacher as years go by. Perhaps she has done so at other moments and in other ways, but not in the main thrust of this book.) Reading as much as I did, I ended up feeling that the finding out and expressing of the difficult truths that are revealed in this book served, primarily, Natalie Goldberg. This is not the selflessness that Zen and other spiritual paths teach.



4. A lot of people naively equate Buddhism with vegetarianism, pacifism, incense and robes and statues of a potbellied man sitting cross-legged, fuzzy-wuzzy "love everybody even the mosquitoes" cumbiyah type sentiments. Yet the essential core teaching of Buddhism, which most people (especially Westerners) find wholly incomprehensible and/or deeply frightening, is that of EMPTINESS: the ultimate reality that all phenomena is empty of any independent or permanent self-existence; that everything is constantly arising and then passing away in a Tinkertoy universe where nothing is solid and there is really no ground to stand on other than the fact of groundlessness; and that given these conditions, all of our thoughts and feelings and sense perceptions cannot be wholly trusted because they are also contingent and conditioned upon a vast and unknowable field of causes of conditions. Thus it is essential to cultivate and maintain the "not-knowing mind," or what Shunryu Suzuki called "beginner's mind." A mind that is totally open, neutral and absolutely aware of its own deep limitations, aware of the utter impossibility of predicting the future or really "knowing" anything with absolute certainty, yet is eager and accepting of whatever happens rather than being attached to certain ideas or preconceptions of what "ought to" or "should" happen.
   
   In a brilliantly subtle and seamless way, Natalie Goldberg's book delivers this difficult but indescribably liberating emptiness-teaching by examining, in parallel, her relationship with her father and her relationship with Katagiri Roshi, her Zen teacher---and the deeply painful betrayals she suffered from both of them. Shakymuni described his teachings as going "against the stream" of the prevalent, conditioned human tendencies to cling to our ideas instead of facing reality, to yearn for various delusions of solidity and permanence and certainty in our lives. Thus we tend to idealize and mythologize our fathers/family and our spiritual teachers, creating little mental cocoons of security and safety for ourselves---until reality intervenes and those delusions come crashing down around us.
   
   If we are fortunate, we eventually come to accept and even feel grateful for these apparent catastrophes, for they awaken us to the fundamental unknowability of life, the constant unfolding mystery all around us and within us. Hence the paradoxical title: "The GREAT Failure" with its double meaning (great = huge, but also = excellent). This awakening comes after Goldberg discovers, after both had already died, that her father was an unfaithful husband, and that Katagiri had secret affairs with his students.
   
   The negative reviewers who are quick to dismiss this book as merely self-indulgent venting and raging cannot really be blamed; like most Americans, they are simply unfamiliar with the Buddhist perspective from which Goldberg writes.



5. Natalie Goldberg gives us a rare chance to read about how devotional love and honesty are a path filled with disappointments and mirrors. I was delighted to find this book in print, after years of feeling alone in my desire to reveal the truth about my own teachers.
   
   Courage is hard won in this memoir, and the writing is vivid, making me run back to the memoir I started when I met Natalie, just before Katagiri Roshi died. My own parents and spiritual teachers used language in ways that made me hypervigilant about boundaries. I was always overstepping my bounds. Devotional people and children give allegiance to teachers who aren't always congruent within their own lives. Some of us come up with the pearl, others choose victimhood. Natalie is one of those rare people who sees how to use pain as a gateway. Her memoir helps me realize how I stand in relation to these issues, where I haven't been honest with myself.
   
   Jesse White, School for Wonder founder

5 comments about Unlikely Angel: The Untold Story of the Atlanta Hostage Hero.

1. Ashley, I loved reading your book. Your story is compelling. I appreciate your honesty in sharing with us, the readers, what was going on in your mind during such a trying time. It's great to see how your faith in God helped keep you focused, even though you admit that your daily life wasn't completely on track the way you would have preferred. The most important lesson I believe your book leaves with the reader is that it isn't where you are in life that is most important, but the direction in which you are headed.
   
   Good luck with your future, and that of your daughter.
   
   -- RuthAnn



2. I wasn't sure that when I started reading Unlikely Angel: The Untold Story of the Atlanta Hostage Hero, by Ashley Smith, that I was going to be able to stay with it. Sticking with a book for more than a page or two wasn't something I normally could do these days. But once I started reading it, looked at some of the pictures that are in the book also. I began to get close to the character, get drawn into her life. Once the situation turned bad you were going through everything with her to the very end. At one point I even went to my computer and looked up her interview on a famous news network and watched her talk about being taken hostage. There isn't anyway she could have come through it without God beside her each step of the way. It's truly an inspiring book,and teenagers,young girls going off to college especially, should have to read Ashley Smiths " Unlikely Angel". It would really make an impression on them.



3. Initially, I'd said that I'd NEVER read this story, but I was able to buy the book for a $1, so . . . IF Ashley's encounter with Brian Nichols is what it took to get her off drugs, make her a better mom to Paige, and strengthen her faith in God, then God bless her. I'm not judging, but I do have an opinion: Every story has three sides; this was Ashley's. We haven't really heard Brian's, and then . . .there's the truth. The story was probably great therapy for Ashley, but I think this is her version. I read it; it was ok, but I'm convinced that Ashley and Brian knew each other and a lot more happened in that apartment than what she wrote in the book. I wish the best for her and Paige . .. and Brian. He's guilty of killing three people, but there are probably some other folks out here who should feel some guilt for what happened. What he did was an act of a desperate man. Book - ok! Buy it somewhere for a $1.



4. This was a very inspirational book. Just goes to show that most people do deserve a second chance in life!



5. I guess I didn't know much about the whole ordeal. I mean, I remember watching the "surrender" unfold on TV and hearing about the single mom, blah, blah, blah, but I didn't know too much. I think that is what made it such a page turner for me.
   This book is really good in the aspect of thinking about what you would do in this situation. As for Ashley, it states in the beginning of the book that the conversations are just what she remembers and it's not word-for-word. In reading this statement and then her story, I have to wonder how much of it she actually "remembered" and how much she made up. It just seemed a little too good to be true. I'm not calling her a liar, I'm just saying I'm not convinced. Don't get me wrong, it is a good book and she was very brave (you would have to be to be able to make it out alive,) but I just didn't come away from it feeling "inspired."